Christmas 2013 Queenstown, New Zealand

Who would have ever imagined how many Xmas and New Year Celebrations we have enjoyed in this wonderful place on the planet earth!!!

1990 we celebrated Xmas at the Hermitage Lodge at Mount Cook.  There was SNOW and it was cold.  The Christmas tree was a REAL PINE TREE.  Instead of lights it was decorated with colorful balloons!  The Christmas Fairies passed out Lolly's and we sang carols.  Karyn and Michael had packed a small artificial tree and decorations inside a suit case so we could have a tree inside our room!   Talk about innocent, simple magic.  We had a Christmas I will forever remember.

Now, all these years later we still put up a tree, decorate the house, invite friends in for food and laughter.  Watch the Christmas Gala for the Royal Family in England, then a movie.  This year Channel One broadcast a wonderful film:  Bucket List.  Last year it was the original Sound of Music.  Year before that was Willy Wonkers and the Chocolate Factory... every year they choose a good flick.

I hope these photos down load properly.  First one will be my snacks before dinner.  Second the Nativity we have arranged on a beautiful wooden table.  Third one of my favorite decorations in the world.  SHE IS MY MUSICAL ANGEL!  If I could I would take her every where I wander.  Fourth the dining room table and last of all my perfect home made bread I had just taken out of the oven for the meal.  Dinner was baked ham with a pineapple glaze, new boiled baby potatoes from the garden topped with real butter and fresh parsley a carrot raisin salad, then a gorgeous garden green salad all natural items from our land lady's garden... and my warm bread with lashings of sweet butter and cherry jam.
We topped it off with a very KIWI TRADITIONAL DESSERT.  Pavlova.  Real whipped cream and mountains of fresh raspberries!

We did miss having some friends with us that have crossed over, but they were here in spirit.  Best gift: we are able to enjoy and even find excitement at this time of year.  NO GIFTS WERE EXCHANGED THIS YEAR!  I LOVED IT.  NO STRESS, NO CONCERNS ABOUT WHAT IF THEY WON'T LIKE THIS?  Alas!  a card and money always save the day!

Magic the way we keep in touch.

24 years ago we were introduced to "calling cards" in NZ.  I had never heard of such a thing in the USA.
 In the yearly 90's you simply walked into a convenience store any where in NZ and purchased a card that resembled a Credit Card.  You could buy anywhere from $10.00 to $100.00 worth of minutes to call internationally or locally or within the country.  Walk to a pay phone on the street, insert the card and you were connected...  We thought it was STATE OF THE ARTS TECHNOLOGY!

Years later E mail became my means of contacting people within minutes...  I stopped sending cards, letters except for certain important documents via NZ POSTAL SERVICE...  then the cell phone!  I wish and I should have kept my first cell Vodafone.  A young man at Vodafone a few years ago when I decided to buy a "clam shell type new phone"  said, "OMG!  I want this!"  I told him he could have it.  It worked beautifully but did not have a camera or any of the other bells and whistles that come with phones today.  I had dropped this phone in rivers!  on the sidewalks, left it for days and nights inside my backpack and the damn thing NEVER EVER FELL APART!

Every year at Xmas and my Birthday I purchase a gift or maybe at times more things than what I usually would give myself and then I say:  this is from Mabel, Frederic, Larry, Bobby, Grandma, Aunt so and so... the list is endless.  (these are people I have been deeply involved with years ago who have crossed over to the other side! plus there a million more people I can blame for my purchases.)

TODAY:  NEW CELL PHONE.  It has all those gadgets, and other stuff.  I am quite impressed with it.
I am posting a photo of the ancient land line telephone we use here at the house.  (very up market for the time.)  Then my NEW PHONE:  A Sam sung GT-S6810P  and beside it my Vodafone I have used for the past three years aVodafone LG.

By late this evening I will have the NEW MAGICAL PHONE CHARGED and I inserted my old SIM card so as not to loose numbers and information.  I put the new SIM card into the old Vodafone and it has a new number.  I will give that to Michael  so that when I am away from the property I can call him or he can call me...

My old NZ MOBILE NUMBER IS IN THE NEW PHONE SO THOSE OF YOU THAT CALL ME DO NOT HAVE TO WORRY... I WILL ANSWER and you do not have to enter a new number.  (I do not always answer... but leave a message...)

Rained like hell last night on and off today.  COLD.  The plants are thriving... It is 7:30 PM NZT therefore I am pouring a red and then I will prepare a meal.  THEN possibly read, write or watch a movie.  I still watch DVD'S.  I purchased 8 from Amazon before leaving the states so  I simply insert the disc into my MacBook and it's kinda like being at the movies except I can look and dress the way I am at the moment and munch on anything my tummy desires.

Amazing day...

This morning I walked to my eye man.  He remade my piano/computer glasses from last year.  I lost the glasses in the spring when I was performing in Thayne.  After leaving his office I collected a prescription from the Chinese Pharmacy (I call it) my anti acid stomach pills.  90 pills for 4 NZD.  I wanted lunch.  I had my mind made up I would go to KFC.  (I know bad, but yummy and at my age who really cares!)  The force moved me another direction.

I walked toward a restaurant I know very well the Water Front.  As I walked around the bend onto the main path to the restaurant there was a young man who had his legs crossed  setting out crystals and necklaces on a sarong exacting like the one I have had for years!  I stopped and gazed at his wares.  THEY WERE TOP QUALITY.  We talked, I asked, he gave answers and I purchased a gorgeous and most powerful crystal and believe this OUT OF CHINA!  It is a herkimer meaning both ends of the stone are terminators.  It was wound in gorgeous silver wire...  the young man is from England.  He's spending the summer, autumn and winter in NZ.  He is very special cosmic child.

From the purchase I walked to the Water Front Restaurant.  (I have been so upset that my Salerno Vino has gone!)  Everything changes.  (most of all me)  Last year the chef at the Water Front was from Brazil.  He did a fantastic rump steak, salad, fries lunch for $15.00.

The young man that waited on me gave me a table over looking the wharf.  I asked him:  "Do I want the fish of the day or the Steak?"  He went into detail about the steak.  I told him I have had it many times.  The waiter was impeccable.  He constantly hoovered over me.  The steak was like heaven.  It and my entire lunch was something beyond my imagination.  A mushroom and beef reduction on the steak.
The salad was perfect and the CHIPS or FRIES as we call them in America were crisp and not over or under cooked.  I could only think of a passage of words April sent me a short time ago when her family were in a restaurant in Amsterdam.
"THE KITCHEN IS OUR SHRINE, THE COOK OUR PRIEST, THE TABLE OUR ALTER AND THE BELLY OUR GOD!"

I made it home with my magic stone around my neck, my strange Tee Shirts and new glasses.  Michael is tiling the new kitchen.  The plants are growning like monsters and I love it.  Did not make music today but will tomorrow.  No man loves his holiday more than me.  NO TIME LIMITS, NO RULES, I SLEEP WHEN I WANT I WALK WHEN I WANT I DREAM WHEN I WANT AND MOST OF ALL I AM GRATEFUL BEYOND IMAGINATION FOR THE WAY MY LIFE TURNED OUT BECAUSE YEARS AGO MY KARMA COULD HAVE GONE DOWN INTO A VERY DARK HOLE!  FAR BEYOND A WORM HOLE OR RABBIT HOLE...

Photo 1. my plant in my studio window.  Photo 2. My crystals.  Possibly you will see the Phantom Crystal.  Photo 3. Crystals on my sacred table.  Notice the Geode.
Photo 4. My new Necklace.
Photo 5. Window view from my table during lunch.
Photo 6. My plate at the Water Front.

Synchroicity

I came to New Zealand 24 years ago!  

(I have people I treasure as if they were my own children and one is 24, one is 23 one is 45...)  They were babies when I first touched the ground of South Island.

They have had to HEAR so many STORIES about my adventures in New Zealand.  I know many people think WHY NZ.  I believe the universe literally "takes you" where you are supposed to be.  You may decide you want to be a certain place but once you arrive at that place situations may lift you into an entire different place from from where you dreamed of being.

Most of it has to do with my HUNCHES... my INSTINCTS... some unseen force that drives me toward the lesson I must learn.  Well, this year I made a promise to myself that I would allow Synchronicity to be my guide.  Bits of this journal will be about my following my instincts and what I discover along the way.

I hope to post a photo of me standing beside my studio door.  I have a flower vase attached to the window of the front door.  Inside the vase I put fresh flowers because it makes the door appear so inviting as well as the perfume from certain flowers is like magic.  (There is a reason for this photo)

Yesterday I walked around the village.  I took random photos of places and people.  I had a "feeling" I should step into a certain shop I frequent  and sure enough it was a perfect move in the right direction!  Found a kit that helps one make cheese!  (I love cheese)  also found a kit that can help a person make their own home made wine!)  I also found some special gifts for a couple of precious friends.  I left the shop feeling a sense of being alive and happy.

No plan in mind I walked out to St. Omar Park.  Great gusts of wind were flying off the waters of the lake and it was chilly.  I kept walking and finally thought, sit your butt down and rest.  I had made a ham sandwich which was inside my backpack.  For some reason I  plunked my  ass on a bench beside a wonderful grill type thing built on cinder blocks.  I thought nice.  I could bring some propane and cook myself a hot meal on this grill one day.  As I was gazing at the water and mountains two young men walked up and asked me if I was using the "barbie"  meaning the bar B Q, grill, flat top...  I smiled and said, "I'd like to but, I'm having a ham sandwich, you guys go ahead and use it however, may I sit on this bench for a few more minutes.  They grinned from ear to ear and said:  " Yo MAN!  You just make Ur self at home and don't mind us a bit!"

Both guys had to be early 20's.  I so remember when I spent most of my life OUT DOORS CAMPING and COOKING OUT DOORS when I was in my 20's.  One young man was very thin with long blond hair.  Bare feet, shorts and hoodie.  His companion, (Who became the main cook) was dark with short hair in ripped pants, torn Tee Shirt and bare feet.)  These two worked together like a team out of a top kitchen.  They had the grill heating after many attempts against the gusts of harsh wind.  These guys had an old beaten up pickup truck.  The blond walked over to the truck and carried over a cardboard box full of ITEMS.  He sat it on the table beside me.  The box contained:  Beef Mince, which is hamburger to us in America.  Red Onions, a garlic bulb, loaf of White Bread, Tomato Sauce (Katsup)  red tomatoes, cucumbers, radishes, lettuce greens, it even had a bottle of white flour, one bottle of white sugar, one of salt, pepper... butter and get this:  BELL TEA BAGS!  A pan to boil water in and spoons, towels the WORKS!  JUST LIKE I USED TO TRAVEL WITH!

The winds settled down and the dark haired guy made mince patties, the blonde guy chopped red onions.  The Blond cut tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce and put it all into a plastic bowel.  Dripped Balsamic Vinegar over it and tossed it together.  Dark boy had 6 patties on that grill.  They smelled divine.  (I love the perfume of onions and chopped beef frying...)  

By this time I had finished my sandwich.  BOTH GUYS turned to me and asked:  "Ya gonna join us mate? 'cause if ya don't ya have no idea what Ur miss in.)  I said, " Well, yes if you have enough."  The dark head guy said: "We can't afford the eats around this place.  We are headin up to Paradise and Glenorchy... (TWO PLACES I LOVE)  ya wanna go with?"  OMG that is one time I thought to myself  yes I'd love to, but...)  

The meal they created was gourmet.  Grilled hamburger on white bread with Katsup, grilled onions, a salad to die for and even wine.  YES THEY HAD SHITTY CHEAP WINE!  

We talked about my many years coming to QT and how it was different in 1990 but some things have remained the same.  They said they would never come to America because we SHOOT PEOPLE WITH GUNS!  Their stories are worthy of a separate blog.   

After the meal they lite up a joint and cleaned up.  I told them to keep in touch and please enjoy every thing in Paradise.  (Paradise is where many movies are made. Long drive up the canyon.  The road was gravel when I came here.)

Synchronicity led me back into town and I figured I had best get a taxi home.  I did not go to the taxi stand.  For some reason I walked to the side of the Post Office.  There was a GREEN TAXI.  I tapped on the window inquiring if the lady inside was OPEN.  She smiled and said YES.  Where you going?

She was a joy.  Probably 40's but such a great smile.  Told her my address:  11 Panorama Place.  She did not know exactly where the address was so I guided her.  She stared telling me how she graduated with a degree in journalism and wanted to go to Europe.  (these are her very words and OMG I have used this description about myself when I was in my 20's trying to become a musician in Hollywood.)

"Ah!  I was not pretty enough, I was NOT BLOND enough"  I honestly said these words years ago over and over... She then told me that she had applied to be a Nanny and guess what?  she was able to travel all around Europe!"  She dropped me outside my house and I paid her plus gave her a small tip.  She grinned and said:  "You are a very fit man.  How old are you?"  I said old enough to be your father.  She said she never, ever knew her father!

 She gave me a pink rose!  I have it in my vase on the door.  I told her to spend the 3 dollars I gave her as a tip on a coffee or ice cream.  Well, today I am walking past the taxi stand and she is sitting in her green cab eating a gorgeous ice cream!

Follow your heart.  It works.

My Walk about

There is a small head stone in the QT park which haunts me.  Jazabella.  She loved Jazz and was very gifted dancer... as well as a free spirit.  I always place rocks, flowers things on her grave.

Falcon Scott was one of the great adventures of all time.  He sailed to Antarctica years ago and became a National Hero.  I love these words which are engraved on the monument honoring his life.

The pond in QT park.  Full of Lilly pads and ducks.  Lots of foi gra around the place!

Friends are best possible thing one can ever have..

Today we drove out to Alexandra to have lunch with a woman I have known for years.  She was my trainer here in NZ for years.  Karina is a powerful women.  Her partner Jimmy is an angel.  They moved from CH CH a year and a half ago to Alex.  They have a wee pet.  Charlie.  God he is priceless as well as being an amazing well behaved boy.  Jack Russell is his biological title, but he is more human than you can imagine.

The drive to Alex takes an hour.  We enjoyed the mountains, winery's, sky, the mighty rivers and most of all just TALKING.  When we arrived at Karina's and Jimmy's home I was gobsmacked at the gardens!  Gorgeous green lawns, bright roses, and all kinds of pots with herbs, veggies as well as cactus plants and "chickens and hen's" planted in rock walls.

We visited about everything possible then Jimmy prepared lunch!  The man can cook!!!  He made a gorgeous salad with herbs from their garden.  Broiled a perfect salmon.  The salmon melted in your mouth.  Fresh steamed carrots and lots of wine!

Karina had taken care of my plants during the past NZ winter.  They are healthy, happy and most of all BALANCED.  Plants are radar.  They will react to your every emotion.  (Especially Herbs).  I have witnessed a plant nearly die in the presence of a very negative and bad vibration which radiated from a person I thought was a perfect, talented, gifted human being...

I later discovered my estimation of the person was completely in error beyond words.  I planted a simple house plant in the garden window in the kitchen of my restaurant.  The plant became a giant.  I played music quietly for it every morning.  I sat beside it every night before going home... (drinking wine... not so good?)  The living energy of the plant was happy beyond words.  Well go figure!
I avoid anything negative around food.  No one should cook when in a hateful anger emotion.  It can taint food and every living thing within any life form that receives vibrations!

NOW the GREAT GIFT FROM JIMMY!  A gorgeous jar of marinated lemons!  OMG.  They are priceless.  Will post photos of the jar later.  You simply take a lemon out of the jar and tenderly with loving fingers and a very sharp knife slice a sliver from the rind.  The essence of the lemon is divine.
I have woven these strands together and they make a garnie on the top of any fish dish appear as if it were plated by the gods of food!
I have used the lemons from such an infusion on canned tuna fish.  Laugh it works!

Karina gave me a SUNFLOWER she had started from a seed.  I will plant it in the garden.  Over 20 years ago Michael's father helped me harvest sunflower seeds from plants I had planted in my herb garden.

Today was worth the trip to NZ!  Sweet dreams.

ENTRANCES AND EXITS...

The famous Bard... he answered many of life's questions within his poetry and understanding of the human element summed what our lives's really are.  He wrote some amazing plays.  I studied them at University years ago.  "As You Like It"  is a marvel.  From this play comes one of his most used phrases.

"ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE, AND ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN MERELY PLAYERS.  (ACTORS)  THEY HAVE THEIR EXITS AND THEIR ENTRANCES; AND ONE MAN IN HIS TIME PLAYS MANY P0ARTS, HIS "ACTS" BEING IN SEVEN AGES..."

I did learn about the 7 ages when I studied Shakespeare under Leland Monson at   Weber State University years ago.  They are:  INFANT, SCHOOL BOY, LOVER, SOLDIER, JUSTICE, OLD MAN, DEATH.  These are the 7 acts we perform in our lifetime on this planet.  I simplified the 7 acts to fit into my own  mind.  1. INFANCY 2. CHILDHOOD 3. ADOLESCENT 4. YOUNG ADULT 5. MIDDLE AGE 6. OLD AGE 7 DEATH...

I suppose my being 67 years old I am in the the 6th act going into the last act.

I know beyond imagination the year 2012 was a serious year because for the first time in 26,000 years our solar system aligned directly with the center of our galaxy.  The distance between our planet and the center of the Galaxy is app. 26,000 light years.  The average life span of the human body is 26,000 days.  the year 2012 was a wonderful year for me.  I overcame so many spiritual hang ups as well as other mental things such as silly dogmas I had implanted into my brain since childhood.

Last January I suffered a horrible depression.  One beyond words.  I had gone off my wellbuterin...  This is a wonder drug if you ever have feelings of suicide and helplessness beyond imagination.  I walked, I talked, I made music, I cried, I died... I admitted I had a diffiencity of dopamine.  I came right four weeks later...  much to the relief of myself and others that care about me.  These space suits we live in are not infallible.  There are those certain people that are born with the fact they WON THE DNA LOTTO!  I am not one of those special beings.

Watching precious Anne go through the endless stages of dementia I learn far too much about the human computer:  the Human Brain!

Anne crossed over to the other side Sept. 24th.  Very early in the morning.  I checked on her around midnight only to realize Michael came up after that and found she had left her body.  She was 95 and 1/2 year old.  She made a stunning ENTRANCE and LEFT THE EXIT IN A STATE OF GLORY.

I drove to Utah on June 18th.  First time in 28 years I have ever left my restaurant during the season.  I left the place feeling okay.  I had to go to Utah and care for my parents.  (When we arrived from NZ last year my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.)  I drove back from Utah three nights later.

The year 1013 I have suffered the worst asthma ttacks I have ever had.  I have been hospitalized two times...  but the flip side is:

I PERFORMED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MANY YEARS because a woman asked me to play before a live audience for the Star Valley Music Festival.  The recital was set for 2:00 pm.  I love to play in the afternoon.  My Carnegie Recital was at 2:00 PM 1990.  Good timing and it was.  The event was magic.  I saw students I had coached and taught years ago!  The letters after the concert were to deep for tears.

I did have lots of drama during the restaurant season... a young man had a heart attack one afternoon on my patio... I had to go out front in the restaurant and ask a few people to get the hell out of the place because of their disrupting other patons...  they were drunk and messed up as hell.  I never dreamed I had the balls to do such an act but I DID!  Why?  Most people that come to my restaurant drive long hours and miles.  They come because of a special occasion.  To have three people using filthy language and share their thoughts inside a small space was not good.  I got rid of the bad actors.

I have had dear friends leave partners they have known for years...  Some of these separations had been like shattered glass falling through my heart.

The closing day of the business I drove to Utah Sept. 30th.  I spent 10 days caring for my parents.  I suffered the most amazing healing process.  I experienced severe homesickness...  depression, anger, and I am blessed with aunts and cousins that care for me.  I called my cousin Shirley... my aunt Maryann... they helped me get through the dark space.  I drove home to WY and became myself.  I do not fare well in Utah.
Far too many dark memories.  Not ever so many things of the past but, I do KNOW GUILT AND FEAR BEGIN WITH FAMILY AND END WITH FAMILY.

REMEMBER WHEN EVER YOU GET ON A ELEVATOR THIS IS NO 13TH FLOOR.

More later.

At Last I Write...

The past 6 months have been unbelievable.

New beginnings, death, healing, adventures into all sorts of dramas.

The Nordic Inn celebrated a very successful season.  We closed September 29th.  The day after I drove to Utah to care for my parents.

I have all the details sketched  inside the pages of my journal so  can record everything of interest that has occurred the past weeks.

Just returned for NYC.  Drove on black ice from Idaho Falls to Alpine.  Not a good experience.  Made it home fine....  I do miss my mountains when I am away for a few days.

This week I will post a blog.

The insane yet the sane?

The flight back to America to say the least was eventful...  left Q/town fine but, the rest of the trip was an adventure I never dreamed possible.  First of all we never imagined Anne would be returning with us.  Three months ago we made arrangements for her cremation and thought we would strap her box of remains in the seat between us in her assigned seat on Qantas Air Lines.  Well, the universe came up with another plan.  The woman is 95 years old.  I cannot imagine living to be 95...  please shoot me in the head or give me those viles of morphine and stop feeding my body, there are by far worse things than death...

We made the 18 hours in the air not counting time inside airports. Thank God for Wheel Chairs and nice people that understand OLD PEOPLE...

Arriving in Utah I was shocked by the situation with my own mother and father.  After a few days in Utah Michael drove Anne back to WY.  I remained in Utah to help care for my mother and father.  The week Anne and Michael and Karyn were with me at my folks house my Aunt Edith passed away.  My father is not in any condition to attend a funeral.  I took my little mother to the viewing and grave side service.  I had nothing to wear except Levis and a black shirt.  THIS WILL SOUND TERRIBLE HOWEVER, THIS WAS ONE FUNERAL I ABSOLUTELY ENJOYED!  (I kinda want one like it.  I am not a lover of the drama of funerals...  CELEBRATE.)

I met up with cousins I have not seen or talked with  in over 45 years!!!  I adored my Uncle Melvin and Aunt Edith when I was a little boy and saw them many times into my 20's... then I lost touch except for reports via my parents.  The service was at the Farmington UT cemetery which I have known for ever.  My mother's baby sister was buried there years ago.  Both my Grandparents are buried there plus many Aunts and Uncles.

A perfect early Spring Time in The Rockies DAY!  Sunny skies with puffy white clouds.  Trees in blossom, green lawns and most of all the blessed energy that love and peace radiate.  I have never, ever met any of my Aunt Edith's grand children.  I was amazed to see bits and pieces of DNA living within a generation or two of bodies and minds I have not known existed.   Sure enough,
I could "see"  certain movements, eyes, grins, voices that are reflections of my early impressions of the people I loved as a little boy.  Mind you, all and most of the young people at the service were not even a DREAM WHEN I WAS BORN!!!

One of my aunt Edith's grand daughters sang AMAZING GRACE AC CAPELLA.  I love that hymn.
Aunt Edith's son Rodney spoke and one of her other grandsons gave a wonderful tribute.

After the service I walked around and laid my eyes upon the headstones of so many people I have loved.  I did not feel sadness.  My Grandma Keller and my Aunt Phyllis used to create such wonderful parties and celebrations for us grand children...  I kept looking up into the firmament...  I know they were all there along with so many others that have crossed over who I never met or known in my lifetime except for the stories told to me.

If it were not for my Aunt Mary Ann and Uncle Ski's daughter Debbie, mother and Brent would have ended up at the bottom of the Great Salt Lake.  Farmington has evolved into a city I no longer know.  Like the city I grew up in Clinton Utah.  There is nothing of my childhood's past left.  A SUPER WALL MART is on the 30 ac hers across from the little frame house I grew up in and that house GONE.  When my cousin Kris asked if some of us would go to lunch at a place in Farmington called CHOP STICKS???  Hell, I could not comprehend such a place.  When I was a kid it would have been the Farmington Soda Fountain in the Drug Store or in my 20's the Heidelberg Restaurant or????????

We had a joyful time.  Cousins I have not laughed with in ages.  The stories and laughs will forever be saved inside my mind and heart.  My mother was the 5th child of 10 children.  All that is left is:  my mother and her baby sister Mary Ann.  I adored every one of my mother's siblings.  8 girls and 2 boys.

At the CHOPSTICK PLACE my favorite cousin Shirley said:  YOU KNOW I TURNED 70?  What the hell,  I will forever know and see her as a vibrant young woman... BTW, she still is!  Then my mind went into ALERT...  I am 66.  I remember my father telling me about when he took the Bamburger Train from Sunset Utah to Farmington Utah in 1944-45.  My aunt Phyllis and Uncle Larry were living in a little house just below my grandparents and he saw a little boy and a cute little girl playing on the floor of the house.  He tells me all kinds of things in his state of dementia...  most of it it pretty accurate.

I will write about so many things that have occurred since I came home before opening...

Will open a week later this year.  THERE ARE REASONS FOR EVERYTHING.  I thought Memorial Day weekend was the last weekend in May...  Hell, I was never good at math.  REASON
I needed to spend 10 days caring for my parents in Utah and other situations.  It will work out fine.

Keep tuned.

The Hidden Pearl inside the OYSTER!!!

Leaving New Zealand for the 23rd year!!!

The past 5 months have been a most amusing time, space, era, what ever one wishes to name it.  I may write about it in the future but, for now:  NO.

A few years ago I could write about my having Cancer.  My Knee replacement... performing concerts... my hikes on planet earth I never dreamed of experiencing the beauty of such places within nature...  Learning spiritual in sites. Accepting my bodies physical being.  I have written about it in my past blogs over the years however, not tonight.  Possibly not ever.  WHY?

I have learned we can NEVER return to our past but, far into the future we will still LOOK BACK, until we UNDERSTAND all our many questions and somehow put them into words, music, paintings... then possibly, just maybe, we will still remain SILENT, BECAUSE THIS KNOWLEDGE WAS NOT MEANT TO BE SHARED!  
WE WILL KEEP IT HIDDEN LIKE A PEARL IN THE OYSTER OF OUR GRAY AND AGING HANDS...

I have lived inside the energy of many emotions, feelings, times with friends and family that are GONE!  They are dead.

They, all the people I have in the past loved and know, live inside my mind and heart.

NOW at 66 I have found new friends... people much younger than me.  They cannot ever know my friends and loved ones from my past that have died... but... just possibly I will live inside younger hearts and minds long after I am dead and gone.  They will remember the funny old man that............. the man that no one except those that have known me will be able to explain or better yet hold the memory of me within a certain sacred place hidden inside their hearts and minds.  A place they can laugh about or better yet eternally love.

Will post more after the trip home.

One Hell of a weird Day.

Today was a strange old day as they say.  I slept like a rock last night.  I finished watching a movie that I quite like:  THE WAY.  If anyone is familiar with tramping, hiking, walking... it is about one of the most famous walks on the planet.  One of those "Walks about SELF DISCOVERY type things".

Awoke feeling great.  Made one of my favorite breakfasts:  fried potatoes with onions and peppers... lots of ground salt and pepper.  Bacon, just the way I like it... two poached eggs on toast and cups of strong black coffee.

The day started going sour when I tried to down load the  HEAD LINE news from the States...  SLOW beyond imagination... I mean the WIFI was "struggling" like a person without arms or legs.
I was patient and forgiving.

My partner informed me that I had failed on keeping the house clean.  WTF!  By hell, I flew into super clean demon and began in the kitchen.  Microwave clean, STOVE DETAILED.  Scrubbed floor and bathroom off from the kitchen.  Cleaned dinning room.  Dusted and polished all the furniture in the Lounge and then plugged in the vacuum.  By God, this place looked as shiny as the head of a straight pin.

Then the drama with the airlines... finally have that sussed out.  Spent one entire hour on the phone dealing with this crap.  We were going to the gym and grocery, but Michael decided NOT.  I should walk down to the CBD of Q/town and purchase groceries etc...  Okay.  I love to walk.  He had his hand full of taking care of his mother and I needed to get out of the "CLEANING SYNDROME".

I have my back pack on my back where it belongs.  My dark glasses protecting my eyes, a warm jacket because it is cold...  walk down Panorama Place.  Panorama Terrace is a mess with the re surfacing of the old street after putting all the electric and telephone lines UNDER GROUND.  I have spoken to the very young blond man that is on the crew working on the project many times.  He told me to cross the road carefully and then be aware as I walked down Suburb street... it was covered in gravel.  I grinned and thanked him for his kindness toward me.  (I am 66 but I think I am 36)

I get to Suburb St.  OMG... my feet went flying from under my body and I landed on my right knee.
A huge semi truck was coming up the street... mind you, this is an extremely STEEP STREET.  A knee killer.  The truck could not make the incline.  It suddenly stopped.  At this point I am laying on the gravel thinking:  Okay, collect yourself into one heap and get on your feet... keep walking... but my right knew is 'wet'  blood...  no pain... no my left shoulder is screaming out with pain.

The driver of the semi was a big burly, hairy bear.  His wife a little waif of a person.  She is out directing traffic.  They asked me IF I was OKAY.  Being a strong young Mormon years ago I said: " Oh, yes!  I simply slid on the loose gravel.  I will be fine!"  The fat hairy driver said:  "This could have been really ugly.  The road is like driving on black ice..."  I reassured him I was fine.

I limped into town.  Went to 4 Square market.  Purchased items we needed.  Then walked into Henry's House of Spirits and Wines...  the gorgeous young Brazilian girl that works there said hello and how was I?  I said fine.  I am going to buy a bottle of RUA PINOT NOIR 2012.  I hobble to the row the wine is sitting on and she shrieks.  "WHAT?  YOU ARE LIMPING?  WHAT IS WRONG?"  Well, I told her I fell on some gravel.  She grabs my pant leg and lefts it so as to see the wound.  Hail Mary Full of Grace...  we had it fixed.  She said:  "Look YOU are one of my favorite customers... I want to buy you the bottle of RUA."  I said: "NO!  It is far to expensive."  She screamed "NO!"  If I were 30 years younger I would have made love to this woman every day of her life!

I take a cab home and of all the drivers i get my favorite young German Driver.  He gets me back to Panorama Place and lifts my groceries out of the back seat.  I walk into my studio and my I pad is making music?
WTF?  It took me an hour to get the thing back to I tunes the right way and cancel the playing of this wonderful but not needed music.

I pop two more tramadol pain pills...  I pour a glass of the gorgeous Pinot Noir and then crash bang out of the universe my knee starts to bleed...  well, excuse me, but what in holy hell is going on?

I cannot get on the Internet, I fall dead at walking... the entire day was OUT OF SORTS WITH ALL IT'S BITS AND PIECES!  Finally:  I made a plate of cheese and french bread...  my wine and I am fine.  I have dinner prepped.  Barbecue beef, coleslaw, and garlic bread.

Last night I finished watching THE WAY... maybe it had something to do with my WALKING and TALKING...  I do love that movie.  I have taken many walks on the wild side.  OMG possibly it is time for another walk... ALONE but with a lot of medication.  I do have some very kind GP'S.

Opening Concert of the NZSO was magic as always.  Will write about it soon.  It is raining.  I mean a very serious down pour.  Good thing for the gardens and the planet.

I recall once being told that sometimes there is nothing worse in one's life than the sensation of CRASHING into a LIMITATION!

Damn that fall...  I am fine now... thanks to Pain Pills and Wine... see you in my dreams.

Native Grass... don't smoke this stuff...

The joy of Tussock native grasses...  This native grass is called "rainbow grass".  When it grows into it's full glorious splendor it is amazing how it grasps sunlight, moonlight, starlight.  It catches the bellows of the wind within it's slinder arms as well as any of natures fragile breaths of air and it begins moving like waves on the ocean.   It is like music the celestial music of the universe.  I can sit for hours in the most peaceful meditative state of mind and body simply watching the rhythmic melody this angel floss dances to!

A very dear friend Karina made a road trip from Alexandra NZ to Q/TOWN NZ a few days ago.  We go way back many years ago.  She was my personal trainer.  The woman gave me shoulders in the day.
She also has a "gift" the Green Thumb.  She can take a suffering plant and bring it back to life.  We were chatting away over wine and snacks about pests like weeds and plants such as veggies and flowers.  She made a profound statement I hope to never forget:  " when it comes to green things growing you follow one rule:  IF YOU LIKE AND LOVE A CERTAIN THING THAT IS GROWING IN THE GARDEN, IT IS A PLANT, IF YOU HATE AND THINK IT IS A MESS IT IS A WEED!"  I love that.  I actually have certain plants some people tell me are weeds and I happen to think they are quite amazing!  Kinda like certain people and other things in our lives!

Autumn day out with the girls!

This photo was taken by a table attendant at Pier 19 Restaurant on the Queenstown Wharf March 20, 2013.   Every year Dr. Erin Elmore, Michael's only niece fly's all the way from NY, (very snowy winter weather in the USA) and spends two blessed weeks with us in beautiful Q/T, NZ.
(So no one becomes confused):  L. to R.  Brent, Willma Elmore, (Erin's aunt, best friend and most of all Willma is like a big sister to Erin.  Then ERIN!)  
I love these two women.  They both are savvy medicine women!

Willma's father was a prominent M.D. in Jackson Hole WY.  He is Erin's grandfather on her mother's side.  Erin's father was Michael's oldest brother's daughter.  Michael's brother was a very fine science teacher and loved chemistry.  Because of situations at the time when Erin was born she was adopted
by the Elmores.

Years ago, In The Day, as they say?  (who ever THEY ARE?)  Dr. Elmore was the man that saved many lives of people that lived on ranches, mountains and the valleys surrounding Jackson Hole.  He was the MD that delivered babies morning night and day.  He was the man that set broken bones from skiing accident and the drunken brawls inside some rough cowboy bars.  He was the surgeon called in the night to remedy a sudden appendectomy or heart attack.  He saved many a life within the arms of a very harsh and unforgiving space in the Rocky Mountains.  I know of two Doctors that did a similar thing in the Valley I live in.

HOW GENES REGENERATE AMAZES ME:  Willma and Erin are both in the Medical Profession.
Willma lives in Washington State, the North West. Erin lives in NY the East Coast.  I guess they hold down the two sides of that enormous span of land between the west and east coasts of America!  I am thrilled to be in the care of two people I trust with my life!

They kidnapped me two days ago and took me to a fabulous lunch... walk about town.  It was colder than a witch's you know what, but we had a great time.  I love it when family and friends spend time in a place I love and adore.  I also love my live in Alpine, WY.  The Snake River, the majestic Tetons, Yellowstone Nat. Park...  As Julie Andrews sings in the movie Sound of Music...
"I must have done something good in my childhood."....

Will write in a few days.

Summer in Queenstown, NZ

I took this photo yesterday as I was out walking along the shore of the lake.  I used the camera on my
I PAD.  I still struggle with it.  WHY?  I think the reason may be, I cannot see the screen in the bright sunlight and  most times I touch the WRONG button on the screen...  drives me crazy some days.
I did not bring my trust worthy old Kodak Digital camera to NZ this year.  Why would I if the I PAD has a camera, my cell phone has a camera?
Well, my Vodafone does NOT have a camera.  The phone works great, but it does not have many bells, whistles.    Main thing:  your getting a glimpse of summer from under your toes Feb. 2013.

Talk about summer... there are some great old photos posted on my http://www.brentjohnston.info/ of the quartet when we were playing the MUSIC UNDER THE STARS every Sunday evening from July into August.  The six Sunday evenings were magical nights full of moonlight, stars, pine song and laughter.

I will forever love making music with my best friends and seeing people dancing, and mind you some of the couples dancing were amazing! I should have called the talent scouts for DANCING WITH THE STARS!  

Lots of  nice people simply relaxing in their seats tapping their hands and feet to the beat of the music and some people actually sang the words to many of the songs!

Everything within our life has it's time and season.  The years of the MUSIC UNDER THE STARS ended when I simply could not do it any longer.  Cooking over a 100 Sunday Brunch meals, then setting up for the concert... then putting energy into a performance and cleaning up after the event it was all so good until my body decided to put the brakes on the entire act.

I had no idea I had cancer...  I've learned a big lesson in life:  NO MATTER WHAT YOU MAY THINK:  YOUR SPACE SUIT WILL DICTATE WHEN, HOW, IF YOU DO CERTAIN THINGS!

Every season always ignites memories of things past.  Summer.  The years I lived for the summer camping events.  The times I spent camping out along the shores of the Great Salt Lake.  The summer I spent at Manhattan Beach in California with a person I was madly in love with at the time!  The summer I planted a garden beyond belief.  The summer I attended the Teton Music Festival in JH WY not ever imagining I would be living there one day!  The summers I spent on Antelope Island hiking from the east shore line over the peak to the western shore line...

Years ago I was the musical arranger and director for Ricky Tanner.  We had been blest with great success with his first album... A RIVER OF SONG... decided to make a Christmas Album.  We did it at Bonneville Recording Studios in SLC, UT in JULY.  I would spend all day in the recording studio playing, mixing, splicing, making dramatic changes here and there... walk out of the studio into brilliant hot sunshine at 8 PM... get this:  I had been working on Silent Night, Winter Wonderland, Jingle Bells... WHAT?  It worked I love this recording.  Thousands of people still play it over and over.  You can find it on line:  RICKY TANNER...

I am effected in summer by the month of July.  Most of my dearest friends have died in July.
One person that is very close and dear to me, my brother was born in July.  Another man that I adore was born in July yet, I always suffer great loss in July.   I thank my lucky stars I have to work my guts out in July!  It is the peak of my season at Brenthoven's, The Nordic Inn.  We are busy then.

I have proven that WORK can help heal many problems.  At times when I become anxious or depressed:  I get to work.  Do something that needs attending to and if not that then get out and WALK.  DON'T TALK just WALK...  I always feel good after I get to work or take the big walk.

In about a week we have family coming over all the way from NY and WASHINGTON STATE!  
It will be joyous because summer will still be with us.  When we return to the states the end of April, autumn and winter are entwined in a most interesting adventure here in NZ.  You can wake up to snow.  You can wake up to rain.  You can awaken to gorgeous autumn light and hot days... just like the northern hemisphere.

I have to get up stairs.  I have a meat loaf and scallop potatoes in the oven!  I know, we should be eating a salad because it is summer, but comfort food does work.  We all need a bit of comfort so after dinner I will watch a favorite movie...  read until I drift into dream land and thank the heavens I am where I am and that I well.  Summer is heavenly beyond imagination for me...

The new site...

Okay, a picture is worth about a thousand words?  you can all go figure.

Check out the slide show on the new site... http://www.brentjohnston.info/

Also a new you tube...  The Shepard Boy composed by Grieg...

Weather is still gorgeous in Q/town...  summer is heaven and I do not mind one moment of being physically toooooo warm...  hell, I'd rather be warm than cold.  Been cold too many times in my life.

Have tons of things going through my head right now.  Will sort them all out and write something worthwhile soon.

Sometimes I think my brain may go insane and simply explode... the damn thing wears me out.

In a few moments I'll have a glass of gorgeous pinot noir and make dinner...  only thing that frustrates me is: at times my brain goes into a total state of no recall... probably because I DO NOT WANT TO ACTUALLY RECALL THE SITUATION OR MEMORY.

The imprints made within our (brain-computers) are quite amazing and they seem to influence our next life times...  gotta watch out for what we think about at times... the future is an adventure only one person at a time can experience.

We all are INDIVIDUAL beings of light and energy.  We think we are as one.  NOT.  We are individual specks of life and we have our own personal karma as well as reasons for living and then dying.  Pretty exciting!  Most of all it is magic.

some sunshine...with loving touch

I do believe I have crossed over from depression into a balanced sunny place that does not require understanding.  It is what it is.

Today I walked out on Gorge Rd.  to my Doctor's office.

I have a shot around the 14th of every month.  He gives a good "JAB"... it does not hurt.  It is almost like one of those nasty sexual comments:  OH!  IS IT IN?  I never need a band aid.  he is a kind and brilliant man.  I only wish the world had more people like him.

Came home in a taxi.  Had all kinds of plans for a lovely dinner because it is Valentine's Day.  Lost interest...  I made beef rissoles, vegetables, breads and butter...  tomorrow I will pull all the stops out and light fire to something magical or else drastic.  Heeeee

My engineers are working on a new site called http://www.brentjohnston.info/    I am having a great time with it.  Some of the photos are priceless to me.  It is a work in Progress.

Tomorrow will be gym, then a coffee and sandwich at the Coffee Club in Frankton... collect items at the grocery store and then home for my massage with Sonya.  I don't do the whole body massage anymore.  I like my neck, shoulders, hands, feet worked over and over with reflexology... Sonya has been touching my body from head to toe for over 15 years!  She has watched this space suit evolve in ever so many ways.  She is a healer.

After our RUB we always have a wine with some great cheeses and breads.  We catch up on each other's lives and most of all enjoy the cozy comfort of being friends.  God, Friends are amazing.  If you need a massage Sonya will be there.  (her flight will cost you a fortune!  but, it is well worth it.)

Piotr Anderszewski ?

This man  PIOTR ANDERSZEWSKI,  is one of my favorite pianists.  That is why I posted his interview regarding performance anxiety.

Performance angst has literally murdered many a great performance of great music.  A pianist performing a recital is a vessel through which music is channelled...  being alone on a huge stage can be indescribable.  One walks out and sits before a huge instrument... the piano.  Your voice is released through your fingers, body language and silences.

The possibility that you may make a mistake, miss a "Que" when a certain Harmonic leading tone will transpose you to the next musical passage...  I for one hate the fearful drama.

Years ago I thrived on it.  Performing was like a drug.  I needed the approval of applause, adoration, simply being one with my ego?  In later years I discovered that I had a "musical past" being a pianist.  Could I perform up to the glorious moments of my past?   The doubt, questions and fears gradually begin seeping into moments of my then current performances.

Up until I turned 55 years of age...  then I began to realize one thing:  I had an audience of young people.  Young musicians that expected perfection and confidence from the moment I set foot on that stage.  The responsibility became over whelming at times.  I spent a fortune on hypnosis.  I guess it helped, but I still had these ghosts that whisper:  YOU WILL FAIL, haunting my mind and body, most all my very nerve endings.

20 years ago they started giving drugs for such anxiety.  Enderil?  I cannot recall the name of the drug.  I think it was used as a beta blocker.  Ages ago I took one before a recital only to feel "OUT OF IT"

OMG, I would have been better off if I had toked a joint!  There is one drug that does help:  XANEX.
I know it is addictive?  Well, so it milk, Advil, Alcohol and a few other things that are approved to be fine for the entire human race.  Taking a very tiny bite of Zanex has helped me with many performances within the past 10 years.  It has also kept me from killing some people I know...  NO  YOU  DO  NOT  TAKE  IT EVERYDAY... only when performing or ready to KILL.

I can imagine what a surgeon must feel every time a body is laid on the operating table and it comes down to LIFE OR DEATH?   Those men and women have hands made of gold and minds that can let go of so many mistakes as well as the most successful moments.

I know that there are times when I am cooking... (again the use of the hands, like musicians, surgeons, painters... writers...) and I fail to make something perfect.  Usually my hands, heart and mind signal me screaming:  DON'T SERVE THAT!

I can stop and RE-MAKE the plate.  Re cook the steak... but when one is on a stage  NO YOU FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT.  Like being naked in front of the entire universe!  Fine, if you are one of those people that won the DNA LOTTO  you will look so great no one will care what you sound like...!

In all reality we all do this with our lives.  We try to live it, but there are times we fake it and eventually the damn thing works.

I love Piotr's piano playing and his music touches me in places I must go at times.  He is a most honest man!  Hope I am.

http://crosseyedpianist.com/2012/04/15/piotr-anderszewski-and-the-loneliness-of-performance/

http://crosseyedpianist.com/2012/04/15/piotr-anderszewski-and-the-loneliness-of-performance/

past blogs

I have taken the time to re read some of my past blogs.  One of my favorites: Friday, Jan. 30, 2009.
The Ensemble.   Those years were magic beyond belief for me and my music.

update on my veggie garden...

If one looks back on the original garden... it was dirt.  NOW:  lettuces, cabbages, red and green, squash, carrots, tomatoes...  It is still summer in NZ...  Come end of April when we leave it will be autumn.  The neighbors will have lots of goodies from the harvest.  We will eat plenty of healthy foods from this garden.

Today was sunshine and roses.  Tonight will be just like the old song:  Moonlight and Roses.
Had a long, long walk today.  Lots of gorgeous bodies laying beside the lake and on the lake.  Tons of people eating ice cream and cold drinks.  I sat on a bench eating my sandwich... sipping coffee and thanked the universe for all the many times I have taken off my clothes, jumped into cold lakes, streams and most of all I was always so excited for sunshine.  The endless times I simply went from sunshine into night and sometimes forgot morning!  (I usually had a serious headache in the mornings after??!!)

All things considered life is fantastic.  I am very happy to be 66 and enjoying good health.  I have finally come to peace with the past and hope to find peace with the future.  A kind word and Smile do wonders for my soul.  Today walking along the beach so many foreigners would smile and say "HI" as they walked by.  I smiled back and thought of all the kind things people have ever given me.  Most of all understanding and smiles.

Must water the garden!  FULL MOON TONIGHT.  I will be up all night.  The full moon is like a powerful stimulant that feeds my spirit.  It pulls me out of any bad mood or depression I may be living in.  LUNA.
I am the Man That Fell In Love With The Moon...

Feeling much better

Ah, I think I am restored somewhat to my normal (what in hell normal is?) self.  I have been in a horrible FUNK.  Depressed... then happy...  anxious about nothing and then exhausted.  I hate it when my brain chemicals drop head first into the basement of despair.

I am a "sensitive".  That can be a difficult blessing or a dreadful curse.  I learned 60  years ago how to draw a circle of invisible light energy around my body that would protect me from outside emotions.  Emotions are pure energy and every emotion is felt because of a chemical reaction to some kind of action.  Emotions have vibrations and color.  They can guide us or destroy us.  Music, art, poetry, literature, dance, drama have all played a very important part in saving me from my self.  WHY?

When I was a little boy music became my "voice".   I learned how to use it and it's force has forever been the blessed olive branch between my mind and heart.  I can sit with a musical score and marvel at it's code of dots, horizontal and vertical lines, spaces and mathematics that give birth to sound, color and emotion.  I relate music completely with nature.  Nature is pure music to my mind, heart and spirit.
Even as I am composing this blog post I am listening to Debussy.

The past few days my body and mind and heart have been out of tune.  I have simply not been tuning the instrument!  I allowed far too many outside vibrations to set of a dissonance I could not understand.
I could not stand the sound of it inside my sacred space.  The dissonance was screaming negative sounds that have no meaning except separation, anger, fear and the most dreadful thing in the world to my way of thinking: helplessness.

I could not sleep last night.  I chased my damn pillow around the bed 100 times.  I strangled myself with my sheets, I rolled on my right side, I rolled to my left side.  I tried laying on my back, stomach and finally got out of bed, walked up the stairs to the upper level of the house.

Opened the door into the garden.  The firmament was breath taking!  The milky way a highway paved with diamonds.  The Southern Cross gleamed like a sacred icon from the most sacred cathedral in the universe... a melody started faintly playing inside my brain... a little melody I learned as boy in one of my piano method books!  I started laughing and then I felt tears on my cheeks.  Tears are jewels.  I know for a fact that when I am distressed IF I get in the truck and start driving and then crying I feel fantastic.  They seem to release all kinds of unsay able things.  Tears are rivers of RELEASE.

I walked around the garden in my bare feet absorbing the dew on the grass, inhaling the scent of early morning light.  Magic.  It worked... a healing beyond explanation.  I'm good today.  OMG, I may do something creative and fun before tomorrow!

My distress... My angst?

I am living with a situation some people have lived with and some have not a clue what I will be writing about.

When and IF?  one's body, the physical body lives beyond it's DNA at times the mind can out live the body?  NO...  One cannot live without the other.  I am living with a 95 year old woman that only wants to go home?  She is completely helpless..  She has not any recall of her immediate family, friends or life the past 90 years.

I am watching her only living son go through hell...  he cares for her beyond anything I would ever do for my parents without the help and need of some care giver.  I do not, and mind you, I do not mean I do not LOVE MY PARENTS BEYOND WORDS...  I simply would and could not do what he is doing.   I do not change underpants very well... I do not put on make up, I do not dress and take care of women.  My sisters can and would.  I cannot.   His anger and frustration drives me into distraction.  At times I say things and then I listen to how rotten I am?  I will try to help beyond making meals and doing laundry etc.  only to be told I am not nice?  Dementia/ the other disease he will not speak a word about  It is a word that he will not accept help with or discuss... It lives within the world I am living and breathing within.

One thing:  I dumped so many things regarding religion 1000 years ago...  I believe in KARA MA.  Most of the people that are in my life are because of something I did in a past lifetime or I will do in this life time do to balance help some of the ?????? guilt? Karmic justice?  what ever.

I learned 30 some odd years ago that the people I meet up with during my lifetime are for a reason.  I know that some are what I refer to as STAR SEED CHILDREN of MINE.  They are very precious spirits I knew and still KNOW from many other lifetimes and the thing that startles my spirit:  they KNOW ME.  I KNOW THEM.  I will never be able to live without them.  I have 3 precious beings STAR SEED PERSONS...  THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE... and they will take care of me when I fall apart... god willing I do not loose my damn mind!

When I was 14 years old my piano teachers had known me in another lifetime.  I fell in love with mystic love affairs that were from past lifetimes...  I met people that guided me into places from all over the planet to near by places where I grew up because of one thing:  they simply did not know they were taking me into places and situations I had to experience in this life time.  I learned years later THEY knew somethings I never could have imagined at the time, in the 60's???

During the years I studied piano with a very old teacher he always said:  YOU ARE A VERY OLD SOUL INSIDE A NEW BODY?  WTF?  I would ponder on this when I was 16 years old...  I read "The Prophet" by Gilbran...  This little book has kept me alive for more lifetimes than I will ever be able to explaine.  I would and cannot ever go anywhere one earth without it. The book.  I composed a piece of music for the man and his words.  Go to my youtube side at the bottom of this blog... you can hear what I think of the man and his words and art.  I kind of knew what he was talking about... then years later I honestly knew.  Children COME THRU YOU  THEY ARE NOT OF YOU...  parents must learn and know this fact.  how right is that?

My Grandmothers were not a mistake in my life.  They knew things my mother only now knows.  They knew how to care and love.  THEY DID NOT JUDGE because they knew how to live without hate and angst toward any one. I grew and learned how to hate  men with priesthoods, politics, ego and most of fears fear in and of itself.  WOMEN have always know the TRUTH.  They have always known Forgiveness, and they they have known love beyond the stars.

No matter how one may blame their parents, mother, father, for all of their situations.............. they, the parents,  really did the best they could and most of all SO DID YOU and ME!   If one can survive their parents they have over come GUILT, FEAR AND MOST OF ALL ANGER.  Fathers and some mothers can become bigotted and hateful for no other reason than fear and anger.  Kiss the day goodbye.  The gift was ours to borrow.  We did what we had to do...  will write a fun blog in a few days.  Death seems to be hanging over my life right now...  guess that is why I love 6' Under.  Kiss today goodbye.

the new garden... Veggies... whooeeee