A much happier man!

Interesting sky this evening. I am forever amazed at what the camera picks up as compared to my vision. Today was a wonderful day. Gym. Hard work out... Lunch at "Halo" a cafe I adore and then grocery shopping at the Organic Grocery Store. What more could I ask for! (I know money and perfect what ever!!!)

Angels surround us and forever watch over us!
Talk tomorrow.

Angry for being ANGRY!

Is there such a thing as being angry at yourself for being angry???

I know some of the underlying reasons for why I lashed out, opened my mouth and let it explode with a poison that is rattlesnake death when I sting with words they are like bullets from a nuclear weapon.

All of my life I have enjoyed amazing health and I have taken steps to insure that I would not have to suffer many of the problems most people engage after the age of 55. My body refuses to heal the way it used to! I do not need to go into details but I have had one hell of a time making friends with Mr. Arthur Ritis... The arthritis is not helping the healing process with my elbow. I will have it and my knee examined before I leave NZ.

I have had a most interesting 6 months of INVENTING and IMAGINING NEW WAYS OF SURVIVING IN AN OLD SPACE SUIT! I have given up many thing that were a major part of my everyday life from exercise to playing piano. Meaning: I still go to the gym but I have invented a totally new routine... I still play piano, but in a different manner. I walk slower but with more meaning. I still pray but with less begging! I like to think that my God is bigger than two books called the Old & the New Testaments! I have learned that ORGANIZED RELIGION is for those that do not want to go to hell. SPIRITUALITY is for those who have been to hell and don't want to ever go back!

I made a list of my LIKES and my DIS-LIKES.

LIKES:

Sunsets, moonlight, most music except RAP. Pianos, Very aged cheese. Fine wines. Fresh home made breads, Movies, Gyms. If it has weight I'll lift it! Muscles that are developed from dedication and hard work. Like: Dancer's bodies, swimmers, shoulders, vintage body builders.
I love cats and most pets. Quartz crystals, very good organic coffee, the scent of earth, rain water and herb gardens in the moonlight.
Very old used book stores. ANYTHING APPLE, Macintosh. Massages, Yellow roses and sweet peas. Pansies and tulips. Kindness and forgiveness. Metaphysics, candle light, travel, the three musical "B's" and Debussy.
Keith Olbermann and Albert Einstein. Oh! I like the natural odor or the human body. NICE odor not the rotten smells of filth or smells that are artificial. I do like organic, natural foods.

DIS-LIKES:

Bigoted, small minds. DOGMAS. Junk mail, CONFRONTATIONS with dick heads.
Almost all perfumes. Tattoos, Loud noise, Men that shave their body hair? WHY?
Ann Coulter. Bullies, GW Bush, Dick Cheney,
Television, people that abuse: ANY KIND OF ANIMAL! their partners and abuse innocent children.
I hate Authority figures.
Hand and bath soap that are shaped into balls?
Insane consumerism and being used as cannon fodder for my country or a religion!

This blog site is fastly becoming my therapist for all things~

The sun has set on my depression...

I am feeling somewhat better about my "killer mouth"...

I am my own worst enemy and thought that I had slaughtered that demon years ago. Well, guess what the bastard shoved his hairy head right up my ass and out of my mouth and I have suffered.

I will ONLY and I HOPE WITH ALL MY HEART

ONLY TALK ABOUT MY INNER FEELINGS ON THIS BLOG SITE!

Safer and it keeps life moving at an "andante to poco allegro" vibration. I have had my brain smashed up against a very serious lesson in A Course In Miracles... "You are never angry for the reasons you think!" I am still trying to figure it all out.

This sunset was my kiss from the universe this evening. I'll be seeing you soon...

The most honest words I will ever write...

Last night I had a screaming argument with the last person on earth I would ever want to argue with... My partner. We were having a dinner party and he starts in about the "blacks" one more time... explaining how the Irish were the white trash of the world and they came to America and made something of their lives where as the Blacks never quite got beyond... blah blah blah... I nearly died. I explained or tried to explain that IRISH even JEWS were WHITE! Blacks have been cursed since the beginning of the Hebrew Old Testament. Cain & Able!!!!!!!!!!!!! It got worse. It became so ugly there were tears shed... NOT MINE! I have known and loved some amazing BLACK HUMAN BEINGS! My partner has never even carried on a conversation with one.......... but OMFG he sounded like a Red Republican Bigoted Idiot!

Finally today I opened my journal and began writing...

about who and what I am: I AM NOT A NICE GUY! I am not a SMART or any kind of INTELLECTUAL MAN! I have NO education. I slipped through High School with a D+ average. I am far from handsome... I do not have an 8 or 10 inch penis. (well? depends on...) I cannot memorize things or speak or pronounce words correctly. I am a total failure with money. I'd have NOTHING money-wise if it were not for other people's kindness and efforts. I honestly am too stupid to know how to invest, save or make money out of money! I live off other people's efforts. I am ZERO!

I am a LIE! I am what makes this world the hell hole it is! Sometimes I believe I am the energy that makes life evil the only sad thing is: I HAVE NEVER ADMITTED TO THE FACT I AM A FARCE!

I play my music, I read my poetry, I try to cure myself from all kinds of ailments with drugs and natural supplements. I read philosophy, drink water out of blue glass bottles with quartz crystals in the bottles! I light candles at night, I burn incense, I smile at people and pretend I have made them happy?

I have pulled one hell of a lot of things off because: I learned at a very young age to surround myself with people that were talented, intelligent and had class. I have made myself to look acceptable in the eyes of some people because of the people I associate with. Well, some of those people will NEVER be IMPORTANT in my life again...

The ceiling and walls of my phony Sacred Cathedral crumbled into dust today! GONE! The old man does not care anymore!
The old man is sick and tired of being propped up by other people. The old man wants his void... his zero point of existence.

It is raining as I write. The rain is full of ghosts tonight that tap and sigh against the glass and listen for reply...

Hold on 'cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride... Things are heating up in my brains and when that happens it means drastic changes... Don't panic those of you that think you know me, I am NOT running away or into an abyss of destruction and eternal hell, I am simply stating facts. I have lived a huge lie for 61 years! I see a tiny light somewhere that will claim me.

I'll be seeing you...

camera delima!

l have taken some amazing photos in the past 4 weeks, but I lost my Kodak easy share program in the computer and I am a lazy shit that will not take the time...(I will eventually) and restore the program... So I have all these photos that are breathtakingly gorgeous but you can't see them because I have to get into a very time consuming effort and re-install the old program...

Today was one of those wonderful summer days you simply can't let go of. Hot, sunshine, green grass folding over and over into the breath of the wind and clouds so magnificent they could pass for heaven! The air was full of earth, roses, lavender and rosemary... hints of pine and lost sheep on the mountain as they paced back and forth eating green life and searching for the nearest shade tree!

Tomorrow is a new week. Last night 'round 3:30 AM I awoke, put on my ancient bath robe and went outside.

The moon was 90% full and Clair de lune was permeating every living thing, sleeping or fully awake!

I removed my robe, laying it on the ground, then laid my white body on the robe and indulged in a moon bath! Divine grace. I actually did a hell of a lot of deep cleaning in the brain area.

Moon light is just as important as Sun shine. I know Sunshine has vitamin D but maybe, just maybe, moonlight has vitamin "D"-ream and vitamin "P"-eace of mind within its vibrations... All I do know is: I talked to my cats back in WY. I visited with some friends that are no longer with me and I sent three big packages of love to three friends that are alive and well. I did send some love to family and most of all I remembered to love myself!

(These are the moments you wish to hell you had saved that certain "bud of paradise" and were able to inhale it as the moon kissed your more sensitive parts!)

Life is very balanced for me at the moment!

I'll be seeing you... BJ

A great talent has left this dimension!!!

Heath Ledger was found dead this morning in his apartment in Brooklyn NY. I admired this man beyond words.

His role in Broke Back Mountain was amazing and I love that movie because I LIVED THAT MOVIE in the 1960's! Heath fit the part of Ennis perfectly.
Heath was born in Perth the land of OZ. (Australia) He was 28 years old. I nearly fainted when I saw his age. I attempted suicide when I was 28. FAILED! Kind of like so many other things I tried when I was 28!

His role in Brokeback represented endless problems in the 60's relating to love, and relationships.

In 1965 I was in Los Angeles when the Watts riots broke out. You had to have been there to believe the hate, anger, whites against blacks... Another problem in the 60's Blacks, (racial) were not allowed to marry whites. It was done but never approved of. Viet Nam was a nightmare from the depths of hell and the list goes on... BUT, some fantastic music was created out of the 60's and 70's and many changes. From LSD drugs to the LDS Church!

I honestly try to forgive so much of life's insanity, but there are times I really have to shake my head in amazement that I am still here!

I'm gonna keep my friends above all else!

A friend sent me an e mail with a simple test. I am a happy sucker for these games!

You are alone in a desert. Burning up with heat and no water in sight. You have five animals. You must rid yourself of the animals one by one as you journey on through the desert.

The first animal I removed was the monkey.
Next was the Lion, then a Horse, Cow and finally I would leave the desert with a sheep. The order that you removed the animals was and very important part of the test.

Monkey was my first choice. It represents my children! (well, that was not hard, get rid of one major problem in your life!)

I chose the Lion as my second choice. The lion's meaning was my PRIDE.

I then removed the Horse. Horses represent one's Passion!

Finally I removed the Cow. The cow translates into One's BASIC NEEDS!

I leave the desert with the sheep! The sheep means: FRIENDSHIP! So when things get tough, I get rid of the kids, then swallow my pride, drop my "passion" like a bolt of lightening and discard of my basic needs very easily, but KEEP THE FRIENDSHIPS.

When I was in my early teens a very dear piano teacher told me time and time again that when I came to the end of my life friendships would be more precious than anything else I had worked for during the course of my entire life!

I think he was trying to tell me was the fact friendships remain after many love affairs burn out, family difficulties can separate siblings, parents cousins for years and even lifetimes!

I've had many friends that were an intense part of my life's journey during my 20's and 30s. Most of them have 'crossed over'... walked out of their bodies and stepped into the void, but their voices, their touch, laughter and certain glances are indelibly etched into the neurons of my brain...

Friends I have not laid my eyes upon for over 30 years keep in touch with me still to this day and even though we do not visit we e mail every few days and maintain a golden coil of love and light between us that years ago would not be possible except for snail mail and telephone calls... (It would be very difficult for me to hand over my I Pod and Mac in the desert!)

I do not have hundreds of friends. Most of my friends could be counted on both hands... 10 maybe more. Most of that 10 do not live with me or live within driving distance of where I live! They know who they are. I will admit that practically all my friendships were birthed because of music and my love of metaphysics.

Okay, I am taking my sheep and we're walking out of here!
Oh, "I'll Be Seein' You"...

Olive Oil & Wine

The past 5 years I have cooked exclusively with olive oil. Extra Virgin OR Light Virgin? The very green organic olive oil that costs plenty but the fruity flavor is thrilling I find it to be the best! Go to a organic food store.

About 5 years ago a bad mistake was made in diagnosing a cholesterol test I had taken 2002 or 2003. My cholesterol was over 300... What ever in hell that meant? I was put on Lipitor. It nearly killed me! Every joint and muscle in my body was in pain. I honestly believe it brought on a vengeance of arthritis beyond words!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Found out, my cholesterol was fine. Wrong person got the wrong numbers! Yikes! In the mean time, I went on a massive journey to discover what cholesterol really was and how to control it from giving me a major heart attack. One of the keys was Olive Oil and red wine. Since then, olive oil is one of my best friends.

An Olive Tree takes 30 years to mature but can live up to a 1,000 years!
A big freeze in France in 1956 devastated nearly 300,000 olive trees. Today France only has 70,000 olive trees! Olive oil can be used in so many ways... Cooking, skin care, base for enhancing so many herbs and foods...

Wine was being used as an antiseptic before 3000 B.C. in Egypt. Wine was also used in the same way in China. Chinese legends speak of wine making in the same period used for medicinal and celebration purposes. Most always two sets of wine were made by kings. Funeral and Domestic wines.

Wines Contain vitamins A, B & C as well as 13 minerals essential to human life... and too much wine can ruin your life! Been there. However, cooking with wine and olive oil can be a magic potion that can bring food alive as well as the person eating it.

Ever since the fiasco with the cholesterol I have drank pino noir or any red wine every day and plenty of olive oil... according to the last test c. was perfect.

I found that IF I cannot sleep, making a cup of mulled wine will put me into dream land very fast. Use cheap red wine!

(your going to be heating the wine so do not use an expensive wonderful wine that was created for room temperature and a gorgeous glass with space for the wine to breathe...)

add a tablespoon of raw or brown sugar, and half a teaspoon of cinnamon. Cinnamon is fantastic for circulation! DO NOT BOIL THE BREW! I put it in the microwave for 1 minute on high, sometimes 30 seconds more. Delicious and so good for you!

Sweet dreams.

Finished the book...

My time in New Zealand is never wasted. I attempt to read books that have wanted to read all year and that I find of interest.

I loved Ken Follet's novel, "Pillars of The Earth". Well, after all these years he has written the sequel to that book. "World Without End." The book is written the way novels used to be written: many, many pages! 1,014 pages are in the hard cover edition. There is not a paper back edition as of yet! I loved the book. (Lots of sex, religion, government, murder and love!)

I have M. reading "Atlas Shrugged". I have read that novel three times since 1980! I am now reading a wonderful book:
"The Time Of Our Singing" by Richard Powers. He composed a book that sent me over the moon years ago called:
The Goldbug Variations" about computers, music and emotions that touch many cosmic levels! This man knows music. I must contact him one day.

Years ago, I always contacted people that composed books I loved.
I have made some amazing friends through my reading of what I call "there is a reason for every thing books"...

Because of a book I read years ago: "The Anatomy of A New York Recital", I wanted to perform a recital in NYC.

Because of book called "With Your Own Two Hands", I found a teacher that guided me toward that dream... I am now very dear friends with these people and people they have introduced into my life of music and art! Because I contacted them I have received beautiful blessings upon my life!

One day I swear I will find a "ghost writer" that will help me write the book of my life! It will be HOT STUFF BABY! I mean really
a melt down for a lot of philosophies and dogmas that I proved to be totally BS! Whoopee! That was a strong statement.

Shall keep reading. Everyone should... oh and I'll be seeing you!

CORRECTIONS!

Not REGION, I MEANT RELIGION!!!

Cooking as a sole region...

I love to cook. Always have and hope to always be able to prepare delicious comforting food until my time comes to cross
over into another dimension...

The past 2 weeks I have been cooking for 5 people instead of the 4 of us because our dear friend Beverly is living in her apartment next to our house until the first part of February. She donates her share to the grocery and wine bills. Every evening
'round 7:30 PM she walks over and as she enters our front door makes a firm proclamation in a beautiful British accent:
"GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!!!" (hell, I wonder which queen she is asking the almighty to save? Lizzy or me the chef???)

In the two weeks she has been dining with us I have managed to never repeat the same meal twice.

I cook in the kitchen and
prepare the table the way I desire while family and Beverly sit in the lounge and enjoy some TV with wine or tea. When I have plated the plates or spread out the food buffet style I say: "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!!!) and they come into the dinning room. Such a
wonderful ritual before the sun sets and everyone settles in for the night. After dinner conversation usually reaches to unexplainable solutions to the worlds problems or sharing fond memories of years past.

I love French Country Style Cooking as well as Italian. One man that I admire most sincerely is a French actor and director Christophe Malavoy. A few years ago he made a profound statement about cooking and dining with his family.

"We discovered the pleasures of fine dining years ago when dining at a fine restaurant.

Time seemed to come to a standstill. All our senses were awakened.

We were aware of nothing but the pleasures on the table and in our eyes. It was sort of a MASS in the land of FOIE GRAS!

Since then, cooking has become my sole religion. I believe that gathering around the table can have a spiritual dimension...
Time seems to stop and we float between heaven and earth in sheer delight!"

I find that cooking could be a religion. One does have to exercise a certain amount of "FAITH" when cooking and if you have chosen your ingredients with love and touch them lovingly miracles can happen!

We are having a curry and tarragon chicken this evening with garden greens and home made bread and fresh butter. Wish you were here, but, as another of my hero's used to say: I'll be seeing you!



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