It's a wonderful world!

What with all the problems of the shootings in VA and the endless war against WMD in Iraq, I am a blest man to have a fantastic metaphysical teacher, a divine Goddess, Diviana, that often kicks my ass with great force into awareness but always the kick is a lightening bolt of love.

I have my Reflexogogist, one of the angels of the planet, who can take me places I never dreamed I could reach and heal myself from within my mind.

I have a pretty interesting astrologer. He had somethings on his site today that made me happy. Of course I am going to share them... but I must explain the photos...

The photos are of behind the house in Alpine WY Oct. of 2004. I took the other photo standing on the banks of the Snake River, just across the hi-way from my house in WY same day, looking at the mighty mountains I am so blest to live in... the Rocky Mountains. They begin in the Canadian Rockies and reach all the way into Mexico. A mighty power of energy and the Tetons that I choose to live close to are one of the mighty sacred power grids on planet earth. Yes, Yellowstone National Park may blow up one day, but what an amazing climax I will enjoy!

Here are some facts to make one happy!

* The world has become dramatically more peaceful since 1992. The number of wars, coup d'etats, and acts of genocide has declined by 40%. Weapons sales between countries have dropped 33% during the same time, and the number of refugees has diminished by 45%.

* The cause of these shocking developments, according the the Human Security Report, which did the study, is the unprecedented upsurge of international activism, spearheaded by the United Nations.

* The violent crime rate has decreased 50% since 1993. Crime is now at it's lowest level since it was first officially tracked.

* The average human life expectancy is 30 years more than it was a century ago, and is still climbing. Many scientists believe there is no absolute limit to the human life span.

* Levels of literacy and education and political freedom and wealth are steadily growing all over the world.

* Death rates from cancers are declining.

* Child abduction by strangers has dropped precipitously.

* In 60 years, there hasn't been a lower birth rate among teen age girls than there is now.

* The world's largest freshwater system, the Great Lakes, is dramatically purifying itself of the pollutants that human beings dumped into it.

* If forced to decide between having a bigger penis and living in a world where there was no war, 90% of all men would pick universal peace.

* The number of American's black elected officials has sextupled since 1970.

* Rising rates of intermarriage are helping to dissipate ethnic and religious strife worldwide.

* The rivers and bays of New York City are reborn, having been cleansed of raw sewage and industrial pollution in recent years.

* You have at least a million relatives as close as tenth cousin, and no one on Earth is any farther removed than your 50th cousin.

* The world's largest private bank, Citicorp, has agreed to stop financing projects that damage sensitive ecosystems.

* The giant timber company Congolaise Industrielle des Bois, voluntarily agreed to stop cutting down trees in virgin rain forests in the Congo.

* The miracle of your breathing transpires about 10 million times a year, even though you never have to think about it.

* Diamonds rain from the sky on Uranus and Neptune.

* With every dawn, when first light penetrates the sea, many sea horse colonies perform a dance to the sun!

* The World Health Organization reports that over 100 million acts of sexual intercourse, involving more than 200 million partners, take place on the earth every 24 hours!

* Most HMO executives NOW BELIEVE PRAYER & MEDITATION can expedite the healing process.

* Vast supplies of frozen natural gas lie beneath the oceans, harboring more potential energy than all the world's oil reserves, and could be mined with the right technology.

IT'S NOT A BAD PLANET and MOST PEOPLE I MEET ARE AMAZING BLESSINGS UPON MY HEAD, HEART & SOUL! Even though some will say B.S. to this report. My partner said it was pure B.S. What ever, I like it.

Sleep tight. BJ

Rail Trail Walk

Great walk, but as always a few challenges along the way.That being the weather.

Michael drove us out to Clyde where we planned to start the walk into Alexandra. A very easy, short walk. Around five miles. Get into our accommodation, relax, walk into town and have a great meal at the Red Brick Cafe. The weather turned frightful. Rain from hell and winds. I had forgotten my rain poncho! We could not purchase one in Clyde, so we drove to Alexandra, ran through the teeming rain and found a rain poncho. Drove back to Clyde hoisted the packs on our backs, put our best foot forward and entered the storm.

It stopped raining. See, there was a reason why I forgot the poncho and that short delay gave way to some sunshine! Alexandra was great. Food as always (for me), perfect at the Brick Cafe. Walked back to the motel. Up early and walked into the town for breakfast, then out on the trail.

These two photos are of day two. The sky was absolutely full of magic. Clouds were dancing into all kinds of formations. Long walk to Chatto Creek Tavern. We spent the night there with the locals! I have forgotten how refreshing real southern Kiwis are. ( Queenstown is so full of money and glitz!)

Leslie the owner of the tavern called me on my cell phone about 5:00 PM while we were walking to make sure we were okay and coming! IS THAT AMAZING! We had slogged along with a long lunch break of cheese, crackers, apples some wine...

We arrived at Chatto Creek Tavern, where we were greeted by the woman behind the bar who was so friendly. Then Leslie came out to greet us. What a 'hard case' as they say in New Zealand, but a heart as big as the world and she had the blankets warming on our beds, scruffy clean towns and linens that had been dried in the sunshine. Tons of food.

We awoke to a storm from hell. STRONG WINDS, SNOW, VERY COLD TEMPS! Leslie said, "I will not allow the two of yous to go out in this! I mean it. I'll drive you back to Alexandra. This is insane."

Well, we ate our huge breakfast, lots of coffee and took our time getting our gear in order. Finally a blue crack in the dark wet sky. "Let's GO!" I exclaimed. We took off and we hit cold, snow, winds and the steepest parts of the trail are in this section which is 11 miles to Omakau. It was a challenge. We made it into Omakau at about 4:00PM Dead on our Feet.

Friday night at the local pub is a full on event. We had a pizza there and walked to our B&B at the Chapel or Church Hill B&B.
Kevin our host was amazing. He even took us out to St. Bathen's this morning. We had booked transportation back into Clyde the night before. The Connect bus had a very serious 'hiccup' as they say, and did not come for us at 10:30 AM. At noon, we were still standing at the junction. This is the time you thank God for CELL PHONES! Michael was to meet us in Clyde around 11:00 AM after the bus ride, then drive us back to Queenstown. Well, he ended up driving all the way to Omakua and collecting two strange looking wandering souls and transporting us safely back to Queenstown.

I am always amazed at the kindness and beauty of this dimension called life on planet earth! I am now home in my studio, candle light, and writing my blog as I listen to Chopin. I cooked dinner for Rutha, Michael and Anne, myself and our friend from Wellington, Beverly. Perfect night. Calm, a few stars peeking out of the clouds and no wind.

I will write more in a few hours... Sweet Dreams.

Happy Easter

This is the first photo of my "Open Heart Cross"... I have wanted this piece of jewelry for a long time. A person I met in the old Body Worx Gym in Queenstown years ago, Ross Heywood created this piece of sacred energy! It is a sublime silver cross with a lavender amethyst heart on the left corner of the cross.

Ross is a true artist. When I first met him he was into sculpture work but has evolved into beautiful jewelry.

One day about a month ago I did what is known as IMPULSE BUYING. The Spirit moved me to say YES! I want that! It was a hot beautiful summer day at the art fair. Ross had his display of art pieces laid out in the sunlight.
I told him I had finally decided to purchase the cross. He said, "I will have 2 of these in the states. A woman from California purchased one. He mentioned it would look great when I perform in concert."
He has been to one of my concerts and knows I wear BLACK!
I ran across the way and drew the money out of my ANZ bank account. This blessed thing has been a comfort ever since.

When I watched THE CELESTIAN PROPHECY I was so attracted to Father Sanchezes's crucifix. The silver cross he wears in the out back of Peru... This is something even better.

Yesterday we made our pilgrimage to that splendid lady of the mountains, Mount Cook.
Could not have been a more perfect day. Delicious dinner in the Panorama room. The drive home was pure magic.

The moon was a crimson orange red and the stars were falling from the sky like diamonds. This photo was taken at dinner because I wore the cross in the restaurant. I know they thought I was some old priest that probably molested boys!

There is an old, story about St. Francis of Assisi that fits in here.

"One day in his hillside monastery, the good saint asked a young monk to accompany him down into the nearby village and preach with him. Reaching the village, they walked the length of the main street and back again, and then returned to the monastery.
"But I thought we were going to preach,' exclaimed the young monk when they returned.

"We have been preaching,' St. Francis replied with a smile.

'We were preaching while we were walking.

We have been seen... we have been looked at. . . and our behavior has been noticed. We have delivered a morning sermon. It is no use to walk anywhere to preach, my son, unless we preach as we walk.'"

No words are need to share bliss IF your walk and behavior are in tune with the universe!

Seemed to be a perfect Easter Sunday for Brenthoven!

Dame Keri TeKanawa & NZ Symphony Orchestra

Last night I attended a completely sold out concert at the Dunedin Town Hall featuring the great Soprano, Dame Keri TeKanawa singing with the NZ Symphony Orchestra. The orchestra was absolutely astounding! The featured work of the concert was the Mahler 4th Symphony.

I grew up in the state of Utah and Maurice Abravenal was the conductor of the Utah Symphony. He adored Mahler. The Utah Symphony recorded all of the Mahler Symphonies under Abravenal. For some listeners Mahler can be very long and boring.
I love his work. The celestial strings... the rustic settings... all kinds of images and emotions.

One of my favorite movies is, "DEATH IN VENICE". It is based on the last few weeks of Mahler's life...
The music in the film of course is Mahler. Dirk Bogart plays the part of Mahler superbly.

Back to the concert. The performance was at 6:30 PM on a Wednesday night! Unusual hour, but it worked. Full house including seats behind the symphony orchestra! Gorgeous autumn evening full of moonlight after the concert. Enjoyed a light meal at The Etruscan Italian Restaurant. A pasta of field mushrooms and parmesan. Walked back to my room at Moray Place and read until I feel asleep.

This morning breakfast at The Nova Cafe beside the Dunedin Art Gallery. Walked over to "TWANG". (remember my blog about Hyrum at Twang who down loaded Garage Band for me?) I gave him a demo CD. Then I walked across the street to the Octagon Used Book Store. This place is right out of London 1900. I did not purchase any books, I browsed through old sheet music!
and some old books on medical remedies from natural herbs. Four hour drive back to Queenstown.

I do love Dunedin.
It was originally the capitol city of NZ. All the banking was done in Dunedin years ago. Always reminds me of San Francisco. I could live in Dunedin. That is where I could have my used book store/ tea room/ B&B/ music store/ Art Gallery/Movie art theater, all under one roof in a very old Kiwi Victorian three story house with a very steep wooden stair case leading up to the vine covered castle.
I'd call it "THE GYPSY MOON"... dreams do come true, at least mine do!

Will write tomorrow... Still dreaming of the music last night.

Balance

Since 1968 I have regarded my mother as a demon.

Not because she ever abused me as a child physically, sexually or even mentally. It all happened because of a tape recording from a man that had fallen in love with me. I was 21. I came home late one evening and found my mother weeping as well as slightly hysterical. She had invaded my privacy. I left that house and never returned with the same sense of freedom or joy I had experienced before that dreadful day.

I was nearly 22 year old then. Now that I am 60 going on 61, and I am most grateful to my mother and the circumstances that brought that MOMENT of "NEVER MORE", to my spiritual and mental life. Because of that event I set upon a Spiritual Path of Awakening that I would have never set foot upon had it not been for the things and events that transpired after that explosion of passion, disappointment and fear!

I returned to NYC and a life of being a gay man. I turned to alcohol and other means of escape. I grew bitter towards the Mormon Church, I hated WOMEN most of all because THEY HAVE caused me more pain and suffering than there are words for.

When I was 15, I was seduced by a Mormon Bishop's wife. (That will kill some people when they read that.)
I carried that inside my soul for years, because it went on with the same woman for years.
Then my mother turned on me over a love affair with a man older than myself. The story goes on and on...

Here is the interesting part... The Bishop's wife introduced me to Keats and Shelly, Shakespeare and Kahlil Gibran. Debussy, my future piano teacher and the world of Jazz and Ballet. NO CHARGE EXCEPT MY SEXUAL PERFORMANCE!!!
My mother opened a door of my going "OUT ON A LIMB" to find truth, from reincarnation to science of the mind... Metaphysics.

I could have been an average band or music teacher in the public schools. Had 4 or 5 children. Paid my taxes and died a revered loved man... Been there done that somewhere in my other lives.

This time around it was for going into a new and powerful dimension.

Being overtly gay is not being in touch with one's feminine self. It is being totally out of touch with your female self. It is a trick of the EGO! (I know some of you will shake your heads and say what the fuck!) For me it was and is true. My ego is my curse!

I mean it. Being overtly masculine is not being in touch with your masculine energy or your male self. It is a trick of the ego!
I know MACHO men that HATE GAYS! WHY? I know Gay men that fear and hate MACHO MEN, WHY?

My Ego had me desiring sex with men or women, not as a CELEBRATION but as a NEED. Like a drug, like a power beyond my control...

I thank my mother even though she is unaware of the fact, she set me on a path of truth I shall always be thankful for. I am now learning that sex is a glorious celebration within one's spiritual and cosmic self. It is glorious and beautiful.

The FEMINE POWER IS A POWER I NEVER DREAMED POSSIBLE. The MALE POWER IS A POWER THAT CANNOT EXIST WITHOUT THE FEMALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (go figure?)

As a spiritual guide of mine told me:

"When you can face back toward your TRUE MOTHER, even if you have to do it through FAITH in the BEGINNING of all things, you WILL find " The Left Side of your BODY functioning in perfect harmony with the right side of your body, with no need of denial or anything else. You WILL not just be "ONE HAPPY MAN"... you will be in BLISS... Because in truth, we are all swimming in an ocean of bliss, we just have to become aware of it."

"I know this from personal experience! If you decide to find this for yourself Brent, you will want to kiss your mother's lily white ass for being such a bitch because she drove you to YOUR HIGHEST TRUTH!"

Well truth is, I will kiss my mother's cheeks and leave her lily white ass for her to sit upon. BUT IT IS TRUE.

Balance... Equilibrium... Harmony... Tough shit to say yes to, but for ME it worked. CELEBRATE. Go listen to the music!

Home with demos...

I have touched a sacred part of the sky with my own two hands.

Some of you will have a copy of this demo in your ears within a week.

Thank you for your love and most of all I thank the universe for channeling these melodies through my heart and hands because this music has released a lifetime of grief, anger, fear and disappointment and much love and joy in being alive that I have sealed away inside my heart and it must be "released" and "healed" as it were.

I was browsing through old photos and found this wonderful spider web with rain drops I took a couple of years ago on the Banks Peninsula trek. I feel like a lot of cob webs have been washed away... and clear, crystal light has replaced them...

I will no doubt write a ton of shit about my situation regarding my spiritual journey this week end...

For now I will float...

Fall time flowers in the Studio...

orbs

Final mixing on OPEN HEART

Yesterday I checked the final add ons and take away editing the New Recording. I will call it "OPEN HEART".
Today was a stunning Autumn day. We drove out to Frankton for a splendid lunch of Fish & Chips!
Sat outside in the autumn light admiring the Remarkables. These are the mountains filmed in the
movie Lord of The Rings. After lunch and running some errands we drove back to QT. I then went for a
long walk along the lake. I have dreamed of the day my digital camera would one day photograph an
"ORB"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today it happened. Enjoy my walk. I will write an update later tonight.
Photo of my Studio with a vase of the last of the autumn roses and spearmint from my herb garden. Photo of the ORBS
and photo of my Jonathan Livingston Seagulls.
It's pure "MAGIC".

The Recording sessions

The only way to begin this episode of events is: I am copying part of a letter I sent my dearest friend Diviana. Then as the weekend unfolds I will tell more.

I have been back in Queenstown about three hours. The weather Thursday and Friday was like out of some damned horror movie starring Dracula and Frankenstein as lovers. I kept thinking a major storm will cancel this project AGAIN?

I had scheduled a session with my Reflexologist for Thursday morning at 11:45 AM thinking that would be a most cleansing, relaxing ritual to experience before driving for two and three quarters of an hour to Invercargille.

My GOD! I COULD NOT FIND ANNA'S HOUSE! I have driven there time after time! She called me on my Vodafone wondering where I was. I told her I was out of my mind, someplace in Fern Hill, (Anna lives in Sunshine Bay!) She is so incredible and kind. She talks me all the way to her drive way. I float in. She says, "What is going on?" I told her "I feel fucked up!"

She went to work with her magic hands and angelic energy. I walked out feeling grounded. Pack the car, say goodbye to my family here at the house and begin driving. I drove through winds, sleet, rain, cold and dark clouds. The roads were a mess with branches blown across them, lost sheep and oil slicks. I made it into Invercargille.

Mind you, I have a real story to tell how I discovered this young man who is at The Southern Institute of Music. He is an absolute angel. I drove right to the motel within in walking distance of his house. His house was built in 1909 - 1912. Amazing Villa. Old wood, lead cut stained glass. His wife is an artist. Great art work on fabric, murals... The room we work in must have been a huge dining room or ball room. Crown moldings, amazingly high ceilings. I LOVE IT. Totally me.

Diviana had written me an e mail that was very special. I printed it and carried it with me. She knows how many times this project has been thwarted by powers beyond my control. Mike the Engineer drives me to the main studio at the Institute. He was all ready to go. I told him to give me a few moments alone to center and balance myself as I have felt all strung out... then I'd let him know when I was ready. I wanted to lay down the THEME FOR DIVIANA first before anything got in the way of that piece. (I had to make sure the piano would not crumble to pieces or the cables from the piano to the recording engineer's room did not explode... BIG MEDITATIONS TIME)

I tell you, I am living proof that there are Etherian Golden Drops of Magical Vibrational Elixirs that filtered down on my balding head, heart and hands. 1st "take" almost was perfect! 2nd "take" is a keeper. End of that composition. On to my next piece: WALKING WOUNDED. This was inspired by a piece of art one of my dearest friends channeled. It has everything in it from Eastern Philosophy to smoky dark bar rooms and a bit of Gypsy color... It went off like magic!
Everything flowed. I was exhausted by midnight. (I only record at night) We had set the times from 8 PM until midnight.

Last night we worked at Mike's house from 7 PM until 2:30 AM. I went to bed at 3 and awoke at 7:30 AM! Why so long? This is the hardest part of a recording. The Bells and Whistles... Strings, bass, percussion, pre mixing you name it. I have a CD.
A very rough draft. Mike will have to compress somethings, repair
glitches and smooth out all the icing on this cake. He can do it and will!

I cried driving home. There were times I felt this enormous force pushing me across the middle lane into an approaching car called head on fucking wreck. I was a mess once again. I am a different man for having gone through this ordeal. I actually believed I may be having a nervous brake down. God, do people still have nervous Break Downs? My grandmother's used to say their "nerves were acting up". I honestly had to fight in my mind and body to stay on the road. It was a war zone. I know the darkest side of things cannot take control of you IF you do not cooperate. I think I may have chopped the heads off of some ugly demons that have been living in my head and body for years.

I am home safe and sound and back with my MAC, my tunes, and my life beside the beauty of a lake, mountains and sky.
Autumn is on the edge... I do like Invercargille. Get this: This recording will be my last and I made it in the Southern Most City on Planet Earth!!! I stood years ago on the edge of a grassy cliff which dropped off into the ocean as I hiked around the southern most farm in the world. Yes, South America has Patagonia, but it 'aint a city. Invercargill is a large city and very 50's. People are kind and they remember you. The buildings are wonderful and shopping reminds me of when I was a young boy in Ogden Utah! More later.

Poetry, music, memories...

I love my I pod. Years ago I always had a tape deck with ear plugs attached to my body, no matter where or what hour of the day... Sound pouring into my ears feeding my mind, heart and body. Now this delicate thing called I POD is my newest love. I have over 1500 pieces of music on this little white playing card!

Today I listened to 5 of the Beethoven Symphonies. That is one hell of a lot of music! Like major overload, but not for me nor my musical heart, especially when one is walking or laying down...

Chopin is often given the crown of being the "THE POET OF THE PIANO". I do relate poetry to music. Both use the same elements of sound, harmony, timber, rhythm and color to paint emotions and pictures in the invisible. I think of the Grand Tetons when I hear
Beethoven. Therefore I am sharing a poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay about Beethoven. Actually two of her poems. One is regarding my love for Beethoven another is for lost loves and memories of loves...

ON HEARING A SYMPHONY OF BEETHOVEN

Sweet sounds, oh, beautiful music, do not cease!
Reject me not into the world again.
With you alone is excellence and peace,
Mankind made plausible, his purpose plain.
Enchanted in your air benign and shrewd,
With limbs a - sprawl and empty faces, pale,
The spiteful and the stingy and the rude
Sleep like the scullions in the fairy - tale.
This moment is the best the world can give:
The tranquil blossom on the tortured stem.
Reject me not, sweet sounds; oh, let me live,
Till Doom espy my towers and scatter them,
A city spell - bound under the aging sun.
Music my rampart, and my only one.

WHAT LIPS MY LIPS HAVE KISSED

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply;
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in the winter stands a lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet know it's boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone;
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

BTW a story will be written about the new recording. For nearly 7 years! What a story. I begin recording a week from today
IF I can keep focused. I have been given an angel for an engineer. This will be amazing in the fact of simply the journey getting my original music into a studio setting!

I think I will listen to Keith Jarrett's The Koln Concert as I drift off into dream land. I have loved this man's piano since I was 20 years old.

A day in the Queenstown Gardens

A perfect day! A perfect 'balance' in everything. I spent most of the day walking around parts of the lake and in the Gardens.
Everything from weddings to bowling on the green. People soaking up the rays of the sun and some people just reading, sleeping
and then there are the one's busy texting on their phones.

Ross had my new chain for my "cross" and the arts fair was magic. Took Anne and Michael to lunch at "Flavors", then I departed on my walk about. Got home about 5:30, took a lay down. Dinner was on the patio with beautiful tomatoes stuffed with tuna salad made with fresh basil and rosemary from my herb garden. French bread and apricot jam I made yesterday. Nice wine and very strong coffee after dins.

Now I'll make some music at the keyboard, read and meditate before dream land beckons me into slumber. BTW, found the
lines from As You Like It by Shakespeare that I miss quoted yesterday. It is:

ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE,
AND ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN,
MERELY PLAYERS;

THEY HAVE THEIR EXITS
AND THEIR ENTRANCES,
AND ONE MAN IN HIS TIME PLAYS MANY PARTS.

There! Even William believed in Reincarnation and Karma!

How do we survive some things?

I just finished watching a movie that I have watched before, "LATTER-DAYS". It is about a gay mormon missionary.

For many years I have been far away and over come so much of my past, but there are times when I sit in amazement to think I actually survived my own mormon mission from 1966 to 1968. I survived a relationship with a mormon bishop's wife who was beautiful but 25 years older than me. To think I survived 7 USO tours during the 70's and regardless of close encounters with near death accidents from South East Asia to Iceland, I survived!

Two times in my life I tried and sincerely meant to kill myself. One time with a bottle of Valium and a fifth of Vodka. Another time refusing to take the antibiotic I needed for a staff infection.

When I think about it for even a few moments I am humbled to think that every human being's existence in a physical body is a miracle. The odds against a person living past the first few months of their birth is quite astounding. All the INVISIBLE DEMONS one cannot see create such near death possibilities.

Invisible VIRUSES, unstable genetic codes, unknown accidents and risks that are in our pathway every step of the way. Dysfunctional families to abusive teachers, evil religious leaders and politicians. It is a miracle and enlightening to think I have survived all 60 years of my life.

Are there guardian angels? Some refer to karmic justice? Is the life we live pre-destine and we really have no say in the outcome? Does the law of attraction begin at birth or after we mature? I've watched some of my friends die in agony, some die peacefully and others die so quickly I'm not sure they knew just how fast it happened... I guess the main thing is we that survive years after the separation with certain people we love or that have loved us.

I once had a person tell me they had been in love with me for years. I DID NOT KNOW IT! NOT A CLUE! I know other people I have often cared for that I know have no inkling that I even care about them. WHY? Roy Oberson said it all in his song: "You Don't Know Me."

"To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wildflower.
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour..." Wm Blake

"Come forth into the light of things. Let Nature be your GUIDE!" Wordsworth...

Every person is struggling to survive in his or her own way and live the script they were handed.
Remember Shakespeare's famous line:
The world's a stage, or was it Life is a stage and we are the actors that strut? I'm sure someone has figured it out!

Maybe the answer is INVISIBLE! or so obvious we can't see it. Or is it that someone that prays for us showers us with a protective film. Something so cosmic and celestial it is beyong our knowing or understanding?

Vinita

When I travel I often take along a member of my crystal family. I have a collection in the States and one here in New Zealand.

The other day I drove friends to Glenorchy so they could experience a Jet River Boat trip on the Dart River. I took VINITA with me. I have had this jewel for about 5 years. She stands 1 & 3/4 of an inch tall. She is a 'perfect' crystal. I sat her on a table near the river. The sun and the rock were having a dance of amazing light refraction's and other things were going on!

I grabbed the camera and captured four amazing photos. You can see the blue sky filtering through and the rainbows of radiant color. Vinita has been cleansed, played in the sun and is sitting my my window very peaceful and content.

Stones are very sacred to me. They hold energy and memory. They are created from stardust and eons of time give them form and place them through out the universe...

I recall that wonderful line at the end of the movie: A RIVER RUNS THROUGH IT when Norman says something to the effect of
"water's haunt me and on the rocks under the waters are written the names of those that have gone before me and before them... all eternity"

There is magic in rocks as well they are full of minerals, data, lets not deny the magic of crystals in computers, watches and probably some salt and dirt! I LOVE UM!

Celestine Prophecy

On September 14, 1995 I purchased a copy of the book, "The Celestine Prophecy" at the Valley Book Store in Jackson Hole WY.
I have that very book with me in my Studio here in Queenstown, New Zealand. The book changed the way I interpreted events, meeting of people and relationships in my life.

A lifetime of situations had occurred in my life's journey before 1995, but for me, the book brought everything to a glistening point of light.

A week ago I discovered that Amazon.com had the DVD
"The Celestine Prophecy",for sale! I purchased it. I have watched it three times.

The older I get the more I believe that NOTHING just happens. That we are guided, informed and guarded by energy that vibrates on a level that is invisible to our eyes, but we feel, sense and on a deep cellular level, KNOW exists.

I spent Valentine's Day and night at one of my sacred shrines on planet earth. Mount Cook. I had a wonderful time but could not sleep. I kept having dreams, thoughts of my dyeing kept swimming through my thoughts. Finally at 5:00 AM I drifted off
into a fitful slumber. All the next day I was emotionally very ill at ease. I suffered horrific head and body aches. I am fine
now. In fact excellent.

Something, be it heavy baggage I was carrying sub consciously or possibly a virus, but I was not
100% of what I normally am. I sat up and watched the DVD last night. I figured some very interesting bits and pieces out about why I felt ill at ease and realized HOW and WHEN I chose to give up some of this baggage. I honestly thought that years ago I had overcome so many fears, anger and depression. All I had done was give some of the fears/anger NEW LABELS and put lipstick and new costumes on their old faces! Even used medication to put band-aids on my broken heart.

I am working on getting them far far far away from my present soul, mind and body! Funny how we are so CO-DEPENDENT ON OUR OWN FEARS! How we cannot and will not LET GO of thoughts, which are very real. Thoughts create concepts and concepts are "possibilities". What the mind can conceive, if the heart can believe you will achieve.... That means good or bad thoughts become real IF you believe in them.

We have to always be "AWARE", eyes OPEN WIDE and not simply pass off simple coincidences, people we encounter, sounds, color, darkness and scents that occur from moment to moment.

Do rent the DVD or go see the movie. God, I'm trying to burn some old luggage once again! Damned stuff stinks.

The Gift Was Ours to borrow...

Equilibrium, balance, center... Very difficult to do when one's brain chemicals are in limbo! The past few days have been strange for many people including myself. Friends have e mailed asking what in hell is going on? Well, I do have balls but
they are not made of crystal! So best thing I can say is: The entire planet is in a process of change and mankind is also!

Notice the honey bees in my lavender. I sat in the garden having my coffee and toast this morning and captured a shot of this deliciously chubby little 'maker of honey'
as he was having a delirious climax on the blossoms...
The bees were making music, literally singing along with the birds that were gossiping like crazy old women in the bird bath! It was humid and warm and a feeling of peace and calm came over me that I have not sensed in days.

It was as if out of no where I began to sing softly in my head: LOOK! my eyes are drrrry, THE GIFT WAS OURS TO BARROW, It's as IF we ALWAYS KNEW! and I won't forget what I did for love......Gone, LOVE is NEVER gone! as we travel on LOVE'S WHAT WE'LL REMEMBER! Kiss today good by, and point me 'toward tomorrow, we did what we had to do, won't forget, can't regret what I did for love...

An enormous sense of "release" came over me... I've always loved A CHORUS LINE and used to make drunken jokes about my funeral. When they (who ever they will be at that time?) lift my coffin up and march out of my funeral, I want the last BIG CHORUS of "ONE" PLAYED LOUD ENOUGH TO BLAST THE RAFTERS OFF THE BUILDING. "ONE! SINGULAR SENSATION, EVERY LITTLE STEP HE TAKES! ONE! MOMENT IN HIS PRESENCE EVERY MOVE THAT HE MAKES... LA la la la...." but, I never dreamed the words of" What I Did For Love" would be so comforting to me!

I think, for myself anyway, I have moved into a different light! Being 60 is not bad for me! I am gradually giving up labels, titles, the need to PROVE, ACHIEVE, be something, somebody... I am not trying to be a great body builder anymore. Just want to maintain what I have. Do not need to perform great concerts and make recordings, Just want to be able to make my kind of music! The world? Hell, war has been a major part of my life! Well, it is pretty difficult for some one to attack you when you REFUSE to cooperate with them! I lay down my weapons. Shoot me, whatever.

The GIFT of LOVE and ART in all expressions were mine and still are! I'll kiss today goodbye and I'm pointed 'toward tomorrow...

I remember a Master Teacher in the art of SHOLIN telling me once to always seek three things: balance, equilibrium and CENTER. He did say as an after thought: "If that fails, go sit beside a tree and eat a peach!"

HAPPENINGS beyond my explanations...

IF NO ONE ASKS ME ABOUT IT, THEN I KNOW WHAT IT IS; BUT IF SOMEONE ASKS ME ABOUT IT AND I TRY TO EXPLAIN IT TO HIM, THEN I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS... ST. AUGUSTINE, (Confessions)

The words of St. Augustine explain why I have not written a new blog all this week. Too many unexplainable, yet wonderful things have been happening. I may not be the "Spiritual Person" the american religious right would approve of, however in my own mind, body and soul I have and always will be "in touch" with my "higher self". I am guided, informed and guarded.

I cannot explain some of the things that have occurred this week but they have all been blessings and gifts.

I made contact with a woman I met 25 years ago who was once a secretary for Shirley MacLane. We are back in touch via the blessing of the inter-net. She is and always will hold a special place in my heart.

I dialed a number I have had in storage on my mobile vodafone for more than a year just to see WHO it could be? A person answered the phone. it is a person I NEED to be in contact with and hope to see in the near future!

I go to the Dorothy Brown Arts Movie Theatre in Arrowtown Sunday to view the movie, THE QUEEN. (no pun intended.) I dream of owning one of these places one day maybe in another lifetime. There is a coffee-wine bar and arty bookstore in the lobby. Tables to sit and visit while sipping fine wine, cheeses or teas and coffees. Deep soft chairs, fresh cut flowers, paintings on the walls and books for sale new and used line the walls. I find a book by Patrick Suskind "On Love and Death". A very short essay. I buy it. EVERY WORD OF THIS BOOK I NEED RIGHT NOW!

Today I had my first Reflexology session with Anna. She is so booked that I have not been able to get in with her until now.
She has moved her practice to Sunshine Baby on Hayes Paddock Road. This woman is one of the most beautiful, loving humans on this planet. She literally helped me to forgive and release so much baggage last year. I was suffering with the arthritis, prostate, sciatica, shoulder pain, acid reflux, God it goes on and on. She hit trigger points that sent me threw the roof last year.
We searched for the deeper reasons and meanings of the problems and learned how to FORGIVE and RELEASE the CAUSE and accept the LESSON. Today was magic. My right foot is much more balanced and hardly a problem area. The Left foot. Well, it is the FEMININE side of the body. I have always had one hell of a time accepting and allowing my feminine side to live freely. In the 60's and 70's I OVER COMPENSATED for being gay and lived in such denial and fear I all but cut the tits of my girlie man self! I HAVE KNOWN STRAIGHT MEN that are more in touch with the female of their minds and body!
Crap was going on with this foot. We are working it through with some amazing work. Here is the stunning part. I am cutting rib steak for dinner this evening, DRUM ROLL!!! I CUT DEEPLY INTO MY THUMB ON MY LEFT HAND! LEFT SIDE!!! I dropped the knife and yelled "holy shit!" I am realizing something very very deep here. I injured my left elbow a month ago at the gym. GO F---ING FIGURE!

Then, I performed a mini concert for the first time in years of Bach, Chopin, Beethoven. This is a very complicated story and I will tell it at another time, but I honestly "channeled the music". I have never played so beautifully and with such confidence.

I watched all of the first season of Tales of The City the past two nights. When Anna Madrigal is explaining to Edgar Halcyon about Atlantis, I stopped breathing! I now know something about a woman that was so important in my past and died in 1980. I nearly fainted. I stopped the DVD and backtracked to the scene and watched it over and over. This particular woman I am speaking about lived in San Francisco most of her life. It was not an accident how I found her in my searching for an apartment on a raining night and my life was changed for ever. Only thing different than Anna Madrigal is: I MOVED TO 620 - 28th Street Ogden Utah and the tales of city story takes place at 28-Barbarry Lane, San Francisco.

This is not the end of the tiny bits of gold that kept showing up between events all the past week. My dreams were OUT OF THIS WORLD and mind you, I have NOT been smoking weed or drinking vodka! I wonder if the comet that is slowly dissipating from the western sky has anything to do with my "keen awareness"... I took this self portrait this week of what a happy 60 year old man looks like! Sweet dreams...

A view of the NEW PAINT on the outside walls of my studio! Forgive the damned glare of the shinny thing on my shirt. The camera seems to go crazy over it. The steak sandwich I had at Glenorchy Restaurant. $16.00 NZD. Such a great deal and it was excellent. I love Glenhorchy. Some people find it all to boring. I have another snap shot of the mountains in snow looking out of the window of the restaurant in Glenorchy. I should invest in some land in that end of road place. Hummmmm?

The state of the world...

For the first time in many many days I sat at this computer and searched through news just to see if the world was still existing and to see and learn just what the situations with war, famine, weather, human encounters were as compared to a few days ago. I read through such resources as: CNN, MSNBC, BBC including my own JH WY news.
I spend some time every few days in FACTNET.COM a site about cults and situations with religious groups. I always enjoy PIANOWORLD.COM and other music sites as well as YOU TUBE. I was depressed after the hour I wasted rambling through the news.

I thank what ever the source may be that allows me to still be humbled by the magnitude and magnificence of nature, art, and music. I love poetry because it seems to be a cousin or sibling to the language of music. After giving some thought to the state of the world I recalled a poem written by one of my favorite poets, Edna St. Vincent Millay.

APOSTROPHE TO MAN
(ON REFLECTING THAT THE WORLD IS READY TO GO TO WAR AGAIN)

Detestable race, continue to expunge yourself, die
out.
Breed faster, crowd, encroach, sing hymns, build bomb-
ing airplanes;
Make speeches, unveil statues, issue bonds, parade;
Convert again into explosives the bewildered ammonia
and the distracted cellulose;
Convert again into putrescent matter drawing flies
The hopeful bodies of the young; exhort,
Pray, pull long faces, be earnest, be all but overcome,
be photographed;
Confer, perfect your formulae, commercialize
Bacteria harmful to human tissue,
Put death on the market;
Breed, crowd, encroach, expand, expunge yourself, die
out,
HOMO called SAPIENS.

It says it all. God, that woman was wise even if she drank a bit too much and smoked way far too much. She lived through some strange times politically and artistically. Thank God she lived period. At least for my sake.

I find I always feel better when I stay far away from the television or radio news. I am not afraid of news, I just hate propaganda and lies! I lived many lies for far too many years. Some call it it denial, I call it survival of the human soul.

Objects Choose me, I do not always choose them...

I miss my K.Kawi baby grand piano in WY. I often reflect of how I purchased that instrument. We were looking for a particular car wash in Idaho Falls. Could not find it! Been there over the years a hundred times. Finally out of desperation stopped at a piano store that I have driven by many times but never been inside. It sits along the highway that the car wash is located, but damn we could not find the car wash so we parked the car and entered the shop called,
"PIANO GALLERY". Yes, the young man inside the store knew where I wanted to go. I glanced around the show room full of some amazing grand pianos. I did not tell the young man I could play or knew anything about pianos. My eyes fell upon a Yamaha Grand Piano. I touched it's satin finish, reached out to softly touch the keys. Moved on to another fine instrument, a Shimmel Grand. stunning cabinet. I turned from the grands and noticed a small baby grand in the line up of so many pianos, walked up to it, sat down and begin to play the Prelude in C major by Bach, then the Fantasie Impromptu by Chopin, then Clair de Lune by Debussy. By this time quite a audience had congregated around the instrument. This piano reached out to me. It simply breathed under my hands. The salesman complimented me and wanted me to please play a certain concert grand that had just arrived on the floor. I happily followed him to the monsterous black whale. It played wonderfully, but I COULD NOT GET THE LITTLE K. KAWI out of my mind and ears! Even as I was performing on the Concert grand my eyes would wonder over to the Kawai baby grand! After playing what seemed 20 pianos I went back to the K. Kawai. It simply reached out to me like an orphan begging to be adopted. "take me! I'm the best!". Before the hour was over, I had written a check for the K. Kawai baby grand and it was to be delivered in WY the next evening! WHAT IN HELL HAD I DONE? Found a BRAND NEW, NEVER BEFORE PLAYED PIANO THAT WAS MADE FOR ME and the piano KNEW MY TOUCH!

I wanted the piano upstairs beside my bed. I always dreamed of one day, awakening in the morning or after a nap to behold a piano I loved right beside me! The two guys that drove the piano over in a storm did not appear to be able to lift or manipulate this monster up the stair case, through a narrow door into a rather large bedroom. THEY DID IT!

Finally I was alone with this incredible instrument that had mysteriously reached out to my musical heart and mind. What a remarkable instrument! The black sensuously shaped hulk standing on three very delicate, narrow legs. I lifted the top and propped it's enormous weight and size on the slender stick that supports is mass. Inside was like a jewel box. Gold, brass, steel, red felt, iron and the emblem stamped on the gleaming spruce pine sounding board. The fall board over the keys was like revealing the most sexually covered parts of a person's body. Because here is where my hands would translate energy into the guts of this Pandora's box and release all of my passions that I could never put into words. These 88 keys with their pattern of 3 then 2 black keys and the rest white held all the mathematical equations that would allow me to express my emotions through the invisible illusion of sound. Silver sounds that would disappear on sound waves into infinity.

Many times I walk into a book store not really searching for a book and I walk right to the area, shelve and book that needs me! I have experienced this always with rocks and crystals. I have some amazing crystals and they have always found me.
I believe the same attraction works with the people we encounter in acting out the drama of our lifetimes. The actors appear. As the old Zen saying: "When you are ready the teacher will appear."

Roses...

This year the roses have been breath taking. Every two or three days I fill my studio with bouquets of roses! I know
some people do not like roses because the petals fall on the ground. (Messy little buggers). They have thorns and
drive some people crazy when they cut them or hold a stem in their hands!
I love to touch rose petals. They feel like the most beautiful, sensuous flesh I could ever dream of touching. I love to bury my
nose in the center of a rose and inhale beauty. Years ago, I received a gorgeous bouquet of yellow roses and sweet
peas! Simply amazing. I never wanted them to wither and die.
(Notice, I have a very bad habit of leaving my keys in the door.)

Yesterday we attended the A&P Show at Lake Hayes. A&P IS NOT A GROCERY STORE IN NZ. It is Animals and Produce. Kind
of like a very dated, small county fair at home in WY. The sun was a scorcher. I had to wear my cap at all times because
I have fried the "HOLE IN THE OZONE OF MY HEAD" to a crisp RED. Meaning the bald spot is a hot spot. I cannot afford
to have anymore sun damage on my skin! I'm carrying on about the direct sun and now it is a down pour. Never stopped
raining since last night! One nice thing: THE ROSE BUSHES LOVE THIS WEATHER! HOT then wet and cool. So, regardless of the
rain I will fill my room with roses!

We have become our grandparents...

We have truly become our grandparents! OMG, every Sunday we dress up, get in the car and drive through the country. We usually stop at a favorite winery for lunch. Every year I take great photos at the Cerrick Winery in Bannockburn Wine Country outside of Cromwell. Then we drive home via the grocery store where we purchase supplies for the coming week.

I drove the entire day Sunday. First time I have really driven in years in New Zealand. You know, the BRAIN FLIP THINK WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD...Turn About that TURN ME TOTALLY ABOUT, SIDE WAYS AND UP SIDE DOWN... But, I did it and today I did more driving.

Have been busy with many projects. Main thing and the one thing I am determined to get in my head requires the inspiration of the musical muses. Creating arrangements that I can live with for the recording of my original music. I think, I have a concept nailed down and then out of the blue I invent a new idea. Alas! The joy of creativity.
Have lots to say, but can't seem to put it in a sensible fashion. Time is on my side THIS TIME! If all else fails, I will just get in the car and drive....... When driving I shall leave the gorgeous pinot noir wines ALONE! God forbid, I'll be living like Miss Daisy in desperate need of a driver, and in more ways than one! I'm outta here! Till Saturday.

15 years later...

This picture of me standing at the entrance to Weill Recital Hall at Carnegie Hall NYC was taken in November of 1995 by a dear friend. WHY? Because I walked through those door 15 years earlier to perform what would be "THE PERFORMANCE OF MY LIFE", My NYC Debut Recital. I was 43 years old at the time, April 28, 1990. 1990 was the 100th birthday of Carnegie Hall.

In my teens I studied with some excellent teachers, one being Frederic Dixon. I heard him say time and time again: "You will never really play the piano until you are in your 40's." Well, to a 14 year old the age 40 sounded ANCIENT! I thought oh, my god, I have a long long long time of blood, sweat and tears before I will really play piano? I must say that he was right (at least in my case!) Of course I could play piano very well as a boy and past my 40th birthday! Possibly playing piano has something in common with fine wines, delicate cheeses...they taste better with age!

In December of 1998 when I met with Beatrice Fetal, the booking agent for NY RECITAL AGENCY the only available date was April 28,1990. I grabbed the date with glee. The number 28 is often a part of meaningful events in my life. I fly out of New Zealand every year on April 28!!!!!!!!!! I did not choose that departure date for the past 17 years, it chose me!
My zip code in the states is: 83128. Notice the ending two digits, 28. In numerology I am a 10. 28/10! I will stop, but oh my, oh my, I could write a small book about the numbers 2 8 1 0. I must go figure!

Weill Recital Hall at Carnegie Hall NYC 2005

Sex and the Artisti

Preludes & Fugues

The artist's experiences lie so unbelievably close to the sexual, to it's pain and it's pleasure that the two phenomena are really just different transforms of one and the same longing and bliss. The artist, poetic musical power is great and strong as a primal instinct. It has it's own relentless rhythms in itself and explodes from him like a volcano, living and expressing in a white hot passionate heat.

Develop your own Individual Sexuality. One that IS NOT INFLUENCED BY CONVENTION or CUSTOM...then you will no longer have to be afraid of loosing yourself and becoming unworthy of your dearest possession. Bodily delight is a sensory experience, not any different from pure looking or the pure feeling with which a beautiful fruit fills the tongue...It is a knowledge of the world, the fullness and splendor of all knowledge.

It is not our acceptance of it that is bad! What is bad is: most people misuse this learning and squander it and apply it as a stimulant on the tired places of their lives, as a distraction rather than as a way of gathering themselves for their highest moments.

In one sexual fantasy of thought a thousand forgotten nights of LOVE come to life again and fill it with majesty and exhalation. Those who cum together in the night and are entwined in rocking delight perform a solemn task and gather sweetness, depth and strength for the song of some future poet, who will appear in order to say ecstasies that are unsay-able! And they call forth the future - even if they made a mistake - the future comes away because EVERYTHING IS GESTATION AND THEN BIRTHING - RYTHEM GOVERNS THE UNIVERSE...
(words from Letters to A Young Poet, by Renier Rilke...
Sex and Art always seem to go hand and hand for me!

New Years Resolution #1...Get this mess cleaned up and cut the body fat. Hard process, but I'm determined.
New Years Resolution #2...Arrange original musical pieces into format for recording.
New Years Resolution #3...Practice, Practice, Practice makes PERFECT?!

Happy New Year 2007

Preludes & Fugues

It is about 1:15 AM here in Queenstown, New Zealand. Enjoyed the fire works show the town performed at midnight from the rugby field, been watching the ROYAL PERFORMANCE of BRITISH ENTERTAINMENT from LONDON on the telly. I have celebrated New Years in NZ 16 times.

RESOLUTIONS are good. I believe in them. I have always made a list of things I want to accomplish within a new year and often times I have achieved my goals. I do not make resolutions that are beyond my grasp! I often list books I want to read during the year. Certain pieces of music I hope to 'nail down' by the end of 365 days. To goodness and wisdom we only make promises; we obey pain! I find it's better to prepare for an opportunity that may never come than to have an opportunity but find myself UNPREPARED!

If anyone reading these ramblings of mine, need a goal for 2007 here is one. IF YOU DON'T READ ANOTHER BOOK THIS YEAR READ: "LETTER TO A CHRISTIAN NATION" by Sam Harris. I need not say more. READ IT!

Tomorrow is a lazy, hazy, crazy kind of day...no plans, but to laze around and do little if nothing at all. Come Tues. appointments, work outs, practice times and so many things I enjoy will be on my plate.

DO have a fantastic NEW YEAR! I look forward to meeting and making new acquaintance and friends during 2007 and I treasure the friendships I have made all of my lifetime. Much love, from BJ

There's a feeling of Christmas

Preludes & Fugues
A photo of our Xmas Tree here in the house in Queenstown. There is a feeling of
Christmas in the air as shoppers are out and about and everyone seems to be talking about family dinners and socials. We are staying home. I am baking a turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, real cranberry sauce and mince pie. A bottle of good wine, great coffee and chocolates. NO GIFTS! We promised NO GIFTS this year. The gift of all of us being together is a gift that no money can buy. I spent Thanksgiving with my family in Utah before coming to New Zealand this year and that was a first in many many years.
I suppose everyday should be a HOLIDAY, but Christmas is a BIG HOLIDAY and very stressful for many people. NOT ME. I promised myself I would have a wonderful UN STRESSFUL Christmas and I am. Big stress for me is getting up in the morning and hitting the gym! Merry Ho Ho.

There's a feeling of Christmas

Serendipity or Coincidence...

Preludes & Fugues

Last Thursday we drove to the city of Dunedin. Dunedin reminds me of San Francisco Calif. when I was a kid. Same weather, same steep hills, old Victorian houses, coffee houses that still have wild art work and poetry readings, street musicians and buskers. I could very easily live in Dunedin. We went over to see some movies, shop and enjoy the beauty of the four hour drive. For some reason I INSISTED that I take my Power Book with me. I always travel with my ipod, vodafone, journal and one change of clothing, but this trip I wanted the computer.
I had called around Dunedin last year looking for a recording studio. Not much luck but was told to call Radio House. There had been a storm and the roof had caved in on the studio section of the building. NO recording sessions last year.
Here I am a year later and I decided to find Radio House and inquire about recording some of my original pieces. This is a building where the main national radio station and other radio shows are produced. Lots of interesting personalities work inside this huge office. I asked at the front desk and yes, they did have a recording engineer. Out comes a 30 to 40 age man, ear rings in both ears, tattoos and great hair.
"Sorry mate, but we don't do commercial recordings anymore, however, there is an American Bloke that owns a guitar shop in town on the Octagon called "TWANG", his name is Hyrum and he might know of someone or a place where you can do studio recordings."
(Mind you, I have walked by TWANG well over a hundred times in all the years I have been coming to Dunedin. Off I go to meet Hyrum.
This shop is old. Lead cut glass windows, old tiles and hard wood floors, instruments hanging from the rafters, instrument cases stacked on the dusty floor, every-kind of thing you can imagine for a guitar. I LOVE THESE KIND OF SACRED HAUNTS! The place has young 'wanna be' long haired musicians, and punk style kids looking around. A man probably 50ish approaches me with a smile,
"How can I help? oh, I am Hyrum."
Hyrum has been living in New Zealand for 23 years. He is from California. Long graying hair in a pony tail, glasses, very thin and so kind! I explained my situation and he says,
"Not a problem. Do you have a computer with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(just so happens I DO and it is a MAC) He explained that he could down load a great little system for me to record from my piano to the computer, the program is called Garageband. He told me to be at the shop by 10 AM Saturday morning. I was on cloud nine!
THe next morning is pouring rain, but I walk to TWANG and Hyrum is a half hour late, but I do not care, there is a great coffee house across the street and a used book store. I peruse these places as I keep glancing across the street. AH! finally Hyrum walks up to open his door. This man spent two hours down loading the program and showing me things about my computer. GOD he has two note book Macs on stands and he literally went into my BLACK SCREEN WITH WHITE WORDS ON IT, what I used to call DOS and repaired a couple of things that were going on with my machine. Amazing guy. He wrote down things I would need when I got back in order to jack the piano to the computer. I asked what I owed him, he laughed and said,
"You owe me NOTHING! Learn how to use the program and let me hear your music someday..."
I was overwhelmed by this man's kindness and willingness to help musicians. A young man came in the shop and needed guitar strings. The kid looked starved, but happy, he told Hyrum that he only had $14.00 in his bank account. Hyrum found the package of strings and they came to nearly sixteen dollars. The young man's face dropped and he walked towards the door. Hyrum said,
"Look it's Christmas time. You have $14.00 give it to me and we'll call it even, besides a man has to be able to make music regardless of money."
The young man's face broke into a smile wide enough to catch flies. He thanked Hyrum over and over and dashed out of the door into the pouring rain. I complemented Hyrum on his kindness and promised him that the kindness and generosity he gave to help others would be returned to him double fold. (thing is, HE KNEW IT!)
If I had not followed my instinct to take the computer I would not have Garageband in my computer and I would not have met a beautiful soul like Hyrum and I now have my hands and mind full of challenges and new learning curves. I will figure out how to use this magical tool for creating music!
What's the old saying? FOLLOW YOUR HEART! My heart led my soul to a blessing last week end. Could it be a type of serendipity or just stupidity!

Lake Wikatipu

Preludes & Fugues
I took this photo last year. This one of New Zealand's largest bodies of inland water. EXTREMELY COLD WATER! If you fall into the lake without wearing a wet suit it can mean freezing to death! There has always been a story about a giant that lives at the bottom of the lake. This giant breathes thus causing the water to raise and fall many inches from hour to hour. Other tales claim that the lake is bottomless, meaning that the ocean is the force pulling the water levels up and down.
The lake is a powerful source of beauty and strength. I can gaze upon it for hours watching changes of light and shadow on the water. During storms the water is wretched. I see this body of water before I go to bed at night and when I awake in the morning. Water is SACRED.

Lupin in QT. Grand Tetons in WY

MY Studio in Queenstown!

Preludes & Fugues

Some of you have sent me E mails requesting a picture of my studio in Queenstown. This is a photo of the inside of my studio. Sometimes my friends refer to is as my LAB and some people I live with call it my Sacred Space! I spend a lot of time in this small pixel. I made the curtains. The desk holds my lap top, books, coffee cups, snacks, manuscript paper, any notes I have made to myself of things that intrest me from a telephone number to a web site.
The Electric Piano is a Techniques. IT IS WONDERFUL. I use a Bose head set when practicing or playing so it does not bother anyone. I have wonderful candles, photos and some art on the walls. I have a large collection of stones. Some are truly amazing rocks and crystals. I have a make-shift book case cupboard on the end wall full of books, medicines, herbs, oils, CD's art supplies, fine wines and other VICES! The room is carpeted and has it's own entrance from the outside. You cannot enter the place from inside the house! (I love it!) I have my very own living space. The window looks out on the REMARKABLES and LAKE WIKATIPU. Those of you that saw the Lord of The Rings will recognize the picture I feast upon every day and night. I can step outside the door onto the porch and see the evening stars, moon and milky way. The Sunsets are magnificent but I do not see the Sunrise without stepping off the porch. It is my Shangralie.
I meditate, read, write and make music in this sacred space. WELCOME.

My Studio in Queenstown!

Eleven Days Update...

Preludes & Fugues

Been in NZ for 11 days as of this morning! It's so good to be back and have people recognize you. Almost every cabbie that drives me home from down town says,
"Welcome back! I know right where to go. 11 Panorama Place. So how was your season? How old is your mum now? Did your brother finish his garden project? Still playing the piano?" It is rather comforting to know that IF, God Forbid, I fell over on the sidewalk someone would grab me up and drive me where I needed to be!
Christmas decorations and the 6' Christmas tree are decorated and glittering the sprit of the season in rays of colored light.
Had two intense work outs at the gym. I am about half way through Stienbeck's classic,
Grapes of Wrath. Am reading another good book: HEAT, by Bill Bouford, all about restaurant kitchens and the prep cooks, line cooks, gofers that work in them!
Spending time with my Mac and searching for information about everything from bread recipes to the International Space Station. Getting caught up on E mails
and most of all loving not having any DEAD LINES TO MEET or any REAL SCHEDULES THAT HAVE TO BE KEPT!
I go to bed when I want and I get up when I want!
Have a dear friend visiting from Wellington. Beverly is right out of the 50's and 60's. She is a love and at times, can be a re-incarnate of Carol Burnett! We watched an old movie made 50 years ago: The Long Long Trailer, with Desi Arnez and Lucille Ball. OMG those dresses that Lucy wears are indescribable! American MORALS one more time, but in the movie the bedrooms have to have TWO BEDS for a married couple! and the couple always don PJ'S before turning in, yet in this movie there is a shower scene with Ricky where he gets into the shower naked and can't adjust the sprayer. INTERESTING cause the scene goes on for some time exposing most of his naked body except the pubes! We all
laughed till our ribs were aching.
I will learn how to post pictures this blog so I can show people what my studio looks like, people I talk about look like and where in hell I am living!
Today I will meet up with a most interesting young woman. She is a delight. We met at a private gym years ago and she works in the Sex Industry. Mind you most of these people are 20 years younger than me, but the stories, the desires, the insecurities, the fears are the same as I experienced 50 years ago and through out my life.
I filled my room with various bottles and glasses filled with cut roses from the gardens a couple of days ago. It smells heavenly in here!
I'm going to have breakfast on the patio, then begin my walking regime to Frankton along the shores of the Lake. I'm packing a light lunch of cheese, thin sliced roast beef and slices of crusty sour dough bread and a thermos of strong hot coffee. It will appear that I am stark raving mad as I will be talking to myself as I walk, but I actually talk to people that are long dead or not with me, but always on my mind and deep within my heart. (who ever is reading this, well, you might be one of those people I am yapping with! ! Really Scary huh?!!)

Santity of marriage...

Preludes & Fugues

Mary Cheney is going to have a baby! As I recall the Republican's screamed, ranted and raved over the fact that IF THEY WERE NOT RE-ELECTED GAYS WOULD DESTROY the SOLOEM SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE !!!!!!!!!!!!! Mary is a LESBIAN. 100%. Not just a little bit. She claims she did not DECIDE to be a lesbian.
She is very open about it.
She is having a baby OUT OF WED LOCK! I do not know IF her daddy is completely against gay marriage? His buddy Doctor Dobson must be going crazy (the christian
family man) the Republican party he has supported in more ways than with money will enjoy the blessing of a grandchild for one of it's blessed sons, Dicky Boy and the sad part is his daughter is having a baby without a FATHER! TWO LESBIAN MOTHERS? Who will be the FATHER IMAGE? Grandpa? Dobson had his ass kicked sideways only weeks ago when one of his most prominent PREACHERS FOR FAMILY VALUES was outed by a male prostitute that he paid for sexual services the past five years!!!!!! God does move in mysterious ways, his wonders to perform.

I donated to a sperm bank in LA nearly 40 years ago. I needed money to get back home to Utah. Seemed harmless at the time and I do believe my seeds are long dead...hopefully Mary didn't go to LA for the Turkey Baster Juice! OMG.

Maybe she's had enough of daddy and the BS of the Republican party. Any self-righteous Elephant Republican Bigot talks to me about VALUES and WAR and THE
CONSERVATIVE MORALS OF THE RED STATE PEOPLE...well I have only one thing to respond with: Mary Cheney no doubt is the blessed Mary and had a moment when the spirit of the Lord overshadowed her and she has had a immaculate conception what ever. GO FIGURE !

I am so happy that Bush has two more glorious years to follow his HIGHER FATHER'S GUIDANCE and run to DICK C. (Dick head is to George W. kinda like what Peter was to Jesus...best buddy? of possibly Judas, you know the thing about the kiss of betrayal! May the whole house of cards fall, but WE the people will save the day.

Remember the old joke when the two idiots were elected the first time?
FOR ONCE WE HAVE A BUSH WITH A DICK IN THE WHITE HOUSE. Well, I wonder who is 'putt-in' IT to who?

Al Gore's Movie

Preludes & Fugues
Yesterday afternoon I viewed Al Gores Movie about the Environment. Stunning and yes intelligent. He did not go into any 'religious dogma" or binge out about some kind of new philosophy. It was fact upon fact about what we have and are doing to our planet! Only thing I
can say is: GO SEE IT and then THINK. I came home and pinned a 3x5 card up behind the toilet: "IF IT'S YELLOW LET IT MELLOW IF IT'S BROWN FLUSH IT DOWN" (lived this way in the 70's we really did!)
I have been shutting lights off that I do not use at night and I am observing nature with a gentleness I have not experienced in years.
My only hope is: ever since I was about 10 years old I have wondered IF we are alone in the universe or IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE! I do hope that If there is someone OUT THERE they can help us to continue life on planet earth in harmony with all other forms of life. Plank once said something to this effect:
When we change our attitude and the way we OBSERVE something IT CHANGES ALSO! Well, I hope we all begin to view the planet and our situation here in a more healing and loving way and that we can steer away from such ECONOMIC/CAPITLISITC INSANITY. God knows I like money and the things it affords me and those that I love, but I can see that over consumption and greed can also put a dreadful end to life as we know it. GO SEE THE MOVIE.

As the World Turns...

Preludes & Fugues
I am in one of my "Blessed Places" on planet Earth, Queenstown, New Zealand. It
seems as if I have never been away for the past 7 months. I leave every year April 28 for the States, Alpine WY. Open the Nordic Inn and work non stop from May 28 until the end of September. Fly to NYC and indulge myself in great art, music, drama, dance and yes the indescribable energy of 8 million people living on a small island! The entire population of New Zealand is half that of NYC. Around 4 million people, 65 million heads of cattle and 85 million heads of sheep. In Alpine WY I live in a population of around 600 humans not to mention all of the amazing wild life and during the tourist season probably 3 million people drive through the area.
I leave a huge house in Alpine and move into a smaller home in QT. My studio here is TINY compared to my GIANT ROOM IN ALPINE. You shall not hear me complain about my very small studio here as it holds my favorite rocks, books, music, small Technics Keyboard, my computer, candles, plants, paintings, photos, desk and various objects of art I have collected in 17 years coming to NZ. It amazes me how we adjust to our surroundings in life!

Today I renewed my membership at the QT GYM. It is a fantastic facility. When I first came here in 1990 the gym was a HARD-CORE-HOUSE-OF-PAIN-SWEAT-TEARS-LOUD MUSIC and seemed to attract AMAZONS and GIANTS. I loved it.
Over the past years a new "state of the art" gym has opened and it is gorgeous.
(Just like the bodies that work out in it's sacred walls...I am not one of those men living in a gorilla suit anymore), but I do love the high I experience of blood rushing through my heart, muscles and the routine of doing something that is good for me! I no longer wear 'tank tops' to work out in, I cover this sagging mess of flesh up with long sleeves on tee shirts and long pants, but underneath all that I feel the 'pump', the 'rush', the 'endorphin high' and the release of any anger, hate, frustration or depression. Practicing the piano gives me the same thrills. (well, for that fact, watching the sunset, the first evening star, or a bird singing into the firmament of heaven can give me a joy I find difficult to express in words.)

Today I purchased a bottle of my favorite wine: Peregrine Winery of Central Otago, a beautiful Pinot Noir 2005. You would love the bouquet, the mystical essence of black cherries, dried spice and rich velvet tannins. It is matured in French oak barriques for over 10 months. It is a complex symphony of surprising textures. I have often described this wine as a prelude to a delightful fugue.

The only place on this planet I can see the "SOUTHERN CROSS" is when I am in the Southern Hemisphere. I love it. Every star of the universe is sacred, but this constellation is a blessed comfort to my soul. Good night to all those I love, you are always with me no matter I roam...

Thank God for Barnes & Nobel

Preludes & Fugues

Thanksgiving was wonderful. Too much food, but the company was exceptional and
it is always wonderful to spend time with family and when you are as old as me, I get to see "genetic DNA" singing it's song in the tiny bodies and faces, personalities and voices of the great grand kids! God, I have no doubt reincarnated in the life of one of my great nieces or nephews!

Being in Utah for almost a week can be really detrimental to my well being, but because of Barnes and Nobel's Bookstore I can sip a cup of delicious coffee, tune into the internet and play with my MAC for a couple of hours. It used to be the GOLDEN ARCHES that I looked for in a foreign country because it was a token of home, but now I always look for Starbucks and Barnes & Nobel.

I will be in the air for New Zealand on Thursday. Oh, BTW, I could never move back to UTAH! Too many people, the driving conditions are hopeless and the air is so filthy I can't breathe. I will kiss the ground in Alpine and I love the air and water. No stop lights in Star Valley and most people know me by name or sight. I'd move to NYC or San Francisco before I'd crash back into the land of
Utards and bigots.
How in hell did I survive all the years I tried to eek out a living in the shadows of the everlasting hills! I'll take Brokeback Mountain any day over this.

Thank you Barnes & Nobel for this moment of reflection and peace. One day I will open a haberdashery called "GYPSY MOON" The tea and scones will be to die for and the music and books will be INTERESTING! Rare treasures and bits of original art for sale. If I ever get all of my dreams and schemes out of my head and into reality I will probably drop dead in amazement! Sometimes my day dreams are safer and better than the real thing! So, I think.

out of country...

Preludes & Fugues

Late this afternoon we will have the water blown out of the pipes. all the timer switches set, security details nailed down and lock the doors of this house as we
begin the journey to New Zealand. Driving to Utah tonight. Spend Thanksgiving
with my folks, get Michael to the air port on Saturday morning as he then will fly to Las Vegas to be with his mother, niece and sister. I will be in Utah with family and friends until November 30th then I fly to LAX, from there into Auckland New Zealand and then to Christchurch. From Christchurch to Queenstown. Get a cab to the house at Panorama Place and begin a restorative, beautiful holiday.
Next time I post will be from Queenstown and I will write more often as I will have the time. Lots to be very thankful this year and most of all I am thankful for friends and the peace and health I enjoy each day of my life.
I'm outta here!

boxes full of memories...

Preludes & Fugues

Every year I deep clean my closet. I do not have a lot of clothing. I do have lots of shoes. I have boots, sandals, dress shoes, casual shoes and hiking boots, of all brands and styles. WHAT IS THIS THING WITH SHOES?

The top shelf in my closet has scrap books, two boxes full of correspondence and there is a trunk on the floor full of books that I cannot part with and journals I have kept the past 20 years. I decided to sort through the scrap books and the two boxes of letters and postcards. THANK GOD I DID NOT EVER THROW THESE LETTERS AND PHOTOS AWAY, because I am very good at getting rid of stuff. I've known that I had class photos of my grade school years but have not known where they ended up. Well, I found them inside a dirty plastic bag that was lost in the bottom of one of the boxes of things my mother gave me a few years back when they were cleaning out their basement and moving to a brand new house. I also found my first Piano Achievement Certificate. I was 10 years old. Also a book I had written in 1959 called "The Way Things Go". (Now, my god, that was a creative title and such simple, but fun reading. I had even illustrated the story and bound it in a cardboard loose leaf binder. I read old letters I had written to a woman during the 70's from Europe and Viet Nam! I found photos of people I have not seen in decades and most of them are dead.

After a couple of hours sorting through the boxes I thought, GET RID OF THIS CRAP. IT MEANS NOTHING TO ANYONE AND BESIDES IT IS REALLY SENTIMENTAL AND SOPPY TO SAVE SUCH STUFF. Lo and Behold, I felt an electrical shock spark through my entire body. It was as if I were being taken over by some force from outside my mind. A THOUGHT AS CLEAR AS GLASS BECAME WORDS THAT SPILLED OUT OF MOUTH: "Don't be stupid! These things are the only measuring stick you have as a monument to the life you have experienced the past 60 years!" "One day someone in your family may find a photo of a person they have heard about or your words may comfort or even guide someone along the many
adventures life presents to us." "Now, carefully dust the boxes and the trunk, put everything back as it was and every once in a while open these treasure chests and breathe life into your own past. Relive some of the tragedies and some of glories and possibly learn from them because now you have a 'perspective' you are at a place where you can see all sides of some of these events and above all else these are the things that have made you who you are today."

DON'T THROW YOUR BABY OUT WITH THE BATH WATER PEOPLE! I'm gonna keep my sordid past and maybe, just maybe write it all down one day when I am really old and my space suit is just about worn out! Living in a digital world is fantastic and I will no doubt have some of these old photos restored. Hell, maybe I could have my entire body restored digitally!

piano in Boise...

Preludes & Fugues

Left Friday afternoon for Boise. The last few years I have absolutely grown to love Boise Idaho and the people...most of all the talents of such amazing young pianists that attend my Master Class. This year was outstanding. Also the spiritual and energizing moments I exchange with one of my dearest friends a most talented and spiritual woman. She is a healer, music teacher as well as her paintings are wonderful. So great, food, long conversations into the wee hours of the morning and the meeting of new people and making new friends makes Boise Idaho one of my many homes on this planet.
Flew home yesterday and dove into this house. Detail cleaning for some dinner parties this coming week and in preparation for my departure for the winter months.

Saw the movie CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD. It is a good flick IF you are into spiritual journeys and have read any of the three books by Neal Walsh. I thought
the main actor was amazing. GREAT MUSIC. Gotta get the theme song.
Speaking of music I purchased a new recording of David Lanz and Gary Straoutsos. OMG, it takes me places I've so often longed to go...another must for meditation and reflection. I recommend it. Another moment of music, Fritz dropped by this afternoon regarding my recording sessions with him this week.
I think I am ready...I am giving this one over to the universe. God willing I will keep my damned ego out of it's path.

Election day...What ever will be will be??????????? Tomorrow I will reveal my feelings about the elections but till then I am going to enjoy a glass of Pinot as I listen to SPRIT ROMANCE and stretch my muscles. In my old age stretching and slowly opening joints and ligaments seems to fill quite a bit of my meditation time. Pianoman's half assed YOGA! It works!

someone with guts...

Preludes & Fugues

Last night I sat with my jaw wide open as I listened to Keith Olbermann lambast this idiot president for almost 10 minutes without a break and what appeared to not his reading a prompt sheet! IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST HONEST ESSAYS I HAVE LISTENED TO IN AGES! FINALLY SOMEONE WITH THE GUTS TO JUST SIMPLY SAY IT LIKE IT IS!

My week thus far has been interesting. I helped Michael spread the ashes of his father and two brothers in the new memorial he is constructing for their remains. I shall always remember OCT. 1st 2006. After we mixed the ashes together and covered them I came to my room. Played Whispering Hope, Amazing Grace, the second movt. of the Pathetique Sonata by Beethoven and the Prelude in C from the WTC by Bach. Lit two candles and knelt beside my piano, which I have used a prayer alter for most of my life. I simply meditated quietly about the delicacy of life and the fact these "ashes" were where they feel and see the first light of morning, they are bathed in silver moon light at night and surrounded by sounds and the grounds and house "they" loved and were a part of and are still very much remembered as a huge part of our history.

Tomorrow I fly to Boise. I love the city and will be fortunate to help four young piano students discover some new and amazing insights into the magical world of making music at the keyboard.

My friend Wayne will be home from TURKEY today! Can't wait to hear the details of what I am sure was an incredible trip. My practice periods have been sacred events and I am always stunned at how I discover new sounds and hidden meanings within the elements of sound and harmony. My Debussy pieces keep unfolding hidden colors and emotions as well as the Bach and Poleunc pieces. Practice makes perfect? Practice makes life worth while! When all the world seems to be falling apart and is full of deceit and lies, I turn to music and it is a constant in my life.