February has always been a special month.
It signifies LOVE and we celebrate LOVE on February 14th because of a certain Saint having the name of Valentine! I think we should celebrate in some 'secret way' Christmas and Valentines everyday of our very very very short lifetimes, but, of course we don't!
I have no regard for politicians, therefore, I do not recognize George Washington's or Abe Lincoln's Birth dates, they just happen to have Birthdays that occurred during the month of February! I do think of one of my Grandmother's who's Birthday is in February.
DEATHS:
Every year I light a candle and play a piece on the piano for Percy Grainger. He died on February 20th 1961. When he died I was 15 years old. I loved his solo arrangements for piano of the great concerto themes and his folk tunes!
He was a handsome man, very much into WALKING, HIKING and HE ARDENTLY defended Crowell during that horrible episode of bigotry during the 50's against gays. Gay people were looked upon as the lowest of mankind! I am a most privileged pianist in the fact, that I was given an entire afternoon alone in his museum.
NO ONE ELSE was in the museum in Melbourne OZ. Yep, Percy was born in the land of OZ! He was a role model for me. I have a wee photo of him at the piano framed in pewter that I carry with me when I travel.
BIRTHDAYS:
Another great person was born on February 22, 1892. Edna St. Vincent Millay. This woman was and still is a role model for me. She was an amazing woman and her talent still rings with truth and magic! She died when she was 57. Her mother gave birth to her in the state of Maine 117 years ago!
Another shinning light and guide in my life as well as so many musicians seeking to FIND THEIR PLACE in the world of making music at the piano is a woman in NY. Carol Montparker.
She celebrated her 70th birthday Thursday February 19, 2009, and what a celebration! She performed a recital in the Weill Recital Hall at Carnegie Hall, NYC. May she have many many more years of sharing and giving the gift of music.
Since I was 5 years old I was fortunate to find "my voice" the piano. I simply have always wanted to know HOW TO USE IT!
Percy, Edna, Carol, Virginia, Seymour, James, Frederic, Alex, Dorothy, Mary and my grandmothers and ever so many other TEACHERS from many other places have helped show me HOW to USE MY VOICE: The silver sound of a piano!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Fires
Australia is an amazing Continent, Island, what ever... (they never really tell you what they think they are land wise!) It is the same size as the USA lacking about 16 miles. The recent movie titled AUSTRALIA is a long long movie, but worth a view... It expresses the stoic strong soul of Aussies...
In 1988 Yellowstone was in flames... it truly was a terrible year. (It was also a DADDY BUSH YEAR! GO FIGURE!) Pine trees have "sap" from which turpentine is made ... it also has so many other wonderful healing elements. Pine nuts are one of the natural "nuts" loaded with protein. The Italians knew the tiny white nuts were of value. Pine nuts are one of the sacred parts of a great PESTO!
OZ is burning up and down! also drowning in floods... Like America. Hot, cold, wet, dry, as the Bible says, You will not know one season from the other!
Actually it is the earth evolving in her own progression as a living being. This spaceship we live on is cleaning house and developing some "NEW PARADISES... PLACES... PEOPLE..." Lots of humans like to think we are controlled by a God that JUDGES... well we are what we are and what we are is energy.
More stories begin tonight as it is raining and cold in QT New Zealand. This drop in the barometric pressure always sets my creative cells into motion... musically or written words... sometimes color, painting... I do not dance well in the rain anymore.
Secrets are escaping from the hidden chambers of my heart and mind that I thought I had buried years ago. Guess what? They are not bad memories, they are what has made me a person!
In 1988 Yellowstone was in flames... it truly was a terrible year. (It was also a DADDY BUSH YEAR! GO FIGURE!) Pine trees have "sap" from which turpentine is made ... it also has so many other wonderful healing elements. Pine nuts are one of the natural "nuts" loaded with protein. The Italians knew the tiny white nuts were of value. Pine nuts are one of the sacred parts of a great PESTO!
OZ is burning up and down! also drowning in floods... Like America. Hot, cold, wet, dry, as the Bible says, You will not know one season from the other!
Actually it is the earth evolving in her own progression as a living being. This spaceship we live on is cleaning house and developing some "NEW PARADISES... PLACES... PEOPLE..." Lots of humans like to think we are controlled by a God that JUDGES... well we are what we are and what we are is energy.
More stories begin tonight as it is raining and cold in QT New Zealand. This drop in the barometric pressure always sets my creative cells into motion... musically or written words... sometimes color, painting... I do not dance well in the rain anymore.
Secrets are escaping from the hidden chambers of my heart and mind that I thought I had buried years ago. Guess what? They are not bad memories, they are what has made me a person!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Ensemble
ENSEMBLE
An "ensemble" is when a group of musicians, dancers or actors come together in concert. It could also mean "assemble"? Bringing together people that will make something beautiful, good, possibly something so very devastating it could destroy the universe! I believe that "ensemble work" is a major learning experiences for any pianist. Why? Because, pianists are truly solo musicians. They have an entire galaxy of sound at their finger tips. Pianists also suffer incredible doubts, fears and ego problems that many times can isolate them from other musicians. Accompanists MUST give and take, share kindness that enhances one purpose: MUSIC! Many parts becoming one and the one being many parts that are separate yet all in one.
In the late 60's I was asked to be the pianist for a Musical Review called "HIGH FEVER FOLLIES". It was a community fund raising project that would create an "ensemble" of local people who within a short time frame of about two weeks would produce a variety show of comedy, dancing, singing backed by a small orchestra for the performance. The sponsor of the production was an Auxiliary from the Saint Benedict's Hospital. They were women who belonged to most local clubs, Junior League, MacDowell Society, Literary Club, The Symphony Guild... People who's names and faces you would see and read about in the "SOCIETY" section of the Sunday edition of the daily newspaper.
Cargill Productions was a theatrical company in NYC. They hired out a "package" a show with director, costumes, musical scores most everything that a fund raising organization could use to make money by producing a show from local talent.
I signed the contract. I would be the rehearsal pianist, which translated into many long hours at the piano of which I did not mind. Little did I know that out of this experience I would meet some of the most lasting and meaningful friends, love affairs and learning paradigms that would last through out my life time.
The person that asked me "if" there was a possibility I would take on the job was a lovely woman but, I sensed some kind of desperation within her energy. She was possibly 10 years older than me. She told me she had four children, loved music. She was a Catholic and had worked with various charity organization within the community.
She had dark auburn hair, a very athletic body. I could tell by her mannerisms and speech She was most definitely not born or raised in the state of Utah.
Previous to my meeting with her, I had seen her at a Utah Symphony Concert. The night of that concert she wore a long gown of dark greens and blacks accented with silver jewelry. (NO GOLD?)
During the intermission she stepped outside to smoke a cigarette. I being a smoker observed the way she held her cigarette. She radiated perfect health and her fingernails were not painted. They were hands that do things... possibly play piano, garden, cook... Little did I know that months later she would meet me in the parking lot of the local College and ask me to work with her in the Follies. This meeting was the embryo of a friendship that would last from that day into my forever. This woman became a guardian angel in my personal as well as musical life.
Most of the musicians were people I knew or had heard of... We had enough instrumentalists , but we were desperate for a drummer. I called the music department at the College. There was a young man who had been made the head of the "Percussion Dept." REALLY? Never heard of such a department at Weber State College... I called him. Yes, he would come to a rehearsal and see if the times, dates and most of all, the pay worked within his hectic schedule.
The "Percussionist" arrived at rehearsal. A gorgeous man. Dark wavy hair,
mustache that matched the hair on his head. Glasses, and beautiful hands. Soft shiny dark hair on the tops of his fingers and furry arms. Could I possibly have know this man in another lifetime?
He moved his drums into the orchestra pit. He set up behind the grand piano on my left hand side. He asked if the piano could be turned slightly so he could see my hands. The first time he made a cymbal crash I felt the heat of a 1000 shards of sweet painful glass explode through my veins. He did not read the sloppy scores, he WATCHED my every move at the key board and anticipated the movements of my body, hands and mind in perfect sync.
He was a walking, breathing, talking symphony orchestra. My musical life had found a soul mate.
I discovered years ago, when I was 5 years old, That to be 'adored' would become one of the most addictive drugs I could have ever imagined. It was a craving far more potent than alcohol or pot would ever become in my lifetime.
In 1968 my picture was everywhere because of a musical review wherein I was the featured pianist. When I would walk down State Street in SLC people looked at me. They smiled at me. I would glance and see them whispering.
For some unexplainable reason I thought I had "star quality"... The drug of being ADORED soared through every vessel of my body.
Drummer Boy and I became very close friends. We used to have dinner at an Italian restaurant where they served beer. I hate beer. I loved Vodka. He drank beer, I drank coffee while eating pizza. I watched every move he made. The way he held a can of beer. The way he leaned over the table as he talked while holding a fork in his hand. The way he would lean his head back and laugh...
He told me stories about his life. He witnessed his father die of a heart attack when Drummer Boy was like 5 years old. He was raised by his grandparents. He had a voice that was between a baritone and a tenor... His voice was recorded into the canyons of my mind where voices are imprinted forever... the voices that echo deep within your DNA and you never forget. he loved cats... he would confide in me events that had occurred through out his day being a young college professor. I'd listen, but my mind would be all over the place thinking: how I could MAKE this MAN WANT ME! I need this certain "FIX"!
I had never experienced a PERCUSSION RECITAL. He was presenting a FACULTY RECITAL. He asked IF I wanted to accompany the last half of the recital because it would feature his skill playing Xylophone and required piano accompaniment. I attempted learning the music, but I declined. In part, because I simply could not discipline myself to learn the music and I felt that the new woman who had been given the position as HEAD OF THE PIANO DEPT. should be the one playing this concert. I thought over and over: "How will such a musical recital be received by people that honestly did not understand percussive sounds or how they were set into motion.
In the 70's and 80's anyone that knew me had to know my Land Lady. She had the telephone. She screened my calls and when I was gone for weeks at a time took care of my check book. She was my secretary, PR representative and protector! She adored Drummer Boy!
The night of the concert was magic. The Theater was filled with musicians as well as artists, dancers and people from the drama department.
The stage props were drums, gongs, bells and more chimes and drums. A maze of brass, silver, glinted slants of light reflecting from surfaces, like flesh, waiting to be touched, struck against, brushed... set into motion. The lights dimmed. He walked onto the stage looking amazingly handsome and confident. Two energies all men seek and envy. He was in his 'element', he knew the secret of being 'adored'... being the creator of something magical gave him complete power: star quality. At times I have compared performers of music to Porno Stars... They are beautiful men and women, but have something other people do not possess: A MAGNIFICENT INSTRUMENT that can amaze and give life to the imagination... fantasy made reality.
He moved like a classically trained ballet dancer yet something so mystically balanced between heaven and earth gave flight to his every breath. Reaching, bending, sliding, stepping, arms conducting like an eagle in flight. It was a sensuous dance from some place beyond words. Every person in the audience felt it, swam in it's transparent star waters... One did not "LISTEN" they BECAME PART OF THE MOMENT! Forever, one must remember: There are no ordinary moments. The sound unlocked hidden ideas, thoughts, the stuff angels and cherub's silken midnight sperms are made of!
Xylophone and piano were gorgeous. The Fantasie Impromptu by Chopin being one of my favorite expressions in sound. The Saber Dance by Khathuturian was dynamic. This arm of the program was reaching out to the the heart's of many people in the audience who did not understand or care to listen to the cacophony of sounds that the percussive instruments breathed life into and touched the hidden secrets of their DNA. The Xylophone and piano gave peace and rest to those that dared not go where angels never tread.
The piano and Xylophone were bliss to my heart and soul. Piano was the silver sound that I had felt and touched with my heart and soul from my infancy and hopefully to the end of my mortal life.
The event came to an end. People stood, they talked, they moved... My Land lady and I sat... I like entrances. I would know when the time was right for us to walk on the stage and embrace the artist. From that moment on into eternity he belonged to my "Private Club". He was one of my celestial siblings.
Many people have walked in and out of my life for decades. Some still sing their songs to me in dreams. At times when I am walking or meditating I hear their voices. I know they live within my heart.
Drummer Man played percussion on my first LP recording. It was a great success.
After 1979 I suffered some very difficult times economically as well as mentally. In 1980 I began a journey on a spiritual path that to this very day I am still pursuing. Many of my closest friends died in the 70's and 80's. I became a recluse. I suffered unexplainable depression. I disappeared in numerous bottles of Vodka... I drifted "in and out" of reality.
Drummer Boy moved. He was out of my life and living on a different stage. Eventually I moved. Different lighting, different make up and different theater.
I decided to make a new recording. I called him asking IF there was a possibility he would share his magic in the creation of this musical endeavor. He said YES!
I had composed a piece of music in three parts. "The Other Side Of Time". I dedicated it to a person I love with all my heart. Everything fell into place except this original piece.
I laid down the piano and string lines before leaving the piece for the engineer to perform a re-mix. Anything to make it sound musical.
Unknown to me,Drummer Boy returned to the studio on his own accord and completely orchestrated "The Other Side of Time"... He literally married my piano to a cosmic pulse that finalized the composition's final breath onto cellophane! Cassette tape.
I learned a most delicate and fragile lesson from that recording.
Love is given in many different ways and Drummer Boy gave me the greatest expression of his sincerest love: HE MADE ME SOUND FABULOUS! There is no greater love... especially for someone that has to be adored.
An "ensemble" is when a group of musicians, dancers or actors come together in concert. It could also mean "assemble"? Bringing together people that will make something beautiful, good, possibly something so very devastating it could destroy the universe! I believe that "ensemble work" is a major learning experiences for any pianist. Why? Because, pianists are truly solo musicians. They have an entire galaxy of sound at their finger tips. Pianists also suffer incredible doubts, fears and ego problems that many times can isolate them from other musicians. Accompanists MUST give and take, share kindness that enhances one purpose: MUSIC! Many parts becoming one and the one being many parts that are separate yet all in one.
In the late 60's I was asked to be the pianist for a Musical Review called "HIGH FEVER FOLLIES". It was a community fund raising project that would create an "ensemble" of local people who within a short time frame of about two weeks would produce a variety show of comedy, dancing, singing backed by a small orchestra for the performance. The sponsor of the production was an Auxiliary from the Saint Benedict's Hospital. They were women who belonged to most local clubs, Junior League, MacDowell Society, Literary Club, The Symphony Guild... People who's names and faces you would see and read about in the "SOCIETY" section of the Sunday edition of the daily newspaper.
Cargill Productions was a theatrical company in NYC. They hired out a "package" a show with director, costumes, musical scores most everything that a fund raising organization could use to make money by producing a show from local talent.
I signed the contract. I would be the rehearsal pianist, which translated into many long hours at the piano of which I did not mind. Little did I know that out of this experience I would meet some of the most lasting and meaningful friends, love affairs and learning paradigms that would last through out my life time.
The person that asked me "if" there was a possibility I would take on the job was a lovely woman but, I sensed some kind of desperation within her energy. She was possibly 10 years older than me. She told me she had four children, loved music. She was a Catholic and had worked with various charity organization within the community.
She had dark auburn hair, a very athletic body. I could tell by her mannerisms and speech She was most definitely not born or raised in the state of Utah.
Previous to my meeting with her, I had seen her at a Utah Symphony Concert. The night of that concert she wore a long gown of dark greens and blacks accented with silver jewelry. (NO GOLD?)
During the intermission she stepped outside to smoke a cigarette. I being a smoker observed the way she held her cigarette. She radiated perfect health and her fingernails were not painted. They were hands that do things... possibly play piano, garden, cook... Little did I know that months later she would meet me in the parking lot of the local College and ask me to work with her in the Follies. This meeting was the embryo of a friendship that would last from that day into my forever. This woman became a guardian angel in my personal as well as musical life.
Most of the musicians were people I knew or had heard of... We had enough instrumentalists , but we were desperate for a drummer. I called the music department at the College. There was a young man who had been made the head of the "Percussion Dept." REALLY? Never heard of such a department at Weber State College... I called him. Yes, he would come to a rehearsal and see if the times, dates and most of all, the pay worked within his hectic schedule.
The "Percussionist" arrived at rehearsal. A gorgeous man. Dark wavy hair,
mustache that matched the hair on his head. Glasses, and beautiful hands. Soft shiny dark hair on the tops of his fingers and furry arms. Could I possibly have know this man in another lifetime?
He moved his drums into the orchestra pit. He set up behind the grand piano on my left hand side. He asked if the piano could be turned slightly so he could see my hands. The first time he made a cymbal crash I felt the heat of a 1000 shards of sweet painful glass explode through my veins. He did not read the sloppy scores, he WATCHED my every move at the key board and anticipated the movements of my body, hands and mind in perfect sync.
He was a walking, breathing, talking symphony orchestra. My musical life had found a soul mate.
I discovered years ago, when I was 5 years old, That to be 'adored' would become one of the most addictive drugs I could have ever imagined. It was a craving far more potent than alcohol or pot would ever become in my lifetime.
In 1968 my picture was everywhere because of a musical review wherein I was the featured pianist. When I would walk down State Street in SLC people looked at me. They smiled at me. I would glance and see them whispering.
For some unexplainable reason I thought I had "star quality"... The drug of being ADORED soared through every vessel of my body.
Drummer Boy and I became very close friends. We used to have dinner at an Italian restaurant where they served beer. I hate beer. I loved Vodka. He drank beer, I drank coffee while eating pizza. I watched every move he made. The way he held a can of beer. The way he leaned over the table as he talked while holding a fork in his hand. The way he would lean his head back and laugh...
He told me stories about his life. He witnessed his father die of a heart attack when Drummer Boy was like 5 years old. He was raised by his grandparents. He had a voice that was between a baritone and a tenor... His voice was recorded into the canyons of my mind where voices are imprinted forever... the voices that echo deep within your DNA and you never forget. he loved cats... he would confide in me events that had occurred through out his day being a young college professor. I'd listen, but my mind would be all over the place thinking: how I could MAKE this MAN WANT ME! I need this certain "FIX"!
I had never experienced a PERCUSSION RECITAL. He was presenting a FACULTY RECITAL. He asked IF I wanted to accompany the last half of the recital because it would feature his skill playing Xylophone and required piano accompaniment. I attempted learning the music, but I declined. In part, because I simply could not discipline myself to learn the music and I felt that the new woman who had been given the position as HEAD OF THE PIANO DEPT. should be the one playing this concert. I thought over and over: "How will such a musical recital be received by people that honestly did not understand percussive sounds or how they were set into motion.
In the 70's and 80's anyone that knew me had to know my Land Lady. She had the telephone. She screened my calls and when I was gone for weeks at a time took care of my check book. She was my secretary, PR representative and protector! She adored Drummer Boy!
The night of the concert was magic. The Theater was filled with musicians as well as artists, dancers and people from the drama department.
The stage props were drums, gongs, bells and more chimes and drums. A maze of brass, silver, glinted slants of light reflecting from surfaces, like flesh, waiting to be touched, struck against, brushed... set into motion. The lights dimmed. He walked onto the stage looking amazingly handsome and confident. Two energies all men seek and envy. He was in his 'element', he knew the secret of being 'adored'... being the creator of something magical gave him complete power: star quality. At times I have compared performers of music to Porno Stars... They are beautiful men and women, but have something other people do not possess: A MAGNIFICENT INSTRUMENT that can amaze and give life to the imagination... fantasy made reality.
He moved like a classically trained ballet dancer yet something so mystically balanced between heaven and earth gave flight to his every breath. Reaching, bending, sliding, stepping, arms conducting like an eagle in flight. It was a sensuous dance from some place beyond words. Every person in the audience felt it, swam in it's transparent star waters... One did not "LISTEN" they BECAME PART OF THE MOMENT! Forever, one must remember: There are no ordinary moments. The sound unlocked hidden ideas, thoughts, the stuff angels and cherub's silken midnight sperms are made of!
Xylophone and piano were gorgeous. The Fantasie Impromptu by Chopin being one of my favorite expressions in sound. The Saber Dance by Khathuturian was dynamic. This arm of the program was reaching out to the the heart's of many people in the audience who did not understand or care to listen to the cacophony of sounds that the percussive instruments breathed life into and touched the hidden secrets of their DNA. The Xylophone and piano gave peace and rest to those that dared not go where angels never tread.
The piano and Xylophone were bliss to my heart and soul. Piano was the silver sound that I had felt and touched with my heart and soul from my infancy and hopefully to the end of my mortal life.
The event came to an end. People stood, they talked, they moved... My Land lady and I sat... I like entrances. I would know when the time was right for us to walk on the stage and embrace the artist. From that moment on into eternity he belonged to my "Private Club". He was one of my celestial siblings.
Many people have walked in and out of my life for decades. Some still sing their songs to me in dreams. At times when I am walking or meditating I hear their voices. I know they live within my heart.
Drummer Man played percussion on my first LP recording. It was a great success.
After 1979 I suffered some very difficult times economically as well as mentally. In 1980 I began a journey on a spiritual path that to this very day I am still pursuing. Many of my closest friends died in the 70's and 80's. I became a recluse. I suffered unexplainable depression. I disappeared in numerous bottles of Vodka... I drifted "in and out" of reality.
Drummer Boy moved. He was out of my life and living on a different stage. Eventually I moved. Different lighting, different make up and different theater.
I decided to make a new recording. I called him asking IF there was a possibility he would share his magic in the creation of this musical endeavor. He said YES!
I had composed a piece of music in three parts. "The Other Side Of Time". I dedicated it to a person I love with all my heart. Everything fell into place except this original piece.
I laid down the piano and string lines before leaving the piece for the engineer to perform a re-mix. Anything to make it sound musical.
Unknown to me,Drummer Boy returned to the studio on his own accord and completely orchestrated "The Other Side of Time"... He literally married my piano to a cosmic pulse that finalized the composition's final breath onto cellophane! Cassette tape.
I learned a most delicate and fragile lesson from that recording.
Love is given in many different ways and Drummer Boy gave me the greatest expression of his sincerest love: HE MADE ME SOUND FABULOUS! There is no greater love... especially for someone that has to be adored.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Full Moon... Summer...
The fullness, the abundance and energy of moon light was divine. Last night marked the 1st full moon of 2009, but when the moon is FULL, BRIGHT, ROUND AS A PERIL OUT OF HEAVEN'S OCEAN I really don't count day by day the degrees that it is blossoming or decreasing in size... main thing: It is the same moon that has been there for eons.
I know all the people I have loved and never met in the flesh gazed on that same moon! I know many people that have crossed over in my lifetime and they too exchanged light and energy with the moon!
January 2009 has proven to be a magical year so far. One thing I do appreciate is my I Pod. I also use I tunes every night and day.
I listen to Classical music on a station that comes out of Laramie Wyoming! I cannot receive a tight connection with this PBS station when I AM IN WYOMING! but, here at the bottom of planet earth I have PERFECT RECEPTION. It is a wonderful station.
KYUW Classical 91. So, I have a part of Wyoming inside my ears most of the time!
Speaking of the moon, one has to be humbled thinking that in 1604 Galileo observed for the first time, the heaven's through a telescope!
Just think what he would see today! The International Space Station! The Hubble telescope... the Mar's Rover, just think only 400 years ago the Catholic Church tried to BURN Galileo because of the things he was seeing with his telescope. At last, most people are finally accepting WHERE WE LIVE WITHIN THE UNIVERSE, THE MILKY WAY!
Finished an interesting book last night. "Running With Scissors", by Augsten Burroughs. I have always been suspicious of psychiatrists. I have known a few in my lifetime and the results have been frightening. Not adding the medications, endless hours of talking and the Doctor does not banter back and forth in the conversations... HE LISTENS! The book is worth a read because of the humor as well as the tragic subject matter that created Augsten's childhood.
I am so pleased to be able to walk down the steep paths into the village and then walk UP the steep paths that lead to our house. For two years I have had a hell of time walking because of pain... well, today I went to Simon the Physio therapist. He is from England. Young and beautiful. He has stretched my legs and relaxed the stress inside my lower back to the place it was before I had the kidney removed! The Laying on of Hands. My masseuse, Sonja, has healing powers and almost every Thursday she kneads my gnarly body until it is pliant as bread dough.
I am living a life of bliss. I get up when I want and I go to bed when I want. I work in the gardens, then lay down in the sunlight. I bake bread, I create meals, I play my piano, I take long hot baths in Epsom salts and I am feeling like myself once again. OMG, I will probably explode into one of those obese, eccentric queens that wear long gowns and have sea shell glass frames... lots of grease on their faces and droopy eye lids... NOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo!
2008 was a rough year. Lots of LESSONS that had to be learned or put aside until another lifetime. The numbers 2 and 9 are powerful numbers which are in the equation 2009 and they = 11= a MASTER NUMBER!
We have a new President in the United States... He might end up being the same thing with a different mask? We are entering a new paradigm shift spiritually and the entire planet is moving into a slower hotter vibration! NICE!
I love re watching movies that I have loved for years, so tonight will be a "Let's see, what do I want to watch?" or, possibly just meditate, or forget it, put on the I Pod, grab the book I have been reading for months, "The Confessions" by Jean-Jacques Rousseau. Read until the ear buds fall out of my ears and the book falls to the side of the bed!
Summer is heaven on earth! I take nothing for granted. End of May I will be working 14 hours a day into the night... 7 days and nights a week! I never feel guilt during these 5 months! I HAVE EARNED EVERY RESTFUL MOMENT!
I know all the people I have loved and never met in the flesh gazed on that same moon! I know many people that have crossed over in my lifetime and they too exchanged light and energy with the moon!
January 2009 has proven to be a magical year so far. One thing I do appreciate is my I Pod. I also use I tunes every night and day.
I listen to Classical music on a station that comes out of Laramie Wyoming! I cannot receive a tight connection with this PBS station when I AM IN WYOMING! but, here at the bottom of planet earth I have PERFECT RECEPTION. It is a wonderful station.
KYUW Classical 91. So, I have a part of Wyoming inside my ears most of the time!
Speaking of the moon, one has to be humbled thinking that in 1604 Galileo observed for the first time, the heaven's through a telescope!
Just think what he would see today! The International Space Station! The Hubble telescope... the Mar's Rover, just think only 400 years ago the Catholic Church tried to BURN Galileo because of the things he was seeing with his telescope. At last, most people are finally accepting WHERE WE LIVE WITHIN THE UNIVERSE, THE MILKY WAY!
Finished an interesting book last night. "Running With Scissors", by Augsten Burroughs. I have always been suspicious of psychiatrists. I have known a few in my lifetime and the results have been frightening. Not adding the medications, endless hours of talking and the Doctor does not banter back and forth in the conversations... HE LISTENS! The book is worth a read because of the humor as well as the tragic subject matter that created Augsten's childhood.
I am so pleased to be able to walk down the steep paths into the village and then walk UP the steep paths that lead to our house. For two years I have had a hell of time walking because of pain... well, today I went to Simon the Physio therapist. He is from England. Young and beautiful. He has stretched my legs and relaxed the stress inside my lower back to the place it was before I had the kidney removed! The Laying on of Hands. My masseuse, Sonja, has healing powers and almost every Thursday she kneads my gnarly body until it is pliant as bread dough.
I am living a life of bliss. I get up when I want and I go to bed when I want. I work in the gardens, then lay down in the sunlight. I bake bread, I create meals, I play my piano, I take long hot baths in Epsom salts and I am feeling like myself once again. OMG, I will probably explode into one of those obese, eccentric queens that wear long gowns and have sea shell glass frames... lots of grease on their faces and droopy eye lids... NOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo!
2008 was a rough year. Lots of LESSONS that had to be learned or put aside until another lifetime. The numbers 2 and 9 are powerful numbers which are in the equation 2009 and they = 11= a MASTER NUMBER!
We have a new President in the United States... He might end up being the same thing with a different mask? We are entering a new paradigm shift spiritually and the entire planet is moving into a slower hotter vibration! NICE!
I love re watching movies that I have loved for years, so tonight will be a "Let's see, what do I want to watch?" or, possibly just meditate, or forget it, put on the I Pod, grab the book I have been reading for months, "The Confessions" by Jean-Jacques Rousseau. Read until the ear buds fall out of my ears and the book falls to the side of the bed!
Summer is heaven on earth! I take nothing for granted. End of May I will be working 14 hours a day into the night... 7 days and nights a week! I never feel guilt during these 5 months! I HAVE EARNED EVERY RESTFUL MOMENT!
Thursday, January 01, 2009
A New Year... 2009
I have great reason to be 'released' from 2008! I survived the past 12 months and I believe I have learned the lessons!
What a year of Lessons that HAD TO BE LEARNED and it seemed they could only be LEARNED via pain, suffering and forgiveness. Mind you, I had no idea I was carrying such an Gargantua amount of garbage and destructive emotional energy that began fermenting into quite a powerful toxic as well as fantastically healing brew from the time I was born!
I thank my lucky stars for every single vibration be it positive, negative or passive that has helped make me into the person I am today. Everything I am came from simply one word: VIBRATION!
Music was my gift, the simple 'talent' that would take me 'round the world and introduce me to some of the most bazaar as well as amazing human beings on this planet.
Music is a land where I did any damn thing I wanted because, more than any place on earth, it offered me the opportunity to CREATE my own reality. I could spend hours alone at the organ or piano IMPROVISING any image or emotions I wanted within the fame work of SOUND.
Cheat music and it will cheat on you!
Music is a land where DISCIPLINE, DEDICATION and DETERMINATION abound. Any composition will sound 'beautiful' and 'meaningful' or 'desirous' BUT and only IF, it is not performed as TRUTH, somewhere in the learning process of the composition you have "CHEATED"! I know this to be abso-fucking-lutely TRUE!
Beauty and truth in MOTION make music and dance come alive and touch the soul of the very universe we are all a part of.
Because of MUSIC I am who I am. My music lead me on a course of self discovery and learning I never imagined possible when I was a 6 year old boy! Even when I was a 43 year old man! Or when I was a 62 year old man!
2009 is an amazing number in numerology. 2 being an "active" number and 9 a number of "transition" or as some people claim it is the number of "completion"... 9+2=11... 11 is a master number!
This year is full of activity, through ongoing vibrational impulse, attempting to move everything toward transformation. When things seem to be going to hell this year REMEMBER: deliberately and consistently install moments of quietness, stillness and emptiness into your daily NOW... (these words are from my friend Diviana!)
I feel that all the people in my life I have 'created' and I see them as musical notes, triads and scales, arpeggios, some have been fast glissando's, some fortissimo, some pianissimo... some very Dolce or just andante!
Many of these gorgeous people have left the earth plane, but they vibrate and make a sound that I desire in my "Life's symphony" they are never far away, they are part of my very being. Every breath and heart beat they live and make their very presence known only to me!
My musical "mentors" are very much with me always! They are alive and live in New York, Idaho, Utah and some like Brahms or Bach have long left their bodies.
Brahms was a most complex man loving two people at once was not uncommon for him! He kept the company of men...He was extremely generous with his money, living quarters and gave men and WOMEN beautiful gifts. BUT, he was out spoken! Rude and very blunt... Honesty with no pretense.
He lost two of his dearest companions of his life within months of each other... Clara Wieck Schumann and Jochiem the violinist.
Brahms captured the confusing unsaid dilemmas of philosophy, of unrequited love, of words and touch not given in the physical but held in one's own private mind and a secret place within one's heart.
A most intuitive, very private as well as sexual thing. That is the JOY OF MUSIC! It is life!
This is going to be a "CRACKER" of a year.
What a year of Lessons that HAD TO BE LEARNED and it seemed they could only be LEARNED via pain, suffering and forgiveness. Mind you, I had no idea I was carrying such an Gargantua amount of garbage and destructive emotional energy that began fermenting into quite a powerful toxic as well as fantastically healing brew from the time I was born!
I thank my lucky stars for every single vibration be it positive, negative or passive that has helped make me into the person I am today. Everything I am came from simply one word: VIBRATION!
Music was my gift, the simple 'talent' that would take me 'round the world and introduce me to some of the most bazaar as well as amazing human beings on this planet.
Music is a land where I did any damn thing I wanted because, more than any place on earth, it offered me the opportunity to CREATE my own reality. I could spend hours alone at the organ or piano IMPROVISING any image or emotions I wanted within the fame work of SOUND.
Cheat music and it will cheat on you!
Music is a land where DISCIPLINE, DEDICATION and DETERMINATION abound. Any composition will sound 'beautiful' and 'meaningful' or 'desirous' BUT and only IF, it is not performed as TRUTH, somewhere in the learning process of the composition you have "CHEATED"! I know this to be abso-fucking-lutely TRUE!
Beauty and truth in MOTION make music and dance come alive and touch the soul of the very universe we are all a part of.
Because of MUSIC I am who I am. My music lead me on a course of self discovery and learning I never imagined possible when I was a 6 year old boy! Even when I was a 43 year old man! Or when I was a 62 year old man!
2009 is an amazing number in numerology. 2 being an "active" number and 9 a number of "transition" or as some people claim it is the number of "completion"... 9+2=11... 11 is a master number!
This year is full of activity, through ongoing vibrational impulse, attempting to move everything toward transformation. When things seem to be going to hell this year REMEMBER: deliberately and consistently install moments of quietness, stillness and emptiness into your daily NOW... (these words are from my friend Diviana!)
I feel that all the people in my life I have 'created' and I see them as musical notes, triads and scales, arpeggios, some have been fast glissando's, some fortissimo, some pianissimo... some very Dolce or just andante!
Many of these gorgeous people have left the earth plane, but they vibrate and make a sound that I desire in my "Life's symphony" they are never far away, they are part of my very being. Every breath and heart beat they live and make their very presence known only to me!
My musical "mentors" are very much with me always! They are alive and live in New York, Idaho, Utah and some like Brahms or Bach have long left their bodies.
Brahms was a most complex man loving two people at once was not uncommon for him! He kept the company of men...He was extremely generous with his money, living quarters and gave men and WOMEN beautiful gifts. BUT, he was out spoken! Rude and very blunt... Honesty with no pretense.
He lost two of his dearest companions of his life within months of each other... Clara Wieck Schumann and Jochiem the violinist.
Brahms captured the confusing unsaid dilemmas of philosophy, of unrequited love, of words and touch not given in the physical but held in one's own private mind and a secret place within one's heart.
A most intuitive, very private as well as sexual thing. That is the JOY OF MUSIC! It is life!
This is going to be a "CRACKER" of a year.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Seeing places on earth where I have traveled...
I am enjoying something that one must live long enough to experience and thanks to the COMPUTER I am able to explore this 'dream' in ways that years ago would have been impossible.
A week ago, I decided to search out places where I performed with the USO during the late 60's and into the 70's. This adventure has stirred up old memories of people, weather conditions, smells and emotions that I was feeling as a man in his early 20's! The anxieties, doubts, hopes, fears, insecurities and loneliness of travel...
I loved the tours I made into the Pacific Islands. The Marshall Islands have changed since I was there. I spent Thanksgiving at Eniwetok Atoll in the Marshall's around 1972. The Islands were full of radiation due to the atomic bomb testing in the 40's. (god, possibly I picked up some radiation during that time??????) I did a google search and everything MARSHALL ISLANDS popped up. It has been wonderful to see the culture, people and 2009 lifestyle of these Islanders!
I found Johnston Island. This Island had meaning to me because of it's name. Also, I visited Midway, Rota and parts of the Samoan Islands which I thought were heavenly as well as the people were heavenly.
Viet Nam, Guam, Thailand, the Philippines are nothing like when I performed on their turf except the climate, and the people look the same and I am sure that health and lifestyle has improved.
I used a Wurlitzer Electronic Piano! Today, Yamaha has a keyboard that SOUNDS LIKE AND HAS THE KEYBOARD OF A GRAND PIANO! Not in the late 60's! The piano I was hauling around had to be set for 240 voltage, not 110! I wore jump-suit tuxedos with glitter on them! We used sound systems that we thought were state of the art, but by today's standards they were dinosaurs! I remember being in the Mekong Delta and asked where my dressing room was? They handed me a large nail.
I made three trips to South East Asia. Korea and Viet Nam being the main centers. I have old photos of shows I backed in Okinawa Japan and interesting enough, I read where Okinawa is one of the healthiest places on earth to live! Dha?
Iceland was one of my favorite places. I get the Icelandic News every day via my e mail. Even Iceland has changed so much from when I was there! Alaska was simply ice and snow when I played there, so even though I loved the "NORTHERN EXPOSURE" series on television a few years ago, I never saw Alaska in the summer months.
Some places have not changed one being Morocco. Turkey was 'magical' to me when I was 22 going on 23. I remember my 23rd Birthday in Ankora. Very big drunken event! I did love Greece. I know, I know, some people hate that hot white sunshine and the food, but I thought the energy was indescribable when I was very young and swimming naked, in the sea at sunset was a religious moment to my way of thinking. The Greeks know how to make love...
I have returned to Europe a few times, but the Mediterranean I have not visited since my first USO tour in 1969. When I was in Madrid it was going through a complete 'make-over', one only has to go on line to see that city NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Memories are wonderful and time frames are precious, but the future is forever OUT THERE! I keep reaching out for more. I do not mind change. The only change I mind, some days is the change within and outside my body!
One day I'll write a book! (now that is really talking in the FUTURE!)
A week ago, I decided to search out places where I performed with the USO during the late 60's and into the 70's. This adventure has stirred up old memories of people, weather conditions, smells and emotions that I was feeling as a man in his early 20's! The anxieties, doubts, hopes, fears, insecurities and loneliness of travel...
I loved the tours I made into the Pacific Islands. The Marshall Islands have changed since I was there. I spent Thanksgiving at Eniwetok Atoll in the Marshall's around 1972. The Islands were full of radiation due to the atomic bomb testing in the 40's. (god, possibly I picked up some radiation during that time??????) I did a google search and everything MARSHALL ISLANDS popped up. It has been wonderful to see the culture, people and 2009 lifestyle of these Islanders!
I found Johnston Island. This Island had meaning to me because of it's name. Also, I visited Midway, Rota and parts of the Samoan Islands which I thought were heavenly as well as the people were heavenly.
Viet Nam, Guam, Thailand, the Philippines are nothing like when I performed on their turf except the climate, and the people look the same and I am sure that health and lifestyle has improved.
I used a Wurlitzer Electronic Piano! Today, Yamaha has a keyboard that SOUNDS LIKE AND HAS THE KEYBOARD OF A GRAND PIANO! Not in the late 60's! The piano I was hauling around had to be set for 240 voltage, not 110! I wore jump-suit tuxedos with glitter on them! We used sound systems that we thought were state of the art, but by today's standards they were dinosaurs! I remember being in the Mekong Delta and asked where my dressing room was? They handed me a large nail.
I made three trips to South East Asia. Korea and Viet Nam being the main centers. I have old photos of shows I backed in Okinawa Japan and interesting enough, I read where Okinawa is one of the healthiest places on earth to live! Dha?
Iceland was one of my favorite places. I get the Icelandic News every day via my e mail. Even Iceland has changed so much from when I was there! Alaska was simply ice and snow when I played there, so even though I loved the "NORTHERN EXPOSURE" series on television a few years ago, I never saw Alaska in the summer months.
Some places have not changed one being Morocco. Turkey was 'magical' to me when I was 22 going on 23. I remember my 23rd Birthday in Ankora. Very big drunken event! I did love Greece. I know, I know, some people hate that hot white sunshine and the food, but I thought the energy was indescribable when I was very young and swimming naked, in the sea at sunset was a religious moment to my way of thinking. The Greeks know how to make love...
I have returned to Europe a few times, but the Mediterranean I have not visited since my first USO tour in 1969. When I was in Madrid it was going through a complete 'make-over', one only has to go on line to see that city NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Memories are wonderful and time frames are precious, but the future is forever OUT THERE! I keep reaching out for more. I do not mind change. The only change I mind, some days is the change within and outside my body!
One day I'll write a book! (now that is really talking in the FUTURE!)
Friday, December 26, 2008
What in Hell?
I have spent a hell of a lot of time writing a blog only to have it evaporate into space? I will re-write tomorrow.
Until then: Have a most glorious holiday and do not sweat the small stuff!
All the small things (Bush and Cheney) are going to go away with the year 2008 and all kinds of VERY LARGE AND WONDERFULLY BIG THINGS will appear in 2009.
Much love, BJ
Until then: Have a most glorious holiday and do not sweat the small stuff!
All the small things (Bush and Cheney) are going to go away with the year 2008 and all kinds of VERY LARGE AND WONDERFULLY BIG THINGS will appear in 2009.
Much love, BJ
Friday, December 19, 2008
To Worry OR NOT to WORRY?
The past few days I have received many alerts pertaining to the current economic and the political situation in the USA and the world.
Many persons that I hold in high esteem because they are intelligent, (and far wiser than me), tell me one must have certain items on hand in order to handle the up coming events. Mainly food and medical/health supplies.
Others tell me it is all hype, the media has gone bonkers and to over react it exactly how the powers that be; CONTROL US EARTHLINGS!
Well, I do know that the economy in the USA has gone to hell. For some it is a blessing. BUY, BUY and then some more buying properties, stocks and what ever else will make tons of money in the years to come, however, if you are a wage earner or even less, (of which I was for years) you do not view this situation as a blessing!
I must agree with one thing: A person is stupid that does not have the knowledge and the energy to grow a vegetable garden. A person is stupid that will not question authority and it's source or information. One should and must plan for bad times. Having plenty of rice, flour, sugar and water on hand is not an insane idea. Having canned goods, mainly beans, meats and fruits in cases is a very good thing because it saves not only trips to the grocery, but there are times you simply do not want to do the daily shopping thing. (If you are chef, you love seeing the things you need when inspiration tells you to create a certain food item, and the ingredients are there, in your pantry!)
I have always maintained that a person should have a supply of antibiotics, pain killers and anti-inflammatory drugs at the ready, because I have seen and lived through some times in my past that required such things and they were not available due to situations occurring on weekends, holidays or being out of the country and needing help!
Matches, and batteries are a reality, plus extra blankets and first aid kits, and I am not talking about the early Gurl Scout packs. You can purchase a fabulous first aid kit on line or from any pharmacy. I keep one in my kitchen in the restaurant and it is one of the most valuable instruments within the range of creating food. (not counting gallons of Aleve, Advil, and Xanax.)
Ships are sitting in ports around the world that are supposed to be sailing to America. They are full of iron ore, food, raw materials for making everything from drugs to condoms... THEY WILL NOT SAIL! WHY? America has no credit. America cannot be trusted to pay the debt. We barrow from China just to keep our war with Iraq going! Would you send a billion dollar cargo ship to Seattle when you are not sure IF they can give you the money owed, let alone, a credit card?
I say: Put cash aside in a safety deposit box, in a Kerr Jar in the garden! Buy staples in cases, huge amounts. Like: a flat of pork 'n beans, a case of black beans, a case of stewed tomatoes, a case of tuna fish, a case of pasta, a few extra boxes of salt, pounds of flour. YEAST! OMG if you don't know how to make bread LEARN! Sugar is important as well as all kinds of lentils, root veggies, like: Carrots, Cabbage, Beets, Potatoes, Turnips... stuff you can grown on the very earth your living on!
Do keep in mind: you may want to stash away some booze? Cheap WINE! Diet Coke and CHIPS! I really doubt digital devices will disappear. WHY? THEY WERE ALWAYS THERE WE SIMPLY DID NOT KNOW HOW TO CONNECT WITH THEM, besides we are only digits with in a HOLOGRAPHIC INTERCONNECTED PARADIGM. My friend Diviana calls it HIP. The universe and everything in it is a majestic dream unfolding within an infinite supremely whole and infinite hologram... (Diviana)
God will work with you but nor for you! I learned that thousands of years ago, that is why the Mormon Church hates me as well as the Catholics and most of all the Baptists. Some say it is GAY ISSUES! NOT SO! I know, that they DON'T KNOW and that is ALARMING as HELL to MOST, CHRISTIANS!
All day, I have been slowly simmering a fantastic all natural vegetable soup. Used everything from cabbage to beans. I dug through every shelf and drawer we had in this house for what ever in hell could be put into a stew. Well, I just took a break and ran upstairs. It is divine. I chopped some of my glorious herbs and lots of onions and other goodies to make the stock.
Wish you were here. Natural delight tonight!
Stock up on the things you always use and most of all stock up of light, love and fearlessness.
Many persons that I hold in high esteem because they are intelligent, (and far wiser than me), tell me one must have certain items on hand in order to handle the up coming events. Mainly food and medical/health supplies.
Others tell me it is all hype, the media has gone bonkers and to over react it exactly how the powers that be; CONTROL US EARTHLINGS!
Well, I do know that the economy in the USA has gone to hell. For some it is a blessing. BUY, BUY and then some more buying properties, stocks and what ever else will make tons of money in the years to come, however, if you are a wage earner or even less, (of which I was for years) you do not view this situation as a blessing!
I must agree with one thing: A person is stupid that does not have the knowledge and the energy to grow a vegetable garden. A person is stupid that will not question authority and it's source or information. One should and must plan for bad times. Having plenty of rice, flour, sugar and water on hand is not an insane idea. Having canned goods, mainly beans, meats and fruits in cases is a very good thing because it saves not only trips to the grocery, but there are times you simply do not want to do the daily shopping thing. (If you are chef, you love seeing the things you need when inspiration tells you to create a certain food item, and the ingredients are there, in your pantry!)
I have always maintained that a person should have a supply of antibiotics, pain killers and anti-inflammatory drugs at the ready, because I have seen and lived through some times in my past that required such things and they were not available due to situations occurring on weekends, holidays or being out of the country and needing help!
Matches, and batteries are a reality, plus extra blankets and first aid kits, and I am not talking about the early Gurl Scout packs. You can purchase a fabulous first aid kit on line or from any pharmacy. I keep one in my kitchen in the restaurant and it is one of the most valuable instruments within the range of creating food. (not counting gallons of Aleve, Advil, and Xanax.)
Ships are sitting in ports around the world that are supposed to be sailing to America. They are full of iron ore, food, raw materials for making everything from drugs to condoms... THEY WILL NOT SAIL! WHY? America has no credit. America cannot be trusted to pay the debt. We barrow from China just to keep our war with Iraq going! Would you send a billion dollar cargo ship to Seattle when you are not sure IF they can give you the money owed, let alone, a credit card?
I say: Put cash aside in a safety deposit box, in a Kerr Jar in the garden! Buy staples in cases, huge amounts. Like: a flat of pork 'n beans, a case of black beans, a case of stewed tomatoes, a case of tuna fish, a case of pasta, a few extra boxes of salt, pounds of flour. YEAST! OMG if you don't know how to make bread LEARN! Sugar is important as well as all kinds of lentils, root veggies, like: Carrots, Cabbage, Beets, Potatoes, Turnips... stuff you can grown on the very earth your living on!
Do keep in mind: you may want to stash away some booze? Cheap WINE! Diet Coke and CHIPS! I really doubt digital devices will disappear. WHY? THEY WERE ALWAYS THERE WE SIMPLY DID NOT KNOW HOW TO CONNECT WITH THEM, besides we are only digits with in a HOLOGRAPHIC INTERCONNECTED PARADIGM. My friend Diviana calls it HIP. The universe and everything in it is a majestic dream unfolding within an infinite supremely whole and infinite hologram... (Diviana)
God will work with you but nor for you! I learned that thousands of years ago, that is why the Mormon Church hates me as well as the Catholics and most of all the Baptists. Some say it is GAY ISSUES! NOT SO! I know, that they DON'T KNOW and that is ALARMING as HELL to MOST, CHRISTIANS!
All day, I have been slowly simmering a fantastic all natural vegetable soup. Used everything from cabbage to beans. I dug through every shelf and drawer we had in this house for what ever in hell could be put into a stew. Well, I just took a break and ran upstairs. It is divine. I chopped some of my glorious herbs and lots of onions and other goodies to make the stock.
Wish you were here. Natural delight tonight!
Stock up on the things you always use and most of all stock up of light, love and fearlessness.
Friday, December 12, 2008
100% Full Moon
Last night the moon was magnificent!
Tonight is the FULL MOON. Venus and Jupiter are brighter than I ever remember.
Full moons are very sacred to me. Moonlight is a magical paler shade of white... I know people that claim the full moon
disrupts their ability to sleep? I sleep just fine moon or no moon. I do know that in our business, when there is a FULL
MOON, people behave differently. Alcohol seems to have a more intense effect upon the bar patrons as well as customers eating food in my restaurant. If you look out in the parking lot when the moon is in full light there are lots of pick up trucks!
The pick-up trucks usually mean ACTION for SOME ONE before the moon sets and the sun rises! Full moons cause lots of things to RISE so to speak!
Today was a beautiful day. I positioned my body on a comfortable bench in the out door mall and proceeded to watch people. Music was every where. Not many Americans, but lots of Europeans, Scandinavians, and South Americans, all speaking in their native languages. The different dialects makes for a most interesting
musical fugues... mix the voices with the sounds of traffic, background music from bars and the sound of people's shoes and feet grating along the pavement... wind, dogs barking, endless sounds. Some people would call it NOISE.
I have to watch body movements and eyes as well as the hands. Gestures can be marvelous interpretive
signs when trying to understand a foreigner attempt to express what they are feeling using their native language.
Along the water front were two very young men that I swear stepped out of San Francisco 1963... Hair piled on
their heads, beards and the clothing and shoes were priceless time pieces. One played what appeared to be a very old Ukulele
and the other played the Recorder. The recorder is like a flute. They used no amplification except the acoustic backside of the wind carrying the music to eager ears within the range of sound. I put 3 dollars into the cap they had laid on the cement for gifts of pocket change.
Hopefully they will have earned enough coins at the end of the afternoon so they could buy a lid of dope, or a cheap bottle of wine, better yet groceries.
So many memories flew threw my mind as I listened to their music, watching their bodies move to the music they were creating. Gentle, melodic, almost folk music and yet there was something very mystical and spiritual hidden within their music. The whole scene was like a past life regression moment.
I loved being in the sunshine. I did not care IF the rays burned my balding head! I did not care if the sunshine kissed my flesh too hotly this afternoon. I kept thinking about vitamin D as well as so many other gifts the sun affords us.
Moon light and sun light. Such sacred gifts. "Let There Be Light!"
Tonight is the FULL MOON. Venus and Jupiter are brighter than I ever remember.
Full moons are very sacred to me. Moonlight is a magical paler shade of white... I know people that claim the full moon
disrupts their ability to sleep? I sleep just fine moon or no moon. I do know that in our business, when there is a FULL
MOON, people behave differently. Alcohol seems to have a more intense effect upon the bar patrons as well as customers eating food in my restaurant. If you look out in the parking lot when the moon is in full light there are lots of pick up trucks!
The pick-up trucks usually mean ACTION for SOME ONE before the moon sets and the sun rises! Full moons cause lots of things to RISE so to speak!
Today was a beautiful day. I positioned my body on a comfortable bench in the out door mall and proceeded to watch people. Music was every where. Not many Americans, but lots of Europeans, Scandinavians, and South Americans, all speaking in their native languages. The different dialects makes for a most interesting
musical fugues... mix the voices with the sounds of traffic, background music from bars and the sound of people's shoes and feet grating along the pavement... wind, dogs barking, endless sounds. Some people would call it NOISE.
I have to watch body movements and eyes as well as the hands. Gestures can be marvelous interpretive
signs when trying to understand a foreigner attempt to express what they are feeling using their native language.
Along the water front were two very young men that I swear stepped out of San Francisco 1963... Hair piled on
their heads, beards and the clothing and shoes were priceless time pieces. One played what appeared to be a very old Ukulele
and the other played the Recorder. The recorder is like a flute. They used no amplification except the acoustic backside of the wind carrying the music to eager ears within the range of sound. I put 3 dollars into the cap they had laid on the cement for gifts of pocket change.
Hopefully they will have earned enough coins at the end of the afternoon so they could buy a lid of dope, or a cheap bottle of wine, better yet groceries.
So many memories flew threw my mind as I listened to their music, watching their bodies move to the music they were creating. Gentle, melodic, almost folk music and yet there was something very mystical and spiritual hidden within their music. The whole scene was like a past life regression moment.
I loved being in the sunshine. I did not care IF the rays burned my balding head! I did not care if the sunshine kissed my flesh too hotly this afternoon. I kept thinking about vitamin D as well as so many other gifts the sun affords us.
Moon light and sun light. Such sacred gifts. "Let There Be Light!"
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Last night the rain spoke to me...
Loving my down time... weather has expressed every possible mood swing!
Tonight the sky is lovely with racing clouds, stars and the occasional satellite sailing across the firmament.
Today was my yearly visit to my dentist here in QT. He is practically the only dentist to look in side my mouth in the past 17 years! (There have been the occasional emergency chipping of a tooth that required local attention in the states.) He did the X-rays and the usual poking and prying between teeth. I had no problems. I said, "OMG, that is the best news I have had from a Doctor in 8 months!" He laughed. I am fortunate to have inherited one healthy thing, well a lot of healthy parts to my anatomy, but the teeth I am grateful for.
Last night I went sound asleep only to awaken at around 4:45 AM. The sound of rain and first light of day reaching for the mountain peaks. I thought of a wonderful poem by one of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver. She is an amazing artist. I put on my bathrobe and walked onto the front porch so as to open the door of my studio. I reached for the book, there it was: Last Night The Rain Spoke To Me... It says so many things on so many levels...
Last night
the rain
spoke to me
slowly, saying,
what joy
to come falling
out of the brisk cloud,
to be happy again
in a new way
on the earth!
That's what it said
as it dropped,
smelling of iron,
and vanished
like a dream of the ocean
into the branches
and the grass below.'Then it was over.
The sky cleared.
I was standing
under a tree.
The tree was a tree
with happy leaves,
and I was myself,
and there were stars in the sky
that were also themselves
at the moment,
at which moment
my right hand
was holding my left hand
which was holding the tree
which was filled with stars
and the soft rain---
imagine! imagine!
the long, and wondrous journeys
still to be ours.
I am on a new adventure. I am writing and making music once again! If for nothing but my own amazement and joy!
Tonight the sky is lovely with racing clouds, stars and the occasional satellite sailing across the firmament.
Today was my yearly visit to my dentist here in QT. He is practically the only dentist to look in side my mouth in the past 17 years! (There have been the occasional emergency chipping of a tooth that required local attention in the states.) He did the X-rays and the usual poking and prying between teeth. I had no problems. I said, "OMG, that is the best news I have had from a Doctor in 8 months!" He laughed. I am fortunate to have inherited one healthy thing, well a lot of healthy parts to my anatomy, but the teeth I am grateful for.
Last night I went sound asleep only to awaken at around 4:45 AM. The sound of rain and first light of day reaching for the mountain peaks. I thought of a wonderful poem by one of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver. She is an amazing artist. I put on my bathrobe and walked onto the front porch so as to open the door of my studio. I reached for the book, there it was: Last Night The Rain Spoke To Me... It says so many things on so many levels...
Last night
the rain
spoke to me
slowly, saying,
what joy
to come falling
out of the brisk cloud,
to be happy again
in a new way
on the earth!
That's what it said
as it dropped,
smelling of iron,
and vanished
like a dream of the ocean
into the branches
and the grass below.'Then it was over.
The sky cleared.
I was standing
under a tree.
The tree was a tree
with happy leaves,
and I was myself,
and there were stars in the sky
that were also themselves
at the moment,
at which moment
my right hand
was holding my left hand
which was holding the tree
which was filled with stars
and the soft rain---
imagine! imagine!
the long, and wondrous journeys
still to be ours.
I am on a new adventure. I am writing and making music once again! If for nothing but my own amazement and joy!
Thursday, December 04, 2008
The magic of TOUCH...
Happy day! I have been 72 hours without taking a single Oxycontin pill!!!
Four weeks ago today, November the 5th they removed the cancer and repaired the hernia. Four weeks ago I did not know IF I would be able to make the long trip to New Zealand, but four weeks later I am back in Queenstown, and best news today: I have not taken any of the prescription pain pills.
Today I had an appointment with my Chiropractor Doctor. He is thrilled over the fact I am playing piano once again and the left elbow has healed. He adjusted my neck, which I knew was out of place... We talked about the cancer and how pain moves through the various nerves of the body.
Neki is from India. He has magic hands. I observe people's hands carefully. The Knee surgeon that replaced my left knee had the most beautiful hands you can imagine. My surgeons in Jackson Hole WY had wonderfully shaped hands. My Chiropractic Doctor in JH also has perfect hands, (but types with two fingers!) Neki is right up there with strong, intense fingers and his touch is pure energy.
I have always been very sensitive to touch. Playing an musical instrument involves touch and choreography of the entire body. I have always found the touch of keys on a piano to be sensuously smooth and hard... (No wonder I practice/play for hours on end! as strange as it sounds kind of like PLAYING WITH YOURSELF!)
One of my favorite lines from Gibran has to do with touch and sound... " If in the twilight of memory we should meet once more, we shall speak again together and you shall sing to me a deeper song, and if our hands should meet in another dream, we shall build another tower in the sky..."
I thank my lucky stars for the Internet! A friend that I have loved since the mid 1960's has a serious brain cancer. His niece was surfing the net and came upon my blog, from there she sent me an e mail and re-connected me with a friend that was a major player in the many dramas I "STARED" in during the 70's and early 80's! I visited with my friend in Maryland many times before my move to Wyoming years ago... We are linked once again, both having cancer and both reaching out our hands across the miles, touching as it were in another dream!
I remember my Aunt Lorraine, who lost her eye sight in the later years of her life, telling me that she could actually see with her hands... she could feel fabric and tell you what the color was! It was as if all her other senses were more acute because of the loss of one of her most important senses, the ability to see with the human eye! No wonder I love petting my cats!
Four weeks ago today, November the 5th they removed the cancer and repaired the hernia. Four weeks ago I did not know IF I would be able to make the long trip to New Zealand, but four weeks later I am back in Queenstown, and best news today: I have not taken any of the prescription pain pills.
Today I had an appointment with my Chiropractor Doctor. He is thrilled over the fact I am playing piano once again and the left elbow has healed. He adjusted my neck, which I knew was out of place... We talked about the cancer and how pain moves through the various nerves of the body.
Neki is from India. He has magic hands. I observe people's hands carefully. The Knee surgeon that replaced my left knee had the most beautiful hands you can imagine. My surgeons in Jackson Hole WY had wonderfully shaped hands. My Chiropractic Doctor in JH also has perfect hands, (but types with two fingers!) Neki is right up there with strong, intense fingers and his touch is pure energy.
I have always been very sensitive to touch. Playing an musical instrument involves touch and choreography of the entire body. I have always found the touch of keys on a piano to be sensuously smooth and hard... (No wonder I practice/play for hours on end! as strange as it sounds kind of like PLAYING WITH YOURSELF!)
One of my favorite lines from Gibran has to do with touch and sound... " If in the twilight of memory we should meet once more, we shall speak again together and you shall sing to me a deeper song, and if our hands should meet in another dream, we shall build another tower in the sky..."
I thank my lucky stars for the Internet! A friend that I have loved since the mid 1960's has a serious brain cancer. His niece was surfing the net and came upon my blog, from there she sent me an e mail and re-connected me with a friend that was a major player in the many dramas I "STARED" in during the 70's and early 80's! I visited with my friend in Maryland many times before my move to Wyoming years ago... We are linked once again, both having cancer and both reaching out our hands across the miles, touching as it were in another dream!
I remember my Aunt Lorraine, who lost her eye sight in the later years of her life, telling me that she could actually see with her hands... she could feel fabric and tell you what the color was! It was as if all her other senses were more acute because of the loss of one of her most important senses, the ability to see with the human eye! No wonder I love petting my cats!
Monday, December 01, 2008
Heros
I am sitting in my tiny speck of heaven. My studio in Queenstown, New Zealand. This tiny room is a small space the size of most people's walk-in closets. It has a wonderful sky light window that joins a full wall window that opens to allow fresh air and light into this sacred cell. I have posted photos of the inside of the studio on past blogs.
The gardens surrounding the house are over grown, but beautiful, with roses in bloom, pansies and my small herb garden survived the winter. Like the words from the song, Scarborough Fair I have sage, rosemary and thyme. But, I also have gorgeous chives, robust mint and soon basil will be in pots that sit on the steps leading to the upper gardens.
This morning is glorious with the sunshine and views of the lake and mountains. The birds are singing hymns to the morning light and praise for a new day! The morning mist and play on light and shadow always touchs a hidden place inside my mind and heart... like poetry and music.
I did have some reservations about my ability to fly for such long periods of time this soon after the surgeries. Everything went well in SLC International. Then LAX is always confusing to me. Why is this airport such a dilemma when it comes to finding the International Terminal after landing and getting out on the sidewalk? For 19 years I have either lost luggage, or made the wrong turn when walking out of the terminal and ended up at the wrong destination. We made it through security just in time and I was the last person to board the Qantas 747 plane that would land in Auckland NZ 11 hours later. My heart skipped a few beats as I walked down the ramp onto the plane. I was flying as had been planned months ago! I did not cry, I just kept on walking. I was shaky and tired, but dear GOD I WAS ON THE PLANE! The trip was smooth and I slept most of the way until we landed in NZ.
I watched a stupid show last night on CNN about heroes. Maybe we need heroes. I have one that has stood by me through every kind of drama, that person would be Michael. He has been a rock when I have lost loved ones, fallen ill, stressed over performances, worried about the business, you name it he has been my hero through thick and through thin. Speaking of thin, OMG, I remember years ago trying to loose weight, never imagining the day would come when I would be TRYING TO GAIN WEIGHT! What the hell? I am back up to 152.5 lbs this morning. I weighed in at 150 when we hit the ground in NZ, but I do believe the loss of pounds was due to stress and concern about flying as well as the food on Qantas was shit. I mean it.
Qantas usually has fine food and leg room, not anymore! They wanted $5000.00 dollars for me to up grade to business class.
I said NO to such an insane figure. Why would people that have zillions of dollars even pay such a price? It is an insult to one's intelligence. So I think!
Yesterday I walked to the center of town. Had afternoon tea and did some banking and posting of cards. Practiced Bach Preludes and Fugues until midnight! Speaking within the language of music is bliss. Learning new music is a mental and physical exercise only a musician understands.
I do believe I have nearly reached the top of the mountain and will be healthy once again! I have mountains of things I hope to enjoy and achieve during my holiday. For one thing I will catch up writing this blog.
I adore my friends and love you. You are my extended family and in reality no doubt my real spiritual family.
Until later, seek love, light and bliss.
The gardens surrounding the house are over grown, but beautiful, with roses in bloom, pansies and my small herb garden survived the winter. Like the words from the song, Scarborough Fair I have sage, rosemary and thyme. But, I also have gorgeous chives, robust mint and soon basil will be in pots that sit on the steps leading to the upper gardens.
This morning is glorious with the sunshine and views of the lake and mountains. The birds are singing hymns to the morning light and praise for a new day! The morning mist and play on light and shadow always touchs a hidden place inside my mind and heart... like poetry and music.
I did have some reservations about my ability to fly for such long periods of time this soon after the surgeries. Everything went well in SLC International. Then LAX is always confusing to me. Why is this airport such a dilemma when it comes to finding the International Terminal after landing and getting out on the sidewalk? For 19 years I have either lost luggage, or made the wrong turn when walking out of the terminal and ended up at the wrong destination. We made it through security just in time and I was the last person to board the Qantas 747 plane that would land in Auckland NZ 11 hours later. My heart skipped a few beats as I walked down the ramp onto the plane. I was flying as had been planned months ago! I did not cry, I just kept on walking. I was shaky and tired, but dear GOD I WAS ON THE PLANE! The trip was smooth and I slept most of the way until we landed in NZ.
I watched a stupid show last night on CNN about heroes. Maybe we need heroes. I have one that has stood by me through every kind of drama, that person would be Michael. He has been a rock when I have lost loved ones, fallen ill, stressed over performances, worried about the business, you name it he has been my hero through thick and through thin. Speaking of thin, OMG, I remember years ago trying to loose weight, never imagining the day would come when I would be TRYING TO GAIN WEIGHT! What the hell? I am back up to 152.5 lbs this morning. I weighed in at 150 when we hit the ground in NZ, but I do believe the loss of pounds was due to stress and concern about flying as well as the food on Qantas was shit. I mean it.
Qantas usually has fine food and leg room, not anymore! They wanted $5000.00 dollars for me to up grade to business class.
I said NO to such an insane figure. Why would people that have zillions of dollars even pay such a price? It is an insult to one's intelligence. So I think!
Yesterday I walked to the center of town. Had afternoon tea and did some banking and posting of cards. Practiced Bach Preludes and Fugues until midnight! Speaking within the language of music is bliss. Learning new music is a mental and physical exercise only a musician understands.
I do believe I have nearly reached the top of the mountain and will be healthy once again! I have mountains of things I hope to enjoy and achieve during my holiday. For one thing I will catch up writing this blog.
I adore my friends and love you. You are my extended family and in reality no doubt my real spiritual family.
Until later, seek love, light and bliss.
Monday, November 24, 2008
off line for a while...
I am on the mend. Every day I seem to be able to do more than the day before. Most of all I can play piano. In my
60's I HATE PERFORMING at the piano, but I LOVE PLAYING the piano. I am able to cook dinner every night and today I drove to Thayne Wyoming, did grocery shopping, post office business and some banking, so I am out and about.
Tomorrow late afternoon we will close the house for the season and fill the pick up full of luggage and things to take to Utah as well as New Zealand. Spend Thanksgiving with my parents and fly out the next afternoon. November 28. Fly from SLC to LAX and from LAX to Auckland New Zealand which is about a 12 hour flight. Then go through customs and catch another flight to Queenstown, which is on the South Island.
I will be back on line by the first week in December. It has been a difficult 8 months, but I feel confident everything will begin looking up. I remember years ago when I was in my late 20's and early 30's I suffered some horrific problems, but after much consternation and grief I moved on past the demons and depression stepping into a different light. Hopefully I will do the same in the coming weeks and months.
60's I HATE PERFORMING at the piano, but I LOVE PLAYING the piano. I am able to cook dinner every night and today I drove to Thayne Wyoming, did grocery shopping, post office business and some banking, so I am out and about.
Tomorrow late afternoon we will close the house for the season and fill the pick up full of luggage and things to take to Utah as well as New Zealand. Spend Thanksgiving with my parents and fly out the next afternoon. November 28. Fly from SLC to LAX and from LAX to Auckland New Zealand which is about a 12 hour flight. Then go through customs and catch another flight to Queenstown, which is on the South Island.
I will be back on line by the first week in December. It has been a difficult 8 months, but I feel confident everything will begin looking up. I remember years ago when I was in my late 20's and early 30's I suffered some horrific problems, but after much consternation and grief I moved on past the demons and depression stepping into a different light. Hopefully I will do the same in the coming weeks and months.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
The bend in the road
We closed the Nordic Inn the last Sunday night in September. I was totally exhausted. Usually I am elated and over the moon with happiness knowing what lays ahead. NYC, piano lessons with my two mentors, concerts at Carnegie Hall and long walks through Central Park, hours in the Metropolitan Museum of Art and the Moma. Time alone in a city that never sleeps! I had reservations at the Wellington Hotel, behind Carnegie Hall, my plane tickets and dates and times for performance classes and tickets to certain concerts I wanted to attend. I cancelled the trip due to health problems.
I could not muster the strength to practice piano and I had gone from a 175-185 pound man to 140 pounds in less than two months! After much begging from friends and loved ones I made an appointment with a fine surgeon/MD in Jackson Hole. I had a bad hernia that needed to be FIXED! After my consultations with the surgeon he immediately had a slew of tests arranged the next day. Blood, X-rays, then upper and lower GI tests, more X-rays and at the last moment he decided I needed a CAT-SCAN. I was worn out after a full morning and afternoon in the hospital. They would call me as soon as the results were in.
I have been having LORDEX treatments on my spine and they worked like magic! I had finished a treatment and was climbing into my pick up when my cell phone began ringing. It was the Doctor. He was in Idaho Falls on business but felt he must call me ASAP to inform me I had a very serious tumor growning on the lower part of my left kidney. He said that is had to be looked into immediately! I told him to please find a specialist in the area and set an appointment for me. Two days later I was set up for surgery. I was full of E-Coli Bacteria, so we had to delay the surgery and I started on a course of strong antibiotics.
I entered the hospital on November 5th around 11 AM. The pre-op work had been done the day before and so it was a matter of getting out of my clothes and into the smart looking hospital gown... meet the anatheseist and the nurse was an angel explaining all the things that were going to take place. At 2:15 PM I was given a shot in the IV they had placed in the wrist of my left hand. It seemed we were flying into the operating room. I do recall the lights and people inside the room. I would have two surgeons assisting each other. One removing the tumor and the other repairing the hernia. 3 1/2 hours later I was in recovery... The hernia was a mess. It was a Pantaloon Hernia. One hernia is coming out, the other is going in... I have three incisions. One below the navel, one on each side of the navel. The tumor on the kidney was the size of a large lemon.
It was cancer. They removed 1/3 of my left kidney and the entire tumor. Because of the size of the tumor I will have more tests the first part of February when I am in New Zealand.
Of course I felt no pain the first night and next morning. I had a epidermal and drip in my back, drips with antibiotics, morphine, my food and a catheter. Could not really move, eat or drink fluids but I had no pain. Day three they took out the catheter, the epidermal and some of the IV drips. By 3:00 PM I was praying that I would see THE PROVERBIAL LIGHT! THERE WAS NO LIGHT! I was crying, my lungs were full of fluid and the pain was unexplainable.
The pain was a number 10 on a scale of one to ten. I had four nurses helping me and my surgeon was called in. They gave me a strong anti inflammatory through he IV and a different pain medicine. It took a good two hours before I passed through the BEND IN THE ROAD. I must say, that is one time in my life I honestly prayed to die.
I have a 10 inch cut on the left side of my back that comes around my hip and under the rib cage. It is swollen but, the pain is under control. I am home, reading, resting, playing piano, writing and taking gentle walks into the woods. I am cooking meals and baking fantastic chololate chip cookies as well as yummy Oatmeal cookies. (Trying to put on some weight!) Yesterday I drove the pick up to the Post Office and local grocery store. I am regaining my strength and my weight is up to 150 pounds!
A week ago I walked out of the hospital. Today Michael drove me up to see the Doctors. I have the okay for my trip to New Zealand. Have to be careful for the next 6 weeks. Can't lift much or do anything strenuous. BUT, I will be able to fly the long flight from LAX to Auckland. It will be early spring when I arrive in Queenstown. I have 5 blessed months to heal.
Hopefully they captured all the cancer. They removed a cancerous polyp from my colon during the lower GI tests. When they told me I had cancer I never dreamed it would be in the kidney! I thought bladder, lungs, stomach BRAIN? but not the kidney.
Now, here is the interesting part. 8 months ago, my dear friend Belva Bloomer analyzed my saliva before and after my knee surgery in NZ. She told me that my left kidney was only functioning at about 30%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have lived in an amazing body. The nurses in the hospital could not believe that I am 62 years old and this is the first time I have had any serious surgery except for my knee replacement! I have my own teeth, good hearing and sight and most of all friends that love me and a wonderful extended family I adore.
Will write more later... but at least I made it around the bend in the road! I have an entire belief about why and how my kidney became the host for the cancer... I may write about it and I may not. Spirit will guide me.
I've missed writing my blog for so long and once again it will become a way for relase and healing.
I could not muster the strength to practice piano and I had gone from a 175-185 pound man to 140 pounds in less than two months! After much begging from friends and loved ones I made an appointment with a fine surgeon/MD in Jackson Hole. I had a bad hernia that needed to be FIXED! After my consultations with the surgeon he immediately had a slew of tests arranged the next day. Blood, X-rays, then upper and lower GI tests, more X-rays and at the last moment he decided I needed a CAT-SCAN. I was worn out after a full morning and afternoon in the hospital. They would call me as soon as the results were in.
I have been having LORDEX treatments on my spine and they worked like magic! I had finished a treatment and was climbing into my pick up when my cell phone began ringing. It was the Doctor. He was in Idaho Falls on business but felt he must call me ASAP to inform me I had a very serious tumor growning on the lower part of my left kidney. He said that is had to be looked into immediately! I told him to please find a specialist in the area and set an appointment for me. Two days later I was set up for surgery. I was full of E-Coli Bacteria, so we had to delay the surgery and I started on a course of strong antibiotics.
I entered the hospital on November 5th around 11 AM. The pre-op work had been done the day before and so it was a matter of getting out of my clothes and into the smart looking hospital gown... meet the anatheseist and the nurse was an angel explaining all the things that were going to take place. At 2:15 PM I was given a shot in the IV they had placed in the wrist of my left hand. It seemed we were flying into the operating room. I do recall the lights and people inside the room. I would have two surgeons assisting each other. One removing the tumor and the other repairing the hernia. 3 1/2 hours later I was in recovery... The hernia was a mess. It was a Pantaloon Hernia. One hernia is coming out, the other is going in... I have three incisions. One below the navel, one on each side of the navel. The tumor on the kidney was the size of a large lemon.
It was cancer. They removed 1/3 of my left kidney and the entire tumor. Because of the size of the tumor I will have more tests the first part of February when I am in New Zealand.
Of course I felt no pain the first night and next morning. I had a epidermal and drip in my back, drips with antibiotics, morphine, my food and a catheter. Could not really move, eat or drink fluids but I had no pain. Day three they took out the catheter, the epidermal and some of the IV drips. By 3:00 PM I was praying that I would see THE PROVERBIAL LIGHT! THERE WAS NO LIGHT! I was crying, my lungs were full of fluid and the pain was unexplainable.
The pain was a number 10 on a scale of one to ten. I had four nurses helping me and my surgeon was called in. They gave me a strong anti inflammatory through he IV and a different pain medicine. It took a good two hours before I passed through the BEND IN THE ROAD. I must say, that is one time in my life I honestly prayed to die.
I have a 10 inch cut on the left side of my back that comes around my hip and under the rib cage. It is swollen but, the pain is under control. I am home, reading, resting, playing piano, writing and taking gentle walks into the woods. I am cooking meals and baking fantastic chololate chip cookies as well as yummy Oatmeal cookies. (Trying to put on some weight!) Yesterday I drove the pick up to the Post Office and local grocery store. I am regaining my strength and my weight is up to 150 pounds!
A week ago I walked out of the hospital. Today Michael drove me up to see the Doctors. I have the okay for my trip to New Zealand. Have to be careful for the next 6 weeks. Can't lift much or do anything strenuous. BUT, I will be able to fly the long flight from LAX to Auckland. It will be early spring when I arrive in Queenstown. I have 5 blessed months to heal.
Hopefully they captured all the cancer. They removed a cancerous polyp from my colon during the lower GI tests. When they told me I had cancer I never dreamed it would be in the kidney! I thought bladder, lungs, stomach BRAIN? but not the kidney.
Now, here is the interesting part. 8 months ago, my dear friend Belva Bloomer analyzed my saliva before and after my knee surgery in NZ. She told me that my left kidney was only functioning at about 30%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have lived in an amazing body. The nurses in the hospital could not believe that I am 62 years old and this is the first time I have had any serious surgery except for my knee replacement! I have my own teeth, good hearing and sight and most of all friends that love me and a wonderful extended family I adore.
Will write more later... but at least I made it around the bend in the road! I have an entire belief about why and how my kidney became the host for the cancer... I may write about it and I may not. Spirit will guide me.
I've missed writing my blog for so long and once again it will become a way for relase and healing.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
I'm back!
The summer season was flowing like honey. The knee replacement is a dream, help was good and the business a perfect balance between, patio dining, inside restaurant and the bar crowd. I cooked every meal except for a few rare exceptions when I absolutely needed help.
August 8th I suffered a complete mental and physical melt down. I usually weigh in at 175 pounds and IF I'M WORKING OUT AT THE GYM usually around 185. I went from 180 pounds to 141.05 pounds. Some days I weigh in around 144. Last year I suffered with unrelenting pain on the left side of my body. End of July I began experiencing severe pain in the right side of my lower back which radiated down the into the front of my thigh. I could hardly stand and I stand up to 15 hours when I work. I awake around 6:30 AM walk to the kitchen by 7:15 AM and stand until after lunch. I return home and lay down for about two hours, I return at 4:30 PM prepping for the evening. I cook from opening until closing then the clean up and more prep work returning home between 11 PM and midnight. My left arm is healing thank God. That was a nightmare that I never want to relive and pray that it does come full circle. Possibly Beethoven would understand the loss of something that relates to making music. Last July I could not play a full octave with my left hand. The 3rd, 4th and 5th fingers of my left hand were numb until end of March this year......... It has been a slow and dreadful experience, but I can play my piano again. (Back to the leg)
Everyone told me I had sciatica. After weeks of pain and all kinds of advice I went to a sports medicine man in Jackson Hole. After X rays and examinations he said I have scoliosis of the lower spine. I am in therapy three times a week doing the Lordex treatment. They seem to be working. I am still in pain, but as of next week I will have inserts made for my shoes, I walk with an insert under the left heel of my foot that is to help turn the pelvic bones and align my inner frame... Two days ago I discovered a hernia on the right side of my Adonis belt! I go tomorrow for a consultation with a surgeon to see if there is a chance in hell I can avoid surgery? I swear by March 6th of 2009 I should be living in a new body!
Yesterday was a rare day. I actually felt like taking a walk into the forest behind the house of which I have written about time and time again. My sacred Rock with The EYE! I posted a photo of this rock in a blog I wrote soon after I returned from NZ this year. The forest is lovely at this time of year. Yellow aspen and the cedar and pine trees are amazing. Yes, the foliage has died, but I recall years ago a dear friend telling me that there is a certain beauty in a dying garden!
One has to crawl under the barb wire fence to enter the National Forest behind the house. In Wyoming barb wire is like cement is to big cities! I decided to take the lower trail because I have been feeling so weak and wanted to simply breathe in every scent, memorize every scene and listen to the symphony of wild life and the gentle breeze. I was walking along and suddenly stopped. Something was amis. As I looked ahead I caught sight of the destruction... a new road. Piles of crushed flora and fauna, felled trees of which I counted 72. My Rock with the EYE GONE! It had been smashed into a mountain of broken life.
Tears streamed from my eyes. All I could hear was the opening tragic theme of the Brahms first symphony! C minor is a tragic key. I dropped to my knees and pulled out my I Pod setting it to that very symphony. Thank the universe for music because that language was the only thing that could express my emotions. I thought of the poem by Edna St. Vincent Milly,
"Apostrophe to man!" "Detestable race, continue to expunge yourself, die out, Breed faster, Crowd, encroach, sing hymns, build bombing airplanes, HOMO CALLED SAPIENS!"...
I kept walking step by step up the new dirt road. It was a steep grade and the higher I went the more my leg ached. I walked through the damn pain. Midway I discovered a makeshift tree hut I had assembled years ago. O my God they had not knocked it down. I crawled inside and laid on the soft pine needles. I gazed out of the limbs and the view was celestial. Clouds racing like helium balloons across a turquoise sky. The horizon of mountains and the winding mighty Snake River calmed my soul and I felt the urge to shout for joy!
I left the hut and kept walking up the road, then I figured out where it was taking me. To the new water system that is to feed water into three new subdivisions. Alas. I turned and started the steep descent. My knees were holding up. Yes, they ached, but I was happy.
This mountain is blanketed in a quilt of wild flowers every spring and during the more part of the summer. Dried stalks of Iron weed, sand burs and other plants stood erect with hard pods full of seeds hanging from brittle stems that would release their life into the soil before snow fall.
Time will heal all things that I think are wrong with the world and the world will remain an interesting stage and setting where human life will play out drama after drama after drama, lifetime after lifetime. I gaze at the very same moon and stars that inspired Beethoven to write the Moonlight Sonata, Debussy to paint a musical painting, Clair de lune... could it all be an illusion?
I walked in the back door, dropped my pack. Put on the tea kettle and sat beside my cats. With cup and saucer in hand I climbed the stairs to my room and sat at my desk gazing at all the beautiful art work and books and keepsakes I have in this chamber. Then my eyes landed on a piece of sculpture I love, "Walking Wounded"... Again a piece of art saved the day.
Will write more later. For now I am off to dream land...
August 8th I suffered a complete mental and physical melt down. I usually weigh in at 175 pounds and IF I'M WORKING OUT AT THE GYM usually around 185. I went from 180 pounds to 141.05 pounds. Some days I weigh in around 144. Last year I suffered with unrelenting pain on the left side of my body. End of July I began experiencing severe pain in the right side of my lower back which radiated down the into the front of my thigh. I could hardly stand and I stand up to 15 hours when I work. I awake around 6:30 AM walk to the kitchen by 7:15 AM and stand until after lunch. I return home and lay down for about two hours, I return at 4:30 PM prepping for the evening. I cook from opening until closing then the clean up and more prep work returning home between 11 PM and midnight. My left arm is healing thank God. That was a nightmare that I never want to relive and pray that it does come full circle. Possibly Beethoven would understand the loss of something that relates to making music. Last July I could not play a full octave with my left hand. The 3rd, 4th and 5th fingers of my left hand were numb until end of March this year......... It has been a slow and dreadful experience, but I can play my piano again. (Back to the leg)
Everyone told me I had sciatica. After weeks of pain and all kinds of advice I went to a sports medicine man in Jackson Hole. After X rays and examinations he said I have scoliosis of the lower spine. I am in therapy three times a week doing the Lordex treatment. They seem to be working. I am still in pain, but as of next week I will have inserts made for my shoes, I walk with an insert under the left heel of my foot that is to help turn the pelvic bones and align my inner frame... Two days ago I discovered a hernia on the right side of my Adonis belt! I go tomorrow for a consultation with a surgeon to see if there is a chance in hell I can avoid surgery? I swear by March 6th of 2009 I should be living in a new body!
Yesterday was a rare day. I actually felt like taking a walk into the forest behind the house of which I have written about time and time again. My sacred Rock with The EYE! I posted a photo of this rock in a blog I wrote soon after I returned from NZ this year. The forest is lovely at this time of year. Yellow aspen and the cedar and pine trees are amazing. Yes, the foliage has died, but I recall years ago a dear friend telling me that there is a certain beauty in a dying garden!
One has to crawl under the barb wire fence to enter the National Forest behind the house. In Wyoming barb wire is like cement is to big cities! I decided to take the lower trail because I have been feeling so weak and wanted to simply breathe in every scent, memorize every scene and listen to the symphony of wild life and the gentle breeze. I was walking along and suddenly stopped. Something was amis. As I looked ahead I caught sight of the destruction... a new road. Piles of crushed flora and fauna, felled trees of which I counted 72. My Rock with the EYE GONE! It had been smashed into a mountain of broken life.
Tears streamed from my eyes. All I could hear was the opening tragic theme of the Brahms first symphony! C minor is a tragic key. I dropped to my knees and pulled out my I Pod setting it to that very symphony. Thank the universe for music because that language was the only thing that could express my emotions. I thought of the poem by Edna St. Vincent Milly,
"Apostrophe to man!" "Detestable race, continue to expunge yourself, die out, Breed faster, Crowd, encroach, sing hymns, build bombing airplanes, HOMO CALLED SAPIENS!"...
I kept walking step by step up the new dirt road. It was a steep grade and the higher I went the more my leg ached. I walked through the damn pain. Midway I discovered a makeshift tree hut I had assembled years ago. O my God they had not knocked it down. I crawled inside and laid on the soft pine needles. I gazed out of the limbs and the view was celestial. Clouds racing like helium balloons across a turquoise sky. The horizon of mountains and the winding mighty Snake River calmed my soul and I felt the urge to shout for joy!
I left the hut and kept walking up the road, then I figured out where it was taking me. To the new water system that is to feed water into three new subdivisions. Alas. I turned and started the steep descent. My knees were holding up. Yes, they ached, but I was happy.
This mountain is blanketed in a quilt of wild flowers every spring and during the more part of the summer. Dried stalks of Iron weed, sand burs and other plants stood erect with hard pods full of seeds hanging from brittle stems that would release their life into the soil before snow fall.
Time will heal all things that I think are wrong with the world and the world will remain an interesting stage and setting where human life will play out drama after drama after drama, lifetime after lifetime. I gaze at the very same moon and stars that inspired Beethoven to write the Moonlight Sonata, Debussy to paint a musical painting, Clair de lune... could it all be an illusion?
I walked in the back door, dropped my pack. Put on the tea kettle and sat beside my cats. With cup and saucer in hand I climbed the stairs to my room and sat at my desk gazing at all the beautiful art work and books and keepsakes I have in this chamber. Then my eyes landed on a piece of sculpture I love, "Walking Wounded"... Again a piece of art saved the day.
Will write more later. For now I am off to dream land...
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
on hold
Work has been insane! I am doing my own prep work, that means, baking rolls, potatoes, making soup, chopping onions and peppers, garlic and slicing lemons, cantaloupe, it goes on and on, plus the cooking and clean up after... makes for very long hours on one's legs, however, I am doing it and not complaining. It allows me the joy of having enough time and money to do some of the things I still love doing and being a part of during the 8 months I am not living in a kitchen! Today was a slower day, so I must say, I am putting my blog on hold for a few weeks until I have more time to share wonderful things with all of my friends!
I still read my e mails every day and have my cell phone with me at all times. Enjoy the gorgeous hot summer weather!
Blessings, BJ
I still read my e mails every day and have my cell phone with me at all times. Enjoy the gorgeous hot summer weather!
Blessings, BJ
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Sunshine has arrived
Wyoming has been blest with an abundance of sunshine and gorgeous summer weather. It seemed the last couple of weeks would never end, but everything has come right with my parents and most things at work are great.
I once read where IF when things become intolerable in one's life, if you take pen in hand and write down every single thing
you are grateful for one's entire attitude can change. I have filled a journal full of items in the past two weeks... from every
wild flower and wild animal that greets me each morning as I walk to the restaurant, right down to the fact I can breathe!
I have made some amazing transitions in the past 6 months. When I lost all the feeling in my 5th, 4th, and 3rd fingers of my Left Hand last December I did not cry, I was amazed to think such a thing could happen to me. I speak from my heart with my hands!
When I realized my knee was "going south" on me and needed surgery, I was horrified... the list goes on and on, yet, I find I am at a different place in my heart, mind and body! I have regained the feeling in the fingers of my left hand. I can play for up to a half hour every day without pain... mind, you, I am not performing the Grieg Piano Concerto, but falling in love with things I have always adored for years... the piano is till my best friend.
My knee is perfect! I go into the kitchen of my restaurant by 7:30 AM and stand for the most part of every day cooking until 2:00 PM, then relax and return to work for the evening, standing from 5:00 PM until at least 11:00 PM without pain!!!!!! Summer is a wonderful season. I am not complaining about the heat in fact I quite like being warm!
More later, love and light from the Rocky Mountains.
I once read where IF when things become intolerable in one's life, if you take pen in hand and write down every single thing
you are grateful for one's entire attitude can change. I have filled a journal full of items in the past two weeks... from every
wild flower and wild animal that greets me each morning as I walk to the restaurant, right down to the fact I can breathe!
I have made some amazing transitions in the past 6 months. When I lost all the feeling in my 5th, 4th, and 3rd fingers of my Left Hand last December I did not cry, I was amazed to think such a thing could happen to me. I speak from my heart with my hands!
When I realized my knee was "going south" on me and needed surgery, I was horrified... the list goes on and on, yet, I find I am at a different place in my heart, mind and body! I have regained the feeling in the fingers of my left hand. I can play for up to a half hour every day without pain... mind, you, I am not performing the Grieg Piano Concerto, but falling in love with things I have always adored for years... the piano is till my best friend.
My knee is perfect! I go into the kitchen of my restaurant by 7:30 AM and stand for the most part of every day cooking until 2:00 PM, then relax and return to work for the evening, standing from 5:00 PM until at least 11:00 PM without pain!!!!!! Summer is a wonderful season. I am not complaining about the heat in fact I quite like being warm!
More later, love and light from the Rocky Mountains.
Friday, June 13, 2008
What The Hell?
I have not given up on writing my blogs........ There has simply been too many things going on and not enough time to write in detail about everything that has happened since opening the restaurant.
Both of my parents have been in the ICU at hospital together! Long hours in the kitchen and weather is all over the place.
SNOW YESTERDAY LIKE WINTER TIME SNOW! Over cast with heavy clouds and rain for the past week. One day summer may break through all this density.
Will compose a stunning story about everything in a few days... till then I am searching for sunshine.
Both of my parents have been in the ICU at hospital together! Long hours in the kitchen and weather is all over the place.
SNOW YESTERDAY LIKE WINTER TIME SNOW! Over cast with heavy clouds and rain for the past week. One day summer may break through all this density.
Will compose a stunning story about everything in a few days... till then I am searching for sunshine.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
The Orb!
Sorry, it must be the altitude! After I published the blog I realized I had not posted the photo with the blue orb.
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