Old Journals

My studio in NZ has a book case full of interesting books, music, candles, rocks, what ever I cram into it's cavities.

The other night I thought to my self, "Right, get off your lazy ass and clean this mess up!" I did just that! Filled an entire rubbish bag with dried tubes of oil paints, out dated food supplements, CD's that are of no interest to me what so ever... but amid the debris I found a Musical Journal I had filled with priceless words from my teachers as well as details about my musical trips to NYC over the years. I will share one entry: Pollini's Carnegie Hall Concert. November 1998.

"I always feel claustrophobic to the point of jumping out of my skin when in a concert hall I am seated in the balcony. Alas! the seat is a decent seat. It is in the circle, left hand side, an excellent view of the key board. The biggest problem with the seat is that there is no leg room because in 1900 when Carnegie Hall was dedicated and became one of the finest concert halls in the world, people were much smaller than they are today. FACT! Door handles and door knobs used to be positioned much lower on doors than they are in today's homes. (The bottom line of why I am not enjoying this seat is that I have hurt my left knee. God it is always the left knee. I cannot walk up stairs! So sitting in this cramped position with my knee smashed into the railing is not pleasant. Besides that, I am sitting beside a woman that will not stop talking to me! She goes on and on about her 28 year old son who is in medical school here in NYC. He is not doing well... his grades are fabulous! The stress of becoming a MD is what is driving him to the brink and he suffers serious depression. Well, I really don't give a damn, because if he wants stress he should try to become a concert artist!!! Besides I am here to hear the Italian Stallion play the piano, not to hear about her son's complications at medical school...

Concert time is set for 7:30 PM. Precisely at 7:40 PM Pollini appears. He is my size. Possibly 5' 10" He is in his 60's. He moves across the stage very quickly, almost dashes across the stage to the piano. He grasps the piano as to secure his sudden landing. He sits and immediately dives into the Schumann. From where I am seated I can see the top of his head.
Male Pattern Baldness is ravishing what had to be at one time a gorgeous head of hair. (Being Italian he had to have hair! Most Italians have hair every where!)

Intermission and I am doomed with the mother of the 28 year old med student. Finally part two of the concert. He performs two Chopin Nocturnes and the fourth Ballade.

The audience is wild with applause and shouts of Bravo. Apparently Pollini does not do encores as the applause thunders away for 7, mind you, 7 curtain calls. He finally sits at the Steinway and play the Harp Etude by Chopin. Simply gorgeous then out of the blue he starts the Ballade in G Minor by Chopin as a second encore! He made some errors, but his approach to the work was almost a jazzed feeling! I loved it! I limp to the handicap elevator. God, what have I done to this knee?

I walk back to the Village. Anything to get this knee working. My mind is thinking of how squeamish I have become about performing the G minor. A piece that I used to perform at every concert... I have allowed a host of ghosts to take up residency in my mind. The more I deny their existence the more they breathe and live inside my musical mind!!! What is that old Buddhist saying: "Kill your own death!" Well, these ghosts have got to go. I want to play the G minor in public without fear of a glitch or complete memory break down! Ah the burden of performing.

End of entry... There are some really nice personal things that I had best keep in the journal, however, I will probably write them into this blog. I do think every person should possibly jot a few thoughts within the pages of a journal so one day they can read and measure how far they have come from where they have been.