My distress... My angst?

I am living with a situation some people have lived with and some have not a clue what I will be writing about.

When and IF?  one's body, the physical body lives beyond it's DNA at times the mind can out live the body?  NO...  One cannot live without the other.  I am living with a 95 year old woman that only wants to go home?  She is completely helpless..  She has not any recall of her immediate family, friends or life the past 90 years.

I am watching her only living son go through hell...  he cares for her beyond anything I would ever do for my parents without the help and need of some care giver.  I do not, and mind you, I do not mean I do not LOVE MY PARENTS BEYOND WORDS...  I simply would and could not do what he is doing.   I do not change underpants very well... I do not put on make up, I do not dress and take care of women.  My sisters can and would.  I cannot.   His anger and frustration drives me into distraction.  At times I say things and then I listen to how rotten I am?  I will try to help beyond making meals and doing laundry etc.  only to be told I am not nice?  Dementia/ the other disease he will not speak a word about  It is a word that he will not accept help with or discuss... It lives within the world I am living and breathing within.

One thing:  I dumped so many things regarding religion 1000 years ago...  I believe in KARA MA.  Most of the people that are in my life are because of something I did in a past lifetime or I will do in this life time do to balance help some of the ?????? guilt? Karmic justice?  what ever.

I learned 30 some odd years ago that the people I meet up with during my lifetime are for a reason.  I know that some are what I refer to as STAR SEED CHILDREN of MINE.  They are very precious spirits I knew and still KNOW from many other lifetimes and the thing that startles my spirit:  they KNOW ME.  I KNOW THEM.  I will never be able to live without them.  I have 3 precious beings STAR SEED PERSONS...  THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE... and they will take care of me when I fall apart... god willing I do not loose my damn mind!

When I was 14 years old my piano teachers had known me in another lifetime.  I fell in love with mystic love affairs that were from past lifetimes...  I met people that guided me into places from all over the planet to near by places where I grew up because of one thing:  they simply did not know they were taking me into places and situations I had to experience in this life time.  I learned years later THEY knew somethings I never could have imagined at the time, in the 60's???

During the years I studied piano with a very old teacher he always said:  YOU ARE A VERY OLD SOUL INSIDE A NEW BODY?  WTF?  I would ponder on this when I was 16 years old...  I read "The Prophet" by Gilbran...  This little book has kept me alive for more lifetimes than I will ever be able to explaine.  I would and cannot ever go anywhere one earth without it. The book.  I composed a piece of music for the man and his words.  Go to my youtube side at the bottom of this blog... you can hear what I think of the man and his words and art.  I kind of knew what he was talking about... then years later I honestly knew.  Children COME THRU YOU  THEY ARE NOT OF YOU...  parents must learn and know this fact.  how right is that?

My Grandmothers were not a mistake in my life.  They knew things my mother only now knows.  They knew how to care and love.  THEY DID NOT JUDGE because they knew how to live without hate and angst toward any one. I grew and learned how to hate  men with priesthoods, politics, ego and most of fears fear in and of itself.  WOMEN have always know the TRUTH.  They have always known Forgiveness, and they they have known love beyond the stars.

No matter how one may blame their parents, mother, father, for all of their situations.............. they, the parents,  really did the best they could and most of all SO DID YOU and ME!   If one can survive their parents they have over come GUILT, FEAR AND MOST OF ALL ANGER.  Fathers and some mothers can become bigotted and hateful for no other reason than fear and anger.  Kiss the day goodbye.  The gift was ours to borrow.  We did what we had to do...  will write a fun blog in a few days.  Death seems to be hanging over my life right now...  guess that is why I love 6' Under.  Kiss today goodbye.