Opening the Chakras...

Preludes & Fugues

My dreams did not reveal any earth shaking knowledge regarding why I have a sever blockage in the throat chakra and the sacral chakra. I meditated on it at great length and bits of a "nightmare collage" began shaping within my heart and mind.

I was bullied unmercifully as a child. Grade school was not a joy, it was a dreaded event every day of the school year I was constantly looking out for my physical safety. Waiting for the school bus was a bad enough ordeal trying to avoid a bully named Jimmy Todd. He would rub hard on your skin until you suffered a flesh burn. In the third grade I was beat up by two boys in my class, Keith Cox and Brent Poll. Both know what they did to me. I had never had the wind knocked out of my guts until then. My stomach was beaten black and blue. I avoided them both everyday of my entire school experience, even through high school.
Boy Scouts was even worse. Older boys punching me, calling me a sissy and some actually harming me. They were fat, ugly guys, James Summers, Rudy Fuit, and a few others. Forever, tripping, hitting, slugging, pinching, saying horrible things in my ears and slugging me in the guts and head.
One Easter, my mother made my favorite sandwiches, which were tuna fish, chips and cookies and colored easter eggs for a Easter Picnic with Donny Child who lived on a farm about half a mile from our house. This bully, stomped my box lunch into the ground then picked it up and threw it in the irrigation ditch. I COULD NOT FIGHT BACK! I DID NOT KNOW HOW TO BEAT A PERSON UP.

By the time I was in High School my music was my "life raft" amid a million things that were driving me crazy. By then I had isolated myself from most of my classmates, except for the necessary social events that one must do to graduate. Then came a draft notice. The story goes on, but the point I am trying to make is: I HAVE BLOCKED AND HELD THE PAIN OF THOSE FIRST 12 years of my LIFE SO DEEPLY INSIDE EVERY CELL OF MY PHYSICAL AND SPIRITUAL BEING THAT IT IS NOW all these years later able to be let go of and hopefully peace, health, love and light will fill the void releasing them will create. Of course the SACREL was blocked. It is a most sacred chakra and the throat, I COULD NOT SPEAK out loud about any of this to anyone for so many many many years. The tightness in my pelvic and neck areas is already relaxed as I write. Wheeee, what a healing blog for me!

I FORGIVE ALL OF YOU BULLIES for the hateful things you have done to my life, but I achieved many things because of your actions and I have STEPPED UP to the situation when ever I have witnessed a child being bullied or made fun of. The saddest part of this is, the years I felt inferior, insecure and afraid which are all very negative energy and because of the childhood bulling I did not do well in school and did not achieve all that I could have musically. I felt UNWORTHY and NOT AS GOOD AS OTHER MEN!

To every person whose name I have written within this blog and to those whose names I cannot recall I BELIEVE IN KARMA WITH ALL OF MY HEART AND I KNOW YOU HAVE HAD YOUR KARMIC WHEELS SPINNING THE PAST 53 YEARS. I don't want you in my life any longer.
I know some of you are dead. Some of you are not dead. I was dead for years thanks to you. I now live free of your fear and hate because I know I was a mirror of what you really saw and hated within your own selves. I forgive.