Suicide

A few days ago... I was given the news about a young man that had died due to an over does of drugs and alcohol... SUICIDE.

When I was around 14 a very close friend of mine committed suicide. We had seen each other the night before the event... He was depressed. I was very naive and did not understand many of the things he was telling me... Next day he was found inside the garage of his home inside a car with a hose running from the exhaust pipe of the inside of the car via the window of the seat he was sitting in.

Asphyxiation is not pretty... Your skin changes color etc... He did leave a suicide note... (I have not a clue where that letter is now...) I do know that RELIGION and DOGMA had 99% to do with this tragedy.

Many people still ache and hurt over this ordeal which shook the hell out of a little Mormon farming community... Harsh words from a stupid BISHOP... worse, harsh words from a father that did not understand what what going on and most of... the

AMAZING FEAR THAT EVERYONE COULD NOT PUT INTO WORDS: THE YOUNG MAN HAD TAKEN HIS VERY OWN LIFE INTO HIS OWN HANDS... HE WAS NOT AFRAID TO DIE RATHER THAN TO FACE OTHER HORRIBLE SITUATIONS LATER IN HIS LIFE AND MOST OF ALL HE PROVED THAT DEATH EQUALIZES US ALL... rich, famous, old, unknown, wonderful and loved beyond imagination we all DIE...
He saved many people from suffering... his siblings, his friends, his church, his school... why? IF HE HAD LIVED FOR MANY YEARS another story could and would have been written! Now in hindsight, he saved a hell of a lot of drama in the family...

Things aren't all so TANGIBLE and SYABLE as people waould usually have us believe.
Most expiences are UNSAYABLE.
THEY HAPPEN IN A SPACE THAT NO WORD HAS ENTERED< and more UNDSAYABLE THAN ALL OTHER THINGS ARE WORKS OF ART, THOSE MYSTERIOUS EXISTENCES, WHO'S LIFE ENDURES BESIDE OUR OWN SMALL TRANSITORY LIFE.

Human beings amaze me at times... to think we short lived humans have the arrogance to even think WE can OFFEND this GOD that created this planet and all the life that endures... We are really something...

I was in Viet Nam three times... I saw some stunning things... I also know of a few men that committed suicide. WHY? They KNEW and still KNOW something WE DO NOT KNOW! They were brave beyond poloticians, egos, religions, philosopy... they were brave beyond my imagination... they knew something... something you and I do not know... May the universe forever bless those brave men and woman that have crossed over by their own means... I DO NOT BELIEVE IN SUFFERING and MAKING OTHER'S SUFFER... I believe in life eternal.

The End Of The World...

It is nearly 10:30 PM NZ Time... It has been a day similar to what we dealt with in America during 9/11...............

My great grand father on my father's side came to NZ on a Mormon Mission near 1900... He was in the North Island. He never had a clue that a great grand son of his would one day spent 21 years in this country!

I love New Zealand. I could live here till I cross over. Only thing is I love Alpine WY. I plan to die there. Christchurch was one of the safest places to live in NZ until NOVEMBER 2011. An earthquake from hell... good thing: it reared it's ugly head at around 4 AM when everyone was asleep. Many after-shocks... they had put most of the city together again... well, Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, all the kings men and all the brilliant men on earth could not put Humpty Dumpty together again... This damn quake attacked at 12:50 PM... MID AFTERNOON WHEN ALL THE KINGS CHILDREN AND ALL THE KINGS MEN WERE AT WORK AND HAVING LUNCH AND PLAYING SOCCOR IN THE PARK... IT WAS FROM HELL.

Many are dead. Building that I have known and been inside GONE. The infrastructure is a shambles. NOTHING IS RIGHT.
We are so upset, but, life does go on. I now compare CHCH NZ to San Francisco and place like NYC etc. I consider them elements of Atlantis... Atlantis was an amazing civilization...

Also: Planet earth is our home. I could give a rats ass what religious freaks say about heaven... EARTH IS OUR SPACE SHIP. It is where we live and evolve. (another dirty word for religion) I KNOW THE BIBLE BETTER THAN MOST RELIGIOUS FANATICS! I have read it from cover to cover 13 times... I will not start in with the 10 commandments... most of all THOU SHALT NOT KILL...

The earth quakes in CHCH reminds me of KATRINA IN NOLA... what a disaster and what a failure of the AMERICAN GOVT. Kill for oil, but do not take care of our own! Then the oil leak in the gulf of mexico... Really a MAN MADE PIECE OF SHIT... then the DRILL BABY DRILL mantra by conservatives and most of all Sara Pallin.... NOW the well, finally a new and brave generation of people that can stand up to corrupt governments in Egypt, and so many other mid eastern countries... we have to out breed the old for the new that is how progression moves forward... DOGMA can be death.

If we continue to punch holes in this orb we exist on it will sink... it will fold on into its self and we will die under it's demise.
LAUGH... CLOWN LAUGH! This space ship is like a balloon. The core is of molten Iron... oil and gases are part of it's blood...
compare it to the human body... Most Capatlistic billionaires will argue... TAKE DOMINIAN OVER THE SEAS AND THE LAND...
NOT SO! We have to learn how to live in harmony with the planet we live on... We need not worry Mother Nature will take control in many ways. Earthquakes, toronados, snow storms, floods, endless ways including disease, famine... the list is endless what SHE WILL DO...

If A living God that lives somewhere in space invented all of this and according to mormons they can procreate many planets... why does HE (mind you not a she) says, his garden of Eden has more power than prayers and sacrifices to him? I nearly fainted the first time I heard the story of Abraham having to sacrifice his only son to this GOD! besides that plygomay was a big thing of the day and in some reliegions still is... like Muslium religion.

I gave up on this years ago. I love the moon and stars, sun rises, and most of all the people that have a sweet smile and are kind to me... I must go to sleep.


The

This story

NOTICE:

Reading this story is like reading a book from the last page to the first! You will begin with chapter 4, then 3, then 2, then 1...
Photos and it all should make sense at the end of the day.

Chapter 4

Last day in the Golden Bay was delightful. We walked on the beach, then back to the truck. Drove to a place that serves coffee on a very old dilapidated yacht. I have a picture of me on the boat posted at the bottom of all these chapters.

From there we drove... found a beach and decided to take the fold up chairs, a bottle of wine, walk out onto the beach and allow the tide to wash our feet as we feasted on the wind, sky and most of all music of the ocean.

Drove back to SSI. Instead of a big meal we opted to have left overs and cold things in Rutha's Cottage! Then we watched the movie Sordid Lives... Laughed and nibbled away at cheese, breads, olives, veggies... I went to bed and slept like a rock.

Ah, morning meant get up and out of the room in time for the pick up bus to Nelson. From there the flight into CHCH. Everything went swimmingly smooth. I hailed a cab at the airport in CHCH and had quite a conversation with the driver. He is EGYPTIAN.
He never, ever shut up! Cost me 50 bucks to the YMCA from the air port.

Called Karina and Jimmy. They met up with me and we had a wonderful meal at a restaurant near the Avon, but so nice and quiet. We ate outside on the veranda. From there I went back to the room. Packed, and called the front desk for a wake up call at 7:00 AM... I know better than to trust such details to others.

I awoke in the morning at 7:20 AM there had been no call... I flew like hell, dashed down stairs and turned in my key telling the reception: "YOU NEVER CALLED ME!" she said: "oh, I am so happy you are awake because I called room 507... (my room was 501) and that man was very irate and rude with me!" Well, no shit lady! I explained to her that I did not have time to walk to 123 Worcester St. to catch the coach to QT. She called me a cab. I made it.

The morning was lovely. Cool, gentle sunshine... boarded the bus. FRONT SEAT. Dug out my I Pod. Bud in ears, dark glasses on, feeling good. A long 6 hour drive into QT. but some amazing sights.

We stop in Ashburton. An older woman boards the bus. She asked me IF she could sit beside me as she becomes ill if she sits too fat back in the bus... SURE. Well, one thing leads to another and I KNEW WHO SHE WAS. Devella Gore. A very famous artist from NZ as well as she has quite a vineyard and wedding chapel near Arrowtown. We chatted away. I told her I knew who she was. She was delighted. Years ago, she had heard me in concert in QT. but, she did not relate to anything I was saying... then the penny dropped. She grinned from ear to ear... "You played my piano years ago, and I have your recordings..." from then on we had a fantastic ride together. We know quite a few people in common as well as she is very well known in NZ. Her books have been translated into four languages.

She is a speaker who is forever in demand in NZ. Her sense of humor is a joy. We got talking about her winery... She told me that yes, Central Otago Wines are becoming world famous, especially the Pino's. They have one that is excellent for the kidneys. One is called Pino Gris, the other Pino Noir, the other PEEEEE NO MORE..." God, this went on and on. She was a joy to be with.

Home in QT was a blessing. I do miss my hide-a-way. I even cooked dinner. My adventure is over until another year. Well, that is a lie. Every day of my life is an adventure.

THEN TODAY... one of my favorite cities has been devastated by a disastrous earth quake. Christchurch NZ... In November they endured a horrendous earth quake, but this one killed people. Many people. It is world news.
We are fine here in QT, but sense the pain and loss. It brings back memories of 9/11 in USA.

I am so happy I spent time in CHCH over the many years of coming to NZ. I made my MUSICAL DEBUT at the Great Hall in CHCH. The next morning after the concert the review appeared in the CHCH PRESS... the review hangs on the wall of my restaurant. IT IS A GREAT REVIEW... from a very difficult critic. He writes scathing things about some of the greatest artists, but my review was a pianist's dream...

I have spent hours inside the famous Cathedral which came crashing down today. This city will become another San Francisco... like NYC... a city that endured Atlantis. May peace be with us all and most of all those that are in such pain.

Chapter 3

I awoke this morning feeling crook.
Crook, is a word The Kiwis use for meaning ill. Not well. Under the weather... Today we are driving up to the TOP TRUCK and spend two nights. Late afternoon I did begin to pull myself together and the strange dizzy feelings disappeared.

Rutha had baked homemade breads. Banana bread and a long loaf of peasant bread. Coolers, (chilly bins) full of goodies. Our packs full of STUFF... my computer so we could watch movies, listen to music and if service was available I would check my e mails.

This Truck is unique. Sits on the top of a hill over looking the bay. The tide was out, but would soon be coming in. I have a photo of the truck and the inside of the truck posted below. The person/artist that built the living quarters had a mind for detail. I happen to love these kind of places. We had a decent refrigerator, two burner gas hot plate, and a very old black Cole Stove! The shower was outside. One of those huge old bath tubs with claws for feet and the shower was attached to the side of the truck. You stood inside the tub and splashed away! I have not taken a shower with soap and hot water in the open air for ages! Such an invigorating feeling. Rutha, unpacked the food items and poured me a glass of cold Chardonnay wine.

I had booked a massage with a person I have wanted to massage me for years. Yana Hoos.
We drove to her house in a light rain.

Yana's house is all NATURAL. Wood walls, no paint! (I like that) a huge dining room table with fresh sliced oranges on a plate, fresh cut flowers...

She has "the touch"... Walked up the stairs holding on a hand rail which is a long branch from a tree. The massage room was wonderful. Sarongs of many colors on the walls, a shrine... we talked. She asked me what I needed, I told her about the left side of my body... music... she chose PERFECT flute and piano... TUI is a popular massage wax used down here... she makes it.

She did something I have never had a massage therapist ask me: "Do you wish to lay face down, or on your back?" I said: "BOTH!" She had had a very big day. 7 other massage therapists had been with her all day learning how to do 'Holistic Pulsing'. Yana is a small compact woman with long brown hair. She left me to undress and get my blob of flesh on the alter, (table) face down. When I looked through the piece of the table that frames and hold your face I noticed a bowl of stones looking up at me! I LOVE ROCKS... these were some of my favorite stones... I knew I was in loving company.

Yana's hands have eyes and ears as well as they are full of music. She found every trigger point that was giving me any discomfort. She did apply the pulsating holistic method to my arms and hands. Time stopped for me. She worked for over an hour. When all was completed I felt marvelous.

Rutha was waiting for me in her spray-painted turck... Yana came outside and embraced her and they chatted for a brief moment. We drove back to our TOP TRUCK! Rutha had set a gorgeous table outside hoping we could eat watching the sunset and the ocean... the misty rain would not give us the chance to indulge in the outdoors. We ate inside. One of my favorite meals. A pasta with veggies, salad and breads. I cleaned up the dishes.

I have told Rutha about a a series that came out years ago called "TALES OF THE CITY". Amestead Maupin wrote the stories about San Francisco in the 70's. Rutha moved to San Francisco in 1975 from NY talk about a culture change? I believe she was 18 or 19 years old... I have watched Tales of the City time and time again over the years. It is a true story about my youth. We loved it. Slept like dead logs and awoke to a gorgeous day.

VALENTINE'S DAY! We hiked up into a beautiful waterfall. Walked on beaches... then near 4 PM we cleaned up... drove to a wonderful new place for a 5 course Valentine's Dinner. It was divine. Photos are posted.
Back to our TOP TRUCK and finished watching the Tales of The City!

Next morning up early and tidied the house. Drove to the recycling bins, dumped all glass, etc. then back to Sans Souci Inn.
This would be my last day and night in the bay.

We got back to SSI, set up camp inside my room, did laundry, wrote in my journal, but best of all, instead of eating out we had a meal in Rutha's cottage. Then we watched a movie I have told her about for years: SORDID LIVES.

Walked back to my room, but in route sat down on the damp grass and gazed into the heavens... all those endless universes and places of mystery.
Did not have to be up early so walked to the beach. The sound of water kissing the sandy shore with gently timed pats,
baby loving slaps with the hands of a gossamer waves touches me beyond words. Went sound asleep.

Chapter 2

Two French Doors open out from my room onto a small stone patio. There is a fine mist of early morning showers which enfolds every thing in a different light. Almost surreal.

Grape vines have woven their many arms around the roof which shelters my patio. Clusters of green grapes are hanging on the vines awaiting the day they are mature. Laden with sweet sugar and dark color. These grapes will have been kissed by the hot rays of the sun, ocean air and most of the tranquillity of this place. I'm sitting here sipping strong coffee simply doing nothing.

I will manage a walk on the beach after I shower and shave.

Sans Souci Inn has a compost toilet system. I will never understand why in the USA we don't use this type of toilet in our National Forests and camp grounds. NO STINK! NO FLIES! Instead we use chemicals that really do not cut the scent of human waste and flies can drive one crazy inside those little LONG DROPS/OUT HOUSES. Here you simply use the toilet, then cover the waste with saw dust and chips of wood. You can also put left over food items in the toilet... AMAZING how the thing works.

Am walking on the beach! The sunshine is burning the foggy mist away and the sky is a brilliant blue!

I have to keep telling myself how fortunate I am to be here. How blessed I am to be with a dear friend that pampers me to death. How unbelievable I feel health-wise from two years ago( when I was here!)

Sometimes there is nothing WORSE in my life than the sensation of crashing into a LIMITATION!

When I became so very ill with Cancer, E Coli Infection and a mered assortment of other physical disasters I crashed mentally because I realized I was honestly limited in my control over such demons. Apparently I needed to be smacked up the side of my head a few times to set aside my arrogance and pride... to really appreciate my life and the many gifts I receive every hour of the day and night.

Evening... I follow the phases of the moon like a dog that lops along side it's master, wagging it's tail and with tougn hanging out licks the hand of the master with sloppy kisses of affection and devotion. Well, if I could I would probably lick the moon!

The moon and stars have been the one and only CONSTANT in my life. Ever since I was a tiny boy I loved watching the moon and stars... I gaze at the moon tonight and it is not full. Will be a full moon the night I am back in QT. February 18.

Many things have come and gone in 64 years of my life ... but the phases of the moon and galaxies have always been there for me. When I gaze into the firmament I always think about Beethoven. He also observed the same moon and stars... Galileo, Shakespeare, Newton, Einstein, Bach, Monet, Gilbran, Whitman... the list of some great people that have lived under this ceiling of heavenly lights are gone, yet we share something in common... the planet and the sky.

Dinner was a gorgeous venison. I grew up on venison and it is one of my favorite sources of protein.

After dinner Rutha and I sat on my patio and talked way into the wee hours of the morning. Tomorrow we drive to the Top Truck. Kind of like a Hippie Bus made into a house. I LIKE THESE PLACES! Also, I am set for a massage with a woman I have often heard about. Yanna Hoos.
It will be a healing as well as a little magic sprinkled here and there.

More later.

My week away... in the Golden Bay of NZ

Chapter 1

I seem to have a problem with dates and times. I told everyone I was booked to leave on the Wed. 10Th of Feb.
NOT SO. Wed. was wrong... the 10Th was Thurs. Okay, I suffered some embarrassments, but survived.

Michael, Anne and I got up round 7 AM on Thurs. the 10Th and began our drive to CH CH by 10: 30 AM. The morning was 'out of the box' as Kiwi's say. A perfect day.

We all were Chatting away in route to Cromwell. Stopped for coffee and snacks. Continue driving... all is going along like gold... stopped in places and old towns we had not been in for years.

Not too many changes... except we park the car slower, get out of the car slower and stand around pointing at sights. DROVE INTO Christchurch. Mind you, this city endured a horrendous earth quake only a couple of months ago! San Francisco type thing. I had made accommodations at Latimer Square. The Latimer Hotel. OMG, we did not have our very old and battered road map in the car! We found it. Nice room. $150.00 NZD for the night.
That included a breakfast. Got settled in, then drove to the car park near the famous Cathedral and began looking for a place to eat. I spied the HERITAGE. This was originally an old government building that we have observed gradual changes into an amazing place full of pent houses, spas and other botiques and it has an amazing restaurant. I SAID I WILL BUY DINS, we are going there.

Had a fantastic meal. Walked about the square and back to the motel. I had to catch a flight into Nelson mid morning. Not a problem. I had my small suit case, and back pack. Hell, we had lost the map we purchased that morning... I could only remember years past the names of roads that lead to the CHCH International Air Port. Well, we saw a van moving fast with stickers claiming it was and airport van... FOLLOW IT! we did. Then began looking for any roadside signs that had an air plane... made it to the airport we all know... but, the damn place is under major redevelopment. Alas! we drive around and around. Finally parked and discoverd DOMESTIC FLIGHTS.

I had a 50 min. plane ride into Nelson. The Nelson Air Port is very old fashioned. I had a couple of hours before the Able Tasman bus was to pick me up and drive me to Takaka. I had a nice sandwich, read my book, wrote in my journal, even took a light nap... NO BUS NO BUS NO BUS NO BUS... I called the Queenstown Information Center. The damn bus forgot to pick me up at the airport. Well, it cost them tons of money. It was not my fault. The Center said, DON'T MOVE. A TAXI WILL COLLECT YOU IN MINUTES AND DRIVE LIKE HELL TO A PLACE WHERE YOU WILL CONNECT WITH THE BUS... Okay. Sure enough a taxi arrives the driver shouting my name. My original bus ticket was $30.00 it cost the bus lines $122.00 for the Taxi because of their major screw up. We connected.

Rode on the bus to Takaka. When I boarded the bus there were no seats open except for one. A lovely young girl from England patted the seat beside her and said "WELCOME". We chatted away and everything was flowing... then we began the steep ride and narrow curves up the mountains... she lost it and puked like old faithful. I helped her clean up. What an ordeal.
Driving through farms lands, mountains and most of all peaceful valleys finally made it into Takak. There was one of my soul mates Rutha waiting with open arms and her beater truck.

We drove like hell to the Sans Souci Inn where she works as a WOOFER. Sun was beginning to set over the Tasman Sea. I got into my room. (pictures are on the my blog) took a shower, poured a Pino Noir and laid my things out before dinner.

Walked onto the beach at sunset. OMG! From there into the dinning room and had a delicious meal. Roast beef with all the trimmings.... you think there are no trimmings on a perfect roast beef dinner? GO EAT AT SANS SOUCI INN.

Rutha was my Table Attendant. After dins, I walked to my room. She met me and we sat outside on the patio with a candle,
bottle of the most divine wine and talked until the wee hours of the morning. She had my room set up with a plunger for coffee, the most beautiful bar of soap, extra towels, fruit in a bowl from the trees in the garden...

Slept like a baby in heaven... next morning, awoke made my coffee in the French Press, took a shower, had a lovely breakfast, a gentle walk on the beach and then we started the truck for a hike...

LATER.

Valentine's Dinner! Coffee on a very old boat...

more of Golden Bay NZ

More of Golden Bay NZ

The past set of photos were of: A delicious evening dinner at the San Souci Inn. Venison. Next, me on our first walk. Next a wonderful Euctalyptus tree releasing it's skin. Rutha with her spray painted 1986 pick up... my wonderful room at SSI.

My week away... in the Golden Bay of NZ

I will be writing stories upon stories about my adventure. Amazing insights, gorgeous weather and far too much food. Wonderful walks and most of all being pampered to living death by Rutha, one of dearest friends. Enjoy some of the photos.

Memory-a spoof by Pam Peterson

Things that do not SPEAK

I just took a photo of my window in my studio.

It is after ten PM and things are becoming darker... These plants are HAPPY!
They live inside a small space that has music playing... COLORS dancing... beautiful scents as well as other herbs and plants thriving on all the surroundings... the drapes behind their arms and hands are orange, red, yellow, lime, and gold crossed with a silver tinge or certain tones one gets from a sunset.

A friend in Alpine, years ago gave me a priceless book. It was about how to grow anything green. I have used the data in that book ever since. At the time she gave me the book her husband had suddenly died. She also picked up the fact I was growing Hen's Bane in my gardens behind my restaurant. Hell, I thought they were gorgeous things... NOT SO: POISON!

If I had been a really good Hippie type boy, or a true farmer I would have grown something worth while... like: DOPE, HERBS for my KITCHEN... no, I grew Hens BANE!

Vikki set me straight...(well not really straight, but on the right road) and we got rid of the poison. I let the gardens go to wrack and ruin. She did help me plant some lovely bulbs that were very exotic... lillies or certain genre and other such things. Well they still thrive and live. People to this day photos of the Oriental Lillies.

Can't live without the plants and pets. THEY SPEAK TO ME IN A LANGUAGE NO ONE WOULD EVER UNDERSTAND except:
J.-Allen Boone. That man is amazing. I only learned about him through another dear friend that is to in tune with pets...
Debbie I will forever be grateful. (She is also a star-seed woman of endless understanding and love.)

I have my trip to the Gold Coast of NZ all planned. I will take you there with me via a camera and my legs.
To think a year ago, I could not do this... two years ago I was for dead... to think I am happy and healthy because of my pets and plants is an enormous stretch of the mind... but I like it.

Love everything you have ever touched, breathed or loved, hated or best of all been involved with!
More later.

Personality

Along with every thing else that is going on I found this site that is quite amazing. You answer questions then it gives you a description of your personality type. Wanna know me... this is absolutely the truth! AHHHHHhhhhhhh!
www.personalitypage.com/html/INFJ.html

NEW youtube

I've had a strange day. I woke up feeling depressed and my hands ached like holy hell! Worked out at the gym, had a wonderful lunch at Hamill's in Frankton, then home to prepare for a big party we are having at the house tomorrow afternoon. I have quite a bit of food to prepare as well as make sure my end of this house is clean and the gardens are looking like a perfect picture of bliss.

I decided to plant my butt in my desk chair and watch something on my computer like: my youtube site. LOOOOO and BEEEEE
HOLD I have a new piece I composed uploaded! I hit the play button and was over come with how beautiful my engineer does his magic with my music!!!!!!!!!! I had not checked my e mails so I had no clue about this gift!

Kahlil's Dream is in honor of Kahilil Gibran and his book the PROPHET. I wrote this during a strange time in my life. It seemed that nothing could balance my thoughts and most of my mood swings. I began reading The Prophet over and over again... it has forever worked for me since I was 14 years old.

Enjoy.

A PERFECT SUMMER DAY!!!

This morning my neighbor was taking his boat out fishing on the lake. He invited me to go along. What a morning. One could not dream of a more perfect summer day.

Lake Wakatipu is the third largest fresh water lake in New Zealand. The water is freezing beyond belief.

Being on the water this morning was a euphoric feeling of joy and freedom. I spent a little over an hour on the lake and then had John let me off at the dock in the village.

From there I took myself to a fabulous lunch at Solera Vino a tiny French Cafe. I had a table at the open window. When I am in Queenstown having a day like to day I can imagine being any where on planet earth. Norway, Sweden, Iceland, Europe, South America... Simply watching people walk up and down the narrow street outside the cafe window!

I eat at this restaurant every month. I always sense the spirit of Debussy, Ravel, Monet, and so many of the great painters, poets and philosophers who were French and I know they also spent time in cafes with narrow walks made out of stone and gorgeous people passing by. No doubt many were inspired to create some amazing art as they ate and drank in such energy filled spaces. Possibly this is one reason I love New Orleans?

After doing some quick shopping at the market I walked home. I have been kissed by the sun today. I spent the rest of the day at my keyboard and in the garden reading. Life is beautiful. Tonight the sky will be filled with billions of galaxies and a kazillion stars! I'll take a moon bath. When I am alone under the night sky I talk to everyone I have ever known that crossed over to the other side of time within my lifetime.

Chinese One Arm One Leg Ballet...

I cannot seem to upload the site to my blog. This will touch a place in your hearts beyond words, music, or reason... Why are we so unkind to each other? LOVE is indestructible. Type in a you-tube search for the Chinese Ballet one arm one leg... enjoy.

New Year's Eve in Queenstown, NZ

It is going on to 10 something in the evening... The air is full of people sounds. Laugher, conversation, music, motor boats, skate boards, shoes and feet walking on gravel... beer cans being flipped open, cars being started, dogs speaking to the night sky, young children screaming with laughter... wood being chopped for fires, lots of yaaaa hooosss... the new year will happen in a couple of hours, then the fire works... QT goes out for the fire works. (Like USA, they have a great thing with China... China makes some amazing fire works.) China makes fire works for New Years Eve in the Southern Hem... but loans the USA billions of dollars so we can fight useless wars... depends on how you view oil and it's value.

Very soon USA will have to pay back the BIG GUYS and when they cannot do it... well.... those that have been loyal to Asia will survive. It is very simply to figure out. We blasted the hell out of Japan, we destroyed what was once Vietnam and Cambodia and Guam and the list goes on and on... Karma is a dangerous energy.

I made a gorgeous dinner. Cucumber sandwiches, Spanish Olives, Red Beets in Brine, Brie Cheese broiled on French Bread, Baked beans, three kinds of cheese, crackers, Smoked Chicken, Smoked Salmon, my very own mayonnaise made with fresh mint and dill,
Cadbury Black Forest Chocolate... Fruit Cake, and coffee... I had three wines...

At the stoke of 12 I will wish everything and everyone I have or will love all the happiness in the universe. See you all soon.

The meaning of love...

Years ago, which seems like eons ago to my way of thinking... a piano teacher of mine told me something I had forgotten until the past couple of years! (do not doubt what your mind has imprinted and recorded... everything from your past will come back to haunt you.)

He said: Love is indestructible. Only the ARROGANCE of one's EGO can presume that LOVE REQUIRES PROTECTION! (I was 15)

He was 100% right as far as my own lifetime. I have had some amazing incidents happen this past year that PROVE his point. I will not go into details because the details ONLY BELONG TO ME, but so many things from my past, many many years ago came to life this past year in phone calls, letters, and events that I NEVER DREAMED WOULD EVER OCCURR.

Some of the people that contacted me were from my teen years. They were in the process of dying. Some were trying to link up with some sort of bliss from years ago. I only know that I forgive, and that I hope and pray I am forgiven and still loved by many people.

Love is a strange and magical energy. We are created OUT OF IT'S PASSION.

bits a pieces about cooking...

My restaurant, "BRENTHOVEN'S is one of the many precious creations. I have not a clue why, but the past year many people would ask me where, how, when, for what reason I seriously took up the art of cooking! (I am not a graduate of some fancy culinary school... such as...)

One day, possibly one day I will write a short story about how, when, and why!

Most often a necessity demands we learn a certain truth or we discover a GIFT we had no knowledge was dwelling within our DNA / RNA.

When I was in my 20's and 30's I was literally a "vagabond". I drifted around the planet... making music and my music always took me to places and people I needed to see and fall in love with. When I could not find a job playing the piano I would become hungry... well go figure. I am rather dumb, but not stupid. If there was a job where there was food I would eat. Washing dishes, waiting on tables, prep work was never above my LOFTY STANDARDS.

I had some unfortunate circumstances occur once when I was traveling to San Francisco California. I ended up outside of Elko Nevada. I truly was in a mess. (If you have ever watched BAGDAD CAFE, the original movie... well I was there in 1969-70) I came upon a truck stop cafe... pale green paint on cinder blocks......... a sign in the window. "Prep and night-time cook needed. Apply inside." You must understand in the 60's and 70's truck stops and truck drivers were not as fat and homely as today! SORRY. In fact, they were most kind and would help you get to places you had to get to!

I walked in and talked with the head chef. He would be my age now!!! He was a drunk. I watched this man pour a water glass full of vodka every morning at 6:00 AM and drink it before 8:15 AM and still be able to stand on his feet and pour another full glass of VODAKA... He lived behind the cafe in a small trailer with a American Indian woman. She was very nice and had gorgeous hair. He was as kind as any father could be.

I knew NOTHING about a grill, and all the other equipment inside a restaurant. This man showed me everything I actually know to this day. He was a kind and most generous person. I fried and cooked over 300 eggs on that damn grill alone one morning, but mind you, I was young, dumb and full of adrenaline. I LOVED ADVENTURE and to top it off I DID IT.

He showed me how to make sauces. Beranaise, Hollandaise, white sauce, brown sauces, cook a steak, fry eggs, boil potatoes and most of all the fact: FOOD IS SACRED. It absorbs your emotions. If, you are hateful the food will taste like shit! (his very words.)

Well, I ate and drank extremely well and made it to San Francisco in one piece and with a lot confidence. This man had cooked in some very fine restaurants from NYC to CALIFORNIA. I know he is long gone from this planet, but he watches over me.

Here are some simple things he taught me.

1. Use ONLY kitchen scissors to cut bacon or other meats into thin strips.

2. Freeze overripe bananas in plastic and use them for shakes, cakes, muffins and pancakes.

3. A MOUTHFUL of WATER or a SILVER TEASPOON held inside your mouth will cut the tears when cutting onions.

4. Always rub olive oil around a pot before boiling pasta

5. Always put a TEASPOON of Sea Salt in a pot of water when boiling eggs. Keeps the shells from cracking.

6. Only use REALLY GOOD CHEF KNIVES. Crush the sides of a garlic bulb, so as to peel the skin from the garlic.

7. Freeze left over wines, Red or White in Ice Cube trays for sauces etc. then use them in soups etc.

8. Never whip an egg white unless it is at room temperature.

9. A small pinch of Baking Soda will make mashed potatoes lighter and fluffy.

10. NEVER EVER PUT HONEY IN THE COOLER! The honey will loose it's texture.

11. All SPICES MUST be stored in a dark, cook cupboard. Otherwise they loose their flavor.

12. Proofing bread dough. Place the bowl in a sink of warm, NOT HOT water... and DO NOT let the plastic wrap touch the
water! It works. (These were the days restaurants made their own breads)

13. If a soup is salty ADD CHUNKS OF RAW POTAOE. The Potato will absorb a hell of a lot of the salt. (simply never add the
salt until the end of the TASTING process.)

14. Honey or raw lemon juice will save all fruits from turning brown.

15. Before grating cheese. (Mind you, we used to grate it with a grater.) Put the grater in the freezer for a few MINUTES. The
cold metal will not allow the cheese to stick to the grater.

16. He used to INSIST that putting potatoes end up in cup cake pans and baking them cut the baking time in half. Well, I have
not always found that to be true. But he was the BOSS!

17. Put Walnuts in the water when boiling cabbages. It keeps the stink inside the room at a nothing degree.

18. ALWAYS pour red wine over hamburger, steaks etc. keeps them moist and tender.

Then of course was his last rule: Put a slug of alcohol into anything too dry, red wine makes a store/distributor purchased pasta sauce lose and it will loose it's MANUFACTURED FLAVOR... like he always poured RUM over certain cakes!

I am not condemning his techniques. They work. Over the many years of cooking I learned things on my own. Blessings as it were from my parents, grandparents... and other ghosts. People that have passed on many years before me but lived in my DNA... Oh, one last thing! Always wrap CELERY in FOIL. It will keep it crisper. Most of all know you will not live very long without food and it is a blessing from the green planet we live within and upon. We only live on the crust of this amazing orb.

Will write after New Years unless I get anxious and need to vent about something! Happy eating and most of joyous cooking.

Xmas in New Zealand and Mt.Cook 2010

Love and Windows of Opportunity

EXPLANATION

The photos are of:

Christmas Tree 2010...

Tomato plants in my garden boxes. Some Strawberry plants...

SOPHIA the cat! What a love she is... 10 months old and she is SMARTER than HELL.

The Lake Wakatipu... Notice the ORBS!

Enjoy. Will post more later.

New Zealand December 2010

Jean-Robert Ipousteguy

In November I visited my sister who lives in New Orleans. I have always loved New Orleans because of the food and music. It has one of the only air ports I know of that is named after a great musician... LOUIS ARMSTRONG!

Many many years ago I worked in Tibidoux LA. In the heart of the sugar cane district. I was living in Dallas TX at the time playing piano where ever the agency found me a job! Sheraton Hotels had built a kind of Motel/INN in the sugar cane district for sales persons that were forever in and out of the area. There was a small collage near by, "Nicholas State College"??? (I believe that was the name of the school).
Some nights students from the theater dept. would frequent the piano bar and sing show tunes as well as all kinds of old jazz and blues.
I was going through a very difficult period of my life in the late 60's and early 70's and I self medicated on a sweet liquor called JACK DANIALS. I did drive into New Orleans on Sunday and Mondays... days I had off. Even went to Baton Rouge ounce. BUT, the music in NOLA always lived inside my head.

Well years later I return to NOLA. My sister is a fantastic artist and therefore she KNOWS the places where the music is HOT and the ART is above average and the wine... the food... you name it.
She is your angel guide to the city as well as being a great cook herself she can explain things like
MAC STUFF (computers etc), ART, CATS, BOOKS, POETRY and COMFORT THINGS like no one else on earth.
She is one of those people that has a gift of invisible intuition.

She took me to a place I will dream of forever and hope to return often as well as she allowed me to discover an artist I had no knowledge about until the afternoon we spent in the SCULPTURE GARDENS in New Orleans. Please go to this site: http://www.sculpture.net/gallery/showgallery.php/cat/519 or if the address fails google the Sculpture Gardens in New Orleans.

We walked and I drooled and I sighed and sang praises to some amazing pieces of art, then we came upon something that went straight to my gut and heart... GRAND VAL DE GRACE 1977... by Jean-Robert Ipoustoguy. French!? Well, New Orleans is my little part of France in America!

This sculpture signifies Birth, LIFE, and DEATH... the natural light of the day played a touching melody of light and shadow on every curve and angle. Peaks, valleys as well as flat surfaces screamed out of pain, joy and most of all surrendering to the eternal truth: DEATH EQUALIZES US ALL.

I walked slowly around this piece... I kept thinking about it during the night... I looked Ipousteguy up on a google search when I was in NYC. Everyone has a "moment" as it were, where everything comes together in one word, a sound, a scene, a color...

I thank my lucky stars for me sister sharing the garden with me as well introducing me to something I NEEDED. She also traveled to Rome Italy years ago. I was with her! She was like having your own travel guide and most of all ARTIST EXPERTISE as a guide. She explained so many paintings and great elements of the world of art and artists me. (of course the trip to Italy will always hold a special place in my heart... I went to Christiphories Museum... He invented the PIANO)

It's Wine Time so I must stop writing and wine about everything I possibly can.

In New Zealand at last!

The trip from Wyoming to South Island New Zealand has been some what of an "AWAKENING" or better yet lessons in aging and sage-ing... by aging with sage-ing I mean discovering hidden gems of wisdom within the process of aging.

Because I do not have the same "bench-marks" as other people meaning: you have a marriage, you have children, they begin grade school, there are activities and marks along the way and eventually graduations and they marry etc... however, in my case there are moments when I honestly FORGET how old I AM! My body reminds me, but I toss it off by taking a pain pill or a glass of wine!

We drove out of Wyoming in a blizzard. Stopped by the home of two of our oldest and best friends to say goodbye. Then flat out to Utah. Made it to my parents around midnight. No problems... but with my parents in their mid 80's and one in her mid 90's the picture takes on a different light as well as we drove our two cats to Utah. The back of the truck was FULL. Suit cases, boxes of things... the back seat of the truck had my other mother strapped in, two cats and tons of blankets and water on board. God all mighty we made the "Beverly Hillbillies" look like normal people.

All went well thanks to the magic of coffee and four wheel drive. Spent 6 days in Utah. I could never ever liver in that state again.
Way too many people... there is nothing of my past that exists. My Grandmother's house, the houses I grew up in are GONE.
The corner where I used to catch a school bus all through grade school and Jr. High is a major 4 lane intersection with a Super Wall Mart, Wall-greens, every kind of eatery and even a 24 hour gym! WTH!!! It was full of cattle, corn and tomatoes when I was a kid.

My father lives in a different time frame... everything relates to the PAST... NO future or reality in the now... my dear mother works her butt off caring, cooking, cleaning... but her own health is very fragile. Dementia is a cruel disease. I hope to GOD I never have it... I doubt I will because I think I did have it when I was younger. Therefore been there. Denial was a great way to live in my 20's and 30's..........

Between Doctor appointments, shopping, hair DO's etc. it was quite a week. Thanksgiving was a success. Then the bomb hit!
I had booked our flights to LAX on December 29th instead of November 29th! I called Southwest... they changed it to the tune of 50 dollars per person except Anne... We made the flight. From LAX to Auckland NZ is about 12 hours. LONG. I had asked my physician if I could obtain 4 tablets of AMBIAM TO HELP ME SLEEP ON THE FLIGHT. I took one with a glass of wine when they served the dinner... could not sleep... by damn I opened my back pack with all the meds and read on the bottle... "TAKE WITHOUT FOOD" SHIT! what a waste of money and sleep. So, I put on my Bose head set and drifted in and out of a fitful sleep.

We landed smoothly and in one piece in Auckland. Took the shuttle to DOMESTIC FLIGHTS and boarded for QT. Love this country. Things are different than in America... they are relaxed... they are kinder and they seem to honestly care.

As if planned our cab driver from the Air Port knew us and we had a great welcome home riding with him in his cab. The house is perfect. The roses are in bloom, my garden is full of ripe strawberries and I am loving my piano and NOOK. YEP! I love books but I had downloaded a ton of books before leaving the states. Whoopee.... I am so into computers...

I awoke this morning after 10 hours of sleep and ate a late breakfast on the patio in the sunshine. Have not joined the gym yet. WHY? BODY PAIN. I have worked out for over 40 years. When I turned 60 I still maintained a 15... and more inch arm... well, I over did many things because of ego, vanity and fear of growing old, only to surrender to the reality of TIME... Cancer, hernias,
bladder, my left arm's triceps muscles have been destroyed... they are re-growing... sight, and heart seem pretty good, but I have had to make friends with Arthur, Right-is and a few other energies I never dreamed I would embrace.

Walking and making music save me and my soul. A kind word and wide smile can make my day. When I am down in the village shopping... buying food items, wine, the bakery and the daily papers... young people remember me! They say: Welcome back. I remember you from last year! I remember them too.

Will write in a few days... in the mean time life is gentle and so good.

The snow...

Out of the bosom of the air, out of the cloud-folds of her garments shaken,
Over the woodlands brown and bare,
Silent and soft and slow descends the snow... (Henry Wadsworth)

We are getting slammed with a Mess In The West... Blizzards. I love it.
Reminds me of when I was a little boy and the first of many times I ever came to
Wyoming.

Will try to leave here in the late afternoon... IF the roads are safe. And I
will write again from Utah and then New Zealand.

But I think of another favorite poet of mine...

IF, in the twilight of memory we shall speak again together and you shall sing to me
a deeper song,
And IF our hands should meet in another dream, we shall build another tower in the sky.

The snow is lovely soft and deep, but I have miles to go before I sleep and promises to keep
and promises to keep.

For my 64 B Day I get inches of clean snow and roses...

Mystries and Secrets within music

It is 10:42 PM EST. 8:42 RMT...

I have had an
over dose of so many beautiful emotions as well as love, music, new understandings about music, and most of all bits and pieces about who and what I am!

Things can get quite dull in Wyoming (I guess?) Not for me. I never ever read enough books, see enough movies, watch enough sunsets, sunrises, smell enough scents of pine, cedar, sagebrush and ever so many perfumes that travel on the air currents of open spaces. NOW in NYC one can get it all in one breath.

I took the Long Island Railway to hungtinton to be with two of my beloved friends... Ernie and Carol.

(She is a musical mentor, master of my musical spirit as well as my mind and hands)

They live in a sacred space of beauty and the balance between space and land is PERFECT! One has to simply walk out their kitchen door and breath in the perfection of squirrels, birds, leaves turning into pallets of cosmic colors... (YOU CANNOT GO THERE UNLESS YOU BELONG TO THE CLUB OF BEAUTY AND LOVE!)

Carol is a pianist chef. She can cook food that makes any pianist's abilities reach beyond imagination. She also cares. That is the KEY to opening any door within the inner sanctum a person's sacred sanctuary of musical spirituality. She is the nurturing angel of musical creativity and she has the gift of releasing the magic of one's own music. WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN MUSICAL DNA. SHE CAN FIND IT AND ALLOWS IT TO OPEN IT'S WINGS.

After a wonderful performance class I was privileged to spend the night in her home... I am wake up by the sounds of her piano. Breakfast is from heaven... then WORK. I MEAN WORK... I do believe my playing has found it's freedom. We had a glorious lunch of Fennel and potato soup, breads, cheese and wine... then of to the train...

Because of a change in plans I met up with Seymour Berstein, my adored teacher for many years... WHAT A LESSON. We worked on Brhams. I learned so very many things about his scores... the Rach. Preludes I am working on... we went to a favorite Japanese Restaurant for dinner. His stories are priceless. He has known some amazing artists that are no longer wit us. Astoniting as it sounds SEYMOUR IS 83 and looks younger than me! He is one of the most intelligent people I have ever known and his piano is a palette most artists would cry for.

He and Carol met up on line this year! Two of my dearest and most loved musical friends. I cannot for a moment imagine life without either one of them.

Carol's book THE ANATOMY OF A NY RECITAL gave me the spark to possibly do such an amazing feat. Seymour's book WITH YOUR OWN TWO HANDS drove me to the moment. I saved money, I practiced my guts out, I cried, I laughed, I believed and most of all I DID IT. BECAUSE OF TWO PEOPLE'S WRITTEN WORDS and because when I wrote them simple works on paper they BELIEVED IN ME. Which made all the difference!

If there be anyone out there that has dreams there are angels that will take you there. My two musical angels are out there but I will never reveal where they are unless I KNOW YOU!

I return to Wyoming early in the morning. Like 7 AM. God that means I have to be up at some ungodly hour! WHO CARES??!!

Because of economy this is the first year I have not attended at Concert or Musical in NYC... My lessons were more important. The concerts with my teachers were the blessed gifts that NO money can buy ...

It's still a great world...

My time in New Orleans was an absolute pleasure. Great food, gorgeous Jazz and interesting, loving people. The city keeps rebuilding and at the same time maintaining it's vibrant energy. If anyone is going to New Orleans do spend time in the Sculpture Garden at the city park. I was amazed they do not charge admission. The place is magic. Two nights I sat in the show room of the Sonesta Hotel listening to music that only comes out of the heart and soul of men and woman that have found their voice and USE IT!

I am writing this from Penn Station in NYC. Waiting for my train to Long Island. I have loved this city since I was a little boy. I dreamed of the day I would be able to visit it. My first visit was when I was 17. Since then I have made at least 40 trips to Gotham City... Since 1968 to 2010 I've experienced the evolution of one of the most powerful cities on planet earth. It all has been for the best. Most of all I love the art galleries, theaters, concerts, music and I always discover some place I've never been before.

Yesterday I rented a practice room at Steinway Hall. The room had two gorgeous instruments. One was listed at $71,000.00 the other $52,000.00. I want them both. I played on the one, then moved to the other piano performing the same piece. There is one thing about Steinways, each piano has it's own sound... personality. From there I spent the day at a Museum I knew nothing about, The Museum of Art and Design on Columbus Circle. OMG, it is wonderful and the restaurant on the 9th floor is the perfect place for a scrumptious meal and the view of Central Park is amazing... all the fall colors.

After 4 hours in the museum I walked the park until darkness. The crest of the moon guiding me back to my hotel.
I am a blessed man beyond my wildest dreams... It is still a wonderful world.

DID IT

What a day!

Two years ago today, November 5th I was coming out of a major surgery... two surgeons worked on me. One removed 1/3 or my left kidney which had a cancerous tumor the size of a large lemon. I had a Pantaloon hernia repaired, some other body parts made right and probably the worst part of this ordeal: I was full of E Coli infection. By late afternoon I was out of the surgery and feeling bliss... however, morphine is not my drug of choice! DHhhhaaaa.

This afternoon I called my surgeon's office and left my words of gratitude and love with his nurse. She will tell him how happy I am. I am a different man than I was before the surgery. It has taken TIME to get to the place I am mentally, spiritually and physically.

As of today I am on you-tube. You can do a search on You-tube for Brenthoven, or Brent Johnston and some of my recorded music will be playing! I have been blessed with "STAR SEED" children and Wayne is one of those precious points of light. He did it.
We will be adding things I have composed and other recordings from past performances.

I will fly to New Orleans Sunday and spend some time with my precious sister TJ, then in to NYC. I am a strange man. I love NYC, and yet have to be isolated in small places like Alpine... Central Park is one of my favorite places on planet earth.

I am now pouring glass of my favorite wine and toasting the heavens tonight. So happy to be ALIVE and ENJOY the many things I am fortunate to enjoy.

Why Dancing under the gallows?

A precious friend in NY called yesterday. We were talking about aging and the effects this process was having on our parents as well as ourselves. How as our parents age we of course age, but the difficult moments of realizing our parents are not the people they were years ago when we were younger and mind you, WE ARE NOT THE SAME PEOPLE WE WERE YEARS AGO AS CHILDREN.

She suddenly said: "Is your computer on?" I said, "Of course." She said, I am hanging up the phone and sending you something on You Tube....... Minutes later I was watching a woman who was at one time a fine musician, who also survived the holocaust. Her energy touched me in such a way that it sent me into a different and beautiful place deep within my invisible self.

She said many things that I have often said myself... BEETHOVEN! GIVING UP HATE! The list is endless... When ever I feel I am struggling I must watch this video. I have been so fortunate to meet and know so many people in my life just like this precious angel. I am so pleased she was born in the month of NOVEMBER. SCORPIO!

Alice Dancing Under the Gallows - Official Trailer

Autumn in Alpine

Enfolded within the mountains...

Since shutting the doors of the restaurant I have been one hell of a busy man.

My father fell and broke his hip in September. He is recovering but it seems to be a very up and down drama of events.

Aging is not as wonderful as some would have us believe. I've made two trips to Utah since closing. I find it amazing how people live in that state! Sooooo many people, Soooooo many energies all over the place. I spent the past week helping my parents in the town I lived as a baby and into my late teens. I moved away from Utah so many times when I was in my 20s only to return? I was bouncing up and down in the seat of my pick up as I drove into the snowy mountains of the Wasatch Range. God, I stopped in Evanston Wy for coffee and kissed the ground!

Drove to Sage Jct. then into Cokeville. South-end pass could take one's breath away! I love where I live. At times I was the only person on the road. I sang along with my I Pod tunes and when the mood overtook my mind I would drive off the road into the sage brush and inhale the perfume of sagebrush, snowy clean air and freedom. I poured a cup of strong black coffee, climbed into the back of the truck and gazed at the robin egg blue sky... fluffy white clouds and the occasional deer, rabbit, and the slow hypnotic spiraling flight of hawks as they circled high above my head. I gazed out over the horizon knowing that I still had miles to go, but over the mountains I would nestle in the arms of mountains I love and call home.

My piano sounds like a symphony. I played for hours yesterday. I will fly to New Orleans on November 7, then into NYC on the 10th. Return to Wyoming on the 14th, finish closing the house and business, then back to Utah and on to New Zealand.

The Southern Alps of New Zealand are pure magic. My strength comes from mountains. They haunt me. I can't imagine life without hills and valleys. Snow capped peaks that reflect the sunrise and sunset in all it's celestial glory. Possibly why I feel so close to mountains is: My life has been full of high and low points... peaks and valleys. Never ever a flat surface. Thank God and the Universe.

THE CHILD IS THE FATHER OF THE MAN

Back when I was a little boy, in the Spring of 1952 there was this one afternoon I will never forget.
My mother had bathed my newly born baby sister in the kitchen sink, rubbed her body with Johnson & Johnson's baby oil and laid her in a small crib for her nap. New born babies sleep a lot. I had been outside walking through the pastures. The sky was the color of Tuscan Blue... high clouds and windy. The wash on the clothes line was flapping in the breeze and there was the scent of smoke in the air from farmers burning off weeds that grow along the banks and inside irrigation ditches.

As a little boy I treasured my "alone time" walking along fence posts, avoiding cow pies, thistle and sand burrs. My mother hated when I would come in with sand burrs stuck to my pants, socks and clay like mud from my laying inside sunken mud holes that water had created.

The wind literally lifted my six year old body to the back steps of our house. The back door opened into the kitchen.

This certain afternoon I have no idea where everyone had gone. I walked into the kitchen removing my coat and shoes. Our house always had comforting smells. Scrubbed floors, polished furniture, baking bread and at times the pungent scent of raw cow's milk. I walked into our living room.
We had mullioned windows with venetian blinds on the windows. My mother was always tipping the slats to create certain effects with the light. The carpet was a floral pattern as well as the wall paper.

I remember sitting in the middle of the room, the rays of light from the blinds casting beams of the most intense sparkling light. I laid on the carpet watching the dancing beams of energy... then into my head entered a voice. A voice that was not the sound of my child like voice... it was a different voice. Words that speak in the sound of THOUGHTS.

"You will never ever be like the rest. You are not like other boys or girls... you are NOT like anyone else..." I remember feeling not sad or concerned. I simply felt a sweet peace. I never for a moment felt or imagined I was not loved. I knew as a 6 year old boy that for the next 15 years of my life I would have to "join in"... "fall in line" with certain expectations and beliefs in order to survive.

I cannot explain what I was experiencing except that it was MAGIC. When you live in the middle of open spaces, fields of corn, tomatoes, potatoes, water melons and onions interspersed with cattle, pheasants, pigs, chickens, meadow larks and red robins, long cold winters and desert heat in the summers... it makes you see the world differently. You see magic!

Myself, I've been looking for magic my whole life. Still looking and will never stop! It's not an easy way to live. I have cried and laughed enough to fill volumes with reasons of why I love my quest for magic.

It's hard to leave parts of one's life. When I was 6 years old I never wanted to leave my life because it was as perfect as any child could ever dream of. Then school, church, and so many events would take all that away.



When my mother was pregnant with my first sister Sharon, I learned it took 9 months for a baby to develop to the point where it was able to be born. I did the math backwards from my birthday and figured I was a very special little boy because I started around February 14,1946, Valentine's day and was born 9 months later mid November.

My introduction to nature, food, music, and books were from the instant I was conceived. My parents and their families loved music and were able to sing, dance and play instruments. My mother was an avid reader and belonged to a book club where every month certain books would arrive in our mail box.

I envied people that could read. I begged my mother to teach me how to read.
She taught me how letters of the alphabet were the building blocks that created words! She would read me Fairy Tales and move her index finger under the words as she read out loud. She taught me how to hold a pencil. How to write my name.
Most of all she gave me a sacred respect and reverence for the written word. She told me that if a person could read they could do anything. I believe that is a truth beyond reproach to this very day.

Food was very sacred to my family. To enjoy good food one must summon all of his sensory trigger points into symphony. Touch, smell, sight, taste and the sounds of food cooking, it's presentation and eating together as a family or with friends was a blessing.

Being a little boy amid farms, animals and the four seasons I learned how life was created. Through rhythms, vibrations and Cycles. Most of all I learned the power of attraction. The power of negativity and positivity. To this very day I can step into a room of people and sense negative or passive vibrations. Electric currents that flow between human beings. We radiate our unspoken thoughts in the form of energy.

To the north of our house was a Fruit orchard. In front of the house was an irrigation ditch which all summer and part of the autumn carried running water to acres of farm land. Cattle lived in a huge paddock across the street and north of the calves and cows was a smelly silo pit full of rotting corn. Open spaces filled with alfalfa, stalks of corn, pungent fields of tomato plants, potatoes, sugar beets. From the time I was a little baby I was surrounded by the five sacred things of life: Air, Earth, Fire, Water and Spirit.

ll
LIGHT & SHADOW

Tables can be unique. They are one of the most important pieces of furniture within a home. We had a square wooden table near the east window in our kitchen. I often wonder where that table ended up.

Every meal was eaten around that table. My mother composed letters to her many sisters at that table. Once a month she wrote checks to pay bills as she sat at that table. After she had stuffed the envelopes I was allowed to lick the stamps.
When she would bake that table was the resting place for her cakes, cookies, breads as well as so many things besides food. I regard kitchen tables as alters where families and friends join together.

In the late 40's early 50's my father would sit after dinner at that table and Tool leather.
He held tools with his hands and gently tapped them against a pattern he had drawn on the surface of the leather. Leather releases a very sensuous scent.

I would sit and watch images blossom into acorns, pine cones, trees, all kinds of arabesques and even animals.

He never said much as I sat holding my chin in my hands watching hypnotically as he tapped away.

From observing his hands, I learned how SHADOW AND LIGHT play upon surfaces to create beauty. He referred to it as "highlights" and "shadows".

He made belts, vests and various pieces but the most beautiful thing was a loose leaf binder out of leather. I have no idea where that binder ever ended up, but he carried it with him for years.

He was very talented in the art of drawing. When I was 5 or 6 years old he showed me how to draw cartoon faces. People with huge noses, where upon you could draw warts, swollen lips and strange eyes. They were always PROFILES! He also showed me how to color with crayons.

SHADING was the key. He would draw on flannel pulled taunt over a board. My mother would use these in her Sunday School presentations. He'd draw a landscape upon which my mother would place cut outs depicting stories from the Bible. He used crayons to paint rocks, mountains, skies full of clouds and even oceans. I'd sit and watch him. He taught me how to draw clouds. The underneath part of a cloud must be darker than the top. Once more a lesson in shadow and light.

Pressure. One had to apply more energy against the surface of the paper in order to create a dark shade, less pressure to create a soft light color. I applied this lesson to the keys of the piano! More weight on a key created a loud, dark sound, a light touch gave forth a soft, delicate sound.

My mother dabbled in ceramics. She set up a card table in our living room and covered it with old news papers upon which she would place her figurines and paint them as she turned them in the light. The silken surfaces of the plaster would reflect light. One time she made these wall sconces that she placed Air Ferns in. She told me they literally lived on air! Maybe they did!

In the living room Mother kept an oval glass fish bowl on the radio/record player . The bowl had gold fish swimming inside it's clear waters. She fed those fish daily and fussed over the water, changing it every so many days as well as adding certain colored rocks and corrals to the bottom of the bowl.

I recall one day as she was feeding the fish they leaped from the bowl landing on the carpet. She screamed grabbing them and placing them back into the water. The fish lived as most things my mother ever touches seem to find a way to heal regardless of what ever is wrong and they go on living.

Once more a lesson. I would sit and gaze at that fish bowl as light filtered through the water and breathed light into the scales of the fish. The way the fish dove to the bottom of the glass orb and then swam to the surface of the crystal water leaving tiny bubbles that created motion in the water as well as shadow and light.

Years later I read that Debussy spent precious money of which he could not afford, on a Oriental print of Gold Fish. To this very day I always stop beside a stream or pond and look for fish. Stunned by the motion of crystal waters, light, darkness and the eternal song of silence that through music takes wings into the mystical dimension of melody and harmony.

My mother was forever moving furniture in the living room. (to save the carpet?) She'd get something placed and stand back... shake her head and then off we'd go again shoving and pushing. She was actually quite strong.

Once it was all re-arranged we'd sit on the sofa and she would smile a certain way if everything looked right and frown if she did not like it. Her eyes told her things I was only beginning to see. She was not aware of the fact she was teaching me lessons in BALANCE.

Weight and lightness within a room create a sense of well being. Mother taught me that if you place a large heavy piece of furniture at one end of the room you must balance it by putting something on the other end of the room that created evenness.

She taught me how in door plants reach for the light. She always placed plants near windows because they would be happy plants! I applied this technique in music and food presentation. I love plants. They are mirrors that reflect our inner most feelings. I always place live plants near windows and around my piano... VIBRATIONS.

When you plate food, you avoid making food appear FLAT. You associate color, hills and valleys and balance so that the plate is appealing to the eye as well as the palate.

The magic of LIGHT, SHADOW, TOUCH and MOTION then finding a BALANCE would have sacred meaning in my ability to create music and food.

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HEARING IS BELIEVING

My father milked cows every morning and every night. My little brother and I would stand in cow dung and watch our father's strong hands pull and squeeze hot white milk from cow's udders as the cows munched on green, pungent hay.

He would lift his rich baritone voice in song and the boards of the entire milking shed would vibrate with the sound of his voice. To think, his very voice is still alive in the atmosphere and inside many people's minds.

When I was a very little boy I remember hearing my father singing in fields far away. His voice raised in song was an omen, a symbol of safety and most of all he was happy.

When my mother and her sisters gathered together they would sing. They had a magical quality that only siblings have. Their vibratos matched. This is what made the Lennon Sisters so famous, the Osmonds, the King Sisters as well as many other singing families.

My mother's siblings could play bongos, shakers, spoons, banjos, guitars and ukuleles. I could not wait to go to my Grandpa and Grandma Keller's Parties because my uncles, and all of my aunts would kiss, hug and laugh. Good food, but most of all the music! The music was magic.

My Grandma Keller would sit at her piano and plunk out tunes, but when she would put a piano roll in and have us pump the pedals at the bottom of the piano with out feet! I was in heaven. Being children there were times we simply pumped too fast... running. She would stop anything she was doing and reprimand us. BALANCE! You pedal at a pace that makes the music beautiful!

From my mother's family I learned a very special phrase: " JUST PLAY IT BY EAR!"

I never doubted that I would not be able to play by ear! It was part of my inheritance. To this day when I audition a student that wishes to study with me the first thing I try to discover is if they can retain a MELODY within their mind and reproduce it on the keyboard minus a written score.

My parents purchased a Television when I was about 8 years old. I watched the Liberace show... the Bell Telephone Hour... I watched the Hit Parade... The Kate Smith Show, The Omnibus Play House, Jack Benny, Jackie Gleason with the June Taylor Dancers, The Loretta Young Show... All these black and white mono sound television shows taught me things I use to this very day when I make music.

The Hit Parade was long before American Bandstand. The Hit Parade released the top 10 songs on the CHARTS and they were performed with "sets". When Rose Mary Clooney came out with THIS OLD HOUSE... I remember watching the Hit Parade where a stage set of a very old house literally collapsed. As silly as the stage sets were by today's standards they made 'imprints' within my musical mind that to this day haunt me.

The Bell Telephone Hour showcased some of the greatest artists of the day. Ballet, Opera, Piano, Violin and Symphony. My piano teacher, Seymour Bernstein with whom I have studied longer than any teacher I ever had in my youth, appeared on the Kate Smith Show three times!

Loretta Young... I can still play (by ear) her theme song. Her show always presented a stage drama. She would come twirling through these French doors in a full gown... She featured so many great actresses and actors on her show. Ida Lappino, Burt Lancaster, Helen Hayes, Orson Wells the list is endless.

The catalyst that influenced me with the Televisions shows was: THE MUSIC. THE BACK GROUND MUSIC.
The way the music enhanced the unsay-able emotions and drama during any performance.

In later years I put this influence to great use. Background music enhances food! It balances the digestive system. It creates ambiance. Candle light would paint shadows and light... the very way a dinning room was arranged would balance the over all effect of music, food and create high lights. My mother and my father gave me the foundation upon which everything I have learned and will ever know about music, food and life evolved from.

I cannot forget the value of vibrations, color, sound, pain and yes, ever so many misunderstandings inside my life's adventure, but forever there has been a sacred jewel hidden amid all the tears and laughter: the value of love and above all else the blessing of forgiveness and unconditional love.

My mother and father to this day, in their 80's love me and the people I love without CONDITIONS. Mind you, there were years when I know they did judge me according to their beliefs in religion, politics and philosophy. Many of their beliefs I could not embrace... however, I learned one precious lesson and the words were spoken from my mother's mouth in the late 60's..."What a person believes and what a person loves are entirely two different things."



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MUSICAL

My piano lessons were a one on one learning experience. My father took me to a woman piano teacher when I was 11 years old Dorothy Code. She showed me how chords were created out of a 12 note scale. The scale being the alphabet and from those letters you created the Golden Mean. CHORDS. She taught me how the left hand notes and the the right hand created harmony and melody. She showed me how fingering worked. She taught me how to write my musical thoughts out on manuscript paper thus the creation of my own MUSIC!!!

She had a Parakette Bird in her house. The bird flew every where and scarred the hell out of me. I had the fear that it would bite my neck or fingers.

She taught me that clutter was not always a state of disorder. She kept a very messy house and claimed it was because of her low blood sugar!

She loved composing music. She had studied with one of the Mormon Tabernacle organist's DR. FRANK ASPER. I adored her until I discovered she actually hated so many local musicians. I then turned to James Pingree. He was very kind to me and introduced me to so many composers. He was a steppingstone into a new horizon and dimension I could NOT as a 13 year old boy imagine.

He introduced me me to Debbusy, Brahms., Bach, Chopin.... and most of all scales...arpeggios, octaves and how to play phrases.

I have never done well in class rooms. My musical education has been a "ONE ON ONE" learning experience. Therefore, I have sought out the most prestigious teachers in the world.

I learn from observation, demonstration which my eyes, ears, and emotions absorb like a sponge in water. My teachers have been celestial guides. (I learned years ago I have deslyxisa as well as a bit of Ausberger's disease) I have used those learning disabilities as gifts rather than curses.

My musical guides respected my individual talent as well as had the gift of drawing out as it were, my need to create my individual talent which over the years would touch the hearts and minds of many people.

One of those teacher was a woman named LOIS JOHNSTON MANNING. She knew where my heart, mind and hands were going.
She had walked down some paths I would eventually walk. She is one of my musical angels.

To this very day I carry a note from her. She gave it to me with a camera as I was leaving the train station in Ogden Utah. "I WILL BE THERE WHEN YOU NEED ME." She has been with me when I have needed a musical angel.

My father and mother have also been with me along my journey and my grandparents.

I can go on writing for ever about why and how I am the person I am today.

I am 63 years old. I have survived many things that no one except myself would understand. Possibly one day I will write a book about my entire life. My pets, the Great Salt Lake and Antelope Island. The Wasatch Mountain Range,Wyoming, New York City, New Zealand, Iceland and men landing on the moon.

My life in music has been the guiding light that has taken me every single place I was meant to go. Because of music I toured the world and shared my music with people from Asia to Europe. America and New Zealand. Because of music I have loved beyond most men's dreams. Because of music I have suffered beyond most men's capacity for pain.

When anyone asks me the question, "How did you learn to make music and to
cook?" I tell them that THE CHILD IS THE FATHER OF THE MAN... and they usually look at me with an even bigger question, like WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

I have loved poetry all of my life. Wm Wordsworth is one of my favorite poets.
In the movie "A River Runs Through" this poem is spoken as a duet.


INTIMATIONS OF IMMORTALITY from RECOLLECTIONS OF EARLY CHILDHOOD

The child is the father of the man;
and I could wish my days to be
Bound each to each by mutual piety...

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
Hath had elsewhere it's setting

And cometh from afar:
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home.

As Sarah Williams said: "I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of
the night..."

It's been a while since...

We closed the Nordic Inn on October 3, 2010. Had a great season. Fantastic weather, lots of wonderful people and most of all I was healthy, happy and DID IT! I look forward to writing my thoughts and the amazing feeling of actually being apart of something greater than myself... something that really is OUT THERE!

Right now, I am gorging myself on a brilliant INDIAN SUMMER. Frosty mornings with the moon and stars... first light kissing the mountain peaks and COLOR. OMG, COLOR... vibrations... music everywhere. I love the fall time.

Before I fly to New Orleans and NYC I will write about the events of this summer.

Work and mor work

At last I write a quick blog. Been back in Alpine since May 5th. Weather has been constant rain with the occasional sunshine.

Opened the Nordic Inn/Brenthoven's Restaurant May 28th. Things are going quite well. I ache in different places, but I am
cancer free at the moment!!!!!!!! What More Could Any Man Ask FOR???????

I will not be updating this blog for at least a few weeks. I do appreciate those of you that follow my blog and keep in touch with
me and my life's dramas.

One thing about the rain, it helps keep forest fires at bay during the hot months of July and August.
My piano sounds like heaven and the tulips are still in BLOOM.

Will write soon....