If music be the food of love, then why am I still cooking?

Because, making delicious, sensuous, nutritious food is exactly like making delicious, sensuous life giving music. Same elements... like making soups. You begin with a lusty bass, be it a vegetable or meat stock, then add a thrilling Tenor that can be meat, vegetables, the Altos sing in a deep throated vibrato of curry, tarragon, rosemary, garlic sometimes basil and other herbs, then you give it the high tones, the sparkling Soprano touch, heavy cream, a dash of red or white wine, possibly fresh green onions and minced garlic or shredded cheeses, sometimes fresh parsley does the trick. All four parts must sing in perfect symphonic harmonics in order for the effects of subject matter, (melody) Harmony (overtones that resonate) color and timber
the thing that catch the eye and heart as well as scent... Ahhhhh the magic of scent. Food radiates a perfum that touches the senses in different ways for each individual person.

This photo was taken by my table attendant yesterday after lunch. I look like I am dazed, possibly drunk on not having enough sleep, but I am happy and NOPE! I am far from being drunk!

Endless days and nights

Have been working night and day. Go to bed 'round 1:00 AM set alarm for 6:30 AM. Stagger around for the coffee maker.
Yesterday cooked over 100 plates and ran out of food...
Father's Day was a hugh brunch and I swear every glass, cup, plate, and piece of flat wear have been washed and polished.
Today will be slower... Make orders, clean stove, clean behind grill, and take a long nap this afternoon before going back at
5:00 PM. I like what I do or else I sure as hell would not be doing it. It kind of amazes me that I am able to do what I have been doing half of my life: Enjoying Healthy Stress Levels!
Will post some photos of the Iris and Lupin. The Lark Spur and Red Rocket wild flowers are gorgeous.
Gotta get off the butt and get to work. Your welcome for breakfast as well as lunch or possibly dinner. The lamb or cod are
to die for!
I'm outta here...

The Value of Playing a Musical Instrument

Playing any musical instrument is a way of hands on exploration of the fabric of the universe.
You will discover more about yourself from the daily discipline of practice than any other ritual
or method of fulfillment. You will discover your levels for patience, forgiveness, endurance and
your capacity for experiencing bliss!

Learning to tune the instrument will teach you even more about yourself. Creating and making your
own instrument is the ultimate joy.

I know men that have made amazing dulcimers, drums, harpsichords and horns from natural and
recycled materials. I saw a man in Mexico playing an instrument he had fashioned from a tuna fish
can and guitar strings.

Be it piano, guitar, harmonica, violin or the human singing voice, you are in for a spiritual, expressive
and humbling process. A process that can only give value to your life.

Experiment, touch and listen to instruments. You will find one that expresses you and that part of your
inner soul only the language of musical sound can express.

I know, I know, this all sounds like: "Go blow your horn!", "Follow your own drummer..." "Sing like
no one is listening..." but, making music is a way of integrating one's physical, mental and invisible
parts into one beautiful mind.

Drums

When I turned 40 I wrote a book titled, "A Self-Help Guide for Men Over Forty". I never pursued the effort of having it printed except at my own expense and handed it out to various friends. This evening I was cleaning out my computer desk and in one of my files I discovered a copy of this catalog for men in search of their maleness and self-discovery (as I referred to it at the time I was writing it.)
Well, I began scanning the pages and realized so much of what I had written 20 years ago was still a big part of my on going saga of self-discovery so I have decided to re-write some of the articles in my blog for the next few days. One subject that I
loved was called DRUMMING.

Drumming was one ritual I refused to experience for years. When I finally opened up to the idea it opened a secret place in the heart of a very angry and confused young boy. That boy was me at 40 years of age!

Years ago I attended a conference for men where various workshops, excellent speakers and many tools were presented that would allow a middle aged man to feel comfortable with his maleness. The conference was in Colorado. Sweat Lodges, Group discussions and exercise in Ti Chi and Yoga were on the menu of events.

One evening I was invited to participate in a drumming ceremony. I dressed in cut-offs and a tank-top. The night air was pristine, fragrant with wild flowers and pine. Eight men sat around a roaring fire as the instructor gave a short demonstration on the art of beating a drum. Then came the moment of truth. Each man took a drum in hand and began beating any rhythm he sensed as well as chanting and singing in strange melodies... This was everything I considered bordering on insanity!

Suddenly I was up in the circle beating my drum and humming to myself as the fire and night sky melted into one event.
Then it happened. I began making a strange crying sound from deep inside my guts. I was beating the drum to a pattern of beats that were streaming up and outward from my solar-plexus. I sang, danced and made sounds I thought unimaginable.

After the drumming I wandered off into the hills. Laying on my back against the cool earth and starring into the firmament of sparkling stars I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. My body was still thrumming with the vibrations of the drum-dance experience.

I have no desire to analyze this experience. It is sacred to me and I found it healed something that for years I was not able to put into language. It may not be the right thing for everyone. I did it with no intention of finding enlightenment of any value. No doubt the workshops, group encounters had some impact on me but the drumming was the highlight of the conference.

I found that after years of beating myself up emotionally, the beating of a drum felt so much nicer and answered things I did not understand. Follow your own drummer...You will be happy you did. Be aware that the beating on the skin of the drum can drive some people crazy, so be kind to your neighbors and friends by beating your drum privately where no one will be upset with your ceremony. (OMG, this sounds so sexual!) Well?

Opening a restaurant...

Here is a typical day: Telephone starts ringing around 7:30 AM. I leap out of bed and attempt the "I've been awake for hours enjoying the day" voice.
"Hello! The Nordic Inn." Half the time it is a person from a foreign country asking to speak with the office manager about printer supplies or a bank asking about investing money...

Stranger to the Mr. Coffee Maker. Flip the button to green light. Listen to the gurgling sounds of water as it becomes hot enough to brew my java. I pour a cup and sit on the deck outside my bathroom blinded by the glorious morning light. A choir of wild birds kisses my ear drums as the morning dew releases the scents of sage brush, pine and cedar trees. I have a list of calls to make, but put them off until 11:00 AM.

My dear friend and a great musician, Alan, the Saxophone man arrives for a rehearsal. I have missed making music with my friends. Tomorrow I will play piano with my Bass Man, Bryan. I drive over to the post office, grocery store and hardware store. Manage to find everything on the lists.

Now, make the calls I've put off all morning, meet with my main distributor to see and learn what damage has been done to the prices of meat, veggies, dairy and staples. After this hour of same ole, same ole stuff, I wander to the laundry room and begin washing table clothes, napkins and dish towels. Organizing cupboards and moving sprinklers. It is unseasonably hot! I worry about forest fires...

Call my floor manager, Carly about schedules and who is working. Call accountant about the tax things/ new laws about wages and SS etc. Finally call the State Dept. in Washington D.C. about renewing my passport. Check E mails and even write a few.

Change prices on menu and organize the new menus for printing. Make dinner, plant herbs in pots for use in the restaurant and walk up to the house. I light candles, turn on Marhlar's 5th Symphony and lay on the floor of my bedroom with the cats.
Peace and harmony.

Finally I write a blog! Tomorrow is much the same except I will get the menus printed and wash windows. Cut lawn, paint eves on building and dead head the tulips that have died. Need to place an want add in the paper for house keeping. The woman who was to clean rooms calls today and says "No Can Do!" because the boy friend is going to be sick all summer!
Okay! Someone always comes down the road.

I am now going to read until my eyes fall back into my head and the lids shut tight. Sweet dreams.

Comments

As of this afternoon, anyone that wishes to leave a comment after one of my simple blogs may do so. Your message will
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Thanks.

In Wyoming...

Long flight home. Delayed in Auckland due to mechanical problems. Made it into LAX just in time to get through customs,
run to Delta and catch the flight (full of mormons) into Salt Lake City, Utah. My brother was at baggage waiting to return me to family, dry air, high altitude and traffic jams from hell on Inter state I-15. I would become so addicted to xanax if I had to face that high way everyday of my life, I'd no doubt die, either from the smoggy air, or the feeling of claustrophobia being closed up in a car for hours on end.

Spring time in the Rockies is fantastic. The drive to Wyoming was pure joy. Wide open spaces and the scent of sage brush.
Stopped in Evanston. Filled the car with gasoline. Damned near fainted when I paid the bill in SLC, Ut, but WY ?????? We have tons of gasoline under the ground in WY!!! After the gas price adjustment, went to a very dated coffee shop for a cup of the real thing! Yup, very weak coffee and very relaxed. Then drove to Cokeville. Stopped at the truck stop and had lunch.
All the food is PRE-FABRICATED, pre cooked, pre you name it.

Star Valley was a welcome sight. Drove through the valley to Alpine. Everything was in perfect order! Ran to the local grocery and hurriedly stocked up on the bare necessities. Then the moment of truth: I walk into my bedroom/studio/study.
Sat reverently before the finest alter on earth, my piano and played the Prelude in C Major by Bach with my eyes shut!

Blessed the room. Every piece of art, every candle, every book, every stone but most of all my piano.

The photos are of the inside of my restaurant, the outside of the business looking through the gazebo and the house I live in.
It is snowing lightly as I write. Spring is still in the air. Wish all of you could be here with me! But, I send you love and light every day and night when I lift my eyes up to the clouds, stars, sunsets, and moonlight. It's good to be home.

leave New Zealand in the morning...

"Less than a promise have I given, and yet more generous have you been to me.
You have given me deeper thirsting after life...

Surly there is no greater gift to a man than that which turns all his aims into parching
this and all life into a fountain... Kahlil Gibran.

When I fly out of NZ tomorrow I will be returning to these aspen trees. They have bark like a
parchment upon which nature writes her sacred poetry. These trees live behind the house I live
in when I am in Alpine, Wyoming.

When I am asleep I dwell with each and everyone of you in a very private place. Keep dreaming.

I'll be seeing you,
With much love from BJ

"Paracelsus"

Tomorrow about this time I will post my last blog from Queenstown New Zealand until December of 2007. I will write blogs from Alpine, WY all spring, summer and fall.

I just arrived home from my last Reflexology session for the season. Even I am amazed at the progress I have experienced in my personal journey of "self-discovery and enlightenment."

The left and right sides of my body seem to be very balanced and most happy with each other! I know they are because I feel balanced. For once totally CENTERED! (OMG! Beam me up angel of ..............)

I am reading a book a dear friend recommended I read and came across a poem by Robert Browning. I always loved the Sonnets of Elizabeth Browning (Bob's wife.)

All of my life I seem to always discover delicious truths so succinctly embedded within poetry. As I was driving home from Sunshine Bay I thought of this poem.

PARACELSUS

Truth is within ourselves; it takes no rise
From outward things, what'er you may believe.
There is an inmost centre in us all,
Where truth abides in fulness; and around,
Wall upon wall, the gross flesh hems it in,
This perfect, clear perception - which is truth.
A baffling and perverting carnal mesh
Binds it, and makes all error: and to know
Rather consists in opening out a way
Whence the imprisoned splendor may escape,
Than in effecting entry for a light
Supposed to be without.


I know the same old; same old; same old truth: TRUTH IS WITHIN AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!
It feels so damn good when you actually realize if just for an instant in time, that you really are perfect!

The Photo Facial...

I have wanted this procedure ever since last summer when a woman and man in their mid 50's were at the Nordic Inn and I was amazed at their clear and healthy facial complexions. I complemented them on having such great looking skin.

They told me that they had had a "photo-facial" treatment. The wife had worked for a very famous plastic surgeon on the east coast. I decided I would have one of these treatments when I was in New Zealand this year.

NZ did not have the rights to the medications etc. for this treatment when I arrived in December but, they were aware of it's magic. Finally, the "stuff" was made available to my skin Doctor. New Zealand and Australia have the highest numbers of skin cancers in the world. The hole in the ozone is over the southern hemisphere.

On April 19th l went to the Queenstown Clinic and had Photo facial. Very expensive. I will not say how much!

They cleanse your face, then apply a solution that will ONLY ACT UPON THE PRE CANCEROUS and SUN DAMAGED areas. It does not erase freckles, or moles. You have to sit four hours for the solution to begin to attack the diseased areas. After 4 hours of reading, meditating, daydreaming all of which I am very adept, they take you into a room, place cool damp pads over your eyes, then apply a very thick gooey substance to half of your face and then begin the "ZAPPING". I will admit it hurt. Like an elastic band being snapped against your skin, but on your most sensitive skin. I have a low tolerance for pain so I gritted my teeth and went along with it.

After the right side was attacked, they applied the solution to the left side of my face and neck. Once again the zapping. I then was told to not what so ever go near sunlight or bright lights. 48 hours spent inside the house!

I could go insane without my walks, outside air and light. However, I stayed inside the house, packing, cleaning, organizing things to return to the states on the 28th. I had to take a steroid pill to keep the swelling down and apply a vitamin C compound because Brenthoven will not apply chemicals to his space suit unless a gun is held to his head! They also did the treatment to the backs of my hands. I was not aware of how much damage one's hands endure from working in gardens, cooking, cleaning elements and water, wind, fire and earth all in one day!!!!!!! WHEEEeeeee!
Mind you, I was leery of this as my hands are an extension of my very heart and soul. The backs of my hand burned after the treatments.

Tonight is April 25th, tomorrow will mark a week since the treatment. Tiny blackish specks have erupted on the areas that were damaged. I can see a difference in the balance of my over all appearance. They said it would take up to a month or more to actually sense and see a difference in the skin tone and pigmentation.

Anything that helps prevent skin cancer is of great value as I have a friend that has had two serious operations on his face and ear as I write this. It is not a laughing subject.

I would not recommend the procedure for a person that has perfectly healthy skin! It does not erase lines, wrinkles and your DNA pigmentation, but it does kill off cancer cells and balance the PH of your epidermis.

I hope to see good results by next month. So far, so good. There are a number of other treatments out there in the medical world that probably work as well, but after seeing what it had done for two people last summer at my business I wanted it.

After I post this, I am writing a true story about aging that I learned from a stranger that came to my restaurant for lunch one afternoon in the about 1990. I know one should manifest the "Laws of Attraction" and CURE their bodies of certain diseases and problems, but I also think the 'almighty' manifests certain truths to the schools of medicine and science that help and cure many problems.

I will keep the skin situation going and updated. I have to remember, I worshipped El Sol. I love sunlight. I love being in it's glory and brillance.

I have often told people that after 50 I take "MOON BATHS" not "SUN BATHS". It works. El Luna is divine!

More photos of the walk...

First photo taken at the beginning of the trail. Second photo taken after driving into Alexandra and purchasing a rain poncho
for Brent, then drive back to Clyde to start the walk and the rain stopped!
Third photograph at the air port saying farewell as Rutha begins her long journey back to LAX, then into AZ and then back to Hawaii and onto her next job at Palmyra Atoll in the Pacific Ocean.

Now I begin my duties of setting things in order here in QT so I can fly back to LAX and on into Utah Saturday the 28
of April. From there we drive to WY. Will be home in Alpine sometime on May 2nd. Back to my work, mountains, piano, cats, loyal friends and a much higher altitude! Life is wonderful!

A walk through Queenstown Gardens...

I had a photo/facial yesterday. Took 5-6 hours... Long day. For two days no sunlight! So, I am locked inside the house doing big gurl things like: cleaning, sorting through letters,
stuff... I am going crazy without my walk through the park, so I look at photos I've taken this year. You would love this
park.

BTW it took 60 years of abuse in the sun to get these tattoos on my face, neck, ear lobe. It only takes three days to hopefully get them off! We'll see. It hurt. Do not do this treatment unless you have to.

Go for a walk with big hats and lots of what ever it is # 15 sun guard, but that is not good enough. SP-15 something is not right. They lied to us. You need something stronger. I will tell ya what it is soon... when I get the facts from the Doctor.

I did go for a walk about 8:00 PM this evening in the dark! Do I mind? No, I am quite comfortable with nocturnal only thing is there were hardly any stars and the moon is gone. So it was dark, but there were young people drinking and eating in the Brazze Cafe Wine Bar and tons of kids at the Pig & Whistle Bar screaming as well as the Back Packer's Night & Day Store was jammed with 20 to 40 year olds getting food for their tramps.
Me, I went to Henry's Store of Spirits and purchased a bottle of wine. Walked to the 4 Square Super Market and bought sandwich ham, cheese, butter, eggs, chicken breasts, beef mince, hard rolls and scorched almonds!
Far too many people in the town for me, so I took a taxi home.
Am quite content being in my studio with my candles,
computer and music.

I'll be seeing you.

It's a wonderful world!

What with all the problems of the shootings in VA and the endless war against WMD in Iraq, I am a blest man to have a fantastic metaphysical teacher, a divine Goddess, Diviana, that often kicks my ass with great force into awareness but always the kick is a lightening bolt of love.

I have my Reflexogogist, one of the angels of the planet, who can take me places I never dreamed I could reach and heal myself from within my mind.

I have a pretty interesting astrologer. He had somethings on his site today that made me happy. Of course I am going to share them... but I must explain the photos...

The photos are of behind the house in Alpine WY Oct. of 2004. I took the other photo standing on the banks of the Snake River, just across the hi-way from my house in WY same day, looking at the mighty mountains I am so blest to live in... the Rocky Mountains. They begin in the Canadian Rockies and reach all the way into Mexico. A mighty power of energy and the Tetons that I choose to live close to are one of the mighty sacred power grids on planet earth. Yes, Yellowstone National Park may blow up one day, but what an amazing climax I will enjoy!

Here are some facts to make one happy!

* The world has become dramatically more peaceful since 1992. The number of wars, coup d'etats, and acts of genocide has declined by 40%. Weapons sales between countries have dropped 33% during the same time, and the number of refugees has diminished by 45%.

* The cause of these shocking developments, according the the Human Security Report, which did the study, is the unprecedented upsurge of international activism, spearheaded by the United Nations.

* The violent crime rate has decreased 50% since 1993. Crime is now at it's lowest level since it was first officially tracked.

* The average human life expectancy is 30 years more than it was a century ago, and is still climbing. Many scientists believe there is no absolute limit to the human life span.

* Levels of literacy and education and political freedom and wealth are steadily growing all over the world.

* Death rates from cancers are declining.

* Child abduction by strangers has dropped precipitously.

* In 60 years, there hasn't been a lower birth rate among teen age girls than there is now.

* The world's largest freshwater system, the Great Lakes, is dramatically purifying itself of the pollutants that human beings dumped into it.

* If forced to decide between having a bigger penis and living in a world where there was no war, 90% of all men would pick universal peace.

* The number of American's black elected officials has sextupled since 1970.

* Rising rates of intermarriage are helping to dissipate ethnic and religious strife worldwide.

* The rivers and bays of New York City are reborn, having been cleansed of raw sewage and industrial pollution in recent years.

* You have at least a million relatives as close as tenth cousin, and no one on Earth is any farther removed than your 50th cousin.

* The world's largest private bank, Citicorp, has agreed to stop financing projects that damage sensitive ecosystems.

* The giant timber company Congolaise Industrielle des Bois, voluntarily agreed to stop cutting down trees in virgin rain forests in the Congo.

* The miracle of your breathing transpires about 10 million times a year, even though you never have to think about it.

* Diamonds rain from the sky on Uranus and Neptune.

* With every dawn, when first light penetrates the sea, many sea horse colonies perform a dance to the sun!

* The World Health Organization reports that over 100 million acts of sexual intercourse, involving more than 200 million partners, take place on the earth every 24 hours!

* Most HMO executives NOW BELIEVE PRAYER & MEDITATION can expedite the healing process.

* Vast supplies of frozen natural gas lie beneath the oceans, harboring more potential energy than all the world's oil reserves, and could be mined with the right technology.

IT'S NOT A BAD PLANET and MOST PEOPLE I MEET ARE AMAZING BLESSINGS UPON MY HEAD, HEART & SOUL! Even though some will say B.S. to this report. My partner said it was pure B.S. What ever, I like it.

Sleep tight. BJ

Rail Trail Walk

Great walk, but as always a few challenges along the way.That being the weather.

Michael drove us out to Clyde where we planned to start the walk into Alexandra. A very easy, short walk. Around five miles. Get into our accommodation, relax, walk into town and have a great meal at the Red Brick Cafe. The weather turned frightful. Rain from hell and winds. I had forgotten my rain poncho! We could not purchase one in Clyde, so we drove to Alexandra, ran through the teeming rain and found a rain poncho. Drove back to Clyde hoisted the packs on our backs, put our best foot forward and entered the storm.

It stopped raining. See, there was a reason why I forgot the poncho and that short delay gave way to some sunshine! Alexandra was great. Food as always (for me), perfect at the Brick Cafe. Walked back to the motel. Up early and walked into the town for breakfast, then out on the trail.

These two photos are of day two. The sky was absolutely full of magic. Clouds were dancing into all kinds of formations. Long walk to Chatto Creek Tavern. We spent the night there with the locals! I have forgotten how refreshing real southern Kiwis are. ( Queenstown is so full of money and glitz!)

Leslie the owner of the tavern called me on my cell phone about 5:00 PM while we were walking to make sure we were okay and coming! IS THAT AMAZING! We had slogged along with a long lunch break of cheese, crackers, apples some wine...

We arrived at Chatto Creek Tavern, where we were greeted by the woman behind the bar who was so friendly. Then Leslie came out to greet us. What a 'hard case' as they say in New Zealand, but a heart as big as the world and she had the blankets warming on our beds, scruffy clean towns and linens that had been dried in the sunshine. Tons of food.

We awoke to a storm from hell. STRONG WINDS, SNOW, VERY COLD TEMPS! Leslie said, "I will not allow the two of yous to go out in this! I mean it. I'll drive you back to Alexandra. This is insane."

Well, we ate our huge breakfast, lots of coffee and took our time getting our gear in order. Finally a blue crack in the dark wet sky. "Let's GO!" I exclaimed. We took off and we hit cold, snow, winds and the steepest parts of the trail are in this section which is 11 miles to Omakau. It was a challenge. We made it into Omakau at about 4:00PM Dead on our Feet.

Friday night at the local pub is a full on event. We had a pizza there and walked to our B&B at the Chapel or Church Hill B&B.
Kevin our host was amazing. He even took us out to St. Bathen's this morning. We had booked transportation back into Clyde the night before. The Connect bus had a very serious 'hiccup' as they say, and did not come for us at 10:30 AM. At noon, we were still standing at the junction. This is the time you thank God for CELL PHONES! Michael was to meet us in Clyde around 11:00 AM after the bus ride, then drive us back to Queenstown. Well, he ended up driving all the way to Omakua and collecting two strange looking wandering souls and transporting us safely back to Queenstown.

I am always amazed at the kindness and beauty of this dimension called life on planet earth! I am now home in my studio, candle light, and writing my blog as I listen to Chopin. I cooked dinner for Rutha, Michael and Anne, myself and our friend from Wellington, Beverly. Perfect night. Calm, a few stars peeking out of the clouds and no wind.

I will write more in a few hours... Sweet Dreams.

Happy Easter

This is the first photo of my "Open Heart Cross"... I have wanted this piece of jewelry for a long time. A person I met in the old Body Worx Gym in Queenstown years ago, Ross Heywood created this piece of sacred energy! It is a sublime silver cross with a lavender amethyst heart on the left corner of the cross.

Ross is a true artist. When I first met him he was into sculpture work but has evolved into beautiful jewelry.

One day about a month ago I did what is known as IMPULSE BUYING. The Spirit moved me to say YES! I want that! It was a hot beautiful summer day at the art fair. Ross had his display of art pieces laid out in the sunlight.
I told him I had finally decided to purchase the cross. He said, "I will have 2 of these in the states. A woman from California purchased one. He mentioned it would look great when I perform in concert."
He has been to one of my concerts and knows I wear BLACK!
I ran across the way and drew the money out of my ANZ bank account. This blessed thing has been a comfort ever since.

When I watched THE CELESTIAN PROPHECY I was so attracted to Father Sanchezes's crucifix. The silver cross he wears in the out back of Peru... This is something even better.

Yesterday we made our pilgrimage to that splendid lady of the mountains, Mount Cook.
Could not have been a more perfect day. Delicious dinner in the Panorama room. The drive home was pure magic.

The moon was a crimson orange red and the stars were falling from the sky like diamonds. This photo was taken at dinner because I wore the cross in the restaurant. I know they thought I was some old priest that probably molested boys!

There is an old, story about St. Francis of Assisi that fits in here.

"One day in his hillside monastery, the good saint asked a young monk to accompany him down into the nearby village and preach with him. Reaching the village, they walked the length of the main street and back again, and then returned to the monastery.
"But I thought we were going to preach,' exclaimed the young monk when they returned.

"We have been preaching,' St. Francis replied with a smile.

'We were preaching while we were walking.

We have been seen... we have been looked at. . . and our behavior has been noticed. We have delivered a morning sermon. It is no use to walk anywhere to preach, my son, unless we preach as we walk.'"

No words are need to share bliss IF your walk and behavior are in tune with the universe!

Seemed to be a perfect Easter Sunday for Brenthoven!

Dame Keri TeKanawa & NZ Symphony Orchestra

Last night I attended a completely sold out concert at the Dunedin Town Hall featuring the great Soprano, Dame Keri TeKanawa singing with the NZ Symphony Orchestra. The orchestra was absolutely astounding! The featured work of the concert was the Mahler 4th Symphony.

I grew up in the state of Utah and Maurice Abravenal was the conductor of the Utah Symphony. He adored Mahler. The Utah Symphony recorded all of the Mahler Symphonies under Abravenal. For some listeners Mahler can be very long and boring.
I love his work. The celestial strings... the rustic settings... all kinds of images and emotions.

One of my favorite movies is, "DEATH IN VENICE". It is based on the last few weeks of Mahler's life...
The music in the film of course is Mahler. Dirk Bogart plays the part of Mahler superbly.

Back to the concert. The performance was at 6:30 PM on a Wednesday night! Unusual hour, but it worked. Full house including seats behind the symphony orchestra! Gorgeous autumn evening full of moonlight after the concert. Enjoyed a light meal at The Etruscan Italian Restaurant. A pasta of field mushrooms and parmesan. Walked back to my room at Moray Place and read until I feel asleep.

This morning breakfast at The Nova Cafe beside the Dunedin Art Gallery. Walked over to "TWANG". (remember my blog about Hyrum at Twang who down loaded Garage Band for me?) I gave him a demo CD. Then I walked across the street to the Octagon Used Book Store. This place is right out of London 1900. I did not purchase any books, I browsed through old sheet music!
and some old books on medical remedies from natural herbs. Four hour drive back to Queenstown.

I do love Dunedin.
It was originally the capitol city of NZ. All the banking was done in Dunedin years ago. Always reminds me of San Francisco. I could live in Dunedin. That is where I could have my used book store/ tea room/ B&B/ music store/ Art Gallery/Movie art theater, all under one roof in a very old Kiwi Victorian three story house with a very steep wooden stair case leading up to the vine covered castle.
I'd call it "THE GYPSY MOON"... dreams do come true, at least mine do!

Will write tomorrow... Still dreaming of the music last night.

Balance

Since 1968 I have regarded my mother as a demon.

Not because she ever abused me as a child physically, sexually or even mentally. It all happened because of a tape recording from a man that had fallen in love with me. I was 21. I came home late one evening and found my mother weeping as well as slightly hysterical. She had invaded my privacy. I left that house and never returned with the same sense of freedom or joy I had experienced before that dreadful day.

I was nearly 22 year old then. Now that I am 60 going on 61, and I am most grateful to my mother and the circumstances that brought that MOMENT of "NEVER MORE", to my spiritual and mental life. Because of that event I set upon a Spiritual Path of Awakening that I would have never set foot upon had it not been for the things and events that transpired after that explosion of passion, disappointment and fear!

I returned to NYC and a life of being a gay man. I turned to alcohol and other means of escape. I grew bitter towards the Mormon Church, I hated WOMEN most of all because THEY HAVE caused me more pain and suffering than there are words for.

When I was 15, I was seduced by a Mormon Bishop's wife. (That will kill some people when they read that.)
I carried that inside my soul for years, because it went on with the same woman for years.
Then my mother turned on me over a love affair with a man older than myself. The story goes on and on...

Here is the interesting part... The Bishop's wife introduced me to Keats and Shelly, Shakespeare and Kahlil Gibran. Debussy, my future piano teacher and the world of Jazz and Ballet. NO CHARGE EXCEPT MY SEXUAL PERFORMANCE!!!
My mother opened a door of my going "OUT ON A LIMB" to find truth, from reincarnation to science of the mind... Metaphysics.

I could have been an average band or music teacher in the public schools. Had 4 or 5 children. Paid my taxes and died a revered loved man... Been there done that somewhere in my other lives.

This time around it was for going into a new and powerful dimension.

Being overtly gay is not being in touch with one's feminine self. It is being totally out of touch with your female self. It is a trick of the EGO! (I know some of you will shake your heads and say what the fuck!) For me it was and is true. My ego is my curse!

I mean it. Being overtly masculine is not being in touch with your masculine energy or your male self. It is a trick of the ego!
I know MACHO men that HATE GAYS! WHY? I know Gay men that fear and hate MACHO MEN, WHY?

My Ego had me desiring sex with men or women, not as a CELEBRATION but as a NEED. Like a drug, like a power beyond my control...

I thank my mother even though she is unaware of the fact, she set me on a path of truth I shall always be thankful for. I am now learning that sex is a glorious celebration within one's spiritual and cosmic self. It is glorious and beautiful.

The FEMINE POWER IS A POWER I NEVER DREAMED POSSIBLE. The MALE POWER IS A POWER THAT CANNOT EXIST WITHOUT THE FEMALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (go figure?)

As a spiritual guide of mine told me:

"When you can face back toward your TRUE MOTHER, even if you have to do it through FAITH in the BEGINNING of all things, you WILL find " The Left Side of your BODY functioning in perfect harmony with the right side of your body, with no need of denial or anything else. You WILL not just be "ONE HAPPY MAN"... you will be in BLISS... Because in truth, we are all swimming in an ocean of bliss, we just have to become aware of it."

"I know this from personal experience! If you decide to find this for yourself Brent, you will want to kiss your mother's lily white ass for being such a bitch because she drove you to YOUR HIGHEST TRUTH!"

Well truth is, I will kiss my mother's cheeks and leave her lily white ass for her to sit upon. BUT IT IS TRUE.

Balance... Equilibrium... Harmony... Tough shit to say yes to, but for ME it worked. CELEBRATE. Go listen to the music!

Home with demos...

I have touched a sacred part of the sky with my own two hands.

Some of you will have a copy of this demo in your ears within a week.

Thank you for your love and most of all I thank the universe for channeling these melodies through my heart and hands because this music has released a lifetime of grief, anger, fear and disappointment and much love and joy in being alive that I have sealed away inside my heart and it must be "released" and "healed" as it were.

I was browsing through old photos and found this wonderful spider web with rain drops I took a couple of years ago on the Banks Peninsula trek. I feel like a lot of cob webs have been washed away... and clear, crystal light has replaced them...

I will no doubt write a ton of shit about my situation regarding my spiritual journey this week end...

For now I will float...

Fall time flowers in the Studio...

orbs