Rail Trail Walk

Great walk, but as always a few challenges along the way.That being the weather.

Michael drove us out to Clyde where we planned to start the walk into Alexandra. A very easy, short walk. Around five miles. Get into our accommodation, relax, walk into town and have a great meal at the Red Brick Cafe. The weather turned frightful. Rain from hell and winds. I had forgotten my rain poncho! We could not purchase one in Clyde, so we drove to Alexandra, ran through the teeming rain and found a rain poncho. Drove back to Clyde hoisted the packs on our backs, put our best foot forward and entered the storm.

It stopped raining. See, there was a reason why I forgot the poncho and that short delay gave way to some sunshine! Alexandra was great. Food as always (for me), perfect at the Brick Cafe. Walked back to the motel. Up early and walked into the town for breakfast, then out on the trail.

These two photos are of day two. The sky was absolutely full of magic. Clouds were dancing into all kinds of formations. Long walk to Chatto Creek Tavern. We spent the night there with the locals! I have forgotten how refreshing real southern Kiwis are. ( Queenstown is so full of money and glitz!)

Leslie the owner of the tavern called me on my cell phone about 5:00 PM while we were walking to make sure we were okay and coming! IS THAT AMAZING! We had slogged along with a long lunch break of cheese, crackers, apples some wine...

We arrived at Chatto Creek Tavern, where we were greeted by the woman behind the bar who was so friendly. Then Leslie came out to greet us. What a 'hard case' as they say in New Zealand, but a heart as big as the world and she had the blankets warming on our beds, scruffy clean towns and linens that had been dried in the sunshine. Tons of food.

We awoke to a storm from hell. STRONG WINDS, SNOW, VERY COLD TEMPS! Leslie said, "I will not allow the two of yous to go out in this! I mean it. I'll drive you back to Alexandra. This is insane."

Well, we ate our huge breakfast, lots of coffee and took our time getting our gear in order. Finally a blue crack in the dark wet sky. "Let's GO!" I exclaimed. We took off and we hit cold, snow, winds and the steepest parts of the trail are in this section which is 11 miles to Omakau. It was a challenge. We made it into Omakau at about 4:00PM Dead on our Feet.

Friday night at the local pub is a full on event. We had a pizza there and walked to our B&B at the Chapel or Church Hill B&B.
Kevin our host was amazing. He even took us out to St. Bathen's this morning. We had booked transportation back into Clyde the night before. The Connect bus had a very serious 'hiccup' as they say, and did not come for us at 10:30 AM. At noon, we were still standing at the junction. This is the time you thank God for CELL PHONES! Michael was to meet us in Clyde around 11:00 AM after the bus ride, then drive us back to Queenstown. Well, he ended up driving all the way to Omakua and collecting two strange looking wandering souls and transporting us safely back to Queenstown.

I am always amazed at the kindness and beauty of this dimension called life on planet earth! I am now home in my studio, candle light, and writing my blog as I listen to Chopin. I cooked dinner for Rutha, Michael and Anne, myself and our friend from Wellington, Beverly. Perfect night. Calm, a few stars peeking out of the clouds and no wind.

I will write more in a few hours... Sweet Dreams.

Happy Easter

This is the first photo of my "Open Heart Cross"... I have wanted this piece of jewelry for a long time. A person I met in the old Body Worx Gym in Queenstown years ago, Ross Heywood created this piece of sacred energy! It is a sublime silver cross with a lavender amethyst heart on the left corner of the cross.

Ross is a true artist. When I first met him he was into sculpture work but has evolved into beautiful jewelry.

One day about a month ago I did what is known as IMPULSE BUYING. The Spirit moved me to say YES! I want that! It was a hot beautiful summer day at the art fair. Ross had his display of art pieces laid out in the sunlight.
I told him I had finally decided to purchase the cross. He said, "I will have 2 of these in the states. A woman from California purchased one. He mentioned it would look great when I perform in concert."
He has been to one of my concerts and knows I wear BLACK!
I ran across the way and drew the money out of my ANZ bank account. This blessed thing has been a comfort ever since.

When I watched THE CELESTIAN PROPHECY I was so attracted to Father Sanchezes's crucifix. The silver cross he wears in the out back of Peru... This is something even better.

Yesterday we made our pilgrimage to that splendid lady of the mountains, Mount Cook.
Could not have been a more perfect day. Delicious dinner in the Panorama room. The drive home was pure magic.

The moon was a crimson orange red and the stars were falling from the sky like diamonds. This photo was taken at dinner because I wore the cross in the restaurant. I know they thought I was some old priest that probably molested boys!

There is an old, story about St. Francis of Assisi that fits in here.

"One day in his hillside monastery, the good saint asked a young monk to accompany him down into the nearby village and preach with him. Reaching the village, they walked the length of the main street and back again, and then returned to the monastery.
"But I thought we were going to preach,' exclaimed the young monk when they returned.

"We have been preaching,' St. Francis replied with a smile.

'We were preaching while we were walking.

We have been seen... we have been looked at. . . and our behavior has been noticed. We have delivered a morning sermon. It is no use to walk anywhere to preach, my son, unless we preach as we walk.'"

No words are need to share bliss IF your walk and behavior are in tune with the universe!

Seemed to be a perfect Easter Sunday for Brenthoven!

Dame Keri TeKanawa & NZ Symphony Orchestra

Last night I attended a completely sold out concert at the Dunedin Town Hall featuring the great Soprano, Dame Keri TeKanawa singing with the NZ Symphony Orchestra. The orchestra was absolutely astounding! The featured work of the concert was the Mahler 4th Symphony.

I grew up in the state of Utah and Maurice Abravenal was the conductor of the Utah Symphony. He adored Mahler. The Utah Symphony recorded all of the Mahler Symphonies under Abravenal. For some listeners Mahler can be very long and boring.
I love his work. The celestial strings... the rustic settings... all kinds of images and emotions.

One of my favorite movies is, "DEATH IN VENICE". It is based on the last few weeks of Mahler's life...
The music in the film of course is Mahler. Dirk Bogart plays the part of Mahler superbly.

Back to the concert. The performance was at 6:30 PM on a Wednesday night! Unusual hour, but it worked. Full house including seats behind the symphony orchestra! Gorgeous autumn evening full of moonlight after the concert. Enjoyed a light meal at The Etruscan Italian Restaurant. A pasta of field mushrooms and parmesan. Walked back to my room at Moray Place and read until I feel asleep.

This morning breakfast at The Nova Cafe beside the Dunedin Art Gallery. Walked over to "TWANG". (remember my blog about Hyrum at Twang who down loaded Garage Band for me?) I gave him a demo CD. Then I walked across the street to the Octagon Used Book Store. This place is right out of London 1900. I did not purchase any books, I browsed through old sheet music!
and some old books on medical remedies from natural herbs. Four hour drive back to Queenstown.

I do love Dunedin.
It was originally the capitol city of NZ. All the banking was done in Dunedin years ago. Always reminds me of San Francisco. I could live in Dunedin. That is where I could have my used book store/ tea room/ B&B/ music store/ Art Gallery/Movie art theater, all under one roof in a very old Kiwi Victorian three story house with a very steep wooden stair case leading up to the vine covered castle.
I'd call it "THE GYPSY MOON"... dreams do come true, at least mine do!

Will write tomorrow... Still dreaming of the music last night.

Balance

Since 1968 I have regarded my mother as a demon.

Not because she ever abused me as a child physically, sexually or even mentally. It all happened because of a tape recording from a man that had fallen in love with me. I was 21. I came home late one evening and found my mother weeping as well as slightly hysterical. She had invaded my privacy. I left that house and never returned with the same sense of freedom or joy I had experienced before that dreadful day.

I was nearly 22 year old then. Now that I am 60 going on 61, and I am most grateful to my mother and the circumstances that brought that MOMENT of "NEVER MORE", to my spiritual and mental life. Because of that event I set upon a Spiritual Path of Awakening that I would have never set foot upon had it not been for the things and events that transpired after that explosion of passion, disappointment and fear!

I returned to NYC and a life of being a gay man. I turned to alcohol and other means of escape. I grew bitter towards the Mormon Church, I hated WOMEN most of all because THEY HAVE caused me more pain and suffering than there are words for.

When I was 15, I was seduced by a Mormon Bishop's wife. (That will kill some people when they read that.)
I carried that inside my soul for years, because it went on with the same woman for years.
Then my mother turned on me over a love affair with a man older than myself. The story goes on and on...

Here is the interesting part... The Bishop's wife introduced me to Keats and Shelly, Shakespeare and Kahlil Gibran. Debussy, my future piano teacher and the world of Jazz and Ballet. NO CHARGE EXCEPT MY SEXUAL PERFORMANCE!!!
My mother opened a door of my going "OUT ON A LIMB" to find truth, from reincarnation to science of the mind... Metaphysics.

I could have been an average band or music teacher in the public schools. Had 4 or 5 children. Paid my taxes and died a revered loved man... Been there done that somewhere in my other lives.

This time around it was for going into a new and powerful dimension.

Being overtly gay is not being in touch with one's feminine self. It is being totally out of touch with your female self. It is a trick of the EGO! (I know some of you will shake your heads and say what the fuck!) For me it was and is true. My ego is my curse!

I mean it. Being overtly masculine is not being in touch with your masculine energy or your male self. It is a trick of the ego!
I know MACHO men that HATE GAYS! WHY? I know Gay men that fear and hate MACHO MEN, WHY?

My Ego had me desiring sex with men or women, not as a CELEBRATION but as a NEED. Like a drug, like a power beyond my control...

I thank my mother even though she is unaware of the fact, she set me on a path of truth I shall always be thankful for. I am now learning that sex is a glorious celebration within one's spiritual and cosmic self. It is glorious and beautiful.

The FEMINE POWER IS A POWER I NEVER DREAMED POSSIBLE. The MALE POWER IS A POWER THAT CANNOT EXIST WITHOUT THE FEMALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (go figure?)

As a spiritual guide of mine told me:

"When you can face back toward your TRUE MOTHER, even if you have to do it through FAITH in the BEGINNING of all things, you WILL find " The Left Side of your BODY functioning in perfect harmony with the right side of your body, with no need of denial or anything else. You WILL not just be "ONE HAPPY MAN"... you will be in BLISS... Because in truth, we are all swimming in an ocean of bliss, we just have to become aware of it."

"I know this from personal experience! If you decide to find this for yourself Brent, you will want to kiss your mother's lily white ass for being such a bitch because she drove you to YOUR HIGHEST TRUTH!"

Well truth is, I will kiss my mother's cheeks and leave her lily white ass for her to sit upon. BUT IT IS TRUE.

Balance... Equilibrium... Harmony... Tough shit to say yes to, but for ME it worked. CELEBRATE. Go listen to the music!

Home with demos...

I have touched a sacred part of the sky with my own two hands.

Some of you will have a copy of this demo in your ears within a week.

Thank you for your love and most of all I thank the universe for channeling these melodies through my heart and hands because this music has released a lifetime of grief, anger, fear and disappointment and much love and joy in being alive that I have sealed away inside my heart and it must be "released" and "healed" as it were.

I was browsing through old photos and found this wonderful spider web with rain drops I took a couple of years ago on the Banks Peninsula trek. I feel like a lot of cob webs have been washed away... and clear, crystal light has replaced them...

I will no doubt write a ton of shit about my situation regarding my spiritual journey this week end...

For now I will float...

Fall time flowers in the Studio...

orbs

Final mixing on OPEN HEART

Yesterday I checked the final add ons and take away editing the New Recording. I will call it "OPEN HEART".
Today was a stunning Autumn day. We drove out to Frankton for a splendid lunch of Fish & Chips!
Sat outside in the autumn light admiring the Remarkables. These are the mountains filmed in the
movie Lord of The Rings. After lunch and running some errands we drove back to QT. I then went for a
long walk along the lake. I have dreamed of the day my digital camera would one day photograph an
"ORB"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today it happened. Enjoy my walk. I will write an update later tonight.
Photo of my Studio with a vase of the last of the autumn roses and spearmint from my herb garden. Photo of the ORBS
and photo of my Jonathan Livingston Seagulls.
It's pure "MAGIC".

The Recording sessions

The only way to begin this episode of events is: I am copying part of a letter I sent my dearest friend Diviana. Then as the weekend unfolds I will tell more.

I have been back in Queenstown about three hours. The weather Thursday and Friday was like out of some damned horror movie starring Dracula and Frankenstein as lovers. I kept thinking a major storm will cancel this project AGAIN?

I had scheduled a session with my Reflexologist for Thursday morning at 11:45 AM thinking that would be a most cleansing, relaxing ritual to experience before driving for two and three quarters of an hour to Invercargille.

My GOD! I COULD NOT FIND ANNA'S HOUSE! I have driven there time after time! She called me on my Vodafone wondering where I was. I told her I was out of my mind, someplace in Fern Hill, (Anna lives in Sunshine Bay!) She is so incredible and kind. She talks me all the way to her drive way. I float in. She says, "What is going on?" I told her "I feel fucked up!"

She went to work with her magic hands and angelic energy. I walked out feeling grounded. Pack the car, say goodbye to my family here at the house and begin driving. I drove through winds, sleet, rain, cold and dark clouds. The roads were a mess with branches blown across them, lost sheep and oil slicks. I made it into Invercargille.

Mind you, I have a real story to tell how I discovered this young man who is at The Southern Institute of Music. He is an absolute angel. I drove right to the motel within in walking distance of his house. His house was built in 1909 - 1912. Amazing Villa. Old wood, lead cut stained glass. His wife is an artist. Great art work on fabric, murals... The room we work in must have been a huge dining room or ball room. Crown moldings, amazingly high ceilings. I LOVE IT. Totally me.

Diviana had written me an e mail that was very special. I printed it and carried it with me. She knows how many times this project has been thwarted by powers beyond my control. Mike the Engineer drives me to the main studio at the Institute. He was all ready to go. I told him to give me a few moments alone to center and balance myself as I have felt all strung out... then I'd let him know when I was ready. I wanted to lay down the THEME FOR DIVIANA first before anything got in the way of that piece. (I had to make sure the piano would not crumble to pieces or the cables from the piano to the recording engineer's room did not explode... BIG MEDITATIONS TIME)

I tell you, I am living proof that there are Etherian Golden Drops of Magical Vibrational Elixirs that filtered down on my balding head, heart and hands. 1st "take" almost was perfect! 2nd "take" is a keeper. End of that composition. On to my next piece: WALKING WOUNDED. This was inspired by a piece of art one of my dearest friends channeled. It has everything in it from Eastern Philosophy to smoky dark bar rooms and a bit of Gypsy color... It went off like magic!
Everything flowed. I was exhausted by midnight. (I only record at night) We had set the times from 8 PM until midnight.

Last night we worked at Mike's house from 7 PM until 2:30 AM. I went to bed at 3 and awoke at 7:30 AM! Why so long? This is the hardest part of a recording. The Bells and Whistles... Strings, bass, percussion, pre mixing you name it. I have a CD.
A very rough draft. Mike will have to compress somethings, repair
glitches and smooth out all the icing on this cake. He can do it and will!

I cried driving home. There were times I felt this enormous force pushing me across the middle lane into an approaching car called head on fucking wreck. I was a mess once again. I am a different man for having gone through this ordeal. I actually believed I may be having a nervous brake down. God, do people still have nervous Break Downs? My grandmother's used to say their "nerves were acting up". I honestly had to fight in my mind and body to stay on the road. It was a war zone. I know the darkest side of things cannot take control of you IF you do not cooperate. I think I may have chopped the heads off of some ugly demons that have been living in my head and body for years.

I am home safe and sound and back with my MAC, my tunes, and my life beside the beauty of a lake, mountains and sky.
Autumn is on the edge... I do like Invercargille. Get this: This recording will be my last and I made it in the Southern Most City on Planet Earth!!! I stood years ago on the edge of a grassy cliff which dropped off into the ocean as I hiked around the southern most farm in the world. Yes, South America has Patagonia, but it 'aint a city. Invercargill is a large city and very 50's. People are kind and they remember you. The buildings are wonderful and shopping reminds me of when I was a young boy in Ogden Utah! More later.

Poetry, music, memories...

I love my I pod. Years ago I always had a tape deck with ear plugs attached to my body, no matter where or what hour of the day... Sound pouring into my ears feeding my mind, heart and body. Now this delicate thing called I POD is my newest love. I have over 1500 pieces of music on this little white playing card!

Today I listened to 5 of the Beethoven Symphonies. That is one hell of a lot of music! Like major overload, but not for me nor my musical heart, especially when one is walking or laying down...

Chopin is often given the crown of being the "THE POET OF THE PIANO". I do relate poetry to music. Both use the same elements of sound, harmony, timber, rhythm and color to paint emotions and pictures in the invisible. I think of the Grand Tetons when I hear
Beethoven. Therefore I am sharing a poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay about Beethoven. Actually two of her poems. One is regarding my love for Beethoven another is for lost loves and memories of loves...

ON HEARING A SYMPHONY OF BEETHOVEN

Sweet sounds, oh, beautiful music, do not cease!
Reject me not into the world again.
With you alone is excellence and peace,
Mankind made plausible, his purpose plain.
Enchanted in your air benign and shrewd,
With limbs a - sprawl and empty faces, pale,
The spiteful and the stingy and the rude
Sleep like the scullions in the fairy - tale.
This moment is the best the world can give:
The tranquil blossom on the tortured stem.
Reject me not, sweet sounds; oh, let me live,
Till Doom espy my towers and scatter them,
A city spell - bound under the aging sun.
Music my rampart, and my only one.

WHAT LIPS MY LIPS HAVE KISSED

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply;
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in the winter stands a lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet know it's boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone;
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

BTW a story will be written about the new recording. For nearly 7 years! What a story. I begin recording a week from today
IF I can keep focused. I have been given an angel for an engineer. This will be amazing in the fact of simply the journey getting my original music into a studio setting!

I think I will listen to Keith Jarrett's The Koln Concert as I drift off into dream land. I have loved this man's piano since I was 20 years old.

A day in the Queenstown Gardens

A perfect day! A perfect 'balance' in everything. I spent most of the day walking around parts of the lake and in the Gardens.
Everything from weddings to bowling on the green. People soaking up the rays of the sun and some people just reading, sleeping
and then there are the one's busy texting on their phones.

Ross had my new chain for my "cross" and the arts fair was magic. Took Anne and Michael to lunch at "Flavors", then I departed on my walk about. Got home about 5:30, took a lay down. Dinner was on the patio with beautiful tomatoes stuffed with tuna salad made with fresh basil and rosemary from my herb garden. French bread and apricot jam I made yesterday. Nice wine and very strong coffee after dins.

Now I'll make some music at the keyboard, read and meditate before dream land beckons me into slumber. BTW, found the
lines from As You Like It by Shakespeare that I miss quoted yesterday. It is:

ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE,
AND ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN,
MERELY PLAYERS;

THEY HAVE THEIR EXITS
AND THEIR ENTRANCES,
AND ONE MAN IN HIS TIME PLAYS MANY PARTS.

There! Even William believed in Reincarnation and Karma!

How do we survive some things?

I just finished watching a movie that I have watched before, "LATTER-DAYS". It is about a gay mormon missionary.

For many years I have been far away and over come so much of my past, but there are times when I sit in amazement to think I actually survived my own mormon mission from 1966 to 1968. I survived a relationship with a mormon bishop's wife who was beautiful but 25 years older than me. To think I survived 7 USO tours during the 70's and regardless of close encounters with near death accidents from South East Asia to Iceland, I survived!

Two times in my life I tried and sincerely meant to kill myself. One time with a bottle of Valium and a fifth of Vodka. Another time refusing to take the antibiotic I needed for a staff infection.

When I think about it for even a few moments I am humbled to think that every human being's existence in a physical body is a miracle. The odds against a person living past the first few months of their birth is quite astounding. All the INVISIBLE DEMONS one cannot see create such near death possibilities.

Invisible VIRUSES, unstable genetic codes, unknown accidents and risks that are in our pathway every step of the way. Dysfunctional families to abusive teachers, evil religious leaders and politicians. It is a miracle and enlightening to think I have survived all 60 years of my life.

Are there guardian angels? Some refer to karmic justice? Is the life we live pre-destine and we really have no say in the outcome? Does the law of attraction begin at birth or after we mature? I've watched some of my friends die in agony, some die peacefully and others die so quickly I'm not sure they knew just how fast it happened... I guess the main thing is we that survive years after the separation with certain people we love or that have loved us.

I once had a person tell me they had been in love with me for years. I DID NOT KNOW IT! NOT A CLUE! I know other people I have often cared for that I know have no inkling that I even care about them. WHY? Roy Oberson said it all in his song: "You Don't Know Me."

"To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wildflower.
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour..." Wm Blake

"Come forth into the light of things. Let Nature be your GUIDE!" Wordsworth...

Every person is struggling to survive in his or her own way and live the script they were handed.
Remember Shakespeare's famous line:
The world's a stage, or was it Life is a stage and we are the actors that strut? I'm sure someone has figured it out!

Maybe the answer is INVISIBLE! or so obvious we can't see it. Or is it that someone that prays for us showers us with a protective film. Something so cosmic and celestial it is beyong our knowing or understanding?

Vinita

When I travel I often take along a member of my crystal family. I have a collection in the States and one here in New Zealand.

The other day I drove friends to Glenorchy so they could experience a Jet River Boat trip on the Dart River. I took VINITA with me. I have had this jewel for about 5 years. She stands 1 & 3/4 of an inch tall. She is a 'perfect' crystal. I sat her on a table near the river. The sun and the rock were having a dance of amazing light refraction's and other things were going on!

I grabbed the camera and captured four amazing photos. You can see the blue sky filtering through and the rainbows of radiant color. Vinita has been cleansed, played in the sun and is sitting my my window very peaceful and content.

Stones are very sacred to me. They hold energy and memory. They are created from stardust and eons of time give them form and place them through out the universe...

I recall that wonderful line at the end of the movie: A RIVER RUNS THROUGH IT when Norman says something to the effect of
"water's haunt me and on the rocks under the waters are written the names of those that have gone before me and before them... all eternity"

There is magic in rocks as well they are full of minerals, data, lets not deny the magic of crystals in computers, watches and probably some salt and dirt! I LOVE UM!

Celestine Prophecy

On September 14, 1995 I purchased a copy of the book, "The Celestine Prophecy" at the Valley Book Store in Jackson Hole WY.
I have that very book with me in my Studio here in Queenstown, New Zealand. The book changed the way I interpreted events, meeting of people and relationships in my life.

A lifetime of situations had occurred in my life's journey before 1995, but for me, the book brought everything to a glistening point of light.

A week ago I discovered that Amazon.com had the DVD
"The Celestine Prophecy",for sale! I purchased it. I have watched it three times.

The older I get the more I believe that NOTHING just happens. That we are guided, informed and guarded by energy that vibrates on a level that is invisible to our eyes, but we feel, sense and on a deep cellular level, KNOW exists.

I spent Valentine's Day and night at one of my sacred shrines on planet earth. Mount Cook. I had a wonderful time but could not sleep. I kept having dreams, thoughts of my dyeing kept swimming through my thoughts. Finally at 5:00 AM I drifted off
into a fitful slumber. All the next day I was emotionally very ill at ease. I suffered horrific head and body aches. I am fine
now. In fact excellent.

Something, be it heavy baggage I was carrying sub consciously or possibly a virus, but I was not
100% of what I normally am. I sat up and watched the DVD last night. I figured some very interesting bits and pieces out about why I felt ill at ease and realized HOW and WHEN I chose to give up some of this baggage. I honestly thought that years ago I had overcome so many fears, anger and depression. All I had done was give some of the fears/anger NEW LABELS and put lipstick and new costumes on their old faces! Even used medication to put band-aids on my broken heart.

I am working on getting them far far far away from my present soul, mind and body! Funny how we are so CO-DEPENDENT ON OUR OWN FEARS! How we cannot and will not LET GO of thoughts, which are very real. Thoughts create concepts and concepts are "possibilities". What the mind can conceive, if the heart can believe you will achieve.... That means good or bad thoughts become real IF you believe in them.

We have to always be "AWARE", eyes OPEN WIDE and not simply pass off simple coincidences, people we encounter, sounds, color, darkness and scents that occur from moment to moment.

Do rent the DVD or go see the movie. God, I'm trying to burn some old luggage once again! Damned stuff stinks.

The Gift Was Ours to borrow...

Equilibrium, balance, center... Very difficult to do when one's brain chemicals are in limbo! The past few days have been strange for many people including myself. Friends have e mailed asking what in hell is going on? Well, I do have balls but
they are not made of crystal! So best thing I can say is: The entire planet is in a process of change and mankind is also!

Notice the honey bees in my lavender. I sat in the garden having my coffee and toast this morning and captured a shot of this deliciously chubby little 'maker of honey'
as he was having a delirious climax on the blossoms...
The bees were making music, literally singing along with the birds that were gossiping like crazy old women in the bird bath! It was humid and warm and a feeling of peace and calm came over me that I have not sensed in days.

It was as if out of no where I began to sing softly in my head: LOOK! my eyes are drrrry, THE GIFT WAS OURS TO BARROW, It's as IF we ALWAYS KNEW! and I won't forget what I did for love......Gone, LOVE is NEVER gone! as we travel on LOVE'S WHAT WE'LL REMEMBER! Kiss today good by, and point me 'toward tomorrow, we did what we had to do, won't forget, can't regret what I did for love...

An enormous sense of "release" came over me... I've always loved A CHORUS LINE and used to make drunken jokes about my funeral. When they (who ever they will be at that time?) lift my coffin up and march out of my funeral, I want the last BIG CHORUS of "ONE" PLAYED LOUD ENOUGH TO BLAST THE RAFTERS OFF THE BUILDING. "ONE! SINGULAR SENSATION, EVERY LITTLE STEP HE TAKES! ONE! MOMENT IN HIS PRESENCE EVERY MOVE THAT HE MAKES... LA la la la...." but, I never dreamed the words of" What I Did For Love" would be so comforting to me!

I think, for myself anyway, I have moved into a different light! Being 60 is not bad for me! I am gradually giving up labels, titles, the need to PROVE, ACHIEVE, be something, somebody... I am not trying to be a great body builder anymore. Just want to maintain what I have. Do not need to perform great concerts and make recordings, Just want to be able to make my kind of music! The world? Hell, war has been a major part of my life! Well, it is pretty difficult for some one to attack you when you REFUSE to cooperate with them! I lay down my weapons. Shoot me, whatever.

The GIFT of LOVE and ART in all expressions were mine and still are! I'll kiss today goodbye and I'm pointed 'toward tomorrow...

I remember a Master Teacher in the art of SHOLIN telling me once to always seek three things: balance, equilibrium and CENTER. He did say as an after thought: "If that fails, go sit beside a tree and eat a peach!"

HAPPENINGS beyond my explanations...

IF NO ONE ASKS ME ABOUT IT, THEN I KNOW WHAT IT IS; BUT IF SOMEONE ASKS ME ABOUT IT AND I TRY TO EXPLAIN IT TO HIM, THEN I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS... ST. AUGUSTINE, (Confessions)

The words of St. Augustine explain why I have not written a new blog all this week. Too many unexplainable, yet wonderful things have been happening. I may not be the "Spiritual Person" the american religious right would approve of, however in my own mind, body and soul I have and always will be "in touch" with my "higher self". I am guided, informed and guarded.

I cannot explain some of the things that have occurred this week but they have all been blessings and gifts.

I made contact with a woman I met 25 years ago who was once a secretary for Shirley MacLane. We are back in touch via the blessing of the inter-net. She is and always will hold a special place in my heart.

I dialed a number I have had in storage on my mobile vodafone for more than a year just to see WHO it could be? A person answered the phone. it is a person I NEED to be in contact with and hope to see in the near future!

I go to the Dorothy Brown Arts Movie Theatre in Arrowtown Sunday to view the movie, THE QUEEN. (no pun intended.) I dream of owning one of these places one day maybe in another lifetime. There is a coffee-wine bar and arty bookstore in the lobby. Tables to sit and visit while sipping fine wine, cheeses or teas and coffees. Deep soft chairs, fresh cut flowers, paintings on the walls and books for sale new and used line the walls. I find a book by Patrick Suskind "On Love and Death". A very short essay. I buy it. EVERY WORD OF THIS BOOK I NEED RIGHT NOW!

Today I had my first Reflexology session with Anna. She is so booked that I have not been able to get in with her until now.
She has moved her practice to Sunshine Baby on Hayes Paddock Road. This woman is one of the most beautiful, loving humans on this planet. She literally helped me to forgive and release so much baggage last year. I was suffering with the arthritis, prostate, sciatica, shoulder pain, acid reflux, God it goes on and on. She hit trigger points that sent me threw the roof last year.
We searched for the deeper reasons and meanings of the problems and learned how to FORGIVE and RELEASE the CAUSE and accept the LESSON. Today was magic. My right foot is much more balanced and hardly a problem area. The Left foot. Well, it is the FEMININE side of the body. I have always had one hell of a time accepting and allowing my feminine side to live freely. In the 60's and 70's I OVER COMPENSATED for being gay and lived in such denial and fear I all but cut the tits of my girlie man self! I HAVE KNOWN STRAIGHT MEN that are more in touch with the female of their minds and body!
Crap was going on with this foot. We are working it through with some amazing work. Here is the stunning part. I am cutting rib steak for dinner this evening, DRUM ROLL!!! I CUT DEEPLY INTO MY THUMB ON MY LEFT HAND! LEFT SIDE!!! I dropped the knife and yelled "holy shit!" I am realizing something very very deep here. I injured my left elbow a month ago at the gym. GO F---ING FIGURE!

Then, I performed a mini concert for the first time in years of Bach, Chopin, Beethoven. This is a very complicated story and I will tell it at another time, but I honestly "channeled the music". I have never played so beautifully and with such confidence.

I watched all of the first season of Tales of The City the past two nights. When Anna Madrigal is explaining to Edgar Halcyon about Atlantis, I stopped breathing! I now know something about a woman that was so important in my past and died in 1980. I nearly fainted. I stopped the DVD and backtracked to the scene and watched it over and over. This particular woman I am speaking about lived in San Francisco most of her life. It was not an accident how I found her in my searching for an apartment on a raining night and my life was changed for ever. Only thing different than Anna Madrigal is: I MOVED TO 620 - 28th Street Ogden Utah and the tales of city story takes place at 28-Barbarry Lane, San Francisco.

This is not the end of the tiny bits of gold that kept showing up between events all the past week. My dreams were OUT OF THIS WORLD and mind you, I have NOT been smoking weed or drinking vodka! I wonder if the comet that is slowly dissipating from the western sky has anything to do with my "keen awareness"... I took this self portrait this week of what a happy 60 year old man looks like! Sweet dreams...

A view of the NEW PAINT on the outside walls of my studio! Forgive the damned glare of the shinny thing on my shirt. The camera seems to go crazy over it. The steak sandwich I had at Glenorchy Restaurant. $16.00 NZD. Such a great deal and it was excellent. I love Glenhorchy. Some people find it all to boring. I have another snap shot of the mountains in snow looking out of the window of the restaurant in Glenorchy. I should invest in some land in that end of road place. Hummmmm?

The state of the world...

For the first time in many many days I sat at this computer and searched through news just to see if the world was still existing and to see and learn just what the situations with war, famine, weather, human encounters were as compared to a few days ago. I read through such resources as: CNN, MSNBC, BBC including my own JH WY news.
I spend some time every few days in FACTNET.COM a site about cults and situations with religious groups. I always enjoy PIANOWORLD.COM and other music sites as well as YOU TUBE. I was depressed after the hour I wasted rambling through the news.

I thank what ever the source may be that allows me to still be humbled by the magnitude and magnificence of nature, art, and music. I love poetry because it seems to be a cousin or sibling to the language of music. After giving some thought to the state of the world I recalled a poem written by one of my favorite poets, Edna St. Vincent Millay.

APOSTROPHE TO MAN
(ON REFLECTING THAT THE WORLD IS READY TO GO TO WAR AGAIN)

Detestable race, continue to expunge yourself, die
out.
Breed faster, crowd, encroach, sing hymns, build bomb-
ing airplanes;
Make speeches, unveil statues, issue bonds, parade;
Convert again into explosives the bewildered ammonia
and the distracted cellulose;
Convert again into putrescent matter drawing flies
The hopeful bodies of the young; exhort,
Pray, pull long faces, be earnest, be all but overcome,
be photographed;
Confer, perfect your formulae, commercialize
Bacteria harmful to human tissue,
Put death on the market;
Breed, crowd, encroach, expand, expunge yourself, die
out,
HOMO called SAPIENS.

It says it all. God, that woman was wise even if she drank a bit too much and smoked way far too much. She lived through some strange times politically and artistically. Thank God she lived period. At least for my sake.

I find I always feel better when I stay far away from the television or radio news. I am not afraid of news, I just hate propaganda and lies! I lived many lies for far too many years. Some call it it denial, I call it survival of the human soul.

Objects Choose me, I do not always choose them...

I miss my K.Kawi baby grand piano in WY. I often reflect of how I purchased that instrument. We were looking for a particular car wash in Idaho Falls. Could not find it! Been there over the years a hundred times. Finally out of desperation stopped at a piano store that I have driven by many times but never been inside. It sits along the highway that the car wash is located, but damn we could not find the car wash so we parked the car and entered the shop called,
"PIANO GALLERY". Yes, the young man inside the store knew where I wanted to go. I glanced around the show room full of some amazing grand pianos. I did not tell the young man I could play or knew anything about pianos. My eyes fell upon a Yamaha Grand Piano. I touched it's satin finish, reached out to softly touch the keys. Moved on to another fine instrument, a Shimmel Grand. stunning cabinet. I turned from the grands and noticed a small baby grand in the line up of so many pianos, walked up to it, sat down and begin to play the Prelude in C major by Bach, then the Fantasie Impromptu by Chopin, then Clair de Lune by Debussy. By this time quite a audience had congregated around the instrument. This piano reached out to me. It simply breathed under my hands. The salesman complimented me and wanted me to please play a certain concert grand that had just arrived on the floor. I happily followed him to the monsterous black whale. It played wonderfully, but I COULD NOT GET THE LITTLE K. KAWI out of my mind and ears! Even as I was performing on the Concert grand my eyes would wonder over to the Kawai baby grand! After playing what seemed 20 pianos I went back to the K. Kawai. It simply reached out to me like an orphan begging to be adopted. "take me! I'm the best!". Before the hour was over, I had written a check for the K. Kawai baby grand and it was to be delivered in WY the next evening! WHAT IN HELL HAD I DONE? Found a BRAND NEW, NEVER BEFORE PLAYED PIANO THAT WAS MADE FOR ME and the piano KNEW MY TOUCH!

I wanted the piano upstairs beside my bed. I always dreamed of one day, awakening in the morning or after a nap to behold a piano I loved right beside me! The two guys that drove the piano over in a storm did not appear to be able to lift or manipulate this monster up the stair case, through a narrow door into a rather large bedroom. THEY DID IT!

Finally I was alone with this incredible instrument that had mysteriously reached out to my musical heart and mind. What a remarkable instrument! The black sensuously shaped hulk standing on three very delicate, narrow legs. I lifted the top and propped it's enormous weight and size on the slender stick that supports is mass. Inside was like a jewel box. Gold, brass, steel, red felt, iron and the emblem stamped on the gleaming spruce pine sounding board. The fall board over the keys was like revealing the most sexually covered parts of a person's body. Because here is where my hands would translate energy into the guts of this Pandora's box and release all of my passions that I could never put into words. These 88 keys with their pattern of 3 then 2 black keys and the rest white held all the mathematical equations that would allow me to express my emotions through the invisible illusion of sound. Silver sounds that would disappear on sound waves into infinity.

Many times I walk into a book store not really searching for a book and I walk right to the area, shelve and book that needs me! I have experienced this always with rocks and crystals. I have some amazing crystals and they have always found me.
I believe the same attraction works with the people we encounter in acting out the drama of our lifetimes. The actors appear. As the old Zen saying: "When you are ready the teacher will appear."

Roses...

This year the roses have been breath taking. Every two or three days I fill my studio with bouquets of roses! I know
some people do not like roses because the petals fall on the ground. (Messy little buggers). They have thorns and
drive some people crazy when they cut them or hold a stem in their hands!
I love to touch rose petals. They feel like the most beautiful, sensuous flesh I could ever dream of touching. I love to bury my
nose in the center of a rose and inhale beauty. Years ago, I received a gorgeous bouquet of yellow roses and sweet
peas! Simply amazing. I never wanted them to wither and die.
(Notice, I have a very bad habit of leaving my keys in the door.)

Yesterday we attended the A&P Show at Lake Hayes. A&P IS NOT A GROCERY STORE IN NZ. It is Animals and Produce. Kind
of like a very dated, small county fair at home in WY. The sun was a scorcher. I had to wear my cap at all times because
I have fried the "HOLE IN THE OZONE OF MY HEAD" to a crisp RED. Meaning the bald spot is a hot spot. I cannot afford
to have anymore sun damage on my skin! I'm carrying on about the direct sun and now it is a down pour. Never stopped
raining since last night! One nice thing: THE ROSE BUSHES LOVE THIS WEATHER! HOT then wet and cool. So, regardless of the
rain I will fill my room with roses!