becoming older and older

I took a break from the gym during the holiday madness... Today I started back.

For ever 30 + years I have worked out faithfully. I believe that exercise keeps the body within a reasonable state of good health. I do know for a fact weight training can save one's emotional and spiritual being. If for no other reason it releases stress.

Years ago I would be so upset or crazy with anger I would simply lift the weights as if they were the neck of the person I wanted to choke to death.

It worked this way: most of the people are dead now because of their own actions or still alive because I took my anxiety out on IRON and MUSIC... (I should write a song Iron & Music)

I have been having inner conversations with my body and soul regarding my right leg.

I figured I needed another knee replacement! Today I changed my mind. Reason: I remember exactly the day I knelt down on my knees and it felt as though I had a thousand nails hammered into the knee cap of my left leg. I was in the QT GYM. I rolled on my side, grabbing my knee and screaming.

I was in denial, but I knew the knee was a problem. Well, today I realized it is the damn arthritis playing up in the right leg along with the sciatica joining in... my left knee never went numb... the pain in my left knee never radiated down the outside of my leg...

I had my left elbow "cleaned up" by a surgeon from Auckland about three years ago. It was pooling fluids and the pain... well, I had many, many injections of Cortisone in that elbow for years.

The drug killed the triceps muscle's. Every time I would go for advice in the states they avoided the issue and I know why: FOR FEAR THAT I WOULD LOOSE MY ABILITY TO PLAY PIANO... Well, I proved that theory wrong.

The surgeon from Auckland cleaned out all the "CRAP" from the arthritis and scar tissue. He told me I would play the piano fine... I would not be able to PRO NATE my left arm... like press it against a wall etc. He was 100% spot on. To this day I am pain free in that elbow. I am slowly re birthing my triceps muscle. I am finally able to straighten the arm out in front of me.

I wear long sleeved shirts because IF I DON'T people stare at me. My right arm is a well built arm. My left arm is tooth pick. It is growing. I still love my Left Arm, Hand and it is coming right!

Years and years ago... I recall older people telling telling me: "YOUR DAY WILL COME!"

Hell, they were right! I have known people that live on vegetarian diets, high protein diets, exercise... pray, meditate, live the WORD OF WISDOM to the MAX and still fall apart. I think death must be a very big part of our learning process and many of us no longer can accept the fact we will grow old and die! YIKES. ('cause nobody knows what death is unless they experience it... just like birth... do you remember the moment of your birth??? possibly death is a birth????)

Now I am over so many issues. I really do not care about a lot of "STUFF" that ruled my life for 40 years.

I am over mountains of GUILT, FEAR and LOATHING. I work hard. But when I am on holiday as now... well, I sleep when I want and I get up when I want... (Peter Pan?) I eat what I want and I walk where I want... I read all kinds of books, eat foods that my body tells me it needs and most of all I love.

I love my past even though it is no longer a part of my present life. I love people that are no longer with me in physical bodies, but forever with me in my heart and the spirit of love.

Possibly becoming older is a gift that only certain people ever enjoy. I live with a 94 year old woman that was a power beyond words years ago. She now suffers dementia beyond belief.

I wonder if it is Karmic or simply science?

OH BTW, SOPHIA RAN OFF. She is with her baby kittens. Story of my life: THEY RUN AWAY FROM ME...