Walk a Mile In My Shoes...

Yesterday I was walking along the lake shore... took the 33 steps on a stair case built from logs and gravel that leed one from the shoreline into the Queenstown Gardens...  my lungs always let me know when I have hit the number 33!  It's called WALKING UP NOT DOWN! (I am very good at walking down... a fact I am going to hell!)

After I made it to the top of the rung... I stopped to catch my breath and to the right of the stairs is a very ordinary rock.  Beside the rock were two shoes!  I had to take a photo.  It was as if the person had COMBUSTED like some people do and all that remains are their shoes or clothing!

Suddenly out of NO WHERE... (my mind lives in no where a lot at times.)  a very old song from the '70's dashed through my brain!  "Walk a Mile In My Shoes" by Joe South.  The lyrics to the chorus go something like:  Walk a mile in my shoes... Just walk a mile in my shoes... Before you abuse, criticize and accuse... then take a walk in my shoes...

I like shoes.  I have every kind of shoe.  Hiking boots, Cowboy Boots, Chef Shoes, Walking Shoes, Dress up shoes... shoes to wear with tuxedo...  Athletic shoes... Flip Flops, Sandals... This year the shoe I love is:  a Niki RED WALKING SHOE.  I found them at Kohl's in Clinton, UT.  They are a joy to walk in...

My mother was forever into cleanliness... she washed anything that would fit into a washer machine.  When I was a kid she always washed out KEDS and hung them out on the line to dry.  Later years she washed my gym shoes and if weather was bad in the winter... she propped them up beside the heater and they were dry for the next day.  YEP!  I WASH MY RED NICKI'S!  They love being clean and my feet love having clean shoes.

I would not want to walk a mile in another person's shoes.  We all have our own shoes that are made for the miles and miles we must walk  in this lifetime.  One blessing is:  THE PEOPLE WE MEET ALONG THE MILE AFTER MILE of such a JOURNEY!  The people we meet, fall in love with and at times out of love with...  the people and pets along the path are worth wearing one's shoes to pieces.

I must keep my shoes clean!

cars 'n stars?

A few days ago I was on my daily walk about.  I was standing beside this white sign post when this really strange old FORD car pulled up in front of the SMOKE SHOP...  Four young guys jumped out and asked IF I would keep an eye on their car because it was parked in a NO PARKING SPACE!  Not really thinking I said, "of course but, you've left it running.  How in hell long are you gonna be gone?"  "AH MATE!  We are simply going into the head shop to buy STUFF!"  They did shut the doors because the inside of the car was full of all kinds of STUFF!  Emty water bottles, old emty sacks of McDonald's long ago eaten meals, pillows, sleeping gear... it was a mess.  MY MIND FROZE!  I lived in many cars like this years ago!

My first car was a 1955 Fairlane Ford.  Blue.  My Uncle Melvin's car.  It was in MINT CONDITION.
My brother helped me purchase it.  We had that car until I was 19.  Then the white VOLX WAGON BUG...  nice little car.  Great on the petrol and fun to drive...  I then bought a flash Buick!  I could not afford the payments.  I sold it.    From the Buick I found a perfect Robin Egg Blue Volx Wagon Bug.  The kid that owned it was leaving on a Mormon Mission... this little ROBIN became my santuary, my chapel, my bedroom, my means to all life sources.  I drove it from LA to TX many times... I loved this wee thing.  It loved me.   Then one night in a blizzard a drunken Indian hit me on 25th St. in Ogden Ut.
Bye Bye the pretty egg hatched into insurance money!

I simply could not replace that car!!!  I used the UTA to go anywhere I wanted plus many friends that had cars and I did use my thumb many times to get to and from places I had to be...  Finally I purchased my aunts white Chevy with a Vynal top...  I turned this car into a storage shed.
In the 70's I would disappear from family and friends for months then show up at my parent's home.  My sisters would dig into this cavern of hidden mysteries and CLEAN IT BEYOND IMAGINATION...  I loved this car.  I had bumper stickers all over it:  DON'T SHOOT THE PIANO PLAYER!  IF YOU THINK THIS CAR IS BAD YOU SHOULD SEE MY MOTHER'S.  QUESTION AUTHORITY!  MAKE LOVE NOT WAR!  HONK IF YOU FEEL HORNY...  OMG the things I attached to that car.  Then I found the sticker of all time:  BORN TO BE WILD!  

A friend of my mother's told her that the car looked like a transit Mexican Fruit Picker's car was parked in their drive way.  My mother was and still is very defensive of me but, she did ask IF possibly I could park it on the other side of their car port?

I finally purchased a Ford Pinto from my Brother.  The Golden Egg.  It was in mint condition when I bought it... the end of the first year???  I did have friends that kept it running.  I had that car when I moved to Alpine WY.  It was running on two cylinders... not very stable tires and a cracked windsheild.  I was THREATENED NOT TO TAKE IT TO WY!  One must realize during the 70's the lovely Chevy I had:  well, I was not allowed to park it at the Govenor's Mansion in SLC.  I was the Gov's Pianist.  The staff kindly asked me not to pull up to Velet Parking and present my keys... WTH?
Lucy Rampton, Govenor Ramptons wife would send a driver for me!  Hell, I wore a tuxedo, rather handsome young man INA UGLY CAR????

When I saw this painted Ford car I could only think of my past!  The words from a old Beatles song kept ringing through my head:  "Baby you can drive my car, YES I'm gonna be a STAR!, baby you can drive my car and maybe I'll LOVE YOU!"  Well only the moon and stars know about my love life inside and out of cars!!!

I have forever loved a certain line from a poem:  THE BEAUTY OF MEN NEVER DIES BUT DRIVES A BLUE CAR THROUGH THE STARS...

One thing I would have written differently on the back of the Ford's bumper Born To Offend:  BORN TO BE WILD!

Cars express a lot about who and what we are.  I now drive a Toyota Truck.  And No other car except my dad's old ford pickup.  It is a 6 cylinder... 24 years old no power steering... standard gears... neat.  It turned 31000 miles when I drove it up to WY last summer... AMAZING!  I am updating it with new tires, a totem in the back, new everything... he sits in my garage in Alpine longing to be driven to the market and post office.  I named it Ennis.  He is a strong little beast.  SO IS THE TOYOTA.

I kind of miss the years I lived in tents, sleeping bags, little propane cook stoves, styrofoam coolers full of ice and all kinds of drinks and meats... veggies...  inside the CARS!  Coats, clothing, toiletries... life was really not so bad then.

I was on a very intense journey.  A MAJOR LEARNING ADVENTURE.  I think I learned some of the lessons.  I spent many nights on the hoods or roofs of the cars I've talked about gazing at the stars and moon... Venus and Mars... I even witnessed a few other things in the heavens.   I NOW Thank HEAVEN for those cars!  In my old age I drive CLEAN SAFE CARS?  Well, sometimes.  Ask my kitchen help how many times I backed poor Ennis onto rocks and hit a few hidden trailers and trucks!  I think I must USE my FEET MORE!  LEGS?  EYES?  Cars 'n Stars.

A dream come true...

Michael's sister Karyn has been visiting with us for about three weeks.
She has forever been a GROUNDING FORCE in my musical world.  Yesterday we went to dinner at a restaurant I really like. The Water Front.  After a wonderful meal we walked to the NEW SOFETEL HOTEL...  She stood in this amazing lobby beside a grand piano.  "Would just play one tune?  Please?"  well, of course I would.

This piano is a Steinway & Sons Vintage 1875 grand.  Ivory KEYS!  This piano loves me!  I fell in love with it.  I have experienced pianos that actually hate me!!!  Laugh but, unless you are a pianist you would not understand what I mean...

Steinway's have a "personality".  Each and every Steinway is different...  just like people!  I have discovered over the years that all pianos "CHOOSE YOU!"  If you are a "sensitive" you will know if a piano loves or actually hates you.  Pianos are made out of such amazingly natural and sacred elements...  WOOD!  The frame and shape of a grand piano... metal, wool, the sounding boards are always the reflection of every composer...

Not many years ago we were looking for a car wash and drove by a piano shop.  Stopped... I could have had any piano I wanted.  Some were beyond my price range but, credit ratings help one to purchase such "black whales" of the deep seas and waters of music...  I played every piano in the shop and I could not stop going back to a KAWAI baby grand... this piano could whisper.  It could SING, it could clip clop, it could make liquid vibrations, dry sounds beyond imagination... Bartok, Prokoffieff... sparkle like stardust... Debussy, Beethoven, Schumann and a confussing sound that I associate with only Brahams...  Jazz was magic... it had everything I ever dreamed of a piano being able to give me and was half the price of the concert grand... I paid cash for it.  It sits by my bedside in WY.  It is an extension of my very being...  I bless my piano every autumn when I depart from her.  COLD DOES NOT HARM A PIANO!  HEAT IS LIKE OPENING THE JAWS OF HELL ON A PIANO.

Acoustic pianos only work with the "laying on of hands" and the vibrations we caress upon it's keys...  Piano are ultra sensitive... they long to be "TOUCHED"  "PLAYED"... if and just IF a pianist has the right "touch" a piano will respond like a LOVER.  It will reach out to you...

Today and last night I experienced such a glorious blessing.  My piano teachers in NY both have Steinway's...  the one I love is in Huntington NY on Long Island.  Carol Montparker owns a wonderful Steinway...  this piano thrills me.  I have performed Rachmaninoff, Debussy, Granados, Bach and Grieg at performance classes inside Carol's home on this gorgeous piano.  I always CHOOSE and only ONE PIANO when I am in her home.  She owns two Steinways...  The older piano loves me!  Years ago when I first played for Carol I chose this piano.  She warned me to NOT HAMMER THE KEYBOARD!  PLEASE DO NOT HURT THE PIANO!  I was a pretty well built man then and had about 15" arms...  How can you harm something that REACHES OUT TO YOU and WANTS AND DESIRES YOUR TOUCH???

The blog before this is about a young man that was pounding the hell out of a wonderful grand piano!
Read it.  I stopped him from destroying something delicate and yet stronger than anything in the universe.  Pianos paint STORMS, WINDS, LASHINGS OF LIGHTENING and POUNDING WATERS, one has to know how to 'touch" the keys... the greatest thing they express:  EMOTIONS.

When I talk about a piano and it's secrets I am speaking about:  the way a pedal will stick slightly if you press more toward the left or right.  How a certain key will DELAY or respond differently.  How it can caress and whisper to you without loosing it's voice.  The VOICE!  The language of GOD.  Music is the language angels use to communicate...

The piano at the Sofetel will be my new love affair for the next two months!

Every year one needs a WORD to get through the year... my word this year is SYNCHRONICITY...  last year it was two words:  acceptance and forgiveness...  I keep finding all kinds of mysteries unfolding before and around me.  Today when I was playing the Steinway a young Asian woman came up to me and said:  I love that piece of music.  I asked her: WHY?  Her eyes lifted toward the sky and she whispered something I did not understand.  I asked her again WHY?  She smiled and said:  You of all people should and do know!  I touched her hands and bowed.  She was right.  It holds the unexplainable emotions and life we cannot describe in words...  I hope I meet her again.

Meet me at the Sofetel some afternoon between 1 PM and 3 PM.  If your not there in person you are there in my thoughts...  magic is real.

Climb every mountain, forge every stream... follow every....

Today, Sunday the 2nd of Feb.  Up at 7:30 AM  drove to Mt.  Cook... about 3 hours from QT.  What a day...  I spent Xmas in 1990 at the Hemaitage Lodge at MT. COOK in 1990...  24-25 years later here I am still in love with this magestic lady of the mountains...  The highest mountain in all of NZ.  Always covered in SNOW....  some of the greatest mountain climbers on earth have trained on this mountain.  I was here when the back side of the glacier fell off... talk about globel warming... one must get off their asses and travel a bit... you will see it, IF and I MEAN JUST IF  YOU CANNOT SEE IT IN THE USA...

Loved my day.  Mountains haunt me and they have ghosts that haunt me...  I forever in my lifetimes have to be near mountains...  and the oceans, the energy is amazing.  Hope this photo comes up alright.    I took this photo at about 2 PM this afternoon... There are some orbs in this photo...  SHE IS A GORGEOUS POWER this mountain peak... I live near the TETONS... go figure?

Trip to Dunedin...

Finally took a road trip.  Four hour drive of wonderful sights.  Miles of open farm land, thousands of sheep, cattle and deer farms.  I did not see one rabbit along the highway.  Usually we knock off a few huge bunnies driving at 100 Kilometers that is about 65 MPH in USA.  I always jump when I hear that THUD, THUMP, something that goes BUMP under the car...  rabbits are a humongous problem in NZ.

When I was a very young boy I raised rabbits.  We kept them in Rabbit pens and my father would often dress one out for Sunday dinner.  England and Europe refer to rabbit as HARE.  I happen to quite enjoy a "saddle of Hare" in some fine restaurants.  I remember people saying:  "Hell, they breed like rabbits!"  Well, rabbits do breed rapidly!  Possibly the bunnies KNEW we were in route to Dunedin!  They alerted the entire world!  BEWARE.

Everything went fine.  Arrived at our Land Lady's home 'round 5 PM.  I had promised to make the dinner.  Karen is a serious vegetarian.  I made a great, and I will brag a delicious mushroom casserole, garden green salad, all kinds of cheeses, breads, new boiled potatoes, a mixed fruit salad and wines.
Coffee or tea after dinner.  Fun evening.  I slept like a rock.  Awoke feeling great.  Saturday we were going into the city.  I wanted to have a few hours all to myself.

Walked to Begg's Music Store.  They still have music stores in NZ.  I purchased my beloved Technics piano in Christchurch nearly 20 years ago!  IT STILL PLAYS PERFECTLY.  I have never had any repair or maintenance performed on it.
I would take it back to America but there is a problem:  this piano uses 220 NOT 110 Voltage...
When I walked in the front door of the shop there was a boy playing a piano I've never heard the brand, something out of a Korea?

This kid was not at all a talented, or else had been very spoilt and miss guided as how to touch a keyboard!  I walked over to him, lightly tapped him on the head, however I wanted to slap him across the head damn hard.  Well, the sales person behind the desk came around and asked me why I stopped the brat from pounding the piano to pieces?  Like, this boy had talent???  Call up Simon Crowl,  better yet, HELL HAS TALENT!

I did apologize and told the young boy he was not playing the piano, he was HURTING the piano.  I told him to move aside and I would SHOW HIM HOW TO TOUCH THE KEYS ON A PIANO.  I had not a clue what I was going to do.  He stood by his strange mother glaring at me.  I smiled, placed my two old hands over the keys sweeping them treble to bass without touching a key.  Both hands settled on a G sharp below Middle C then dropped to the lowest C sharp.  The Fantasise Impromptu by Chopin saved the day...  I played a "cut down" version of the piece for time's sake...

The boy's mother had tears in her eyes.  I told her I was sorry about the way I ATTACKED HER DAMN KID, she said:  "Forget it.  That piece was my father's favorite piece of music!"  My father tried to learn it and he did attempt to play it many times but never had the "gift".   She then said:  my father would have been probably your age when he died last year.  I rose from the bench, put my arms around her and simply held her for a brief moment in time.

She and her son exited the store and the salesperson was glaring at me:  "Thanks a hell of a lot sir.  I was hoping to sell that piano to those people.  Because of you I lost the sell..."
I will not write the language I used to express my contempt for this man!  HE GOT THE MESSAGE as I carefully put my back pack on my back, picked up my parcels.  Suddenly he had a set back or something occurred because he smiled and said:  "I thought you would help me sell the piano, your a YANK!  You live by Capitalisim!  BUY, BUY, CONSUME..."  I simply blessed him inside a place I keep very sacred and secretive within my heart then, to use a phrase I hate as well as the Actor that said it:  I WILL BE BACK!!!!!!!

From the music drama I walked to the Dunedin Art Gallery.  I LOVE THIS PLACE.  Free admission.
Main exhibition:  Gregory Crewdson.  "IN A LONELY PLACE"... I thought OMG, I hope I took my anti-depressant this morning but, just incase?  I AM JOKING.  THIS MAN'S PHOTOGRAPHY ART HAUNTS ME!!!
I spent two hours between a huge gallery of art the museum owns, classics, NZ famous painters, then the huge rooms with Gregory's enormous art.  Every piece has a story and that story ONLY SPEAKS TO THE PERSON LOOKING AT IT!  I was exhausted after leaving the gallery.

There is a wonderful cafe beside the gallery called THE NOVA.  I sipped a strong coffee, munched on a scone, then walked to my favorite old, very old USED BOOK STORE on the Octagon.  IT IS NO LONGER THERE!  GONE!  The old deaf man that owned it died.  It is now a dress/frock shop!

Used book stores are like comfort food to my soul.  They haunt me because of the smells, the thin as paper pages of some books that have passages underlined, notes in the margins, dates when they were given to someone...  I can spend lifetimes inside such santuarys.  

I have always had a dream that oneday I would have a used book shop and tea room, very small tea room in an old Victorian house with three floors.  I would name it : THE GYPSY MOON.  Once I even went so far as to design a floor plan for the books, used sheet music, old magazines, a reading room... then a very small room where one could have great wine, teas, coffees, read, eat and drink on very OLD VINTAGE CHINA.
Anyone that can remember when:  I did only use old used china in my restaurant in Alpine years ago.  I and my family spent hours shopping at the  Desert Industries, The Salvation Army, Thrift shops...

The climax of the day for me was:  WE ALL WENT TO THE RIALTO CINIMA.  The place is right out American 50 years ago.  The biggest damn screen you have ever seen.  The movie was "THE BOOK THIEF"  GO SEE THIS MOVIE.    IT IS FANTASTIC.  It touches every person alive from young to very old... it is history, it is magic, it is reality, and most of all it is a story of overcoming evil and hate.  The acting is beyond what I imagined.

Before I shut this blog down... see Philomena.  More to write later.

Limitations

As I evolve within my human space suit, my brain chemicals, my DNA/RNA  I realize I do have to accept certain "LIMITATIONS"  I am a 67 year old male.  If anyone had told me I would live this long in the 70's I would have knocked them sideways and laughed them into the next century.

I was a BULLET PROOF MAN until I turned 60 years old.  I could fall off cliffs, catch all kinds of diseases, cry, hurt and I came out with flying colors.  At 62 I developed a serious cancer.  My body could not fight E Coli, the list is endless!  For over 30 years I lived in GYMS.  I TRAINED PEOPLE!  I destroyed the triceps on my left arm.  I had a knee replacement, the list is endless... I never, ever dreamed I would require glasses...  the sun created problems with my skin...  I have survived many things and worst of all distress, the loss of people I love that have crossed over to the other side.

SOMETIMES THERE IS NOTHING WORSE IN ONE'S LIFE THAN THE SENSATION OF CRASHING INTO A LIMITATION!!!

Today was a breakthrough.  I have been working for ages on Claude Debussy's Reflects dans l'eau... Reflections in the water.  For some unknown reason I could not get the 2nd and 3rd pages into my hands...  (I can play passages at Allegro and Presto tempos IF I DESIRE!)  The universe blessed me with amazing hands... ALAS!  NO!  These two pages refused to make love to my hands.

TODAY IT HAPPENED!  I crossed over from a limitation to a revelation.  Finally, water, images, sunlight, moonlight, water Lilly's, air, sky it all came together!  Only a musician would understand this magic.

Do not be alarmed by the score when I post it.  (the two pages...)  16th notes, 32nd notes, passages with crossover hands...  it worked.  I nearly fell off my piano stool.

BTW:  sorry about the last blog.  I do not know what the angels wanted but they took away part of my blog about my painting... (probably because they had a better plan... possibly they thought: by damn play these passages of water and light the right way. Paint a picture in sound, leave the oils alone for a bit.)  No doubt the world is pleased I quit playing in oil paints as well!

Debussy composed one the most famous melodies on earth... Clair de lune... (moonlight).
Limitations are LEARNING CURVES as well as blessings!  I do not like the feeling of being limited.  I really don't.  I always think I can soar with the stars... race with the moon... BUT one must realize that we have to accept humility.  Limitations teach us HOW TO BECOME HUMBLE and GRATEFUL beyond our imagination.

The Joy of Your Own Two Hands...

Today the techie guy I  hired showed up to show me things with my new phone.  How to sync it into my Mac.  (He has three Macs and loves them)  After he left I decided to take a walk... not such a brilliant idea because it was colder than hell and the winds and rain were terrible.  I did not care!  I needed a walk.  Fresh air, Sky, Visions of beauty.  I braced myself for the elements.  All went well, but I was cold.

Arrived back at the house round 1 PM.  Made a lunch then went to work on my computer.  Ended up flat on my back reading a great book... a very short nap!

For the first time in ages I pulled out my oils and canvases... simply had to.  I have made it plain as day this year I am following my synchronicity.  That is my new word for 2014.  SYNCHRONICITY.

Years ago I did quite a bit of painting... not like real artists do, but my own thing.  You will see a picture of what I call my "Hippiedom of peace and love!"  It hangs on my studio wall.  Well, today I created something I call:  "A Garden in Motion"...  it is not finished however, it will grace a wall upstairs.

Amazing what your hands can do.  My Grandma Keller could take anything and make a beautiful piece of art out of it.  She made me a hanging light and it was a clump of glass grapes with a light bulb inside it that made everything seem like magic.  She could take tin cans, cut them into shapes and make gorgeous wall hangings.  She was a great seamstress...  I watched her cut patterns out of old newspapers to sew dresses from.  Her hands were quite amazing.  If I was not feeling well she would rub my fore head and neck with her hands and I seemed to feel so peaceful and the pain had gone somewhere.

When I pulled all this stuff out to paint this afternoon I thought: oh hell, all the tubes will be dried up and crusty.  NOT SO!  My hands moved gently and the muse guided thePartita...  my hands needed a new movement.  Color and motion.  Some days they lead me into making bread... other times touching the earth and tending to my plants.  My hands have forever had a mind of their own.  They are two of my best friends.

strokes.  I forgave myself for not practicing piano today...  I am working on one hell of a difficult passage on the piano for me as I am learning a Bach

Blowin' in the wind...

I try to walk 2 possibly 3 or more miles every day.  All my life I have used the gift of "WALKING" to clear my emotions, cleanse my brain of confusing issues as well as walking has helped my physical body to keep "moving".  That tired saying:  USE IT OR LOOSE IT!   Well, walking like I do I could loose it by being hit by a bus!  tripping over my own feet, or better yet simply falling into a deep hole and never climbing out.

I have hiked all over the world.  Places where some people would never place their feet.
In my youth I did do some very insane hikes... but thanks to the "INVISIBLE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE OF ANGELS" I did not fall in to many dark holes!  I do have a propensity to stumble.  I don't always "WATCH" where my feet are going therefore I trip over my feet and I do not go down gently.

I CRASH.  Yes, screams, blood, limping... DRAMA.  I have to have audiences.  People running to help me.  "OMG!  are your teeth okay?  did you hurt your knees?  (yes)  OH you have blood running down your arm! (no shit)  Can we drive you someplace? (NO!)  People are good to me.

Today I struck out on my walk early.  The wind was blowing at a gusty tempo.  I secured my cap because I love my caps.  They are old... but each one has a meaning and the wind damn near lifted my "Bank of Alpine" cap off into the universe!
Walking into the wind is like walking against water.  Makes one strong.  My lungs were panting for a more gentle way to suck up oxygen.  My lips were dry as toast.  Eyes were in flames and I was not feeling so good.  I made it down to the QT Gardens, but once there I found a bench and yep, just like old people do I PLANTED MY BOTTOM and did not move.

Finally the winds abated.  I used my rescue puffer!  stood up and put one foot in front of the other with out looking down where my feet were going...  (not a wonder I cannot to this day dance!  I watch dancing with the stars and think possibly I could learn where my feet should go?
NO, my hands and fingers can fly over the key board like magic and I never look at them... I seem to have the same habit with my feet BUT I forget they are poor little lambs that have lost their way.)
I start down the path and by damn I trip!  Sliding on my arse I finally come to a stop.
There had to be at least 10 Asians walking UP the path.
They stopped and helped me get up... talking in a language I do not understand.  One older lady pointed her finger at me and rattled off something in Chinese.  I nodded and said YES!  She smiled and said, "YES!"

I made it into the center.  The sun was high and lots of things were happening at the fair.  All kinds of art, preserves for sale, woven scarfs, jewelery, clay pipes, and MASSAGES.

I am posting the photos.  There were massage tables set up in the Greenspan.  Girls and Guys were massaging people... you can see the sheets blowing in the wind.  My first thought was:  Hell, pay the price and get your back massaged and centered.  Then I thought NOT.

I have been with the same woman who performs the "LAYING ON OF HANDS" for years.  Sonja will erase my aches and pains from the fall...  I believe in the power of TOUCH.
HUGS.  EMBRACES.  PHYSICAL TOUCH LIKE HAND SHAKES, CUDDLES and HEADS TOUCHING.  We all share something very invisible.  It is called AIR.  OXYGEN.  You can't see it but every thing is breathing this element in and out and sharing it!  (BTW, I have a marvelous masseuse in Alpine... she is amazing.)

After my trip to the grocery and wine shop I started home.
A young man was standing on the sidewalk.  He had no shirt on, a back pack and a day pack and a bed roll strapped to his back.  His shoulders had to be screaming for relief.  I suppose he "felt" my vibes looking at him because he turned toward me and in a very Scandinavian accent said:  " Can you tell me where the bus station is?"

I said,
"There is no bus station.  There is a bus stop where they collect you and take you places..."  He had the most gorgeous smile you have ever seen.  (It has to be the milk, cheese and eggs in Sweden, Norway, makes these genes so damn perfect.)

He asked, "Where is the thing you call STOP?"  "Follow me, we are a block away."
He hoisted his pack and we walked side by side to the stand.  I told him that I used to carry a load on my back like he was packing and could not ever wait till I found a place to drop some of the needed stuff in a safe place and start carrying my day pack.  He agreed.

The tops of his shoulders were somewhat bruised.  He asked me how to avoid that and the rubbing against the straps that can cause one to bleed.  I told him.
(I LEARNED THE HARD WAY YEARS AGO!  I ALSO LEARNED IT WITH BLISTERED FEET IN EXPENSIVE HIKING BOOTS.)   YOU MUST USE REAL LAMB'S WOOL.  NOTHING FAKE OR SYNTHETIC.  IT HAS TO BE LAMB'S WOOL.  TUCK IT UNDER THE STAPES OR VELCRO IT AND YOU WILL NOT SUFFER.  Yes your back and shoulders will ache, but that is the TENSION not the skin rubbing away!

He tried to thank me in a broken language but I got the message and the most amazing thing he was carring was a guitar.  It was a 12 string.  Very Vintage. (what is with the young people finding all these instruments from the 60's?  REINCARNATION?)

I told him I was a musician.  I have wandered all over the world making music.  I play keyboard.  PIANO.  They are not easy to carry.  He laughed and said,  "I will tell my mother when I text her.  She wanted me to be a pianist!  I will tell her the instrument is to heavy to carry on my back!"  I told him not to say that.  The piano is a voice like no other instrument it just is a bit more complex than a dulcimer, violin, flute, clarinet....  He thanked me and lined up for the next bus.  He was heading for Wanaka.  (no doubt thinking it was a cheaper place to stay than QT)  It used to be a heavenly place but today it is flash restaurants, bars and discos...  A gorgeous lake and mountains, but not very INEXPENSIVE.

My blessing of Synchronicity seems to take me into all kinds of places.  If, I had not fallen the timing would have been off so that I would not have met this young man and guide him to the bus.

If I had not tripped the Chinese people would not have helped me learn a new realm of kindness and I may have missed the massage tables at the fair.    Keep tuned in.

An event that reminded me of my past...

There is a house below our place called the "Marianna".  It is a very old Kiwi style house.  Built probably in the late 60's.  It is owned by a family in Invercargill.  Over the years many people have used the house for summer holidays, skiing and get aways.  I remember when one couple always arrived for Xmas and they had two little girls.  Those girls have since become full grown powerful young women.  They use the house as a "PARTY HOUSE".

The past two years the girls have stayed in the house with lots of friends and enjoyed the property to the max during the Christmas Holidays.  This year I counted 14 young people.  They were between the ages of 19 - 24.  They also must have great access to lots of money or their parents credit cards.

They arrived in three cars.  Trunks loaded with suit cases, coolers full of food and buckets of booze and beer.  They moved in and began the party scene.  They were great.  Kept the music at a level that did not offend even though the verbal crap from their mouths was a bit harsh.  Who cares, they are young and full of hormones, not too many brains and most of wanted to get wasted.

The first night they drank from from 4:00 PM until 11:00 PM then called cabs.  Headed to the pubs down town.  Around 3:00 AM the taxis delivered them back to the house.  OMG... the conversations were most interesting.  I had crawled into my bed 'round 11 PM when they left the house.  I awoke when they came home only for a wee bit and then drifted back into slumber land.
I awoke at 6 AM.  Walked up stairs, hit the start button on the coffee maker.
First thing in the mornings I look out the big windows and take in the scenery of mountain, water and sky as the sun rises.
I noticed a body curled up on the side walk outside the Marianna house.  A young man apparently passed out and a couple of "to-go" plastic cups beside his head.  It was raining and rather cold.  My first thought was: OMG he is dead.  Well he was dead drunk.  I thought to myself  I could possibly make him a big mug of strong coffee and walk it down to him.  Then my power of reasoning kicked in and I thought NOT.

Minutes later he roused from the sidewalk and as he stood he staggered sideways, in circles and fell on the cement.  He then bumbled his way to the door of the house.  Knocking and pounding.  NO ONE WAS WAKE and I honestly think they had had a guts full of him.  He curled up on the bench on the outside porch.  He later awoke and begin calling on his cell phone.  Someone answered because he took off on a run down the street...

I was haunted by an event that occurred in my early 20's when I was living in Ogden Utah.  It was the holidays and I decided to walk from my house to the PLAYERS LOUNGE on Washington Blvd.
I drank a fifth of vodka and became extremely DRUNK.  I began walking back to my place in a white out blizzard... snow and so cold.  My feet were frozen.  I made it to my door only to discover I had lost the key!  SHIT!  I AM LOCKED OUT!!!
I staggered up the steps to my land lady's front door.  I knocked.  NO ANSWER!  She was sound asleep in her bedroom at the back of the house.  Snow was at least a foot deep.  I finally laid on the porch and slept in snow!  Finally about 7 AM I heard her in the house.  I knocked and she opened the door in her bath robe and a look of shock and awe on her face.  "What in hell are you doing Brent?"
I told her my story.  She told me to get my butt inside and she took my wet clothes replaced them with warm pajamas and then told me to lay on the sofa but NOT TO FALL ASLEEP.  She started bustling around singing.  She always sang old songs from the 30's...

Mabel had lived in San Fransisco when she was 15 until her mid 20's.  She could play any damn thing on a piano and could not read a note of music.  She knew all about DRINK.  She had some God Awful cures for hang overs and I KNEW IT.  "Now all you need honey is a big class of tomato juice, lots of Tabasco and a raw egg."  Oh, God, I shivered... "NO, Please, I will puke my guts out."  "That is the idea love."  "Can I have anything besides the acidic tomato juice?"  "Yes, black coffee and three Bufferine."  Bufferine was an aspirin with something that kept your stomach from bleeding... I drank the coffee, took the pills and snuggled into a pile of blankets and pillows.  Just as I was dozing off she came back with a little brown bottle and a spoon.  "Open up silly boy... swallow this and you'll be good as gold."  I thought to myself... what in hell can it be?  It tasted like liquorice... something I had tasted when I was sick as a child.  It was good old PAREGORIC!

Hours later I awoke wide awake feeling great!  "Thank you Mabel... what would I have done without you?  I promise I will never, ever do this again."  (I am famous for making deals with GOD!  like, God, if you get me through this one I promise I will be a good boy and never be bad again...)
I had a gig to play at the Elks Lodge that night.  GOOD MONEY.

I showered, shaved dressed and actually, yes, I walked to the Elks Lodge in the snow and played my 4 hours.  I also started drinking the damn Vodka...  ANGELS and possibly GOD guided me home via the help of friends.  I had a great time and once more forgot my deals with GOD.

I could not judge the young man on the sidewalk to harshly... I had been in his place at times!  ONE THING I DID HAVE:  I WAS LOVED AND PROTECTED.

Christmas 2013 Queenstown, New Zealand

Who would have ever imagined how many Xmas and New Year Celebrations we have enjoyed in this wonderful place on the planet earth!!!

1990 we celebrated Xmas at the Hermitage Lodge at Mount Cook.  There was SNOW and it was cold.  The Christmas tree was a REAL PINE TREE.  Instead of lights it was decorated with colorful balloons!  The Christmas Fairies passed out Lolly's and we sang carols.  Karyn and Michael had packed a small artificial tree and decorations inside a suit case so we could have a tree inside our room!   Talk about innocent, simple magic.  We had a Christmas I will forever remember.

Now, all these years later we still put up a tree, decorate the house, invite friends in for food and laughter.  Watch the Christmas Gala for the Royal Family in England, then a movie.  This year Channel One broadcast a wonderful film:  Bucket List.  Last year it was the original Sound of Music.  Year before that was Willy Wonkers and the Chocolate Factory... every year they choose a good flick.

I hope these photos down load properly.  First one will be my snacks before dinner.  Second the Nativity we have arranged on a beautiful wooden table.  Third one of my favorite decorations in the world.  SHE IS MY MUSICAL ANGEL!  If I could I would take her every where I wander.  Fourth the dining room table and last of all my perfect home made bread I had just taken out of the oven for the meal.  Dinner was baked ham with a pineapple glaze, new boiled baby potatoes from the garden topped with real butter and fresh parsley a carrot raisin salad, then a gorgeous garden green salad all natural items from our land lady's garden... and my warm bread with lashings of sweet butter and cherry jam.
We topped it off with a very KIWI TRADITIONAL DESSERT.  Pavlova.  Real whipped cream and mountains of fresh raspberries!

We did miss having some friends with us that have crossed over, but they were here in spirit.  Best gift: we are able to enjoy and even find excitement at this time of year.  NO GIFTS WERE EXCHANGED THIS YEAR!  I LOVED IT.  NO STRESS, NO CONCERNS ABOUT WHAT IF THEY WON'T LIKE THIS?  Alas!  a card and money always save the day!

Magic the way we keep in touch.

24 years ago we were introduced to "calling cards" in NZ.  I had never heard of such a thing in the USA.
 In the yearly 90's you simply walked into a convenience store any where in NZ and purchased a card that resembled a Credit Card.  You could buy anywhere from $10.00 to $100.00 worth of minutes to call internationally or locally or within the country.  Walk to a pay phone on the street, insert the card and you were connected...  We thought it was STATE OF THE ARTS TECHNOLOGY!

Years later E mail became my means of contacting people within minutes...  I stopped sending cards, letters except for certain important documents via NZ POSTAL SERVICE...  then the cell phone!  I wish and I should have kept my first cell Vodafone.  A young man at Vodafone a few years ago when I decided to buy a "clam shell type new phone"  said, "OMG!  I want this!"  I told him he could have it.  It worked beautifully but did not have a camera or any of the other bells and whistles that come with phones today.  I had dropped this phone in rivers!  on the sidewalks, left it for days and nights inside my backpack and the damn thing NEVER EVER FELL APART!

Every year at Xmas and my Birthday I purchase a gift or maybe at times more things than what I usually would give myself and then I say:  this is from Mabel, Frederic, Larry, Bobby, Grandma, Aunt so and so... the list is endless.  (these are people I have been deeply involved with years ago who have crossed over to the other side! plus there a million more people I can blame for my purchases.)

TODAY:  NEW CELL PHONE.  It has all those gadgets, and other stuff.  I am quite impressed with it.
I am posting a photo of the ancient land line telephone we use here at the house.  (very up market for the time.)  Then my NEW PHONE:  A Sam sung GT-S6810P  and beside it my Vodafone I have used for the past three years aVodafone LG.

By late this evening I will have the NEW MAGICAL PHONE CHARGED and I inserted my old SIM card so as not to loose numbers and information.  I put the new SIM card into the old Vodafone and it has a new number.  I will give that to Michael  so that when I am away from the property I can call him or he can call me...

My old NZ MOBILE NUMBER IS IN THE NEW PHONE SO THOSE OF YOU THAT CALL ME DO NOT HAVE TO WORRY... I WILL ANSWER and you do not have to enter a new number.  (I do not always answer... but leave a message...)

Rained like hell last night on and off today.  COLD.  The plants are thriving... It is 7:30 PM NZT therefore I am pouring a red and then I will prepare a meal.  THEN possibly read, write or watch a movie.  I still watch DVD'S.  I purchased 8 from Amazon before leaving the states so  I simply insert the disc into my MacBook and it's kinda like being at the movies except I can look and dress the way I am at the moment and munch on anything my tummy desires.

Amazing day...

This morning I walked to my eye man.  He remade my piano/computer glasses from last year.  I lost the glasses in the spring when I was performing in Thayne.  After leaving his office I collected a prescription from the Chinese Pharmacy (I call it) my anti acid stomach pills.  90 pills for 4 NZD.  I wanted lunch.  I had my mind made up I would go to KFC.  (I know bad, but yummy and at my age who really cares!)  The force moved me another direction.

I walked toward a restaurant I know very well the Water Front.  As I walked around the bend onto the main path to the restaurant there was a young man who had his legs crossed  setting out crystals and necklaces on a sarong exacting like the one I have had for years!  I stopped and gazed at his wares.  THEY WERE TOP QUALITY.  We talked, I asked, he gave answers and I purchased a gorgeous and most powerful crystal and believe this OUT OF CHINA!  It is a herkimer meaning both ends of the stone are terminators.  It was wound in gorgeous silver wire...  the young man is from England.  He's spending the summer, autumn and winter in NZ.  He is very special cosmic child.

From the purchase I walked to the Water Front Restaurant.  (I have been so upset that my Salerno Vino has gone!)  Everything changes.  (most of all me)  Last year the chef at the Water Front was from Brazil.  He did a fantastic rump steak, salad, fries lunch for $15.00.

The young man that waited on me gave me a table over looking the wharf.  I asked him:  "Do I want the fish of the day or the Steak?"  He went into detail about the steak.  I told him I have had it many times.  The waiter was impeccable.  He constantly hoovered over me.  The steak was like heaven.  It and my entire lunch was something beyond my imagination.  A mushroom and beef reduction on the steak.
The salad was perfect and the CHIPS or FRIES as we call them in America were crisp and not over or under cooked.  I could only think of a passage of words April sent me a short time ago when her family were in a restaurant in Amsterdam.
"THE KITCHEN IS OUR SHRINE, THE COOK OUR PRIEST, THE TABLE OUR ALTER AND THE BELLY OUR GOD!"

I made it home with my magic stone around my neck, my strange Tee Shirts and new glasses.  Michael is tiling the new kitchen.  The plants are growning like monsters and I love it.  Did not make music today but will tomorrow.  No man loves his holiday more than me.  NO TIME LIMITS, NO RULES, I SLEEP WHEN I WANT I WALK WHEN I WANT I DREAM WHEN I WANT AND MOST OF ALL I AM GRATEFUL BEYOND IMAGINATION FOR THE WAY MY LIFE TURNED OUT BECAUSE YEARS AGO MY KARMA COULD HAVE GONE DOWN INTO A VERY DARK HOLE!  FAR BEYOND A WORM HOLE OR RABBIT HOLE...

Photo 1. my plant in my studio window.  Photo 2. My crystals.  Possibly you will see the Phantom Crystal.  Photo 3. Crystals on my sacred table.  Notice the Geode.
Photo 4. My new Necklace.
Photo 5. Window view from my table during lunch.
Photo 6. My plate at the Water Front.

Synchroicity

I came to New Zealand 24 years ago!  

(I have people I treasure as if they were my own children and one is 24, one is 23 one is 45...)  They were babies when I first touched the ground of South Island.

They have had to HEAR so many STORIES about my adventures in New Zealand.  I know many people think WHY NZ.  I believe the universe literally "takes you" where you are supposed to be.  You may decide you want to be a certain place but once you arrive at that place situations may lift you into an entire different place from from where you dreamed of being.

Most of it has to do with my HUNCHES... my INSTINCTS... some unseen force that drives me toward the lesson I must learn.  Well, this year I made a promise to myself that I would allow Synchronicity to be my guide.  Bits of this journal will be about my following my instincts and what I discover along the way.

I hope to post a photo of me standing beside my studio door.  I have a flower vase attached to the window of the front door.  Inside the vase I put fresh flowers because it makes the door appear so inviting as well as the perfume from certain flowers is like magic.  (There is a reason for this photo)

Yesterday I walked around the village.  I took random photos of places and people.  I had a "feeling" I should step into a certain shop I frequent  and sure enough it was a perfect move in the right direction!  Found a kit that helps one make cheese!  (I love cheese)  also found a kit that can help a person make their own home made wine!)  I also found some special gifts for a couple of precious friends.  I left the shop feeling a sense of being alive and happy.

No plan in mind I walked out to St. Omar Park.  Great gusts of wind were flying off the waters of the lake and it was chilly.  I kept walking and finally thought, sit your butt down and rest.  I had made a ham sandwich which was inside my backpack.  For some reason I  plunked my  ass on a bench beside a wonderful grill type thing built on cinder blocks.  I thought nice.  I could bring some propane and cook myself a hot meal on this grill one day.  As I was gazing at the water and mountains two young men walked up and asked me if I was using the "barbie"  meaning the bar B Q, grill, flat top...  I smiled and said, "I'd like to but, I'm having a ham sandwich, you guys go ahead and use it however, may I sit on this bench for a few more minutes.  They grinned from ear to ear and said:  " Yo MAN!  You just make Ur self at home and don't mind us a bit!"

Both guys had to be early 20's.  I so remember when I spent most of my life OUT DOORS CAMPING and COOKING OUT DOORS when I was in my 20's.  One young man was very thin with long blond hair.  Bare feet, shorts and hoodie.  His companion, (Who became the main cook) was dark with short hair in ripped pants, torn Tee Shirt and bare feet.)  These two worked together like a team out of a top kitchen.  They had the grill heating after many attempts against the gusts of harsh wind.  These guys had an old beaten up pickup truck.  The blond walked over to the truck and carried over a cardboard box full of ITEMS.  He sat it on the table beside me.  The box contained:  Beef Mince, which is hamburger to us in America.  Red Onions, a garlic bulb, loaf of White Bread, Tomato Sauce (Katsup)  red tomatoes, cucumbers, radishes, lettuce greens, it even had a bottle of white flour, one bottle of white sugar, one of salt, pepper... butter and get this:  BELL TEA BAGS!  A pan to boil water in and spoons, towels the WORKS!  JUST LIKE I USED TO TRAVEL WITH!

The winds settled down and the dark haired guy made mince patties, the blonde guy chopped red onions.  The Blond cut tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce and put it all into a plastic bowel.  Dripped Balsamic Vinegar over it and tossed it together.  Dark boy had 6 patties on that grill.  They smelled divine.  (I love the perfume of onions and chopped beef frying...)  

By this time I had finished my sandwich.  BOTH GUYS turned to me and asked:  "Ya gonna join us mate? 'cause if ya don't ya have no idea what Ur miss in.)  I said, " Well, yes if you have enough."  The dark head guy said: "We can't afford the eats around this place.  We are headin up to Paradise and Glenorchy... (TWO PLACES I LOVE)  ya wanna go with?"  OMG that is one time I thought to myself  yes I'd love to, but...)  

The meal they created was gourmet.  Grilled hamburger on white bread with Katsup, grilled onions, a salad to die for and even wine.  YES THEY HAD SHITTY CHEAP WINE!  

We talked about my many years coming to QT and how it was different in 1990 but some things have remained the same.  They said they would never come to America because we SHOOT PEOPLE WITH GUNS!  Their stories are worthy of a separate blog.   

After the meal they lite up a joint and cleaned up.  I told them to keep in touch and please enjoy every thing in Paradise.  (Paradise is where many movies are made. Long drive up the canyon.  The road was gravel when I came here.)

Synchronicity led me back into town and I figured I had best get a taxi home.  I did not go to the taxi stand.  For some reason I walked to the side of the Post Office.  There was a GREEN TAXI.  I tapped on the window inquiring if the lady inside was OPEN.  She smiled and said YES.  Where you going?

She was a joy.  Probably 40's but such a great smile.  Told her my address:  11 Panorama Place.  She did not know exactly where the address was so I guided her.  She stared telling me how she graduated with a degree in journalism and wanted to go to Europe.  (these are her very words and OMG I have used this description about myself when I was in my 20's trying to become a musician in Hollywood.)

"Ah!  I was not pretty enough, I was NOT BLOND enough"  I honestly said these words years ago over and over... She then told me that she had applied to be a Nanny and guess what?  she was able to travel all around Europe!"  She dropped me outside my house and I paid her plus gave her a small tip.  She grinned and said:  "You are a very fit man.  How old are you?"  I said old enough to be your father.  She said she never, ever knew her father!

 She gave me a pink rose!  I have it in my vase on the door.  I told her to spend the 3 dollars I gave her as a tip on a coffee or ice cream.  Well, today I am walking past the taxi stand and she is sitting in her green cab eating a gorgeous ice cream!

Follow your heart.  It works.

My Walk about

There is a small head stone in the QT park which haunts me.  Jazabella.  She loved Jazz and was very gifted dancer... as well as a free spirit.  I always place rocks, flowers things on her grave.

Falcon Scott was one of the great adventures of all time.  He sailed to Antarctica years ago and became a National Hero.  I love these words which are engraved on the monument honoring his life.

The pond in QT park.  Full of Lilly pads and ducks.  Lots of foi gra around the place!

Friends are best possible thing one can ever have..

Today we drove out to Alexandra to have lunch with a woman I have known for years.  She was my trainer here in NZ for years.  Karina is a powerful women.  Her partner Jimmy is an angel.  They moved from CH CH a year and a half ago to Alex.  They have a wee pet.  Charlie.  God he is priceless as well as being an amazing well behaved boy.  Jack Russell is his biological title, but he is more human than you can imagine.

The drive to Alex takes an hour.  We enjoyed the mountains, winery's, sky, the mighty rivers and most of all just TALKING.  When we arrived at Karina's and Jimmy's home I was gobsmacked at the gardens!  Gorgeous green lawns, bright roses, and all kinds of pots with herbs, veggies as well as cactus plants and "chickens and hen's" planted in rock walls.

We visited about everything possible then Jimmy prepared lunch!  The man can cook!!!  He made a gorgeous salad with herbs from their garden.  Broiled a perfect salmon.  The salmon melted in your mouth.  Fresh steamed carrots and lots of wine!

Karina had taken care of my plants during the past NZ winter.  They are healthy, happy and most of all BALANCED.  Plants are radar.  They will react to your every emotion.  (Especially Herbs).  I have witnessed a plant nearly die in the presence of a very negative and bad vibration which radiated from a person I thought was a perfect, talented, gifted human being...

I later discovered my estimation of the person was completely in error beyond words.  I planted a simple house plant in the garden window in the kitchen of my restaurant.  The plant became a giant.  I played music quietly for it every morning.  I sat beside it every night before going home... (drinking wine... not so good?)  The living energy of the plant was happy beyond words.  Well go figure!
I avoid anything negative around food.  No one should cook when in a hateful anger emotion.  It can taint food and every living thing within any life form that receives vibrations!

NOW the GREAT GIFT FROM JIMMY!  A gorgeous jar of marinated lemons!  OMG.  They are priceless.  Will post photos of the jar later.  You simply take a lemon out of the jar and tenderly with loving fingers and a very sharp knife slice a sliver from the rind.  The essence of the lemon is divine.
I have woven these strands together and they make a garnie on the top of any fish dish appear as if it were plated by the gods of food!
I have used the lemons from such an infusion on canned tuna fish.  Laugh it works!

Karina gave me a SUNFLOWER she had started from a seed.  I will plant it in the garden.  Over 20 years ago Michael's father helped me harvest sunflower seeds from plants I had planted in my herb garden.

Today was worth the trip to NZ!  Sweet dreams.

ENTRANCES AND EXITS...

The famous Bard... he answered many of life's questions within his poetry and understanding of the human element summed what our lives's really are.  He wrote some amazing plays.  I studied them at University years ago.  "As You Like It"  is a marvel.  From this play comes one of his most used phrases.

"ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE, AND ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN MERELY PLAYERS.  (ACTORS)  THEY HAVE THEIR EXITS AND THEIR ENTRANCES; AND ONE MAN IN HIS TIME PLAYS MANY P0ARTS, HIS "ACTS" BEING IN SEVEN AGES..."

I did learn about the 7 ages when I studied Shakespeare under Leland Monson at   Weber State University years ago.  They are:  INFANT, SCHOOL BOY, LOVER, SOLDIER, JUSTICE, OLD MAN, DEATH.  These are the 7 acts we perform in our lifetime on this planet.  I simplified the 7 acts to fit into my own  mind.  1. INFANCY 2. CHILDHOOD 3. ADOLESCENT 4. YOUNG ADULT 5. MIDDLE AGE 6. OLD AGE 7 DEATH...

I suppose my being 67 years old I am in the the 6th act going into the last act.

I know beyond imagination the year 2012 was a serious year because for the first time in 26,000 years our solar system aligned directly with the center of our galaxy.  The distance between our planet and the center of the Galaxy is app. 26,000 light years.  The average life span of the human body is 26,000 days.  the year 2012 was a wonderful year for me.  I overcame so many spiritual hang ups as well as other mental things such as silly dogmas I had implanted into my brain since childhood.

Last January I suffered a horrible depression.  One beyond words.  I had gone off my wellbuterin...  This is a wonder drug if you ever have feelings of suicide and helplessness beyond imagination.  I walked, I talked, I made music, I cried, I died... I admitted I had a diffiencity of dopamine.  I came right four weeks later...  much to the relief of myself and others that care about me.  These space suits we live in are not infallible.  There are those certain people that are born with the fact they WON THE DNA LOTTO!  I am not one of those special beings.

Watching precious Anne go through the endless stages of dementia I learn far too much about the human computer:  the Human Brain!

Anne crossed over to the other side Sept. 24th.  Very early in the morning.  I checked on her around midnight only to realize Michael came up after that and found she had left her body.  She was 95 and 1/2 year old.  She made a stunning ENTRANCE and LEFT THE EXIT IN A STATE OF GLORY.

I drove to Utah on June 18th.  First time in 28 years I have ever left my restaurant during the season.  I left the place feeling okay.  I had to go to Utah and care for my parents.  (When we arrived from NZ last year my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.)  I drove back from Utah three nights later.

The year 1013 I have suffered the worst asthma ttacks I have ever had.  I have been hospitalized two times...  but the flip side is:

I PERFORMED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MANY YEARS because a woman asked me to play before a live audience for the Star Valley Music Festival.  The recital was set for 2:00 pm.  I love to play in the afternoon.  My Carnegie Recital was at 2:00 PM 1990.  Good timing and it was.  The event was magic.  I saw students I had coached and taught years ago!  The letters after the concert were to deep for tears.

I did have lots of drama during the restaurant season... a young man had a heart attack one afternoon on my patio... I had to go out front in the restaurant and ask a few people to get the hell out of the place because of their disrupting other patons...  they were drunk and messed up as hell.  I never dreamed I had the balls to do such an act but I DID!  Why?  Most people that come to my restaurant drive long hours and miles.  They come because of a special occasion.  To have three people using filthy language and share their thoughts inside a small space was not good.  I got rid of the bad actors.

I have had dear friends leave partners they have known for years...  Some of these separations had been like shattered glass falling through my heart.

The closing day of the business I drove to Utah Sept. 30th.  I spent 10 days caring for my parents.  I suffered the most amazing healing process.  I experienced severe homesickness...  depression, anger, and I am blessed with aunts and cousins that care for me.  I called my cousin Shirley... my aunt Maryann... they helped me get through the dark space.  I drove home to WY and became myself.  I do not fare well in Utah.
Far too many dark memories.  Not ever so many things of the past but, I do KNOW GUILT AND FEAR BEGIN WITH FAMILY AND END WITH FAMILY.

REMEMBER WHEN EVER YOU GET ON A ELEVATOR THIS IS NO 13TH FLOOR.

More later.

At Last I Write...

The past 6 months have been unbelievable.

New beginnings, death, healing, adventures into all sorts of dramas.

The Nordic Inn celebrated a very successful season.  We closed September 29th.  The day after I drove to Utah to care for my parents.

I have all the details sketched  inside the pages of my journal so  can record everything of interest that has occurred the past weeks.

Just returned for NYC.  Drove on black ice from Idaho Falls to Alpine.  Not a good experience.  Made it home fine....  I do miss my mountains when I am away for a few days.

This week I will post a blog.

The insane yet the sane?

The flight back to America to say the least was eventful...  left Q/town fine but, the rest of the trip was an adventure I never dreamed possible.  First of all we never imagined Anne would be returning with us.  Three months ago we made arrangements for her cremation and thought we would strap her box of remains in the seat between us in her assigned seat on Qantas Air Lines.  Well, the universe came up with another plan.  The woman is 95 years old.  I cannot imagine living to be 95...  please shoot me in the head or give me those viles of morphine and stop feeding my body, there are by far worse things than death...

We made the 18 hours in the air not counting time inside airports. Thank God for Wheel Chairs and nice people that understand OLD PEOPLE...

Arriving in Utah I was shocked by the situation with my own mother and father.  After a few days in Utah Michael drove Anne back to WY.  I remained in Utah to help care for my mother and father.  The week Anne and Michael and Karyn were with me at my folks house my Aunt Edith passed away.  My father is not in any condition to attend a funeral.  I took my little mother to the viewing and grave side service.  I had nothing to wear except Levis and a black shirt.  THIS WILL SOUND TERRIBLE HOWEVER, THIS WAS ONE FUNERAL I ABSOLUTELY ENJOYED!  (I kinda want one like it.  I am not a lover of the drama of funerals...  CELEBRATE.)

I met up with cousins I have not seen or talked with  in over 45 years!!!  I adored my Uncle Melvin and Aunt Edith when I was a little boy and saw them many times into my 20's... then I lost touch except for reports via my parents.  The service was at the Farmington UT cemetery which I have known for ever.  My mother's baby sister was buried there years ago.  Both my Grandparents are buried there plus many Aunts and Uncles.

A perfect early Spring Time in The Rockies DAY!  Sunny skies with puffy white clouds.  Trees in blossom, green lawns and most of all the blessed energy that love and peace radiate.  I have never, ever met any of my Aunt Edith's grand children.  I was amazed to see bits and pieces of DNA living within a generation or two of bodies and minds I have not known existed.   Sure enough,
I could "see"  certain movements, eyes, grins, voices that are reflections of my early impressions of the people I loved as a little boy.  Mind you, all and most of the young people at the service were not even a DREAM WHEN I WAS BORN!!!

One of my aunt Edith's grand daughters sang AMAZING GRACE AC CAPELLA.  I love that hymn.
Aunt Edith's son Rodney spoke and one of her other grandsons gave a wonderful tribute.

After the service I walked around and laid my eyes upon the headstones of so many people I have loved.  I did not feel sadness.  My Grandma Keller and my Aunt Phyllis used to create such wonderful parties and celebrations for us grand children...  I kept looking up into the firmament...  I know they were all there along with so many others that have crossed over who I never met or known in my lifetime except for the stories told to me.

If it were not for my Aunt Mary Ann and Uncle Ski's daughter Debbie, mother and Brent would have ended up at the bottom of the Great Salt Lake.  Farmington has evolved into a city I no longer know.  Like the city I grew up in Clinton Utah.  There is nothing of my childhood's past left.  A SUPER WALL MART is on the 30 ac hers across from the little frame house I grew up in and that house GONE.  When my cousin Kris asked if some of us would go to lunch at a place in Farmington called CHOP STICKS???  Hell, I could not comprehend such a place.  When I was a kid it would have been the Farmington Soda Fountain in the Drug Store or in my 20's the Heidelberg Restaurant or????????

We had a joyful time.  Cousins I have not laughed with in ages.  The stories and laughs will forever be saved inside my mind and heart.  My mother was the 5th child of 10 children.  All that is left is:  my mother and her baby sister Mary Ann.  I adored every one of my mother's siblings.  8 girls and 2 boys.

At the CHOPSTICK PLACE my favorite cousin Shirley said:  YOU KNOW I TURNED 70?  What the hell,  I will forever know and see her as a vibrant young woman... BTW, she still is!  Then my mind went into ALERT...  I am 66.  I remember my father telling me about when he took the Bamburger Train from Sunset Utah to Farmington Utah in 1944-45.  My aunt Phyllis and Uncle Larry were living in a little house just below my grandparents and he saw a little boy and a cute little girl playing on the floor of the house.  He tells me all kinds of things in his state of dementia...  most of it it pretty accurate.

I will write about so many things that have occurred since I came home before opening...

Will open a week later this year.  THERE ARE REASONS FOR EVERYTHING.  I thought Memorial Day weekend was the last weekend in May...  Hell, I was never good at math.  REASON
I needed to spend 10 days caring for my parents in Utah and other situations.  It will work out fine.

Keep tuned.

The Hidden Pearl inside the OYSTER!!!

Leaving New Zealand for the 23rd year!!!

The past 5 months have been a most amusing time, space, era, what ever one wishes to name it.  I may write about it in the future but, for now:  NO.

A few years ago I could write about my having Cancer.  My Knee replacement... performing concerts... my hikes on planet earth I never dreamed of experiencing the beauty of such places within nature...  Learning spiritual in sites. Accepting my bodies physical being.  I have written about it in my past blogs over the years however, not tonight.  Possibly not ever.  WHY?

I have learned we can NEVER return to our past but, far into the future we will still LOOK BACK, until we UNDERSTAND all our many questions and somehow put them into words, music, paintings... then possibly, just maybe, we will still remain SILENT, BECAUSE THIS KNOWLEDGE WAS NOT MEANT TO BE SHARED!  
WE WILL KEEP IT HIDDEN LIKE A PEARL IN THE OYSTER OF OUR GRAY AND AGING HANDS...

I have lived inside the energy of many emotions, feelings, times with friends and family that are GONE!  They are dead.

They, all the people I have in the past loved and know, live inside my mind and heart.

NOW at 66 I have found new friends... people much younger than me.  They cannot ever know my friends and loved ones from my past that have died... but... just possibly I will live inside younger hearts and minds long after I am dead and gone.  They will remember the funny old man that............. the man that no one except those that have known me will be able to explain or better yet hold the memory of me within a certain sacred place hidden inside their hearts and minds.  A place they can laugh about or better yet eternally love.

Will post more after the trip home.

One Hell of a weird Day.

Today was a strange old day as they say.  I slept like a rock last night.  I finished watching a movie that I quite like:  THE WAY.  If anyone is familiar with tramping, hiking, walking... it is about one of the most famous walks on the planet.  One of those "Walks about SELF DISCOVERY type things".

Awoke feeling great.  Made one of my favorite breakfasts:  fried potatoes with onions and peppers... lots of ground salt and pepper.  Bacon, just the way I like it... two poached eggs on toast and cups of strong black coffee.

The day started going sour when I tried to down load the  HEAD LINE news from the States...  SLOW beyond imagination... I mean the WIFI was "struggling" like a person without arms or legs.
I was patient and forgiving.

My partner informed me that I had failed on keeping the house clean.  WTF!  By hell, I flew into super clean demon and began in the kitchen.  Microwave clean, STOVE DETAILED.  Scrubbed floor and bathroom off from the kitchen.  Cleaned dinning room.  Dusted and polished all the furniture in the Lounge and then plugged in the vacuum.  By God, this place looked as shiny as the head of a straight pin.

Then the drama with the airlines... finally have that sussed out.  Spent one entire hour on the phone dealing with this crap.  We were going to the gym and grocery, but Michael decided NOT.  I should walk down to the CBD of Q/town and purchase groceries etc...  Okay.  I love to walk.  He had his hand full of taking care of his mother and I needed to get out of the "CLEANING SYNDROME".

I have my back pack on my back where it belongs.  My dark glasses protecting my eyes, a warm jacket because it is cold...  walk down Panorama Place.  Panorama Terrace is a mess with the re surfacing of the old street after putting all the electric and telephone lines UNDER GROUND.  I have spoken to the very young blond man that is on the crew working on the project many times.  He told me to cross the road carefully and then be aware as I walked down Suburb street... it was covered in gravel.  I grinned and thanked him for his kindness toward me.  (I am 66 but I think I am 36)

I get to Suburb St.  OMG... my feet went flying from under my body and I landed on my right knee.
A huge semi truck was coming up the street... mind you, this is an extremely STEEP STREET.  A knee killer.  The truck could not make the incline.  It suddenly stopped.  At this point I am laying on the gravel thinking:  Okay, collect yourself into one heap and get on your feet... keep walking... but my right knew is 'wet'  blood...  no pain... no my left shoulder is screaming out with pain.

The driver of the semi was a big burly, hairy bear.  His wife a little waif of a person.  She is out directing traffic.  They asked me IF I was OKAY.  Being a strong young Mormon years ago I said: " Oh, yes!  I simply slid on the loose gravel.  I will be fine!"  The fat hairy driver said:  "This could have been really ugly.  The road is like driving on black ice..."  I reassured him I was fine.

I limped into town.  Went to 4 Square market.  Purchased items we needed.  Then walked into Henry's House of Spirits and Wines...  the gorgeous young Brazilian girl that works there said hello and how was I?  I said fine.  I am going to buy a bottle of RUA PINOT NOIR 2012.  I hobble to the row the wine is sitting on and she shrieks.  "WHAT?  YOU ARE LIMPING?  WHAT IS WRONG?"  Well, I told her I fell on some gravel.  She grabs my pant leg and lefts it so as to see the wound.  Hail Mary Full of Grace...  we had it fixed.  She said:  "Look YOU are one of my favorite customers... I want to buy you the bottle of RUA."  I said: "NO!  It is far to expensive."  She screamed "NO!"  If I were 30 years younger I would have made love to this woman every day of her life!

I take a cab home and of all the drivers i get my favorite young German Driver.  He gets me back to Panorama Place and lifts my groceries out of the back seat.  I walk into my studio and my I pad is making music?
WTF?  It took me an hour to get the thing back to I tunes the right way and cancel the playing of this wonderful but not needed music.

I pop two more tramadol pain pills...  I pour a glass of the gorgeous Pinot Noir and then crash bang out of the universe my knee starts to bleed...  well, excuse me, but what in holy hell is going on?

I cannot get on the Internet, I fall dead at walking... the entire day was OUT OF SORTS WITH ALL IT'S BITS AND PIECES!  Finally:  I made a plate of cheese and french bread...  my wine and I am fine.  I have dinner prepped.  Barbecue beef, coleslaw, and garlic bread.

Last night I finished watching THE WAY... maybe it had something to do with my WALKING and TALKING...  I do love that movie.  I have taken many walks on the wild side.  OMG possibly it is time for another walk... ALONE but with a lot of medication.  I do have some very kind GP'S.

Opening Concert of the NZSO was magic as always.  Will write about it soon.  It is raining.  I mean a very serious down pour.  Good thing for the gardens and the planet.

I recall once being told that sometimes there is nothing worse in one's life than the sensation of CRASHING into a LIMITATION!

Damn that fall...  I am fine now... thanks to Pain Pills and Wine... see you in my dreams.