Tuesday, May 06, 2014

You were and still are a wonderful mother...

Life has many adventures and paths we must walk alone... there are times another person helps us along the way but, it seems we learn the lessons only we as individual humanbeings can learn by being alone and enduring all the elements that may turn to sunshine or thunderstorms...

The past year from May 2013 to May 2014 has been a long and exhausting journey.  A very dear friend of mine years ago was going through a dreadful separation from her partner of 18 years.  He simply did not want to be with her any longer... within months her father passed away in Florida.  We were sitting at table three inside my restaurant sipping wine and she made the most profound statement I have ever heard and will never forget:  "Brent, I can replace a LOVER, however, I CANNOT REPLACE A FATHER!"  She comes from a family exactly like mine:  two boys and three daughters.
She went to Florida, inherited her father's little pick up with a shell on the back of the truck bed and she drove it back to WY!!!  She absolutely reinvented her life...  traveling, working, adventures no one would ever imagine...  Interesting fact:  I inherited my fathers 1989 Ford Ranger Pick Up truck last summer.  It flipped over to 31000 miles as I drove into Coke ville WY!    It has NO power steering, it is a standard shift, a radio that only plays AM radio...  it runs beautifully.  I named it ENNIS.  Go figure.

My mother was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer in July.  She has out lived most people with such a curse.  My angelic siblings did more than I can ever imagine to move both my parents into a safe a wonderful care center...  My mother crossed over into a wonderful peace and joy on April 15th.  I was trying to get my Taxes mailed at the post office which stands beside the Legacy Assisted Living Center as she was dying withing those walls...    I made it there in time...  I put the back of my right hand on her neck...  I felt the last heart beat she made within my hands.  She always said my hands were made for more than making music...  God knows, she has been right.  I have made food, bread, art, music... the keys of a piano were always the most beautiful feeling my hands have ever felt except my mother's hands that could ease all pain and her simple touch on my forehead when I was sick could erase my asthema and make me calm.

My angelic siblings moved mom and dad into the Legacy while I was in NZ.  I cut my holiday short when they told me via the telephone things were not so good.  I flew home to Utah asap...  I had a fantastic holiday in the fact I spent Christmas, New Years and a wonderful time in the Golden Bay with my dearest friend Rutha.  The greatest blessing was Michael and I were able to be alone after so many years of his mother's health issues and other situations...

The precious hours I spent alone with my mother were beyond imagination.  She told me things I never ever knew... she was the beginning of my life and she taught me how to die.  She only wanted all of us to not argue but, love one another and she wanted us to forgive as she had.  She taught me too many lessons beyond writing about.

I do not believe in organized religion... I HAVE LIVED TO SEE WHAT ALL OF THEM CAN DO!  Wars, cruel sexual stuff...  suicides... judgments that no human can or should ever make against each other.  I only wish God and Satan could settle this entire mess out of court?

When I was a young boy my Uncle Kent was learning to sing a song which was most popular in the 50's.  I BELIEVE:
I have forever loved the lyric from that song:

I Believe for every drop of rain that falls a flower grows,
I believe that some where in the darkest night a candle glows,
I believe for everyone that goes astray, someone will come to show the way,

I believe above the storm the smallest prayer will still be heard.
I believe that somewhere in the great somewhere he hears every word.

Every time I hear a new born baby cry, or touch a leaf, or see the sky, then I know why I believe.

Another song my mother taught me as a little boy and I learned to play it on the piano... THAT'S WHAT GOD MADE MOTHERS FOR:

To watch over you as a baby, to sing you to sleep with her song...
To try to be near you to comfort and cheer you to teach you the right from the wrong...
To do all she can to make you a man and over a million things more...
To sigh for you, cry for you, yes even die for you... that's what God made mothers for.  (My grandma Keller, My mother's mother lived every word of this song, even with her grandchildren...)

(Leo Wood the man that composed and wrote the lyrics to this song was born in San Francisco California on Sept. 2, 1882... died in NJ Aug. 2nd 1929.)

I do believe in numerology.... interesting the life this man lived and made an impression on my mothers musical and poetic mind...

My mother wrote Road Shows in the day.  She could write poetry, readings... lyrics to songs... her dear sister Phyllis also had the gift.  Between the two of them... we may have had a Broadway musical beyond belief.  My mother's brothers and sisters were her life.  She morned over everyone of their deaths and she loved her parents beyond imagination... she is with them again and I will be there also.
Her DNA and RNA live on in so many of her grandchildren and great grandchildren.  I often look at photos of my Great Grandparents and I think:  YES!  I AM LIVING YOUR DREAMS...  My mother adored her baby sister, my aunt Maryann...  she told me so many tales about her loving Maryann and her sister Hellen... mother inherited a very seiver look when photographed... kinda like her mother... but her heart was made out of marshmellows and jell-O....  she lives inside all of us... my cousin Shirley was like one of my mother's own children.  She thrilled over everything Shirley did in school and beyond.  Mother could not imagine her life without Shirley or Maryann.

She is so happy with her sisters and they are making music and my grandpa and grandma are smiling with grins wide enough to catch flies.  I came from a family that did not know how to hate.  Lucky man, I AM!