HAPPENINGS beyond my explanations...

IF NO ONE ASKS ME ABOUT IT, THEN I KNOW WHAT IT IS; BUT IF SOMEONE ASKS ME ABOUT IT AND I TRY TO EXPLAIN IT TO HIM, THEN I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS... ST. AUGUSTINE, (Confessions)

The words of St. Augustine explain why I have not written a new blog all this week. Too many unexplainable, yet wonderful things have been happening. I may not be the "Spiritual Person" the american religious right would approve of, however in my own mind, body and soul I have and always will be "in touch" with my "higher self". I am guided, informed and guarded.

I cannot explain some of the things that have occurred this week but they have all been blessings and gifts.

I made contact with a woman I met 25 years ago who was once a secretary for Shirley MacLane. We are back in touch via the blessing of the inter-net. She is and always will hold a special place in my heart.

I dialed a number I have had in storage on my mobile vodafone for more than a year just to see WHO it could be? A person answered the phone. it is a person I NEED to be in contact with and hope to see in the near future!

I go to the Dorothy Brown Arts Movie Theatre in Arrowtown Sunday to view the movie, THE QUEEN. (no pun intended.) I dream of owning one of these places one day maybe in another lifetime. There is a coffee-wine bar and arty bookstore in the lobby. Tables to sit and visit while sipping fine wine, cheeses or teas and coffees. Deep soft chairs, fresh cut flowers, paintings on the walls and books for sale new and used line the walls. I find a book by Patrick Suskind "On Love and Death". A very short essay. I buy it. EVERY WORD OF THIS BOOK I NEED RIGHT NOW!

Today I had my first Reflexology session with Anna. She is so booked that I have not been able to get in with her until now.
She has moved her practice to Sunshine Baby on Hayes Paddock Road. This woman is one of the most beautiful, loving humans on this planet. She literally helped me to forgive and release so much baggage last year. I was suffering with the arthritis, prostate, sciatica, shoulder pain, acid reflux, God it goes on and on. She hit trigger points that sent me threw the roof last year.
We searched for the deeper reasons and meanings of the problems and learned how to FORGIVE and RELEASE the CAUSE and accept the LESSON. Today was magic. My right foot is much more balanced and hardly a problem area. The Left foot. Well, it is the FEMININE side of the body. I have always had one hell of a time accepting and allowing my feminine side to live freely. In the 60's and 70's I OVER COMPENSATED for being gay and lived in such denial and fear I all but cut the tits of my girlie man self! I HAVE KNOWN STRAIGHT MEN that are more in touch with the female of their minds and body!
Crap was going on with this foot. We are working it through with some amazing work. Here is the stunning part. I am cutting rib steak for dinner this evening, DRUM ROLL!!! I CUT DEEPLY INTO MY THUMB ON MY LEFT HAND! LEFT SIDE!!! I dropped the knife and yelled "holy shit!" I am realizing something very very deep here. I injured my left elbow a month ago at the gym. GO F---ING FIGURE!

Then, I performed a mini concert for the first time in years of Bach, Chopin, Beethoven. This is a very complicated story and I will tell it at another time, but I honestly "channeled the music". I have never played so beautifully and with such confidence.

I watched all of the first season of Tales of The City the past two nights. When Anna Madrigal is explaining to Edgar Halcyon about Atlantis, I stopped breathing! I now know something about a woman that was so important in my past and died in 1980. I nearly fainted. I stopped the DVD and backtracked to the scene and watched it over and over. This particular woman I am speaking about lived in San Francisco most of her life. It was not an accident how I found her in my searching for an apartment on a raining night and my life was changed for ever. Only thing different than Anna Madrigal is: I MOVED TO 620 - 28th Street Ogden Utah and the tales of city story takes place at 28-Barbarry Lane, San Francisco.

This is not the end of the tiny bits of gold that kept showing up between events all the past week. My dreams were OUT OF THIS WORLD and mind you, I have NOT been smoking weed or drinking vodka! I wonder if the comet that is slowly dissipating from the western sky has anything to do with my "keen awareness"... I took this self portrait this week of what a happy 60 year old man looks like! Sweet dreams...

A view of the NEW PAINT on the outside walls of my studio! Forgive the damned glare of the shinny thing on my shirt. The camera seems to go crazy over it. The steak sandwich I had at Glenorchy Restaurant. $16.00 NZD. Such a great deal and it was excellent. I love Glenhorchy. Some people find it all to boring. I have another snap shot of the mountains in snow looking out of the window of the restaurant in Glenorchy. I should invest in some land in that end of road place. Hummmmm?

The state of the world...

For the first time in many many days I sat at this computer and searched through news just to see if the world was still existing and to see and learn just what the situations with war, famine, weather, human encounters were as compared to a few days ago. I read through such resources as: CNN, MSNBC, BBC including my own JH WY news.
I spend some time every few days in FACTNET.COM a site about cults and situations with religious groups. I always enjoy PIANOWORLD.COM and other music sites as well as YOU TUBE. I was depressed after the hour I wasted rambling through the news.

I thank what ever the source may be that allows me to still be humbled by the magnitude and magnificence of nature, art, and music. I love poetry because it seems to be a cousin or sibling to the language of music. After giving some thought to the state of the world I recalled a poem written by one of my favorite poets, Edna St. Vincent Millay.

APOSTROPHE TO MAN
(ON REFLECTING THAT THE WORLD IS READY TO GO TO WAR AGAIN)

Detestable race, continue to expunge yourself, die
out.
Breed faster, crowd, encroach, sing hymns, build bomb-
ing airplanes;
Make speeches, unveil statues, issue bonds, parade;
Convert again into explosives the bewildered ammonia
and the distracted cellulose;
Convert again into putrescent matter drawing flies
The hopeful bodies of the young; exhort,
Pray, pull long faces, be earnest, be all but overcome,
be photographed;
Confer, perfect your formulae, commercialize
Bacteria harmful to human tissue,
Put death on the market;
Breed, crowd, encroach, expand, expunge yourself, die
out,
HOMO called SAPIENS.

It says it all. God, that woman was wise even if she drank a bit too much and smoked way far too much. She lived through some strange times politically and artistically. Thank God she lived period. At least for my sake.

I find I always feel better when I stay far away from the television or radio news. I am not afraid of news, I just hate propaganda and lies! I lived many lies for far too many years. Some call it it denial, I call it survival of the human soul.

Objects Choose me, I do not always choose them...

I miss my K.Kawi baby grand piano in WY. I often reflect of how I purchased that instrument. We were looking for a particular car wash in Idaho Falls. Could not find it! Been there over the years a hundred times. Finally out of desperation stopped at a piano store that I have driven by many times but never been inside. It sits along the highway that the car wash is located, but damn we could not find the car wash so we parked the car and entered the shop called,
"PIANO GALLERY". Yes, the young man inside the store knew where I wanted to go. I glanced around the show room full of some amazing grand pianos. I did not tell the young man I could play or knew anything about pianos. My eyes fell upon a Yamaha Grand Piano. I touched it's satin finish, reached out to softly touch the keys. Moved on to another fine instrument, a Shimmel Grand. stunning cabinet. I turned from the grands and noticed a small baby grand in the line up of so many pianos, walked up to it, sat down and begin to play the Prelude in C major by Bach, then the Fantasie Impromptu by Chopin, then Clair de Lune by Debussy. By this time quite a audience had congregated around the instrument. This piano reached out to me. It simply breathed under my hands. The salesman complimented me and wanted me to please play a certain concert grand that had just arrived on the floor. I happily followed him to the monsterous black whale. It played wonderfully, but I COULD NOT GET THE LITTLE K. KAWI out of my mind and ears! Even as I was performing on the Concert grand my eyes would wonder over to the Kawai baby grand! After playing what seemed 20 pianos I went back to the K. Kawai. It simply reached out to me like an orphan begging to be adopted. "take me! I'm the best!". Before the hour was over, I had written a check for the K. Kawai baby grand and it was to be delivered in WY the next evening! WHAT IN HELL HAD I DONE? Found a BRAND NEW, NEVER BEFORE PLAYED PIANO THAT WAS MADE FOR ME and the piano KNEW MY TOUCH!

I wanted the piano upstairs beside my bed. I always dreamed of one day, awakening in the morning or after a nap to behold a piano I loved right beside me! The two guys that drove the piano over in a storm did not appear to be able to lift or manipulate this monster up the stair case, through a narrow door into a rather large bedroom. THEY DID IT!

Finally I was alone with this incredible instrument that had mysteriously reached out to my musical heart and mind. What a remarkable instrument! The black sensuously shaped hulk standing on three very delicate, narrow legs. I lifted the top and propped it's enormous weight and size on the slender stick that supports is mass. Inside was like a jewel box. Gold, brass, steel, red felt, iron and the emblem stamped on the gleaming spruce pine sounding board. The fall board over the keys was like revealing the most sexually covered parts of a person's body. Because here is where my hands would translate energy into the guts of this Pandora's box and release all of my passions that I could never put into words. These 88 keys with their pattern of 3 then 2 black keys and the rest white held all the mathematical equations that would allow me to express my emotions through the invisible illusion of sound. Silver sounds that would disappear on sound waves into infinity.

Many times I walk into a book store not really searching for a book and I walk right to the area, shelve and book that needs me! I have experienced this always with rocks and crystals. I have some amazing crystals and they have always found me.
I believe the same attraction works with the people we encounter in acting out the drama of our lifetimes. The actors appear. As the old Zen saying: "When you are ready the teacher will appear."

Roses...

This year the roses have been breath taking. Every two or three days I fill my studio with bouquets of roses! I know
some people do not like roses because the petals fall on the ground. (Messy little buggers). They have thorns and
drive some people crazy when they cut them or hold a stem in their hands!
I love to touch rose petals. They feel like the most beautiful, sensuous flesh I could ever dream of touching. I love to bury my
nose in the center of a rose and inhale beauty. Years ago, I received a gorgeous bouquet of yellow roses and sweet
peas! Simply amazing. I never wanted them to wither and die.
(Notice, I have a very bad habit of leaving my keys in the door.)

Yesterday we attended the A&P Show at Lake Hayes. A&P IS NOT A GROCERY STORE IN NZ. It is Animals and Produce. Kind
of like a very dated, small county fair at home in WY. The sun was a scorcher. I had to wear my cap at all times because
I have fried the "HOLE IN THE OZONE OF MY HEAD" to a crisp RED. Meaning the bald spot is a hot spot. I cannot afford
to have anymore sun damage on my skin! I'm carrying on about the direct sun and now it is a down pour. Never stopped
raining since last night! One nice thing: THE ROSE BUSHES LOVE THIS WEATHER! HOT then wet and cool. So, regardless of the
rain I will fill my room with roses!

We have become our grandparents...

We have truly become our grandparents! OMG, every Sunday we dress up, get in the car and drive through the country. We usually stop at a favorite winery for lunch. Every year I take great photos at the Cerrick Winery in Bannockburn Wine Country outside of Cromwell. Then we drive home via the grocery store where we purchase supplies for the coming week.

I drove the entire day Sunday. First time I have really driven in years in New Zealand. You know, the BRAIN FLIP THINK WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD...Turn About that TURN ME TOTALLY ABOUT, SIDE WAYS AND UP SIDE DOWN... But, I did it and today I did more driving.

Have been busy with many projects. Main thing and the one thing I am determined to get in my head requires the inspiration of the musical muses. Creating arrangements that I can live with for the recording of my original music. I think, I have a concept nailed down and then out of the blue I invent a new idea. Alas! The joy of creativity.
Have lots to say, but can't seem to put it in a sensible fashion. Time is on my side THIS TIME! If all else fails, I will just get in the car and drive....... When driving I shall leave the gorgeous pinot noir wines ALONE! God forbid, I'll be living like Miss Daisy in desperate need of a driver, and in more ways than one! I'm outta here! Till Saturday.

15 years later...

This picture of me standing at the entrance to Weill Recital Hall at Carnegie Hall NYC was taken in November of 1995 by a dear friend. WHY? Because I walked through those door 15 years earlier to perform what would be "THE PERFORMANCE OF MY LIFE", My NYC Debut Recital. I was 43 years old at the time, April 28, 1990. 1990 was the 100th birthday of Carnegie Hall.

In my teens I studied with some excellent teachers, one being Frederic Dixon. I heard him say time and time again: "You will never really play the piano until you are in your 40's." Well, to a 14 year old the age 40 sounded ANCIENT! I thought oh, my god, I have a long long long time of blood, sweat and tears before I will really play piano? I must say that he was right (at least in my case!) Of course I could play piano very well as a boy and past my 40th birthday! Possibly playing piano has something in common with fine wines, delicate cheeses...they taste better with age!

In December of 1998 when I met with Beatrice Fetal, the booking agent for NY RECITAL AGENCY the only available date was April 28,1990. I grabbed the date with glee. The number 28 is often a part of meaningful events in my life. I fly out of New Zealand every year on April 28!!!!!!!!!! I did not choose that departure date for the past 17 years, it chose me!
My zip code in the states is: 83128. Notice the ending two digits, 28. In numerology I am a 10. 28/10! I will stop, but oh my, oh my, I could write a small book about the numbers 2 8 1 0. I must go figure!

Weill Recital Hall at Carnegie Hall NYC 2005

Sex and the Artisti

Preludes & Fugues

The artist's experiences lie so unbelievably close to the sexual, to it's pain and it's pleasure that the two phenomena are really just different transforms of one and the same longing and bliss. The artist, poetic musical power is great and strong as a primal instinct. It has it's own relentless rhythms in itself and explodes from him like a volcano, living and expressing in a white hot passionate heat.

Develop your own Individual Sexuality. One that IS NOT INFLUENCED BY CONVENTION or CUSTOM...then you will no longer have to be afraid of loosing yourself and becoming unworthy of your dearest possession. Bodily delight is a sensory experience, not any different from pure looking or the pure feeling with which a beautiful fruit fills the tongue...It is a knowledge of the world, the fullness and splendor of all knowledge.

It is not our acceptance of it that is bad! What is bad is: most people misuse this learning and squander it and apply it as a stimulant on the tired places of their lives, as a distraction rather than as a way of gathering themselves for their highest moments.

In one sexual fantasy of thought a thousand forgotten nights of LOVE come to life again and fill it with majesty and exhalation. Those who cum together in the night and are entwined in rocking delight perform a solemn task and gather sweetness, depth and strength for the song of some future poet, who will appear in order to say ecstasies that are unsay-able! And they call forth the future - even if they made a mistake - the future comes away because EVERYTHING IS GESTATION AND THEN BIRTHING - RYTHEM GOVERNS THE UNIVERSE...
(words from Letters to A Young Poet, by Renier Rilke...
Sex and Art always seem to go hand and hand for me!

New Years Resolution #1...Get this mess cleaned up and cut the body fat. Hard process, but I'm determined.
New Years Resolution #2...Arrange original musical pieces into format for recording.
New Years Resolution #3...Practice, Practice, Practice makes PERFECT?!

Happy New Year 2007

Preludes & Fugues

It is about 1:15 AM here in Queenstown, New Zealand. Enjoyed the fire works show the town performed at midnight from the rugby field, been watching the ROYAL PERFORMANCE of BRITISH ENTERTAINMENT from LONDON on the telly. I have celebrated New Years in NZ 16 times.

RESOLUTIONS are good. I believe in them. I have always made a list of things I want to accomplish within a new year and often times I have achieved my goals. I do not make resolutions that are beyond my grasp! I often list books I want to read during the year. Certain pieces of music I hope to 'nail down' by the end of 365 days. To goodness and wisdom we only make promises; we obey pain! I find it's better to prepare for an opportunity that may never come than to have an opportunity but find myself UNPREPARED!

If anyone reading these ramblings of mine, need a goal for 2007 here is one. IF YOU DON'T READ ANOTHER BOOK THIS YEAR READ: "LETTER TO A CHRISTIAN NATION" by Sam Harris. I need not say more. READ IT!

Tomorrow is a lazy, hazy, crazy kind of day...no plans, but to laze around and do little if nothing at all. Come Tues. appointments, work outs, practice times and so many things I enjoy will be on my plate.

DO have a fantastic NEW YEAR! I look forward to meeting and making new acquaintance and friends during 2007 and I treasure the friendships I have made all of my lifetime. Much love, from BJ

There's a feeling of Christmas

Preludes & Fugues
A photo of our Xmas Tree here in the house in Queenstown. There is a feeling of
Christmas in the air as shoppers are out and about and everyone seems to be talking about family dinners and socials. We are staying home. I am baking a turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, real cranberry sauce and mince pie. A bottle of good wine, great coffee and chocolates. NO GIFTS! We promised NO GIFTS this year. The gift of all of us being together is a gift that no money can buy. I spent Thanksgiving with my family in Utah before coming to New Zealand this year and that was a first in many many years.
I suppose everyday should be a HOLIDAY, but Christmas is a BIG HOLIDAY and very stressful for many people. NOT ME. I promised myself I would have a wonderful UN STRESSFUL Christmas and I am. Big stress for me is getting up in the morning and hitting the gym! Merry Ho Ho.

There's a feeling of Christmas

Serendipity or Coincidence...

Preludes & Fugues

Last Thursday we drove to the city of Dunedin. Dunedin reminds me of San Francisco Calif. when I was a kid. Same weather, same steep hills, old Victorian houses, coffee houses that still have wild art work and poetry readings, street musicians and buskers. I could very easily live in Dunedin. We went over to see some movies, shop and enjoy the beauty of the four hour drive. For some reason I INSISTED that I take my Power Book with me. I always travel with my ipod, vodafone, journal and one change of clothing, but this trip I wanted the computer.
I had called around Dunedin last year looking for a recording studio. Not much luck but was told to call Radio House. There had been a storm and the roof had caved in on the studio section of the building. NO recording sessions last year.
Here I am a year later and I decided to find Radio House and inquire about recording some of my original pieces. This is a building where the main national radio station and other radio shows are produced. Lots of interesting personalities work inside this huge office. I asked at the front desk and yes, they did have a recording engineer. Out comes a 30 to 40 age man, ear rings in both ears, tattoos and great hair.
"Sorry mate, but we don't do commercial recordings anymore, however, there is an American Bloke that owns a guitar shop in town on the Octagon called "TWANG", his name is Hyrum and he might know of someone or a place where you can do studio recordings."
(Mind you, I have walked by TWANG well over a hundred times in all the years I have been coming to Dunedin. Off I go to meet Hyrum.
This shop is old. Lead cut glass windows, old tiles and hard wood floors, instruments hanging from the rafters, instrument cases stacked on the dusty floor, every-kind of thing you can imagine for a guitar. I LOVE THESE KIND OF SACRED HAUNTS! The place has young 'wanna be' long haired musicians, and punk style kids looking around. A man probably 50ish approaches me with a smile,
"How can I help? oh, I am Hyrum."
Hyrum has been living in New Zealand for 23 years. He is from California. Long graying hair in a pony tail, glasses, very thin and so kind! I explained my situation and he says,
"Not a problem. Do you have a computer with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(just so happens I DO and it is a MAC) He explained that he could down load a great little system for me to record from my piano to the computer, the program is called Garageband. He told me to be at the shop by 10 AM Saturday morning. I was on cloud nine!
THe next morning is pouring rain, but I walk to TWANG and Hyrum is a half hour late, but I do not care, there is a great coffee house across the street and a used book store. I peruse these places as I keep glancing across the street. AH! finally Hyrum walks up to open his door. This man spent two hours down loading the program and showing me things about my computer. GOD he has two note book Macs on stands and he literally went into my BLACK SCREEN WITH WHITE WORDS ON IT, what I used to call DOS and repaired a couple of things that were going on with my machine. Amazing guy. He wrote down things I would need when I got back in order to jack the piano to the computer. I asked what I owed him, he laughed and said,
"You owe me NOTHING! Learn how to use the program and let me hear your music someday..."
I was overwhelmed by this man's kindness and willingness to help musicians. A young man came in the shop and needed guitar strings. The kid looked starved, but happy, he told Hyrum that he only had $14.00 in his bank account. Hyrum found the package of strings and they came to nearly sixteen dollars. The young man's face dropped and he walked towards the door. Hyrum said,
"Look it's Christmas time. You have $14.00 give it to me and we'll call it even, besides a man has to be able to make music regardless of money."
The young man's face broke into a smile wide enough to catch flies. He thanked Hyrum over and over and dashed out of the door into the pouring rain. I complemented Hyrum on his kindness and promised him that the kindness and generosity he gave to help others would be returned to him double fold. (thing is, HE KNEW IT!)
If I had not followed my instinct to take the computer I would not have Garageband in my computer and I would not have met a beautiful soul like Hyrum and I now have my hands and mind full of challenges and new learning curves. I will figure out how to use this magical tool for creating music!
What's the old saying? FOLLOW YOUR HEART! My heart led my soul to a blessing last week end. Could it be a type of serendipity or just stupidity!

Lake Wikatipu

Preludes & Fugues
I took this photo last year. This one of New Zealand's largest bodies of inland water. EXTREMELY COLD WATER! If you fall into the lake without wearing a wet suit it can mean freezing to death! There has always been a story about a giant that lives at the bottom of the lake. This giant breathes thus causing the water to raise and fall many inches from hour to hour. Other tales claim that the lake is bottomless, meaning that the ocean is the force pulling the water levels up and down.
The lake is a powerful source of beauty and strength. I can gaze upon it for hours watching changes of light and shadow on the water. During storms the water is wretched. I see this body of water before I go to bed at night and when I awake in the morning. Water is SACRED.

Lupin in QT. Grand Tetons in WY

MY Studio in Queenstown!

Preludes & Fugues

Some of you have sent me E mails requesting a picture of my studio in Queenstown. This is a photo of the inside of my studio. Sometimes my friends refer to is as my LAB and some people I live with call it my Sacred Space! I spend a lot of time in this small pixel. I made the curtains. The desk holds my lap top, books, coffee cups, snacks, manuscript paper, any notes I have made to myself of things that intrest me from a telephone number to a web site.
The Electric Piano is a Techniques. IT IS WONDERFUL. I use a Bose head set when practicing or playing so it does not bother anyone. I have wonderful candles, photos and some art on the walls. I have a large collection of stones. Some are truly amazing rocks and crystals. I have a make-shift book case cupboard on the end wall full of books, medicines, herbs, oils, CD's art supplies, fine wines and other VICES! The room is carpeted and has it's own entrance from the outside. You cannot enter the place from inside the house! (I love it!) I have my very own living space. The window looks out on the REMARKABLES and LAKE WIKATIPU. Those of you that saw the Lord of The Rings will recognize the picture I feast upon every day and night. I can step outside the door onto the porch and see the evening stars, moon and milky way. The Sunsets are magnificent but I do not see the Sunrise without stepping off the porch. It is my Shangralie.
I meditate, read, write and make music in this sacred space. WELCOME.

My Studio in Queenstown!