First big snow fall

I awoke to a winter wonderland this morning. It has not really stopped snowing on and off all day. Tomorrow hopefully the
roads will be plowed enough to drive to Utah. I may take my laptop to NYC with me this year so as to blog and keep up on
e mails. We will see come morning!
Get to packing Brent!
These photos were taken from my bedroom window mid morning today!

The Little Red Truck

For years we have talked about purchasing a used pick up truck for carrying lumber, garbage, equipment and other big stuff...
End of August I mentioned it to one of my girls that helps me cook as well as waits tables in my restaurant. She became all excited and said,
"I want to find this for you! You want a Toyota. It is the best. My brother knows where and what to look for." I trust this woman with my life because she is a dear friend as well as a honest, loyal employee.
Sure enough she found me a truck within hours. I wrote at check for a hefty sum of money and she drove to Idaho Falls where she would purchase the truck! She came flying into the parking lot of the business around 11:30 PM on September 1. Well here it is! I love it. See, if you live long enough you are supposed to get everything you ever wanted plus maybe some extra things you don't even know your gonna get! Liza M. sings a song that goes something like: "I met a man he drives a
truck. He's mighty dumb but he sure can - - - -......DRIVE!" Well, I did not get a dumb man with the truck, but it sure can drive.

The next photo is of the flower box on my patio dining area. Had to pull the gorgeous things yesterday. Sad, but fall time is turning into snow later tonight...

physio therapy

Last February in Queenstown, New Zealand I was working out at the QT Gym, doing skullies on about the forth rep I felt a
pain beyond words. It was if someone had stabbed my elbow with a butcher knife. Since that afternoon I have never been without pain... Four doctors have X-rayed my elbow... Arthritis, etc. etc. etc. finally I went to a phyiso therapist. Know one will believe it, but they discovered that I have torn a part of the triceps... three heads on the large muscle. I am finally finding relief and yes, I am taking a powerful anti-inflammatory drug, however with the therapy I will be able to play again and even lift weights. Amazing. I am learning that at the age of nearly 62 one does not lift nearly 30 pound dumb bells over one's head without injury... Listen to your body and act your age!

Boise

Boise Idaho is one of my favorite places on earth! Possibly because of such priceless artistic friends and the young people I have the blessing of coaching when I am at my dear friend Shirley T's home. The walls are covered in art work. Oil paintings created by her friends as well as photos and mementos of outstanding musicians. She has bits and pieces of Native American Indian influences every where the eye can see. She is one of the angels on this planet and is willing to share with so many.

I arrived on Friday afternoon. Early that evening she had 7 of her painting friends and their husbands in for a lovely meal. Two students performed and then I played. What a celebration. After everyone left Shirley and I sat up with a bottle of Pinot Noir
Wine, my favorite wine, and talked until three in the morning! I had to be up and ready at 10 AM for my first master class.
After coaching four wonderfully talented pianists. Shirley took me to one of my favorite restaurants for lunch. Back to her home where I gave two private piano lessons to outstanding young men. I had a massage scheduled at 4:30 with a man that has magic hands. Barley made it to the appointment but as always Bert released so much tension and erased pain that has been plaguing me in my right leg. Enough! We headed home made sandwiches coffee and relaxed. As the evening unfolded we poured more wine and cheese, jumped from one subject to the other and ended up being up until nearly 2:30 AM!

Sunday had my horoscope read by Clinton. Always a insightful and "wake up call" regarding who I am and where I am going. After the 3 and a half hour session with him off to the Mall. Dinner at a wonderful restaurant and again chatter and bonding until the wee hours of the morning. Monday morning off to the Air Port. Flew from Boise to SLC and then into IF.

I may be selfish but I treasure these events where I can be totally me and not worry about what I look like or say as well as be in complete harmony with my spirit. I am a blest man. Thank you Shirley.

Past, Future...

Finally, closed the business Sunday evening. September 30th. 2007 proved to be one of our biggest seasons ever. My body tells me it was enormously hard work! Operating a fine restaurant is like producing a broadway play... There are many players behind the scenes that make the events on stage possible. Candles have to be changed, flowers arranged, table clothes and silver cleaned, orders for products must be made in time for delivery when the food is fresh and can be prepared for the day it is to be served. Food items, dishes washed and polished, salads made, food prepped and the list is endless however, when everything is in sync it becomes a magical symphonic performance that can rival most Broadway plays.

Within every working kitchen you will find each worker sharing his and her personal dramas which runs the gamut of emotions. Love affairs, anger with parents, headaches, financial problems, political and religious differences the list is endless.
My little space becomes a rollicking universe of love, an emotional roller-coasters that can change within a heart beat and lots of laughter and the tears.

For the past few days I have worked hard cleaning, sorting out products, saying goodbyes, and thinking that I have to to get
into my other lifestyle! I will fly to Boise Idaho tomorrow. There I will coach two find pianists for performances and perform a master class. Spend time with a dear friend and healer. I am trying desperately to make friends with a man named: MR. Arther
Itis.
My left elbow is ruining my life. I cannot play at times because of the severe pain. I will find a cure or way to deal with
this bastardly curse! Today I will find my batered suit case, pack some music, note paper and pens, chargers for cell phone, I Pod, and find my camera. Toss in the pills for pain, a change of undies and begin a life that I love so much, sharing music and helping others to love and understand the language it speaks to our hearts, minds and spirits.

Off to NYC end of the month! The autumn colors are gorgeous. Temps are quite cool, but the autumn light is a blessing.

taking a break

Finally the last of the big bookings are over. Business has slowed to a relaxed pace. One I can live with forever!
I am taking a short break from my blogging. Will resume posts as of September.

Out of July, into August

I thank the blessed universe that I am out of the month of July. Today is the first day of August and in three weeks
part of my kitchen help will be back in school. Half way through the season. Everyday I gaze into my garden window in
my restaurant kitchen blessing all the tiny rocks, icons, gargoyles and plants. Even the plants began feeling the stress
of July and started diseases... They are healing as of this moment. Whoee. What a month it has been. More will follow in
another blog. Gotta get to work.

Shakespeare in the Parks

Tonight we are hosting Montana State Universitie's Summer Theater presentation: "Shakespeare in the Parks". Should be
fun IF the rains don't wash away the thespians. Interesting thing: They are not performing a play by Shakespeare
but rather a Bernard Shaw play!

I remember a hundred years ago being in the Greek Summer Festival at what was then Weber State College. I was 21 and
full of cum and not to many brains! But loved the theater. We act the roles and parts we are given every day of our lives.
We have a full house tonight. Lots of dinners. Things are smoothing out. Can't wait to get into August.

July Maddness...

In my life July seems to always translate into major breakdown or emotional and physical melt down. Problems with staffing, fatigue, heat and always the passing over to the other side of friends and family members.

Sunday, July 15 was my third night of Music Under The Stars. Bryan, (bass player) was able to perform with us. He had been in ICU for days on end but miracles do happen and he is home and was able play the entire gig with the quartet. Alan's wrenched back had come right so he was able to blow his horn like an angel and Stoney was spot on with the drums. Brent was all over the place! I did not feel right late in the afternoon when I was setting up my piano and amps. I had all the prep done, but was so very tired. Well, at the end of the night I fell apart. I was burned out. Everything was pushing me over the top. I cancelled the next three performances. Put a announcement in the paper on Monday the 16, 2007 that there would be no more concert/dance nights. A big decision for Brent!

I have known most of my life that improper diet, lack of sleep and exercise can take me down faster than a speeding bullet! There have been far too many situations occur this July that were beyond my control and it served as a 'wake up call' to STOP some of the many things I have been doing.
Years ago I could work 15 hours, day and night. Party forever, work out, practice piano, read tons of books, take my walks up the river and feel great! This year has been different! Could it be the fact I am getting older? Somethings that used to drive me into distraction do not even phase me anymore, and other things that never had any effect on my well being drive me crazy at times!

Things are mellowing out. I do have great help in my restaurant. I am able to come up to the house in-between shifts and nap, play my piano or go for a long walk before returning to "Brenthoven's Restaurant" until midnight.

My mother came through her surgery beautifully. So many young people have died in accidents this month, as well as a war than never ends... Global warming? OMG this is one of the hottest months on record. Forest fires are burning across the western states like a cancer totally out of control! The lies and BS out of Washington DC is disgusting beyond belief, but the stars are still in place and the moon and it's cycles are in sync. I know August and Sept. will be easier work months and then I spend a few days in Boise Idaho making music. Fly to NYC with friends and make music in Oct. My beloved New Zealand will draw me into her loving arms in December and as the song plays on I will be a part of it's melody... When Bryan was at deaths door in the ICU in Idaho Falls I called on a very special friend to do some spiritual healing work for him. It seemed to have worked! My new recording is selling at a steady pace and miracles are happening all around me, even as I write!

When things slow down a bit, I will write more about the healing episode! Gloria Gaynor sang the longest song in disco history: "I Will Survive" Well, I think I just may survive to tell it all.

If music be the food of love, then why am I still cooking?

Because, making delicious, sensuous, nutritious food is exactly like making delicious, sensuous life giving music. Same elements... like making soups. You begin with a lusty bass, be it a vegetable or meat stock, then add a thrilling Tenor that can be meat, vegetables, the Altos sing in a deep throated vibrato of curry, tarragon, rosemary, garlic sometimes basil and other herbs, then you give it the high tones, the sparkling Soprano touch, heavy cream, a dash of red or white wine, possibly fresh green onions and minced garlic or shredded cheeses, sometimes fresh parsley does the trick. All four parts must sing in perfect symphonic harmonics in order for the effects of subject matter, (melody) Harmony (overtones that resonate) color and timber
the thing that catch the eye and heart as well as scent... Ahhhhh the magic of scent. Food radiates a perfum that touches the senses in different ways for each individual person.

This photo was taken by my table attendant yesterday after lunch. I look like I am dazed, possibly drunk on not having enough sleep, but I am happy and NOPE! I am far from being drunk!

Endless days and nights

Have been working night and day. Go to bed 'round 1:00 AM set alarm for 6:30 AM. Stagger around for the coffee maker.
Yesterday cooked over 100 plates and ran out of food...
Father's Day was a hugh brunch and I swear every glass, cup, plate, and piece of flat wear have been washed and polished.
Today will be slower... Make orders, clean stove, clean behind grill, and take a long nap this afternoon before going back at
5:00 PM. I like what I do or else I sure as hell would not be doing it. It kind of amazes me that I am able to do what I have been doing half of my life: Enjoying Healthy Stress Levels!
Will post some photos of the Iris and Lupin. The Lark Spur and Red Rocket wild flowers are gorgeous.
Gotta get off the butt and get to work. Your welcome for breakfast as well as lunch or possibly dinner. The lamb or cod are
to die for!
I'm outta here...

The Value of Playing a Musical Instrument

Playing any musical instrument is a way of hands on exploration of the fabric of the universe.
You will discover more about yourself from the daily discipline of practice than any other ritual
or method of fulfillment. You will discover your levels for patience, forgiveness, endurance and
your capacity for experiencing bliss!

Learning to tune the instrument will teach you even more about yourself. Creating and making your
own instrument is the ultimate joy.

I know men that have made amazing dulcimers, drums, harpsichords and horns from natural and
recycled materials. I saw a man in Mexico playing an instrument he had fashioned from a tuna fish
can and guitar strings.

Be it piano, guitar, harmonica, violin or the human singing voice, you are in for a spiritual, expressive
and humbling process. A process that can only give value to your life.

Experiment, touch and listen to instruments. You will find one that expresses you and that part of your
inner soul only the language of musical sound can express.

I know, I know, this all sounds like: "Go blow your horn!", "Follow your own drummer..." "Sing like
no one is listening..." but, making music is a way of integrating one's physical, mental and invisible
parts into one beautiful mind.

Drums

When I turned 40 I wrote a book titled, "A Self-Help Guide for Men Over Forty". I never pursued the effort of having it printed except at my own expense and handed it out to various friends. This evening I was cleaning out my computer desk and in one of my files I discovered a copy of this catalog for men in search of their maleness and self-discovery (as I referred to it at the time I was writing it.)
Well, I began scanning the pages and realized so much of what I had written 20 years ago was still a big part of my on going saga of self-discovery so I have decided to re-write some of the articles in my blog for the next few days. One subject that I
loved was called DRUMMING.

Drumming was one ritual I refused to experience for years. When I finally opened up to the idea it opened a secret place in the heart of a very angry and confused young boy. That boy was me at 40 years of age!

Years ago I attended a conference for men where various workshops, excellent speakers and many tools were presented that would allow a middle aged man to feel comfortable with his maleness. The conference was in Colorado. Sweat Lodges, Group discussions and exercise in Ti Chi and Yoga were on the menu of events.

One evening I was invited to participate in a drumming ceremony. I dressed in cut-offs and a tank-top. The night air was pristine, fragrant with wild flowers and pine. Eight men sat around a roaring fire as the instructor gave a short demonstration on the art of beating a drum. Then came the moment of truth. Each man took a drum in hand and began beating any rhythm he sensed as well as chanting and singing in strange melodies... This was everything I considered bordering on insanity!

Suddenly I was up in the circle beating my drum and humming to myself as the fire and night sky melted into one event.
Then it happened. I began making a strange crying sound from deep inside my guts. I was beating the drum to a pattern of beats that were streaming up and outward from my solar-plexus. I sang, danced and made sounds I thought unimaginable.

After the drumming I wandered off into the hills. Laying on my back against the cool earth and starring into the firmament of sparkling stars I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. My body was still thrumming with the vibrations of the drum-dance experience.

I have no desire to analyze this experience. It is sacred to me and I found it healed something that for years I was not able to put into language. It may not be the right thing for everyone. I did it with no intention of finding enlightenment of any value. No doubt the workshops, group encounters had some impact on me but the drumming was the highlight of the conference.

I found that after years of beating myself up emotionally, the beating of a drum felt so much nicer and answered things I did not understand. Follow your own drummer...You will be happy you did. Be aware that the beating on the skin of the drum can drive some people crazy, so be kind to your neighbors and friends by beating your drum privately where no one will be upset with your ceremony. (OMG, this sounds so sexual!) Well?

Opening a restaurant...

Here is a typical day: Telephone starts ringing around 7:30 AM. I leap out of bed and attempt the "I've been awake for hours enjoying the day" voice.
"Hello! The Nordic Inn." Half the time it is a person from a foreign country asking to speak with the office manager about printer supplies or a bank asking about investing money...

Stranger to the Mr. Coffee Maker. Flip the button to green light. Listen to the gurgling sounds of water as it becomes hot enough to brew my java. I pour a cup and sit on the deck outside my bathroom blinded by the glorious morning light. A choir of wild birds kisses my ear drums as the morning dew releases the scents of sage brush, pine and cedar trees. I have a list of calls to make, but put them off until 11:00 AM.

My dear friend and a great musician, Alan, the Saxophone man arrives for a rehearsal. I have missed making music with my friends. Tomorrow I will play piano with my Bass Man, Bryan. I drive over to the post office, grocery store and hardware store. Manage to find everything on the lists.

Now, make the calls I've put off all morning, meet with my main distributor to see and learn what damage has been done to the prices of meat, veggies, dairy and staples. After this hour of same ole, same ole stuff, I wander to the laundry room and begin washing table clothes, napkins and dish towels. Organizing cupboards and moving sprinklers. It is unseasonably hot! I worry about forest fires...

Call my floor manager, Carly about schedules and who is working. Call accountant about the tax things/ new laws about wages and SS etc. Finally call the State Dept. in Washington D.C. about renewing my passport. Check E mails and even write a few.

Change prices on menu and organize the new menus for printing. Make dinner, plant herbs in pots for use in the restaurant and walk up to the house. I light candles, turn on Marhlar's 5th Symphony and lay on the floor of my bedroom with the cats.
Peace and harmony.

Finally I write a blog! Tomorrow is much the same except I will get the menus printed and wash windows. Cut lawn, paint eves on building and dead head the tulips that have died. Need to place an want add in the paper for house keeping. The woman who was to clean rooms calls today and says "No Can Do!" because the boy friend is going to be sick all summer!
Okay! Someone always comes down the road.

I am now going to read until my eyes fall back into my head and the lids shut tight. Sweet dreams.

Comments

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Thanks.

In Wyoming...

Long flight home. Delayed in Auckland due to mechanical problems. Made it into LAX just in time to get through customs,
run to Delta and catch the flight (full of mormons) into Salt Lake City, Utah. My brother was at baggage waiting to return me to family, dry air, high altitude and traffic jams from hell on Inter state I-15. I would become so addicted to xanax if I had to face that high way everyday of my life, I'd no doubt die, either from the smoggy air, or the feeling of claustrophobia being closed up in a car for hours on end.

Spring time in the Rockies is fantastic. The drive to Wyoming was pure joy. Wide open spaces and the scent of sage brush.
Stopped in Evanston. Filled the car with gasoline. Damned near fainted when I paid the bill in SLC, Ut, but WY ?????? We have tons of gasoline under the ground in WY!!! After the gas price adjustment, went to a very dated coffee shop for a cup of the real thing! Yup, very weak coffee and very relaxed. Then drove to Cokeville. Stopped at the truck stop and had lunch.
All the food is PRE-FABRICATED, pre cooked, pre you name it.

Star Valley was a welcome sight. Drove through the valley to Alpine. Everything was in perfect order! Ran to the local grocery and hurriedly stocked up on the bare necessities. Then the moment of truth: I walk into my bedroom/studio/study.
Sat reverently before the finest alter on earth, my piano and played the Prelude in C Major by Bach with my eyes shut!

Blessed the room. Every piece of art, every candle, every book, every stone but most of all my piano.

The photos are of the inside of my restaurant, the outside of the business looking through the gazebo and the house I live in.
It is snowing lightly as I write. Spring is still in the air. Wish all of you could be here with me! But, I send you love and light every day and night when I lift my eyes up to the clouds, stars, sunsets, and moonlight. It's good to be home.

leave New Zealand in the morning...

"Less than a promise have I given, and yet more generous have you been to me.
You have given me deeper thirsting after life...

Surly there is no greater gift to a man than that which turns all his aims into parching
this and all life into a fountain... Kahlil Gibran.

When I fly out of NZ tomorrow I will be returning to these aspen trees. They have bark like a
parchment upon which nature writes her sacred poetry. These trees live behind the house I live
in when I am in Alpine, Wyoming.

When I am asleep I dwell with each and everyone of you in a very private place. Keep dreaming.

I'll be seeing you,
With much love from BJ

"Paracelsus"

Tomorrow about this time I will post my last blog from Queenstown New Zealand until December of 2007. I will write blogs from Alpine, WY all spring, summer and fall.

I just arrived home from my last Reflexology session for the season. Even I am amazed at the progress I have experienced in my personal journey of "self-discovery and enlightenment."

The left and right sides of my body seem to be very balanced and most happy with each other! I know they are because I feel balanced. For once totally CENTERED! (OMG! Beam me up angel of ..............)

I am reading a book a dear friend recommended I read and came across a poem by Robert Browning. I always loved the Sonnets of Elizabeth Browning (Bob's wife.)

All of my life I seem to always discover delicious truths so succinctly embedded within poetry. As I was driving home from Sunshine Bay I thought of this poem.

PARACELSUS

Truth is within ourselves; it takes no rise
From outward things, what'er you may believe.
There is an inmost centre in us all,
Where truth abides in fulness; and around,
Wall upon wall, the gross flesh hems it in,
This perfect, clear perception - which is truth.
A baffling and perverting carnal mesh
Binds it, and makes all error: and to know
Rather consists in opening out a way
Whence the imprisoned splendor may escape,
Than in effecting entry for a light
Supposed to be without.


I know the same old; same old; same old truth: TRUTH IS WITHIN AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!
It feels so damn good when you actually realize if just for an instant in time, that you really are perfect!

The Photo Facial...

I have wanted this procedure ever since last summer when a woman and man in their mid 50's were at the Nordic Inn and I was amazed at their clear and healthy facial complexions. I complemented them on having such great looking skin.

They told me that they had had a "photo-facial" treatment. The wife had worked for a very famous plastic surgeon on the east coast. I decided I would have one of these treatments when I was in New Zealand this year.

NZ did not have the rights to the medications etc. for this treatment when I arrived in December but, they were aware of it's magic. Finally, the "stuff" was made available to my skin Doctor. New Zealand and Australia have the highest numbers of skin cancers in the world. The hole in the ozone is over the southern hemisphere.

On April 19th l went to the Queenstown Clinic and had Photo facial. Very expensive. I will not say how much!

They cleanse your face, then apply a solution that will ONLY ACT UPON THE PRE CANCEROUS and SUN DAMAGED areas. It does not erase freckles, or moles. You have to sit four hours for the solution to begin to attack the diseased areas. After 4 hours of reading, meditating, daydreaming all of which I am very adept, they take you into a room, place cool damp pads over your eyes, then apply a very thick gooey substance to half of your face and then begin the "ZAPPING". I will admit it hurt. Like an elastic band being snapped against your skin, but on your most sensitive skin. I have a low tolerance for pain so I gritted my teeth and went along with it.

After the right side was attacked, they applied the solution to the left side of my face and neck. Once again the zapping. I then was told to not what so ever go near sunlight or bright lights. 48 hours spent inside the house!

I could go insane without my walks, outside air and light. However, I stayed inside the house, packing, cleaning, organizing things to return to the states on the 28th. I had to take a steroid pill to keep the swelling down and apply a vitamin C compound because Brenthoven will not apply chemicals to his space suit unless a gun is held to his head! They also did the treatment to the backs of my hands. I was not aware of how much damage one's hands endure from working in gardens, cooking, cleaning elements and water, wind, fire and earth all in one day!!!!!!! WHEEEeeeee!
Mind you, I was leery of this as my hands are an extension of my very heart and soul. The backs of my hand burned after the treatments.

Tonight is April 25th, tomorrow will mark a week since the treatment. Tiny blackish specks have erupted on the areas that were damaged. I can see a difference in the balance of my over all appearance. They said it would take up to a month or more to actually sense and see a difference in the skin tone and pigmentation.

Anything that helps prevent skin cancer is of great value as I have a friend that has had two serious operations on his face and ear as I write this. It is not a laughing subject.

I would not recommend the procedure for a person that has perfectly healthy skin! It does not erase lines, wrinkles and your DNA pigmentation, but it does kill off cancer cells and balance the PH of your epidermis.

I hope to see good results by next month. So far, so good. There are a number of other treatments out there in the medical world that probably work as well, but after seeing what it had done for two people last summer at my business I wanted it.

After I post this, I am writing a true story about aging that I learned from a stranger that came to my restaurant for lunch one afternoon in the about 1990. I know one should manifest the "Laws of Attraction" and CURE their bodies of certain diseases and problems, but I also think the 'almighty' manifests certain truths to the schools of medicine and science that help and cure many problems.

I will keep the skin situation going and updated. I have to remember, I worshipped El Sol. I love sunlight. I love being in it's glory and brillance.

I have often told people that after 50 I take "MOON BATHS" not "SUN BATHS". It works. El Luna is divine!

More photos of the walk...

First photo taken at the beginning of the trail. Second photo taken after driving into Alexandra and purchasing a rain poncho
for Brent, then drive back to Clyde to start the walk and the rain stopped!
Third photograph at the air port saying farewell as Rutha begins her long journey back to LAX, then into AZ and then back to Hawaii and onto her next job at Palmyra Atoll in the Pacific Ocean.

Now I begin my duties of setting things in order here in QT so I can fly back to LAX and on into Utah Saturday the 28
of April. From there we drive to WY. Will be home in Alpine sometime on May 2nd. Back to my work, mountains, piano, cats, loyal friends and a much higher altitude! Life is wonderful!

A walk through Queenstown Gardens...

I had a photo/facial yesterday. Took 5-6 hours... Long day. For two days no sunlight! So, I am locked inside the house doing big gurl things like: cleaning, sorting through letters,
stuff... I am going crazy without my walk through the park, so I look at photos I've taken this year. You would love this
park.

BTW it took 60 years of abuse in the sun to get these tattoos on my face, neck, ear lobe. It only takes three days to hopefully get them off! We'll see. It hurt. Do not do this treatment unless you have to.

Go for a walk with big hats and lots of what ever it is # 15 sun guard, but that is not good enough. SP-15 something is not right. They lied to us. You need something stronger. I will tell ya what it is soon... when I get the facts from the Doctor.

I did go for a walk about 8:00 PM this evening in the dark! Do I mind? No, I am quite comfortable with nocturnal only thing is there were hardly any stars and the moon is gone. So it was dark, but there were young people drinking and eating in the Brazze Cafe Wine Bar and tons of kids at the Pig & Whistle Bar screaming as well as the Back Packer's Night & Day Store was jammed with 20 to 40 year olds getting food for their tramps.
Me, I went to Henry's Store of Spirits and purchased a bottle of wine. Walked to the 4 Square Super Market and bought sandwich ham, cheese, butter, eggs, chicken breasts, beef mince, hard rolls and scorched almonds!
Far too many people in the town for me, so I took a taxi home.
Am quite content being in my studio with my candles,
computer and music.

I'll be seeing you.

It's a wonderful world!

What with all the problems of the shootings in VA and the endless war against WMD in Iraq, I am a blest man to have a fantastic metaphysical teacher, a divine Goddess, Diviana, that often kicks my ass with great force into awareness but always the kick is a lightening bolt of love.

I have my Reflexogogist, one of the angels of the planet, who can take me places I never dreamed I could reach and heal myself from within my mind.

I have a pretty interesting astrologer. He had somethings on his site today that made me happy. Of course I am going to share them... but I must explain the photos...

The photos are of behind the house in Alpine WY Oct. of 2004. I took the other photo standing on the banks of the Snake River, just across the hi-way from my house in WY same day, looking at the mighty mountains I am so blest to live in... the Rocky Mountains. They begin in the Canadian Rockies and reach all the way into Mexico. A mighty power of energy and the Tetons that I choose to live close to are one of the mighty sacred power grids on planet earth. Yes, Yellowstone National Park may blow up one day, but what an amazing climax I will enjoy!

Here are some facts to make one happy!

* The world has become dramatically more peaceful since 1992. The number of wars, coup d'etats, and acts of genocide has declined by 40%. Weapons sales between countries have dropped 33% during the same time, and the number of refugees has diminished by 45%.

* The cause of these shocking developments, according the the Human Security Report, which did the study, is the unprecedented upsurge of international activism, spearheaded by the United Nations.

* The violent crime rate has decreased 50% since 1993. Crime is now at it's lowest level since it was first officially tracked.

* The average human life expectancy is 30 years more than it was a century ago, and is still climbing. Many scientists believe there is no absolute limit to the human life span.

* Levels of literacy and education and political freedom and wealth are steadily growing all over the world.

* Death rates from cancers are declining.

* Child abduction by strangers has dropped precipitously.

* In 60 years, there hasn't been a lower birth rate among teen age girls than there is now.

* The world's largest freshwater system, the Great Lakes, is dramatically purifying itself of the pollutants that human beings dumped into it.

* If forced to decide between having a bigger penis and living in a world where there was no war, 90% of all men would pick universal peace.

* The number of American's black elected officials has sextupled since 1970.

* Rising rates of intermarriage are helping to dissipate ethnic and religious strife worldwide.

* The rivers and bays of New York City are reborn, having been cleansed of raw sewage and industrial pollution in recent years.

* You have at least a million relatives as close as tenth cousin, and no one on Earth is any farther removed than your 50th cousin.

* The world's largest private bank, Citicorp, has agreed to stop financing projects that damage sensitive ecosystems.

* The giant timber company Congolaise Industrielle des Bois, voluntarily agreed to stop cutting down trees in virgin rain forests in the Congo.

* The miracle of your breathing transpires about 10 million times a year, even though you never have to think about it.

* Diamonds rain from the sky on Uranus and Neptune.

* With every dawn, when first light penetrates the sea, many sea horse colonies perform a dance to the sun!

* The World Health Organization reports that over 100 million acts of sexual intercourse, involving more than 200 million partners, take place on the earth every 24 hours!

* Most HMO executives NOW BELIEVE PRAYER & MEDITATION can expedite the healing process.

* Vast supplies of frozen natural gas lie beneath the oceans, harboring more potential energy than all the world's oil reserves, and could be mined with the right technology.

IT'S NOT A BAD PLANET and MOST PEOPLE I MEET ARE AMAZING BLESSINGS UPON MY HEAD, HEART & SOUL! Even though some will say B.S. to this report. My partner said it was pure B.S. What ever, I like it.

Sleep tight. BJ

Rail Trail Walk

Great walk, but as always a few challenges along the way.That being the weather.

Michael drove us out to Clyde where we planned to start the walk into Alexandra. A very easy, short walk. Around five miles. Get into our accommodation, relax, walk into town and have a great meal at the Red Brick Cafe. The weather turned frightful. Rain from hell and winds. I had forgotten my rain poncho! We could not purchase one in Clyde, so we drove to Alexandra, ran through the teeming rain and found a rain poncho. Drove back to Clyde hoisted the packs on our backs, put our best foot forward and entered the storm.

It stopped raining. See, there was a reason why I forgot the poncho and that short delay gave way to some sunshine! Alexandra was great. Food as always (for me), perfect at the Brick Cafe. Walked back to the motel. Up early and walked into the town for breakfast, then out on the trail.

These two photos are of day two. The sky was absolutely full of magic. Clouds were dancing into all kinds of formations. Long walk to Chatto Creek Tavern. We spent the night there with the locals! I have forgotten how refreshing real southern Kiwis are. ( Queenstown is so full of money and glitz!)

Leslie the owner of the tavern called me on my cell phone about 5:00 PM while we were walking to make sure we were okay and coming! IS THAT AMAZING! We had slogged along with a long lunch break of cheese, crackers, apples some wine...

We arrived at Chatto Creek Tavern, where we were greeted by the woman behind the bar who was so friendly. Then Leslie came out to greet us. What a 'hard case' as they say in New Zealand, but a heart as big as the world and she had the blankets warming on our beds, scruffy clean towns and linens that had been dried in the sunshine. Tons of food.

We awoke to a storm from hell. STRONG WINDS, SNOW, VERY COLD TEMPS! Leslie said, "I will not allow the two of yous to go out in this! I mean it. I'll drive you back to Alexandra. This is insane."

Well, we ate our huge breakfast, lots of coffee and took our time getting our gear in order. Finally a blue crack in the dark wet sky. "Let's GO!" I exclaimed. We took off and we hit cold, snow, winds and the steepest parts of the trail are in this section which is 11 miles to Omakau. It was a challenge. We made it into Omakau at about 4:00PM Dead on our Feet.

Friday night at the local pub is a full on event. We had a pizza there and walked to our B&B at the Chapel or Church Hill B&B.
Kevin our host was amazing. He even took us out to St. Bathen's this morning. We had booked transportation back into Clyde the night before. The Connect bus had a very serious 'hiccup' as they say, and did not come for us at 10:30 AM. At noon, we were still standing at the junction. This is the time you thank God for CELL PHONES! Michael was to meet us in Clyde around 11:00 AM after the bus ride, then drive us back to Queenstown. Well, he ended up driving all the way to Omakua and collecting two strange looking wandering souls and transporting us safely back to Queenstown.

I am always amazed at the kindness and beauty of this dimension called life on planet earth! I am now home in my studio, candle light, and writing my blog as I listen to Chopin. I cooked dinner for Rutha, Michael and Anne, myself and our friend from Wellington, Beverly. Perfect night. Calm, a few stars peeking out of the clouds and no wind.

I will write more in a few hours... Sweet Dreams.

Happy Easter

This is the first photo of my "Open Heart Cross"... I have wanted this piece of jewelry for a long time. A person I met in the old Body Worx Gym in Queenstown years ago, Ross Heywood created this piece of sacred energy! It is a sublime silver cross with a lavender amethyst heart on the left corner of the cross.

Ross is a true artist. When I first met him he was into sculpture work but has evolved into beautiful jewelry.

One day about a month ago I did what is known as IMPULSE BUYING. The Spirit moved me to say YES! I want that! It was a hot beautiful summer day at the art fair. Ross had his display of art pieces laid out in the sunlight.
I told him I had finally decided to purchase the cross. He said, "I will have 2 of these in the states. A woman from California purchased one. He mentioned it would look great when I perform in concert."
He has been to one of my concerts and knows I wear BLACK!
I ran across the way and drew the money out of my ANZ bank account. This blessed thing has been a comfort ever since.

When I watched THE CELESTIAN PROPHECY I was so attracted to Father Sanchezes's crucifix. The silver cross he wears in the out back of Peru... This is something even better.

Yesterday we made our pilgrimage to that splendid lady of the mountains, Mount Cook.
Could not have been a more perfect day. Delicious dinner in the Panorama room. The drive home was pure magic.

The moon was a crimson orange red and the stars were falling from the sky like diamonds. This photo was taken at dinner because I wore the cross in the restaurant. I know they thought I was some old priest that probably molested boys!

There is an old, story about St. Francis of Assisi that fits in here.

"One day in his hillside monastery, the good saint asked a young monk to accompany him down into the nearby village and preach with him. Reaching the village, they walked the length of the main street and back again, and then returned to the monastery.
"But I thought we were going to preach,' exclaimed the young monk when they returned.

"We have been preaching,' St. Francis replied with a smile.

'We were preaching while we were walking.

We have been seen... we have been looked at. . . and our behavior has been noticed. We have delivered a morning sermon. It is no use to walk anywhere to preach, my son, unless we preach as we walk.'"

No words are need to share bliss IF your walk and behavior are in tune with the universe!

Seemed to be a perfect Easter Sunday for Brenthoven!

Dame Keri TeKanawa & NZ Symphony Orchestra

Last night I attended a completely sold out concert at the Dunedin Town Hall featuring the great Soprano, Dame Keri TeKanawa singing with the NZ Symphony Orchestra. The orchestra was absolutely astounding! The featured work of the concert was the Mahler 4th Symphony.

I grew up in the state of Utah and Maurice Abravenal was the conductor of the Utah Symphony. He adored Mahler. The Utah Symphony recorded all of the Mahler Symphonies under Abravenal. For some listeners Mahler can be very long and boring.
I love his work. The celestial strings... the rustic settings... all kinds of images and emotions.

One of my favorite movies is, "DEATH IN VENICE". It is based on the last few weeks of Mahler's life...
The music in the film of course is Mahler. Dirk Bogart plays the part of Mahler superbly.

Back to the concert. The performance was at 6:30 PM on a Wednesday night! Unusual hour, but it worked. Full house including seats behind the symphony orchestra! Gorgeous autumn evening full of moonlight after the concert. Enjoyed a light meal at The Etruscan Italian Restaurant. A pasta of field mushrooms and parmesan. Walked back to my room at Moray Place and read until I feel asleep.

This morning breakfast at The Nova Cafe beside the Dunedin Art Gallery. Walked over to "TWANG". (remember my blog about Hyrum at Twang who down loaded Garage Band for me?) I gave him a demo CD. Then I walked across the street to the Octagon Used Book Store. This place is right out of London 1900. I did not purchase any books, I browsed through old sheet music!
and some old books on medical remedies from natural herbs. Four hour drive back to Queenstown.

I do love Dunedin.
It was originally the capitol city of NZ. All the banking was done in Dunedin years ago. Always reminds me of San Francisco. I could live in Dunedin. That is where I could have my used book store/ tea room/ B&B/ music store/ Art Gallery/Movie art theater, all under one roof in a very old Kiwi Victorian three story house with a very steep wooden stair case leading up to the vine covered castle.
I'd call it "THE GYPSY MOON"... dreams do come true, at least mine do!

Will write tomorrow... Still dreaming of the music last night.

Balance

Since 1968 I have regarded my mother as a demon.

Not because she ever abused me as a child physically, sexually or even mentally. It all happened because of a tape recording from a man that had fallen in love with me. I was 21. I came home late one evening and found my mother weeping as well as slightly hysterical. She had invaded my privacy. I left that house and never returned with the same sense of freedom or joy I had experienced before that dreadful day.

I was nearly 22 year old then. Now that I am 60 going on 61, and I am most grateful to my mother and the circumstances that brought that MOMENT of "NEVER MORE", to my spiritual and mental life. Because of that event I set upon a Spiritual Path of Awakening that I would have never set foot upon had it not been for the things and events that transpired after that explosion of passion, disappointment and fear!

I returned to NYC and a life of being a gay man. I turned to alcohol and other means of escape. I grew bitter towards the Mormon Church, I hated WOMEN most of all because THEY HAVE caused me more pain and suffering than there are words for.

When I was 15, I was seduced by a Mormon Bishop's wife. (That will kill some people when they read that.)
I carried that inside my soul for years, because it went on with the same woman for years.
Then my mother turned on me over a love affair with a man older than myself. The story goes on and on...

Here is the interesting part... The Bishop's wife introduced me to Keats and Shelly, Shakespeare and Kahlil Gibran. Debussy, my future piano teacher and the world of Jazz and Ballet. NO CHARGE EXCEPT MY SEXUAL PERFORMANCE!!!
My mother opened a door of my going "OUT ON A LIMB" to find truth, from reincarnation to science of the mind... Metaphysics.

I could have been an average band or music teacher in the public schools. Had 4 or 5 children. Paid my taxes and died a revered loved man... Been there done that somewhere in my other lives.

This time around it was for going into a new and powerful dimension.

Being overtly gay is not being in touch with one's feminine self. It is being totally out of touch with your female self. It is a trick of the EGO! (I know some of you will shake your heads and say what the fuck!) For me it was and is true. My ego is my curse!

I mean it. Being overtly masculine is not being in touch with your masculine energy or your male self. It is a trick of the ego!
I know MACHO men that HATE GAYS! WHY? I know Gay men that fear and hate MACHO MEN, WHY?

My Ego had me desiring sex with men or women, not as a CELEBRATION but as a NEED. Like a drug, like a power beyond my control...

I thank my mother even though she is unaware of the fact, she set me on a path of truth I shall always be thankful for. I am now learning that sex is a glorious celebration within one's spiritual and cosmic self. It is glorious and beautiful.

The FEMINE POWER IS A POWER I NEVER DREAMED POSSIBLE. The MALE POWER IS A POWER THAT CANNOT EXIST WITHOUT THE FEMALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (go figure?)

As a spiritual guide of mine told me:

"When you can face back toward your TRUE MOTHER, even if you have to do it through FAITH in the BEGINNING of all things, you WILL find " The Left Side of your BODY functioning in perfect harmony with the right side of your body, with no need of denial or anything else. You WILL not just be "ONE HAPPY MAN"... you will be in BLISS... Because in truth, we are all swimming in an ocean of bliss, we just have to become aware of it."

"I know this from personal experience! If you decide to find this for yourself Brent, you will want to kiss your mother's lily white ass for being such a bitch because she drove you to YOUR HIGHEST TRUTH!"

Well truth is, I will kiss my mother's cheeks and leave her lily white ass for her to sit upon. BUT IT IS TRUE.

Balance... Equilibrium... Harmony... Tough shit to say yes to, but for ME it worked. CELEBRATE. Go listen to the music!

Home with demos...

I have touched a sacred part of the sky with my own two hands.

Some of you will have a copy of this demo in your ears within a week.

Thank you for your love and most of all I thank the universe for channeling these melodies through my heart and hands because this music has released a lifetime of grief, anger, fear and disappointment and much love and joy in being alive that I have sealed away inside my heart and it must be "released" and "healed" as it were.

I was browsing through old photos and found this wonderful spider web with rain drops I took a couple of years ago on the Banks Peninsula trek. I feel like a lot of cob webs have been washed away... and clear, crystal light has replaced them...

I will no doubt write a ton of shit about my situation regarding my spiritual journey this week end...

For now I will float...

Fall time flowers in the Studio...

orbs

Final mixing on OPEN HEART

Yesterday I checked the final add ons and take away editing the New Recording. I will call it "OPEN HEART".
Today was a stunning Autumn day. We drove out to Frankton for a splendid lunch of Fish & Chips!
Sat outside in the autumn light admiring the Remarkables. These are the mountains filmed in the
movie Lord of The Rings. After lunch and running some errands we drove back to QT. I then went for a
long walk along the lake. I have dreamed of the day my digital camera would one day photograph an
"ORB"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today it happened. Enjoy my walk. I will write an update later tonight.
Photo of my Studio with a vase of the last of the autumn roses and spearmint from my herb garden. Photo of the ORBS
and photo of my Jonathan Livingston Seagulls.
It's pure "MAGIC".

The Recording sessions

The only way to begin this episode of events is: I am copying part of a letter I sent my dearest friend Diviana. Then as the weekend unfolds I will tell more.

I have been back in Queenstown about three hours. The weather Thursday and Friday was like out of some damned horror movie starring Dracula and Frankenstein as lovers. I kept thinking a major storm will cancel this project AGAIN?

I had scheduled a session with my Reflexologist for Thursday morning at 11:45 AM thinking that would be a most cleansing, relaxing ritual to experience before driving for two and three quarters of an hour to Invercargille.

My GOD! I COULD NOT FIND ANNA'S HOUSE! I have driven there time after time! She called me on my Vodafone wondering where I was. I told her I was out of my mind, someplace in Fern Hill, (Anna lives in Sunshine Bay!) She is so incredible and kind. She talks me all the way to her drive way. I float in. She says, "What is going on?" I told her "I feel fucked up!"

She went to work with her magic hands and angelic energy. I walked out feeling grounded. Pack the car, say goodbye to my family here at the house and begin driving. I drove through winds, sleet, rain, cold and dark clouds. The roads were a mess with branches blown across them, lost sheep and oil slicks. I made it into Invercargille.

Mind you, I have a real story to tell how I discovered this young man who is at The Southern Institute of Music. He is an absolute angel. I drove right to the motel within in walking distance of his house. His house was built in 1909 - 1912. Amazing Villa. Old wood, lead cut stained glass. His wife is an artist. Great art work on fabric, murals... The room we work in must have been a huge dining room or ball room. Crown moldings, amazingly high ceilings. I LOVE IT. Totally me.

Diviana had written me an e mail that was very special. I printed it and carried it with me. She knows how many times this project has been thwarted by powers beyond my control. Mike the Engineer drives me to the main studio at the Institute. He was all ready to go. I told him to give me a few moments alone to center and balance myself as I have felt all strung out... then I'd let him know when I was ready. I wanted to lay down the THEME FOR DIVIANA first before anything got in the way of that piece. (I had to make sure the piano would not crumble to pieces or the cables from the piano to the recording engineer's room did not explode... BIG MEDITATIONS TIME)

I tell you, I am living proof that there are Etherian Golden Drops of Magical Vibrational Elixirs that filtered down on my balding head, heart and hands. 1st "take" almost was perfect! 2nd "take" is a keeper. End of that composition. On to my next piece: WALKING WOUNDED. This was inspired by a piece of art one of my dearest friends channeled. It has everything in it from Eastern Philosophy to smoky dark bar rooms and a bit of Gypsy color... It went off like magic!
Everything flowed. I was exhausted by midnight. (I only record at night) We had set the times from 8 PM until midnight.

Last night we worked at Mike's house from 7 PM until 2:30 AM. I went to bed at 3 and awoke at 7:30 AM! Why so long? This is the hardest part of a recording. The Bells and Whistles... Strings, bass, percussion, pre mixing you name it. I have a CD.
A very rough draft. Mike will have to compress somethings, repair
glitches and smooth out all the icing on this cake. He can do it and will!

I cried driving home. There were times I felt this enormous force pushing me across the middle lane into an approaching car called head on fucking wreck. I was a mess once again. I am a different man for having gone through this ordeal. I actually believed I may be having a nervous brake down. God, do people still have nervous Break Downs? My grandmother's used to say their "nerves were acting up". I honestly had to fight in my mind and body to stay on the road. It was a war zone. I know the darkest side of things cannot take control of you IF you do not cooperate. I think I may have chopped the heads off of some ugly demons that have been living in my head and body for years.

I am home safe and sound and back with my MAC, my tunes, and my life beside the beauty of a lake, mountains and sky.
Autumn is on the edge... I do like Invercargille. Get this: This recording will be my last and I made it in the Southern Most City on Planet Earth!!! I stood years ago on the edge of a grassy cliff which dropped off into the ocean as I hiked around the southern most farm in the world. Yes, South America has Patagonia, but it 'aint a city. Invercargill is a large city and very 50's. People are kind and they remember you. The buildings are wonderful and shopping reminds me of when I was a young boy in Ogden Utah! More later.

Poetry, music, memories...

I love my I pod. Years ago I always had a tape deck with ear plugs attached to my body, no matter where or what hour of the day... Sound pouring into my ears feeding my mind, heart and body. Now this delicate thing called I POD is my newest love. I have over 1500 pieces of music on this little white playing card!

Today I listened to 5 of the Beethoven Symphonies. That is one hell of a lot of music! Like major overload, but not for me nor my musical heart, especially when one is walking or laying down...

Chopin is often given the crown of being the "THE POET OF THE PIANO". I do relate poetry to music. Both use the same elements of sound, harmony, timber, rhythm and color to paint emotions and pictures in the invisible. I think of the Grand Tetons when I hear
Beethoven. Therefore I am sharing a poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay about Beethoven. Actually two of her poems. One is regarding my love for Beethoven another is for lost loves and memories of loves...

ON HEARING A SYMPHONY OF BEETHOVEN

Sweet sounds, oh, beautiful music, do not cease!
Reject me not into the world again.
With you alone is excellence and peace,
Mankind made plausible, his purpose plain.
Enchanted in your air benign and shrewd,
With limbs a - sprawl and empty faces, pale,
The spiteful and the stingy and the rude
Sleep like the scullions in the fairy - tale.
This moment is the best the world can give:
The tranquil blossom on the tortured stem.
Reject me not, sweet sounds; oh, let me live,
Till Doom espy my towers and scatter them,
A city spell - bound under the aging sun.
Music my rampart, and my only one.

WHAT LIPS MY LIPS HAVE KISSED

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply;
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in the winter stands a lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet know it's boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone;
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

BTW a story will be written about the new recording. For nearly 7 years! What a story. I begin recording a week from today
IF I can keep focused. I have been given an angel for an engineer. This will be amazing in the fact of simply the journey getting my original music into a studio setting!

I think I will listen to Keith Jarrett's The Koln Concert as I drift off into dream land. I have loved this man's piano since I was 20 years old.

A day in the Queenstown Gardens

A perfect day! A perfect 'balance' in everything. I spent most of the day walking around parts of the lake and in the Gardens.
Everything from weddings to bowling on the green. People soaking up the rays of the sun and some people just reading, sleeping
and then there are the one's busy texting on their phones.

Ross had my new chain for my "cross" and the arts fair was magic. Took Anne and Michael to lunch at "Flavors", then I departed on my walk about. Got home about 5:30, took a lay down. Dinner was on the patio with beautiful tomatoes stuffed with tuna salad made with fresh basil and rosemary from my herb garden. French bread and apricot jam I made yesterday. Nice wine and very strong coffee after dins.

Now I'll make some music at the keyboard, read and meditate before dream land beckons me into slumber. BTW, found the
lines from As You Like It by Shakespeare that I miss quoted yesterday. It is:

ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE,
AND ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN,
MERELY PLAYERS;

THEY HAVE THEIR EXITS
AND THEIR ENTRANCES,
AND ONE MAN IN HIS TIME PLAYS MANY PARTS.

There! Even William believed in Reincarnation and Karma!

How do we survive some things?

I just finished watching a movie that I have watched before, "LATTER-DAYS". It is about a gay mormon missionary.

For many years I have been far away and over come so much of my past, but there are times when I sit in amazement to think I actually survived my own mormon mission from 1966 to 1968. I survived a relationship with a mormon bishop's wife who was beautiful but 25 years older than me. To think I survived 7 USO tours during the 70's and regardless of close encounters with near death accidents from South East Asia to Iceland, I survived!

Two times in my life I tried and sincerely meant to kill myself. One time with a bottle of Valium and a fifth of Vodka. Another time refusing to take the antibiotic I needed for a staff infection.

When I think about it for even a few moments I am humbled to think that every human being's existence in a physical body is a miracle. The odds against a person living past the first few months of their birth is quite astounding. All the INVISIBLE DEMONS one cannot see create such near death possibilities.

Invisible VIRUSES, unstable genetic codes, unknown accidents and risks that are in our pathway every step of the way. Dysfunctional families to abusive teachers, evil religious leaders and politicians. It is a miracle and enlightening to think I have survived all 60 years of my life.

Are there guardian angels? Some refer to karmic justice? Is the life we live pre-destine and we really have no say in the outcome? Does the law of attraction begin at birth or after we mature? I've watched some of my friends die in agony, some die peacefully and others die so quickly I'm not sure they knew just how fast it happened... I guess the main thing is we that survive years after the separation with certain people we love or that have loved us.

I once had a person tell me they had been in love with me for years. I DID NOT KNOW IT! NOT A CLUE! I know other people I have often cared for that I know have no inkling that I even care about them. WHY? Roy Oberson said it all in his song: "You Don't Know Me."

"To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wildflower.
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour..." Wm Blake

"Come forth into the light of things. Let Nature be your GUIDE!" Wordsworth...

Every person is struggling to survive in his or her own way and live the script they were handed.
Remember Shakespeare's famous line:
The world's a stage, or was it Life is a stage and we are the actors that strut? I'm sure someone has figured it out!

Maybe the answer is INVISIBLE! or so obvious we can't see it. Or is it that someone that prays for us showers us with a protective film. Something so cosmic and celestial it is beyong our knowing or understanding?

Vinita

When I travel I often take along a member of my crystal family. I have a collection in the States and one here in New Zealand.

The other day I drove friends to Glenorchy so they could experience a Jet River Boat trip on the Dart River. I took VINITA with me. I have had this jewel for about 5 years. She stands 1 & 3/4 of an inch tall. She is a 'perfect' crystal. I sat her on a table near the river. The sun and the rock were having a dance of amazing light refraction's and other things were going on!

I grabbed the camera and captured four amazing photos. You can see the blue sky filtering through and the rainbows of radiant color. Vinita has been cleansed, played in the sun and is sitting my my window very peaceful and content.

Stones are very sacred to me. They hold energy and memory. They are created from stardust and eons of time give them form and place them through out the universe...

I recall that wonderful line at the end of the movie: A RIVER RUNS THROUGH IT when Norman says something to the effect of
"water's haunt me and on the rocks under the waters are written the names of those that have gone before me and before them... all eternity"

There is magic in rocks as well they are full of minerals, data, lets not deny the magic of crystals in computers, watches and probably some salt and dirt! I LOVE UM!

Celestine Prophecy

On September 14, 1995 I purchased a copy of the book, "The Celestine Prophecy" at the Valley Book Store in Jackson Hole WY.
I have that very book with me in my Studio here in Queenstown, New Zealand. The book changed the way I interpreted events, meeting of people and relationships in my life.

A lifetime of situations had occurred in my life's journey before 1995, but for me, the book brought everything to a glistening point of light.

A week ago I discovered that Amazon.com had the DVD
"The Celestine Prophecy",for sale! I purchased it. I have watched it three times.

The older I get the more I believe that NOTHING just happens. That we are guided, informed and guarded by energy that vibrates on a level that is invisible to our eyes, but we feel, sense and on a deep cellular level, KNOW exists.

I spent Valentine's Day and night at one of my sacred shrines on planet earth. Mount Cook. I had a wonderful time but could not sleep. I kept having dreams, thoughts of my dyeing kept swimming through my thoughts. Finally at 5:00 AM I drifted off
into a fitful slumber. All the next day I was emotionally very ill at ease. I suffered horrific head and body aches. I am fine
now. In fact excellent.

Something, be it heavy baggage I was carrying sub consciously or possibly a virus, but I was not
100% of what I normally am. I sat up and watched the DVD last night. I figured some very interesting bits and pieces out about why I felt ill at ease and realized HOW and WHEN I chose to give up some of this baggage. I honestly thought that years ago I had overcome so many fears, anger and depression. All I had done was give some of the fears/anger NEW LABELS and put lipstick and new costumes on their old faces! Even used medication to put band-aids on my broken heart.

I am working on getting them far far far away from my present soul, mind and body! Funny how we are so CO-DEPENDENT ON OUR OWN FEARS! How we cannot and will not LET GO of thoughts, which are very real. Thoughts create concepts and concepts are "possibilities". What the mind can conceive, if the heart can believe you will achieve.... That means good or bad thoughts become real IF you believe in them.

We have to always be "AWARE", eyes OPEN WIDE and not simply pass off simple coincidences, people we encounter, sounds, color, darkness and scents that occur from moment to moment.

Do rent the DVD or go see the movie. God, I'm trying to burn some old luggage once again! Damned stuff stinks.

The Gift Was Ours to borrow...

Equilibrium, balance, center... Very difficult to do when one's brain chemicals are in limbo! The past few days have been strange for many people including myself. Friends have e mailed asking what in hell is going on? Well, I do have balls but
they are not made of crystal! So best thing I can say is: The entire planet is in a process of change and mankind is also!

Notice the honey bees in my lavender. I sat in the garden having my coffee and toast this morning and captured a shot of this deliciously chubby little 'maker of honey'
as he was having a delirious climax on the blossoms...
The bees were making music, literally singing along with the birds that were gossiping like crazy old women in the bird bath! It was humid and warm and a feeling of peace and calm came over me that I have not sensed in days.

It was as if out of no where I began to sing softly in my head: LOOK! my eyes are drrrry, THE GIFT WAS OURS TO BARROW, It's as IF we ALWAYS KNEW! and I won't forget what I did for love......Gone, LOVE is NEVER gone! as we travel on LOVE'S WHAT WE'LL REMEMBER! Kiss today good by, and point me 'toward tomorrow, we did what we had to do, won't forget, can't regret what I did for love...

An enormous sense of "release" came over me... I've always loved A CHORUS LINE and used to make drunken jokes about my funeral. When they (who ever they will be at that time?) lift my coffin up and march out of my funeral, I want the last BIG CHORUS of "ONE" PLAYED LOUD ENOUGH TO BLAST THE RAFTERS OFF THE BUILDING. "ONE! SINGULAR SENSATION, EVERY LITTLE STEP HE TAKES! ONE! MOMENT IN HIS PRESENCE EVERY MOVE THAT HE MAKES... LA la la la...." but, I never dreamed the words of" What I Did For Love" would be so comforting to me!

I think, for myself anyway, I have moved into a different light! Being 60 is not bad for me! I am gradually giving up labels, titles, the need to PROVE, ACHIEVE, be something, somebody... I am not trying to be a great body builder anymore. Just want to maintain what I have. Do not need to perform great concerts and make recordings, Just want to be able to make my kind of music! The world? Hell, war has been a major part of my life! Well, it is pretty difficult for some one to attack you when you REFUSE to cooperate with them! I lay down my weapons. Shoot me, whatever.

The GIFT of LOVE and ART in all expressions were mine and still are! I'll kiss today goodbye and I'm pointed 'toward tomorrow...

I remember a Master Teacher in the art of SHOLIN telling me once to always seek three things: balance, equilibrium and CENTER. He did say as an after thought: "If that fails, go sit beside a tree and eat a peach!"

HAPPENINGS beyond my explanations...

IF NO ONE ASKS ME ABOUT IT, THEN I KNOW WHAT IT IS; BUT IF SOMEONE ASKS ME ABOUT IT AND I TRY TO EXPLAIN IT TO HIM, THEN I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS... ST. AUGUSTINE, (Confessions)

The words of St. Augustine explain why I have not written a new blog all this week. Too many unexplainable, yet wonderful things have been happening. I may not be the "Spiritual Person" the american religious right would approve of, however in my own mind, body and soul I have and always will be "in touch" with my "higher self". I am guided, informed and guarded.

I cannot explain some of the things that have occurred this week but they have all been blessings and gifts.

I made contact with a woman I met 25 years ago who was once a secretary for Shirley MacLane. We are back in touch via the blessing of the inter-net. She is and always will hold a special place in my heart.

I dialed a number I have had in storage on my mobile vodafone for more than a year just to see WHO it could be? A person answered the phone. it is a person I NEED to be in contact with and hope to see in the near future!

I go to the Dorothy Brown Arts Movie Theatre in Arrowtown Sunday to view the movie, THE QUEEN. (no pun intended.) I dream of owning one of these places one day maybe in another lifetime. There is a coffee-wine bar and arty bookstore in the lobby. Tables to sit and visit while sipping fine wine, cheeses or teas and coffees. Deep soft chairs, fresh cut flowers, paintings on the walls and books for sale new and used line the walls. I find a book by Patrick Suskind "On Love and Death". A very short essay. I buy it. EVERY WORD OF THIS BOOK I NEED RIGHT NOW!

Today I had my first Reflexology session with Anna. She is so booked that I have not been able to get in with her until now.
She has moved her practice to Sunshine Baby on Hayes Paddock Road. This woman is one of the most beautiful, loving humans on this planet. She literally helped me to forgive and release so much baggage last year. I was suffering with the arthritis, prostate, sciatica, shoulder pain, acid reflux, God it goes on and on. She hit trigger points that sent me threw the roof last year.
We searched for the deeper reasons and meanings of the problems and learned how to FORGIVE and RELEASE the CAUSE and accept the LESSON. Today was magic. My right foot is much more balanced and hardly a problem area. The Left foot. Well, it is the FEMININE side of the body. I have always had one hell of a time accepting and allowing my feminine side to live freely. In the 60's and 70's I OVER COMPENSATED for being gay and lived in such denial and fear I all but cut the tits of my girlie man self! I HAVE KNOWN STRAIGHT MEN that are more in touch with the female of their minds and body!
Crap was going on with this foot. We are working it through with some amazing work. Here is the stunning part. I am cutting rib steak for dinner this evening, DRUM ROLL!!! I CUT DEEPLY INTO MY THUMB ON MY LEFT HAND! LEFT SIDE!!! I dropped the knife and yelled "holy shit!" I am realizing something very very deep here. I injured my left elbow a month ago at the gym. GO F---ING FIGURE!

Then, I performed a mini concert for the first time in years of Bach, Chopin, Beethoven. This is a very complicated story and I will tell it at another time, but I honestly "channeled the music". I have never played so beautifully and with such confidence.

I watched all of the first season of Tales of The City the past two nights. When Anna Madrigal is explaining to Edgar Halcyon about Atlantis, I stopped breathing! I now know something about a woman that was so important in my past and died in 1980. I nearly fainted. I stopped the DVD and backtracked to the scene and watched it over and over. This particular woman I am speaking about lived in San Francisco most of her life. It was not an accident how I found her in my searching for an apartment on a raining night and my life was changed for ever. Only thing different than Anna Madrigal is: I MOVED TO 620 - 28th Street Ogden Utah and the tales of city story takes place at 28-Barbarry Lane, San Francisco.

This is not the end of the tiny bits of gold that kept showing up between events all the past week. My dreams were OUT OF THIS WORLD and mind you, I have NOT been smoking weed or drinking vodka! I wonder if the comet that is slowly dissipating from the western sky has anything to do with my "keen awareness"... I took this self portrait this week of what a happy 60 year old man looks like! Sweet dreams...

A view of the NEW PAINT on the outside walls of my studio! Forgive the damned glare of the shinny thing on my shirt. The camera seems to go crazy over it. The steak sandwich I had at Glenorchy Restaurant. $16.00 NZD. Such a great deal and it was excellent. I love Glenhorchy. Some people find it all to boring. I have another snap shot of the mountains in snow looking out of the window of the restaurant in Glenorchy. I should invest in some land in that end of road place. Hummmmm?

The state of the world...

For the first time in many many days I sat at this computer and searched through news just to see if the world was still existing and to see and learn just what the situations with war, famine, weather, human encounters were as compared to a few days ago. I read through such resources as: CNN, MSNBC, BBC including my own JH WY news.
I spend some time every few days in FACTNET.COM a site about cults and situations with religious groups. I always enjoy PIANOWORLD.COM and other music sites as well as YOU TUBE. I was depressed after the hour I wasted rambling through the news.

I thank what ever the source may be that allows me to still be humbled by the magnitude and magnificence of nature, art, and music. I love poetry because it seems to be a cousin or sibling to the language of music. After giving some thought to the state of the world I recalled a poem written by one of my favorite poets, Edna St. Vincent Millay.

APOSTROPHE TO MAN
(ON REFLECTING THAT THE WORLD IS READY TO GO TO WAR AGAIN)

Detestable race, continue to expunge yourself, die
out.
Breed faster, crowd, encroach, sing hymns, build bomb-
ing airplanes;
Make speeches, unveil statues, issue bonds, parade;
Convert again into explosives the bewildered ammonia
and the distracted cellulose;
Convert again into putrescent matter drawing flies
The hopeful bodies of the young; exhort,
Pray, pull long faces, be earnest, be all but overcome,
be photographed;
Confer, perfect your formulae, commercialize
Bacteria harmful to human tissue,
Put death on the market;
Breed, crowd, encroach, expand, expunge yourself, die
out,
HOMO called SAPIENS.

It says it all. God, that woman was wise even if she drank a bit too much and smoked way far too much. She lived through some strange times politically and artistically. Thank God she lived period. At least for my sake.

I find I always feel better when I stay far away from the television or radio news. I am not afraid of news, I just hate propaganda and lies! I lived many lies for far too many years. Some call it it denial, I call it survival of the human soul.